Reflecting on Journey

My granddad's birthday was yesterday, he would have been 95 and lately I have been reflecting on our trip, emptying my soul and the desire to return to Aotearoa has not subsided and although I know someday I will return - it's hard to walk within two cultures - not quite feeling you belong to either. I think how hard it must have been for my grandfather growing up -  being smacked for speaking his native language, the disconnect with his culture and then his children (my mother) and then us - the generation after that yearns for the connection, the knowledge, the culture that gets past down.

So, as I reflected on our journey to Rawene - I wrote this:

Whenua (Land) by Dena Fife

Here, I stand
as my ancestors before me
the land is empty, but I can feel the ihi (power)
the wind picks up and runs across my skin
as I reflect on this journey
drawn to this place
to understand
whakapapa
where it all began.
It speaks to me,
this place
to care for our story, a past.

A story where
one generation was stripped away,
a language, culture washed away, identity lost.
What would become of it all,
no marae, broken connections,
a lost generation with no sense of belonging
turangawaewae
Who passes the knowledge down
to future generations
all that is left
is a deep-rooted scar
left in the bones of our children to carry, a longing, a yearning.

So, here I stand
wanting to understand
to know who I am
where I am from
my whanua,
my  hapu,
my iwi
and here I am embraced,
connected
and my soul know it's home
because I feel the mana
So come close my daughter, come close my son
and listen to the story of this land