My boy is 9....

I simply can't believe my wee man is 9 years young - he is such a joy and I'm so thankful he's mine. He is so full of laughter and is so considerate of everyone. I'm so proud of him and who he is growing into.
He has been so excited to turn 9 and I asked him, "do you feel any different?" to which he said, "Mommy, I do, I already feel just a bit older." I had to laugh.
It reminds me of when he was about four years old, I would say "bub, how'd you get so smart and he would look at me and shrug and then I would say, how'd you get so handsome and he would smile and say, "showers."
I love his generous nature and I love how he still wants to hold my hand, but he did warn me that one of these days he will be too old for it and I said, well then let's just enjoy today.
And what I love most his how infectious his laugh is - we had a mommy/son date and we were out and he started laughing at something and I was trying to be serious and I couldn't hold it in and started laughing hysterically, which made him laugh more. He's definitely my wee man and I hope his birthday is great!

"Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. - Sophocles

Stuck

I've been stuck this last month, I was meditating regularly and stopped and can't seem to get back into it and I'm just stuck in this melancholy state. I sometimes go through depressed phases and I find myself in one and the harder I try to pull myself out, I end up in a cycle. I feel angry that I can't get out of it and then guilt for feeling this way when I know that I shouldn't because I have so much to be happy and grateful for. And it is not that I'm not happy because indeed I am, it's just once in a while, I find myself stuck, but I can typically pull myself out in a week. It's been a month and I end up holding everything in and push those closest to me away.  It fucking sucks because rationally I know I shouldn't feel this way and yet, I can't help but feel like I'm alone.
We put an offer for a lot in and they accepted and we close next week, I'm excited, but my husband got upset with me because my emotions didn't express the excitement he felt and it's not that I wasn't excited. I just feel numb and so I told him that I was struggling and we talked. I know he is there for me and I appreciate it so much, but it's hard for someone who has never dealt with depression to really understand and comprehend how difficult it can sometimes be.
There are so many things going on in our lives right now and I think that is partly the issue, I am overwhelmed and feel as if I'm not giving my best to all of my relationships and projects, which leads me to feel exhausted, unhappy and stretched. And I get upset because the harder I feel we work towards a goal, something happens and we get pushed back further, which then makes me even more angry, upset, and left feeling like I've somehow fallen short or not done the best that I could.
It's frustrating and I heavily debated about even sharing this, but I feel like I share so much, so why should I hide that yes, I'm having a difficult time at the present moment.

I know this will pass, I remind myself that sometimes we have to face the darkness to remind us how beautiful the light really is.

"We try so hard to hide everything we're really feeling from those who probably need to know our true feelings the most. People try to bottle up their emotions, as if it's somehow wrong to have natural reactions to life. " - Collen Hoover

She's turning double digits

I can't believe my sweetpea is 10, it seems so crazy that many years have passed. When she was born, I can't tell you the number of people who would say "enjoy these moments, it will be gone before you know it," and I would just smile because in those early moments it was hard to understand how I could possibly enjoy those moments when my sweetpea was colicky - four hours of straight crying!
I definitely don't miss those, but looking at this little girl before me, it's hard to comprehend that its been 10 years.
She's growing - she asked us the truth about Father Christmas this year and as much as I want to hold on to her and keep her my baby, I know that as we all grow, so must she and I've got to learn to slowly let go. She is independent, stubborn, sassy, full of imagination, and has a sparkle I can't quite describe. I see her growing and questioning everything and I must adjust and grow with her because when I look at her, I see who I want to become and that has always been the case. My children make me a better person.
Although, I will always see my little baby when I look at her - I'm proud of the young lady she is becoming. Happy Birthday Sweetpea!

Happy Birthday! I love you always and forever my baby you'll be! 

"The more a daughter knows the details of her mother's life....the stronger the daughter." - Anita Diament