Oh my, she's nine!

It was nine years ago, when she came into my life - I had no idea what "motherhood" would be like and I was scared as I held this wee blue-eyed, blonde hair child, who look nothing like me, but for her wee nose.
I had no idea what we were getting into, starting a family - there are no rules and any books I read overwhelmed me. 
But, as I held her in my arms and she wrapped her tiny fingers around mine, I thought, did I really help create this beautiful girl and immediately my ideas of motherhood had changed. As the years have past, I still really have no idea what we are doing, I just hope and pray we are making the best decisions not just for her, but for both my children. They come first in any decision we make and I've always lead with that.

So today, she turns NINE and I want to cry, not because I'm sad, but because it has all transformed so quickly. She has gone from singing nursery rhymes to songs of her own, she has gone from me reading her bedtime stories to her reading them to me.  And she is developing into this free-spirited, independent, amazingly smart and confident, wee girl - she questions everything and although sometimes I'd like her to just say, "okay," I wouldn't have it any other way.
It reminds me of when my dad came home from sea, he had missed one of my birthdays, and when he came back, he said, "will you stay my little girl forever," and I said "forever." I always had this idea of what it was like to be a parent, but you really have no idea until you become one, you are forever changed, forever protective and I look at her and think.."if only you could stay my little girl forever," but I know that simply isn't the case...we will grow, we will get older...all I can do is guide her through the years and hope that one day she will become whatever her heart desires. 

Happy Birthday Sweetpea!

“I sometimes wake in the early morning & listen to the soft breathing of my child & I think to myself, this is one thing I will never regret & I carry that quiet with me all day long.” - Brian Andreas

Reflection and Focus

February has come and gone and I feel ever overwhelmed. In my last post, my goal was to complete 35 random acts of kindness as a celebration for my 35th birthday. Although, I did not accomplish 35 acts, I did complete 24 acts of kindness. I did everything from give compliments to random strangers, delivered treats, paid for someone's coffee, paid for someone's lunch, left a large tip, helped with a project and donated to a woman's organization, and a few others.
The biggest thing I learned from this, was that some people welcomed the acts, some were not sure what to expect and others were willing to pass it along. I had ideas of what I wanted to do or accomplish, but what I found is that the most impacting acts were the ones that I did unexpectedly and it just felt right at the moment. So, I ended up tossing what I had planned and just did it when I felt it was the right time. We went on vacation and were at the beach and our kids were snorkeling. There were two local kids that tagged along with us and the one boy kept looking over at the mask, the kids let him borrow it and he jumped out of the water and was so excited. His reaction o being able to see underwater was priceless and I immediately thought, maybe we should give him the mask, but I didn't say anything because it was the kids gear. By the time we got back to the beach, the kids came up and asked if they could give the boy the mask. I told them it was up to them, but that I thought he would really enjoy it, so they did and he couldn't believe it. The kids said, "we just got you another item to add to your acts of kindness list."
So, we get back from a wonderful vacation and of course it gets me reflecting on everything....and I realize that over the years, I've focused on trying to do things right - that I've become complacent and I can't remember what it is that I've dreamed of doing. The hubs and I were talking about our goals and dreams, what legacy do we want to leave for our children, what do we want to create.
I could easily sell the house, pack up some things and start pursuing our dream, but I've lost sight of what our dream even is.  So, I think it's time to focus on what it is we want to pursue and go after it...I don't want my kids to simply live day to day, working day to day, letting the hours turn into days and days into hours. I want them to live a beautiful life, see the world, recognize the beauty, enjoy nature and all that is out there. So often, we get trapped in the normalcy, the daily habits, but my goal is for that to change. I can't get over the changes we as a family have made in a year in regards to living a more healthy lifestyle, I'm ready for more changes, what that may be, I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm ready for things to fall into place.
I could give a list of excuses for not following our dreams, but the biggest has been out of fear - fear of the unknowns, fear of failure, fear that maybe I don't even know what it is I want.
What I do know is that I want something more, I look at the world and I see beauty and I've realized that I'm just out of sync and change in perspective is needed to see things differently and open the door to the possibilities.


"If we are ever to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow or next year." ~Thomas Dreier

“We may place blame, give reasons, and even have excuses; but in the end, it is an act of cowardice to not follow your dreams.” - Steve Maraboli