The Choice is Yours

There is a saying that seems to resonate with me, it goes "I've learned that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings. Even if I respect theirs. Being a good person, doesn't guarantee that others will be good people too. You only have control over yourself on how you choose to be as a person. And for the others you can only choose to accept them or walk away."

It resonates with me for several reasons that I will admit I am even still in the process of learning and understanding and the choice is always with you. No one is responsible for your happiness, only you can choose to be happy and why? Because you cannot control how others feel or act, you only have control over yourself. And if you are unhappy then regardless of what someone else is doing, you will remain unhappy, nothing will satisfy you until you change how you feel and think.
And it is funny, because people will look from the outside and make assumptions that "he is not happy in his relationship" or "she is unhappy with life," but unless you have the ability to somehow transform yourself into a fly and perch on the wall of that person's house to watch what is going on, you don't know. And if you have that ability, please do share.

Recently that was something that was said to my husband and I could get all bent out of shape about it, but what is the point, especially when that person doesn't know, but I know. I know who is happy and who is not.
Can life sometimes be hard, be difficult, be boring, yes, of course it can. Yet for all those times there are the opposite moments when life is beautiful, when it is filled with laughter, kindness and those moments you cherish and hold close to your heart. And only we can choose what we want to hold on to.

It is easy to look at someone else and criticize how they act and compare them to someone else, that is the easy part, the hard part is recognizing why we do it? Is it because we seek approval from others? I am (or was) a people pleaser, I did not like saying no and I don't like discord, so often times I would do or say things that I may not agree with, but was doing so in order to keep the peace. It is a hard lesson to learn, but I have learned that the only approval I need is from myself and I've stopped holding back.
We waste so much time believing that if they like you then you are worthy and if they don’t like you then something must be wrong with you and so we try harder to earn their validation, to get their attention by trying to conform, to be something other than yourself and at some point, you either break in doing so or you wake up and realize that it is not about you and the only approval you need comes from within.

The life I am living is based on the thoughts and decisions that I have made and in sharing my life not only with my husband, but with my children as well, any thought or decision I make has the ability to affect those I share my life with. If any of them are unhappy, then I will know it, just as much as they will know if I am unhappy. 

And over the last five months, I've been working on letting go because the past is long gone and I can either hold on to anger or resentment and forever feel trapped or let it go and choose to accept a person or walk away from them.  Something as simple as the idea of forgiveness is not so simple, but rather difficult to do and keeps us a stuck in a place, blocking us from moving forward. We can continue to blame everyone and everything around us for everything that is lacking or we can stop, and actually see all the amazingly wonderful things that happen and people in our life that do care instead of focusing on the ones that don't. Happiness is a choice and until we stop complaining about what was done, said, or has happened then on some level we won't really be happy and that is something that has been difficult for me to even understand because it is hard, you want someone to like you, to get to know you, but it is way more easier to fight with someone, then to let it go. I see that now, we only have this life and I am going to enjoy it, even if that means accepting some people in my life and walking away from others.

A new year will be upon us before we even know it and I am exhausted from the bickering, fighting, and arguing. I will accept you for you, but I expect the same courtesy. 
It makes me think of this quote from the movie, Grown Ups "In life, the first act is always exciting, but it is the second act - that is where the depth comes in." I don't need someone to like me, I don't need someone's approval....I did, but where did that get me except for feeling angry. This is my life and I'm going to live my life in joy, love, and peace, not get lost in the darkness.  



Give yourself entirely to those around you. Be generous with your blessings. A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~Steve Maraboli

The Flu, a blizzard, and Christmas....

So, our household (except for the husband) all got sick. It first started with my little man, he came down with strep throat, then three days later my sweet pea came down with influenza a, and by the weekend it hit me. I think I was in bed for three days and although I am better, I still have a horrible cough. We typically get flu shots after Christmas, but the flu seemed to hit early this year, but it is over and I'm better, I only hope that next year I will be ready for it. We also got hit with a blizzard, over night 11 inches of the powdery white stuff was dumped and so came the bitterly cold. I'm sure I am not alone when I saw I love the snow and hate it too! I love it when the snow is first falling and covering the landscape, it is a beautiful scene, but when it is done, I'm ready for it to be gone.

