So my wee man has been taking piano lessons for a bit and our piano is way out of tune and I mean out of tune. I finally got around to calling and having someone come and tune it for us.
He was suppose to come this morning, but about 20 minutes before he calls and says he had an unexpected appointment and depending on the outcome could he come after or if need be reschedule. He said it was health related and I said, "Of course, you have to take care of your health." He thanked me and said "I will either come by after my appointment or give you a call back."
A couple hours go by and he phones to tell me he will be by in a few minutes. He pulls up and out comes this older, full white beard, shorter type gentleman carrying a small tackle-like box. He comes in, looks at the piano, asks how we got it and checks it out. He tells me this is going to be a shock to the system, meaning that this piano is way out of tune and I'm like, "yea buddy, I know."
He then asked who played and I said my son, he is a beginner player. We small talked about music and I tell him how I am envious of anyone who has any sort of musical talent. I tell him about my grandparents and how my granddad and his brothers were all self-taught, but highly talented musicians and my nanny played the violin. I said somehow all that talent skipped me, he laughed. He said it is nice that I'm giving my kids the opportunity to play and I joked saying they had no choice.
I left him to get started on tuning the piano and then a few minutes later as I walked by, he stops and starts talking to me. At first thought, I didn't pay much attention, but then I could sense something was bothering him, he goes on about his health and how healthy he has been and it was at his wife's urging that he go to the doctor. He said I'm not sure what is going to come after all this, but I don't want to get caught in the system, you know, I'm an older man and I've seen so many get caught, I still have control over myself, so I imagine there is going to be a some sort of conflict after all is said and done.
I felt a bit uncomfortable, as I wasn't quite sure what to say, but then I thought, maybe he needs to just talk, so I didn't ask any questions, I just let him talk and I listened. He told me how he has led a full life of 73 years and if he goes, he wants to be in control, but then he would pause and say, it's my wife. I don't believe in miracles and she is not a patient women, I love her and I know she loves me, but I wouldn't want to do that to her, I don't want her to play nurse. And then I said, "maybe that is why we are so afraid, because death is out of our hands, we typically don't get to say when our time is up," and then I gave him a smile and said, "there is no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow, we just have to make the best with what we have."
He goes on about how he use to talk to people that he no longer talks to, regrets of the things he didn't do and how he accepted it. He spoke of his mother, his uncle who led a life as a bootlegger and then he said, I'm sorry, not sure why I just told you all this and I smiled, I wanted to talk to him, give him some words of wisdom, but I just said, "you're good."
A moment ago this was a stranger, but after listening to him, I felt connected to him. He finished tuning the piano and then played three songs, all of which sounded vaguely familiar and I thanked him for playing those, I said, those were beautiful." He smiled and started to gather his things.
I wasn't sure what to say, here was a man who shared his thoughts and fears, I wanted to hug him, but I didn't. I said, "I'll see you in a couple months for another tuning," he said, "yes do." And then I said, "it was lovely meeting you, enjoy the rest of the day." He smiled grabbed my hand and said, "No, thank you - you are lovely, your partner is a lucky man, cherish each other." I smiled and said, thank you and until next time......
I don't why the man shared the thoughts he did with me, I'm not even sure he meant to, I certainly don't have the answers to life, but I know that sometimes we are so easily caught up in the happenings of our own things, that we become entangled in our own world that often times we forget to look out.
That we've forgotten to listen when someone says, "how are you," most of the time we don't even wait for a response or we just say "good." We are no longer connected, which is ironic. We live in a digital age...where we are literally connected to the world, but are those real connections? When this man walked in, I felt a sense of sadness and I hope on some level after he left, he felt a sense of relief, that what he was able to share was off his chest and he could enjoy the rest of the day.
I know that I will enjoy the rest of my day because of this man, because of his honesty.
"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to just listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention....A loving silence often has far more power to heal and connect the most well-intentioned words." - Rachel Naomi Remen
Monday, September 23, 2013
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Opting Out.....
My children are reaching an age where they will soon be required to take the standardized tests in school. I absolutely hated these tests when I was in school, regardless of how well I did, I always felt like I didn't do well enough because there was someone who did better. By the time I hit high school and needed to take my SAT's I had enough of "filling in the circle" that I took them without ever studying or preparing for the SAT's, my scores were average and I didn't care. When I took the ACT's, it was the same, I think there was one whole page that simply tried to make an image using the the circle bubbles. In fact, when we moved here and I applied to the local community college, I had to "retake" my ACT test and when I got my results and they compared them, she asked if I was not feeling that day. I told her no, I simply didn't try and that I wasn't interested in taking the test that day.