One down side to being sick, I didn't get much baking in this Christmas due to the kiddies and myself being sick, we did make some caramels and peanut butter balls, but I kind of missed out on my annual baking session. Our neighbor delivered a big basket of cookies and goodies galore, so that helped, but not calorie-wise since the goodies were so yummy. She made hot coco cupcakes that were delicious.



So, before I knew it December was nearly gone and Christmas was upon us. We definitely kept things low key, we hit the in-laws on Christmas Eve, which was a nice evening, though we left a bit early because we had to get the kids in bed so we could prepare for Santa's arrival. The kids got up at 5:01 am and eagerly ran into our room excited to see what Father Christmas had left for them. We then spent the rest of the day playing with the kids, getting dinner ready, then enjoyed a visit from my father-in-law and his wife, and ended the day with Christmas dessert and tea at my parents house. It was definitely a nice Christmas.

The kids received lots of Lego's and they each got a big Lego set from Santa - it is fun to sit down and put these tiny little blocks together and end up with a huge house or whatever it is we are building. What I like is that it is something I don't mind helping the kids do and the hubs will sit with our little man and just build one set after another and that is pretty much how we spent Christmas day. I helped my sweet pea build her Lego Friends house and the hubs helped my little man build Star Wars Jabba the Hut's Palace, these tiny things keep the kids entertained for hours.The only downside to having a house full of Lego's is stepping on one, seriously that is some pain. I've told the kiddies that from now on any piece I find on the floor is going directly to the rubbish bin because I don't think my feet can handle any more Lego injuries.

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." - Norman Vincent Peale 

My heart is aching....

Today, we learned of the horrible tragedy that unfolded at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. My sweetpea was home from school because she has the flu, but my little man was at school and it took every inch of me not to go down and pull him out, not because I felt he was unsafe, but because my heart broke and I just wanted my children close to me.
I can not fathom what goes through a person's mind, what breaks inside them that they find it necessary to commit such violent acts against innocent people, especially children and then instead of explaining themselves, they take the cowardly way out by shooting themselves because on some level they know what they have done is horrible and can't face the consequences. It is nothing but heartbreaking.
And I'm not going to say I understand what these families are going through or try to imagine the pain, because I can't, I don't understand, and when I do I break down. What bothers me most is within hours of these types of tragedies the political pundits and media outlets are quick to turn the focus of these events to gun control and banning guns, yet communities that are involved in these tragedies are still comprehending what the f*** just happened and are left picking up the shattered pieces while they are just  beginning to grieve.
I don't feel strongly one way or the other towards the gun control issues, what I wonder about is the underlying cause. And no, Mr. Huckabee these crimes don't happen because the lack of religion in school and it was shameful to say just hours after what happened.
We as a collective society can point fingers all day as to what we think happened and why, but we don't know why.
As a society, we can remove the guns, but someone who has broke mentally in a way like this man did and others in the past, that is not going to stop them from harming others. The gun is the tool  used to express their hate, anger and other troubling emotions, remove it and they will find another tool unfortunately.
Do people honestly feel banning guns will prevent these tragedies? Or what if we actually provided the mental health these people really need besides drugging them up on psychiatric drugs where side effects are aggression, mania, hallucinations, etc....It is a vicious cycle and I'm sorry for all involved. This is an interesting article....what do you think?

I would like to start a project. My goal is to gather fabric and have the kids write messages of hope, encouragement, condolence's of the pieces and then string them all together like a prayer flag and send to the school. I'm sorry to the children and adults who died, the children who witnessed this tragedy and the community that will be picking up these pieces. Kia Kaha (stay strong).

"Our country is grieving. Each child who has been slaughtered belongs to each of us and each slain adult is a member of our family. It is impossible to explain the horror to ourselves and to our survivors. We need to hold each other’s hands and look into each other’s eyes and say, “I am sorry.”" - Maya Angelou 

Quick Holiday Project

So, we still have plenty of cabinet door and drawer faces that we need to upcycle or do something with, so I painted one of the drawer faces a reddish color and then grabbed some of the cheap ornaments glued them on some cloths pins and now have a great holiday photo board.
The paint, we had on hand, and I actually purchased the ornaments after Christmas last year, so the total cost for this project was under $1 and now I have a nice holiday wall hanging.

 The below image is just after painting the drawer face red

This is what it looks like after gluing the ornaments on

Gratitude.....

Yes, in the midst of November the month of gratitude and shopping deals, what a combination. Be thankful for what you have, but remember doors open at midnight (or 8pm, as it is this year) and go crazy shopping.
A lot has transpired this year and like most years, I typically wait till the start of a new year to reflect on all that has happened, but I think November is just as good as any time.

Gradually, I am working on not getting so hung up about those issues that tend to put me into an emotional state, because ultimately I have no control over it, so why let my blood pressure rise or stress myself out over something I cannot control, it is useless and is more trouble than it is worth. Often times, what I find myself in afterwards is a state of depression and for people who have never struggled with depression it is easy to say, "don't be sad, mad, upset, or whatever word they tend to say....be happy!" If that were only the case.....unless you've been in that dark, numbing hole of depression regardless of what you want, everything else in your mind is telling you the opposite, it is like you are Alice falling into Wonderland...there may not be a purpose to the pain you feel, but the pain is real, the suffering is real,and it will strike before you even comprehend what the hell happened.  In the midst of talking with friends, having a wonderful time and then suddenly the overwhelming sense of loneliness and you are not quite sure, but you know that you don't want people to look at you because the tears are going to gush out, you don't want to speak or open your mouth because you are afraid, you want to hide, but you don't move, you smile and laugh even though you feel broken, misplaced.

So, yes, after all the hubbub of several incidents, on top of life's responsibilities, I found myself in a state of depression that I had not been in quite some time.
I know I suffer from depression, it runs in the women of my family for as long as probably anyone can go back too, my great-grandmother killed herself when my nanny was only a small girl, two years old, I believe. My nanny has no memories of her mother and often I would think about this woman, who left her young children and why, what was so horrible that she had to escape life from, what was her suffering or agony that pushed her to that level that death seemed more alluring or more of an escape. There is that thin veil with depression that sometimes death seems logical, but if you don't understand it, then I think that is where people feel trapped or pushed and result in such acts. Depression hit me when I was 14 and I didn't understand it, I struggled with similar thoughts, until you realize what it is you are dealing with. And underneath it I know that my life is so much more than the ball of nothingness that tries to wash over me.
I have also tried to learn and understand my triggers and writing helps reason with my internal self, it draws the negative out so I realize the positive, the beauty in the ugly. It is the letting go that I struggle with and need working on, but I think I am making progress.
I wish I could say that depression was not something I struggled with, but it is and for the most part it is something I don't have to deal with very often because I know what I have and my love of my children and family is stronger, the memories of the good are stronger than any negative projections. And even when I don't want to pick myself up out of bed, I do. I am grateful for today and I debated heavily on whether or not to blog about this topic, but I know there are a lot of people who suffer from depression and feel like they have to hid or be ashamed and I don't quite understand that. So, this is for you, who struggle as well. We all have our moments, but you have to remember that it feels better to stand in the sunshine than in the depths of the shadows.

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” – Buddha 

Upcycling.....it's fun, no really, it is...

Well we have a ton of cabinet doors...we are not remodeling, but we inherited them and once we realized the doors were not the right size for our cabinets, we were not sure what we were going to do.
Thank you jellybeans and pixie dust for the Internet because where else could you type in "cabinet door" projects to find an abundance of ideas at your finger tips. And that is exactly what we did....

This is our cabinet door upcylced "kids art/activity" desk, pretty neat, don'tcha' think?