I've never like standardized tests and as I read more about the Common Core Standards the result that will come from that push, with more testing, I find myself at a cross-road....Do I opt my children out of these standardize tests (yes, you can opt out of them) or do I allow them to partake in these exams? I firmly believe these test actually do more harm and do not define the worth, the potential and the achievement of any students and yet state governments uses these tests to base their educational decisions on.
So, do we take a stand and say, "No, enough is enough, my child is not a test-score" and opt them out or by opting them out will it make my children feel isolated if all their peers are taking their standardized tests while they have to do something else or worse will they possibly feel humiliated and demoralized because of the results. I definitely think my children would do fine, I think we would be happy with the results, but I want to make the right decision for my children and I have been researching both sides of this debate, there is no right or wrong answer, but through all of it, one thing is definitely in agreement, these tests lack validity and are not a true measure of learning. Everyone tends to agree that all these tests are not really good indicators of classroom performance, but we use them nonetheless.
I'm torn and unsure what to do, what is right. My children go to a Montessori school, but they are still required to do the state testing of basic skills, which I find ironic because here in a Montessori setting the teacher is using an authentic assessment almost on a daily basis by observing, recording, and documenting the work that not only my child does, but all of the children. When I first decided to send my children to this school, I looked at the test score comparisons for the surrounding schools and it did factor into our decision, but again, here we have standardize tests that more often than not show a bias towards certain demographic groups.
The other reason is these tests provide only a small glimpse of what my children are capable of during a specific time, on a specific day under a certain setting - it is not a true measure of their ability, but is the result of various conditions (did they eat a good breakfast, did they sleep well, are their incentives, feelings of anxiety, frustration, or stress) all of which can taint the results of these tests.
So, even after sharing all this, I'm still not any clearer as to whether or not opt out of these test or not. We spoke with both of our children tonight as I definitely wanted their input, both said they would like to take these tests, but is in their best interest since these types of tests promote a culture of lying, cheating within the school and fosters competition instead of cooperation?
I want my children to learn and develop at their own pace following the educational philosophy that has been set forth by their Montessori school, which looks at the child as a whole, why is that so much to ask?
"Our care of the child should be governed, not by the desire to make him learn things, but by the endeavor always to keep burning within him that light which is called intelligence.”- Maria Montessori
“We cannot know the consequences of suppressing a child's spontaneity when he is just beginning to be active. We may even suffocate life itself. That humanity which is revealed in all its intellectual splendor during the sweet and tender age of childhood should be respected with a kind of religious veneration. It is like the sun which appears at dawn or a flower just beginning to bloom. Education cannot be effective unless it helps a child to open up himself to life.” - Maria Montessori
I've never like standardized tests and as I read more about the Common Core Standards the result that will come from that push, with more testing, I find myself at a cross-road....Do I opt my children out of these standardize tests (yes, you can opt out of them) or do I allow them to partake in these exams? I firmly believe these test actually do more harm and do not define the worth, the potential and the achievement of any students and yet state governments uses these tests to base their educational decisions on.
So, do we take a stand and say, "No, enough is enough, my child is not a test-score" and opt them out or by opting them out will it make my children feel isolated if all their peers are taking their standardized tests while they have to do something else or worse will they possibly feel humiliated and demoralized because of the results. I definitely think my children would do fine, I think we would be happy with the results, but I want to make the right decision for my children and I have been researching both sides of this debate, there is no right or wrong answer, but through all of it, one thing is definitely in agreement, these tests lack validity and are not a true measure of learning. Everyone tends to agree that all these tests are not really good indicators of classroom performance, but we use them nonetheless.
I'm torn and unsure what to do, what is right. My children go to a Montessori school, but they are still required to do the state testing of basic skills, which I find ironic because here in a Montessori setting the teacher is using an authentic assessment almost on a daily basis by observing, recording, and documenting the work that not only my child does, but all of the children. When I first decided to send my children to this school, I looked at the test score comparisons for the surrounding schools and it did factor into our decision, but again, here we have standardize tests that more often than not show a bias towards certain demographic groups.
The other reason is these tests provide only a small glimpse of what my children are capable of during a specific time, on a specific day under a certain setting - it is not a true measure of their ability, but is the result of various conditions (did they eat a good breakfast, did they sleep well, are their incentives, feelings of anxiety, frustration, or stress) all of which can taint the results of these tests.
So, even after sharing all this, I'm still not any clearer as to whether or not opt out of these test or not. We spoke with both of our children tonight as I definitely wanted their input, both said they would like to take these tests, but is in their best interest since these types of tests promote a culture of lying, cheating within the school and fosters competition instead of cooperation?