 

 The top has a chalkboard front so the little ones can write, scribble, or doodle....

And then, open it up and peek inside.....

a small space for paper and pens/pencils/markers

There are several more projects that I have ideas for and not to mention more cabinet doors to use, but as soon as those are done, I will post pictures. There is nothing more exciting than looking at something and realizing there are thousand other ways to use it.....

I voted....did you?

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed I awoke this morning eager to get out and cast my vote (well not exactly more like rainy, chilly, and wet I stepped out) and went to my polling place. The kiddies tagged along, watching over my shoulder to see who I was going to vote for, who would it be?

I am actually tired of hearing about the election, in my opinion neither of the two major party candidates were ideal choices and thus it becomes a question of the lesser of two evils.
I downloaded each of the candidates plans, watched the debates, but both seem phony, full of exaggerations, lies, and promises neither will be held accountable for. I watched as both parties use scare tactics, bullying, and half-truths to try and sway voters.  Friends hashing it out over this or that.
I had one woman tell me it was my duty as a woman to vote for Obama because god forbid if I get rapped and pregnant from said rape, only through Obama will I be able to get an abortion. Really, that is what you want to say?  Our phone was ringing constantly from Republican volunteers and Democrat volunteers asking who was I supporting....towards the end, they would ask and I would reply, so do you wear socks to be or no socks? Huh? Exactly, who I plan to vote for is none of your business because both of your candidates are poor selections.

As I watched the debates, we heard more about social topics than what either candidate planned to do to really fix the real issues and that is what both parties want, they don't want American's to pay attention to the spending, the federal deficit, the federal reserve....they want American's to be divided on gay marriage, abortion, separation of the classes (wealthy vs poor). As a citizen of this nation, I want to help those less fortunate, but when the deficit is higher than ever before and it continues to grow, when do we wake up to the fact that we cannot continue to set up programs that we can't afford. It doesn't make sense. There is an article in CNN regarding what our share would look like, something to the tune of $193,989.72 per taxpayer to pay off the federal government's total debit....I don't have that, do you?

Neither major political candidate in my eyes was a good choice and as much as people said, you have to vote for one of the two, Why? I firmly believe the one candidate that would uphold the constitution, that held real change for this country was made to look like a fluke, a crazy politician, yet if you looked closer, his message was clear and he was bullied out of both major parties.  And I am not alone. And I believe that if I were to vote for the "lesser of two evils" I am essentially saying, that third party candidates don't matter because in the end, it will always be a two party system. Do I like either of the lesser of two evils, NO, therefore I vote for the candidate I believe in, even if that means writing him in......

“Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education.” - FDR

Day of the Girl....

Today is the International Day of the Girl movement to speak out against gender bias and advocate for girls' rights everywhere. I think this is a pretty important movement, especially since I have a daughter.
Growing up I played with hot wheels and barbies, my parents never said that is a girl toy or that is a boy toy, but I do remember experimenting, whether it was trying to make perfume, mixing colors, or working with my sister on creating our own version of Reese's peanut butter cups (lesson learned cocoa powder is bitter). I loved trying to craft new things, but I don't ever remember being encouraged into fields such as science or math by any adult in my life. I will admit, I've never had a love affair with math, but I have always secretly loved science. And I remember the first time my 9th grade science teacher said I should pursue a more challenging science class as we were completing our class lists for the next year, I was dumbfounded, "me?" He thought it was an easy subject for me and thought I should pursue science and challenge myself. It was the first time I had ever heard an adult say something like that to me and I will admit I didn't listen to him. I was unsure of myself and I was afraid of failure. I loved science, but I was afraid that if I took a more challenging course I wouldn't get it, end up failing, and look like a "dummy," so I took what was expected, where I knew I would understand it and pass. Science and writing have always been big passions of mine and it is not that I think my life would have turned out differently had I chosen to pursue that path, but I wish I had more encouragement that was an acceptable field to pursue. As a parent to a boy and a girl, who are close in age, it is easy to tell both my kids that they can do anything they want. The hubs and I are always looking at cool science things to show the kids from making our paper to making a rubber egg because science is fun and both the kids love learning about it. The key I think is telling my kids that if they are interested in something, then they need to seek out all the resources and information they can, learn, learn, learn about what you love because once you have that knowledge, no one can take it away from you. It is yours to do with what you want.

The other reasons why this day is important is because of the following (from Day of the Girl's website):

• Illiteracy - by 2015, females will make up 64% of the world’s (adult) population who cannot read

• Force marriage - One in seven girls in developing countries is married off before age 15
• Violence – In the US more than half (54%) of all rapes of females happen before age 18. One in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Worldwide children as young as age 11 are forced to work as prostitutes, some estimates have as many as 1.2 million children being trafficked every year.
• Body image – More than half (54%) of 3rd-5th grade girls worry about their appearance and 37% worry about their weight. More than half (57%) of music videos feature a female portrayed exclusively as a decorative, sexual object.

I will admit I had body image issues and I experienced violence in a relationship as did my sister. All through middle school and high school, I had issues with my looks, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, blah, blah, blah....and as I got older and more comfortable with myself, those things were not as important, but I did go for a period of time where I didn't eat, unless I was with my parents and/or make myself throw up. It was not to the point where it became a problem like some of the other girls in school, but I did it and there was really no reason I should have. I was not overweight growing up, but when I looked in the mirror I saw something different.
So every day, I tell my children how wonderful they are, how smart they are, how funny they are, how kind they are, and how beautiful they are....my kids are used to hearing this all the time that I think they have tuned it out, but I tell them because I want them to know they don't need to change anything, they were created to be just as they are. And only time will tell when my daughter enters into that middle school/high school age, if she is proud of who she is or is not, but I hope I am giving her skills that she learns to walk with her head tall because of who she is as an individual.
There was an incident a few years back when someone wanted to take a photo of her and she made a silly face, this person said, "don't do that you don't look pretty," but before I could say anything, the hubby stepped in and said, "she is pretty no matter what face she is making, don't ever say that again." I was shocked because our daughter was four years old and yes I understand you don't want her poking her tongue out, but sometimes the silly faces are the best photos captured, but I was relieved my hubs stepped in.

And don't get me wrong, there have been wonderful strides for women as a whole. We have choices and most importantly, we have a voice, but I think the biggest challenge we face is changing the perception of what "beauty" is....I think until the mainstream media industry, entertainment industry, and advertisers work on this, young girls and young women will continue to struggle with body image and what these girls perceive as beautiful. 

"Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections." - Margaret Woodhouse

Presidential Debate: Is there a right choice?

Last night began the first presidential debate for this year's election and we like many other Americans watched it. I went into the debate hoping one of the two candidates would "tell or show" me why I should choose that candidate for president, but neither of them did.
I saw misrepresentation, fluff and in some instances all out avoidance of the question asked. And I suppose if I preferred one candidate over the other, I wouldn't care so much, but I don't have a preference. I don't like either of the options we have, so I watched and listened hoping I would be swayed one way or the other. Yet, after watching it, I am left disappointed because frankly, Obama has had four years and in my eyes has not proved he is ready for another four. Romney is no better, some of the things outlined in his plan, although sound great, lack substance and so really, is it something that can be accomplished or another promise made with no commitment to fulfill it?
Since I turned 18, I have voted in every election, but I am seriously thinking of not voting this year, which is sad.There is no real difference, underneath the political party they hold, nothing will really change, yet Americans will be told that we have to choose this over that, but nothing real changes and all the while this country continues to slide. 
I'll watch the next debates and I will continue to read their proposed plans, but thus far, nothing is different expect how each of these candidates are being presented.

Sidewalks? Not in my City....