I want my children to learn and develop at their own pace following the educational philosophy that has been set forth by their Montessori school, which looks at the child as a whole, why is that so much to ask?
"Our care of the child should be governed, not by the desire to make him learn things, but by the endeavor always to keep burning within him that light which is called intelligence.”- Maria Montessori
“We cannot know the consequences of suppressing a child's spontaneity when he is just beginning to be active. We may even suffocate life itself. That humanity which is revealed in all its intellectual splendor during the sweet and tender age of childhood should be respected with a kind of religious veneration. It is like the sun which appears at dawn or a flower just beginning to bloom. Education cannot be effective unless it helps a child to open up himself to life.” - Maria Montessori
Pillow Talk
Last week as the kiddos were getting ready for bed, my sweet pea excitedly tells me how she applied for a "job" at school. She informs that if she is chosen she will need to go to the school at 7:30 in the morning as she would be a "bank teller" and they need time setting things up. I told her great and I said, did you have to do anything when you applied and she goes on about how she had to fill out an application and that one of the questions was, "Why do you think we should pick you for this position?"
I was curious, so I said, what did you write? And she said, "well you know things like I am responsible, kind, but then I put because I am AWESOME, in capital letters and with three exclamation points. I burst out laughing and said, well then there is no question, they should totally pick you. She smiled and I said so will you be disappointed if you don't get the job and she said, "I think it would be fun, but if it is not me that's okay too."
I told her to keep me posted and then planted her dreams for the night and went to do the same with my little man. After they were in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about what she put on her paper, "because I am AWESOME!!!" and I know it is such a minor thing, but when I was her age, I definitely didn't have the self-confidence to a) apply for a school job and b) would never consider writing down that I was awesome, because I didn't believe that at her age.
And as a parent you want your children to believe in themselves and their capabilities, to have a good self-image, and to be kind to others, but you never know how they internalize these things. And I never have thought to ask my kids what they thought of themselves, it was something I never thought to ask. We typically ask questions like:
And as I reflected on my own memories, I couldn't hold back my tears - it really hasn't been till recently that I am comfortable with my own self and that I started to feel confident in myself and it is not that my parents weren't encouraging because they were.There are just certain things that can happen in life that sometimes break your spirit and suddenly you see the world through a different lens then you once did...moments that happen that you wish didn't, but in the end you learn from them, even if it takes you a while.
Anyway, it made me feel blessed that my children have a good self-image of themselves, that they really do believe in themselves, that they feel they are awesome individuals because I certainly believe it! And it is these type of nights that I enjoy our pillow chats with my kiddos, I never know what I will learn.
"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”- J.M. Barrie
I was curious, so I said, what did you write? And she said, "well you know things like I am responsible, kind, but then I put because I am AWESOME, in capital letters and with three exclamation points. I burst out laughing and said, well then there is no question, they should totally pick you. She smiled and I said so will you be disappointed if you don't get the job and she said, "I think it would be fun, but if it is not me that's okay too."
I told her to keep me posted and then planted her dreams for the night and went to do the same with my little man. After they were in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about what she put on her paper, "because I am AWESOME!!!" and I know it is such a minor thing, but when I was her age, I definitely didn't have the self-confidence to a) apply for a school job and b) would never consider writing down that I was awesome, because I didn't believe that at her age.
And as a parent you want your children to believe in themselves and their capabilities, to have a good self-image, and to be kind to others, but you never know how they internalize these things. And I never have thought to ask my kids what they thought of themselves, it was something I never thought to ask. We typically ask questions like:
- What are you thankful for today
- What did you dream about
- What was your favorite thing about today
- What did you learn about
- What is the best thing about school, friend, or your teacher
- Who is your hero
- What are you most proud about
- How would you describe yourself
- What is the best compliment you have received and given
And as I reflected on my own memories, I couldn't hold back my tears - it really hasn't been till recently that I am comfortable with my own self and that I started to feel confident in myself and it is not that my parents weren't encouraging because they were.There are just certain things that can happen in life that sometimes break your spirit and suddenly you see the world through a different lens then you once did...moments that happen that you wish didn't, but in the end you learn from them, even if it takes you a while.
Anyway, it made me feel blessed that my children have a good self-image of themselves, that they really do believe in themselves, that they feel they are awesome individuals because I certainly believe it! And it is these type of nights that I enjoy our pillow chats with my kiddos, I never know what I will learn.
"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”- J.M. Barrie
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