We were notified that a fellow school parent was planning on speaking at the city council meeting requesting some sidewalks around the school, so the hubs and I decided to attend to show our support. We both made public comments in support.....well there were plenty of "sidewalk" haters, even a few sporting "No Sidewalk" t-shirts, which made me think...really? You went to that much trouble, okay then. It was something I have never witnessed before, the intensity of which these people seriously do not want sidewalks. Anyway, I learned something big last night as comments were made regarding sidewalks and garage sales....these old timers (and I do mean this literally) don't like change, they don't like school traffic, but they don't mind garage sale traffic and don't mess with the garage sales.

So, afterwards it was bugging me, so I thought I would write a letter to the members of city council, which I'm fully aware that some of the members live on the street that would possibly get a sidewalk, so we all know where they stand on the issue, but that is why I love being a voter. It this is the issue that stands between me casting my vote for or against those that want to be re-elected, you better believe I will vote no for re-election. Anyway, below is my letter to the mayor and city council members.....

 

Good Evening! 
Thank you for listening to us speak tonight regarding sidewalks at the council meeting, which I see is a touchy subject. As I stated, we are city residents living at (addy taken out). Our children attend Montessori school,which is about a mile away for us and it is one of the reasons why I love living here and why we finally decided on living in the city.

My kids have been on the waiting list since they were babies; we moved from another city in 2007 so we could be closer to the school. I was super excited when they finally started school there because I envisioned many school walks. As I stated tonight, I have attempted to walk my kids to school twice, during both times I took different routes to see if one was better or not. During our walk, we had to get out of the way for several vehicles, not to mention avoid the parked cars, trying to stay out of the way from the traffic to/from the school directly. And as much as I would like to walk my children to school more often, it is not an easy task when the walk becomes stressful.

Tonight there were definitely more against sidewalks than for, but what surprised me was how some residents were suggesting that this is not a city problem, but perhaps the school is the burden or as one woman suggested that she will encourage all the residents of street name to park on the street, so parents don’t have an option to park and walk their children in.

Let me first say, that most of the parents who are parking and walking their kids in are those of preschool age and kindergartners, so they are basically saying that those kids can walk on the street themselves. 

My two children are in first and second grade, I follow the school plan when dropping my kids off. This school is a choice-school, therefore it is up to parents to get their kids to and from school, our students don't have buses or paid crossing guards. The school is an asset to this city; whether you see it or not. It has received the healthiest school award, among other recognition for its efforts. There was a discussion when my daughter started attending a few years ago about creating a “walking school bus” to help ease the traffic concerns and parking issues of the residents. The idea was to pick a couple central locations in the area where parents could drop/pick kids up from and then volunteer parents/teachers could walk with a bunch of students to school, however, again there are no sidewalks to safely do that with various children of all ages, so the idea was dropped. 

I was completely appalled at how some residents felt about this school, when the school creates a snowball effect because of its location, parents end up spending money in this city, whether it is at places like The Bake Shoppe, Grounds for Celebration, Mustards, Walmart, or Hy-Vee and there are many parents who partake in city events, which is again putting their money into this city, yet the school is a burden? I regularly attend the Parent Group meetings and they are always encouraging parents to be respectful of resident’s space, streets, and more, yet again residents say, “we are for no parking on Del Matro.” For the first time, I was ashamed to be a resident of this city because it is that attitude that reflects this city.

When people ask where I live and I tell them, I get the standard jokes of “the 25mph zone,” or “city with no sidewalks” and although what they say is true, I tell them all the things that I love and why I enjoy being a resident. Yet, I want to venture beyond my driveway. I want to walk safely in front of my home, hand-in-hand with my husband and kids to "Music and the Park" or whatever event is going on, which I don’t complain about the traffic that creates on my street. I want to interact with my neighbors and above else I want my children to walk…to the park, to the town center, or to their grandparents’ house, which is on the next street over, but again there are no sidewalks for them to walk on. I want to walk the dog without hugging the curb without worry that some car is going to be zipping down the road because regardless of what the speed limit is, I know for a fact there are people driving faster than 25 mph down my street.

I understand why some may be against sidewalks and I heard those concerns. One suggesting that streets are safe and pedestrians use the streets now, but let me ask you, would you allow your 5 year old child or grandchild ride a tricycle or play in the street while you watch from the front of your yard? Well as this man suggested that is okay to do. Another person stated that there has been no accidents, so why sidewalks now? Really, does the city want to wait till a child or someone is injured, seriously hurt, or god-forbid dies before we address the problem.

Another argument was “I’ve grown up here without sidewalks or I played on the streets with no sidewalks,” this again ignores the increase in traffic over the decades, my dad grew up here and there was not nearly the businesses or traffic then that this city sees now, so that argument is invalid.

And another man stated that it will take his front lawn or destroy the landscaping, well again, most cities have enough public right of way to build a sidewalk without taking private land and if landscaping is on the public right of way, it shouldn’t be there and they are breaking zoning codes, if I am not mistaken? I think I will have to pay more attention to see if there are any homes in violation of these codes. The other issue I heard was maintenance and that it would be hard for older citizens to shovel it during the winter, so I take it they don’t shovel their driveways during the winter either?

 

Another issue was the cost factor and who would be paying for the sidewalks, well that is an issue, but about a year ago I saw a grant for sidewalk development project that I forwarded to the past city administrator. It was a grant looking for partnerships with cities and local schools in creating projects that would benefit the city, but I also realize that sidewalks are not a huge priority, so I'm sure it was simply missed. There are grants available; you just have to find them. The USDA Rural Development has a Community Facility Grant, which funds can be used to construct, enlarge, or improve the community for health care, public safety, and community and public services or the Community Development Block Grant Program sponsored by HUD has grants available.

I stated at the public comment that the city does not needs a sidewalk on every street, but I do believe the city needs to focus on the streets that have routes to schools, parks, and shopping. What I learned tonight was that residents don’t like change, but they do want to provide comment. This is where I think there is an opportunity.

I shouldn’t have to mention that it is listed as a goal in the city's Comprehensive Plan is to promote green mobility, so how does a city with no sidewalks promote green mobility? How does the city that “is in the heart of it all” connect pedestrians? I believe that eventually we will get sidewalks, but I think if the city wants the support of its residents, is to enlist the help of residents, give them a say of where to put them, what they should look like, give them some control because there are several alternatives that currently exist beside concrete and perhaps residents would be more open to some alternatives to concrete. There are many cities that are using grass-crete (a combination of grass and concrete) or rubber sidewalks.

Anyway, thank you again, I’m sure you will hear more from me regarding this issue.

I did get a couple positive responses back and we will continue to move forward with this initiative. So, what about your neighborhoods...sidewalks or no?

“The more people that meet each other, the better it is for all of them." - Fletcher Pratt

Random Thoughts nonetheless.....

On Tuesday I got a message from the the kids school that another child spit on my son, but the "situation" was handled. My first reaction was, what does that mean? Did the boy apologize, emotionally how is my son?
So, I sent a reply back indicating that I wanted to know if the boy apologized and was remorseful in any way and do I need to pick my son up? I mean, I was stunned to hear this, we choose to send our kids to a Montessori school to because the values that the kids learn in this type of environment and granted I realize no school is free from these types of incidents, but if my child did this, I would definitely want my child to face the consequences of that type of behavior. The hubs responded back as well indicating that this was not acceptable behavior and he wanted a formal apology. When I finally saw my son, I asked him about it, he said he doesn't know why the boy did it, but he was playing with two other boys and this kid ran up and spat at the back of his head and when he asked why, the kid said nothing and so my little man said, well I'm going to tell and the kid stated, "I don't care." My little man said, I really wanted to punch him, but I knew I would get in trouble instead, so I told. I told him he did the right thing. Wednesday the hubs and my little man went to the Principal's office where the other boy apologized, I just hope this kid learns his lesson and that type of behavior is not okay. I hope this is a one time situation and nothing like this happens again.

The other happenings and what nots.....it has been over a month since I found myself trapped in "Dramaville" and since that time, a couple people chose to "defriend" me on Facebook, which I understand, I've done it myself, so it is what it is, I think I was just more surprised by who it. During the whole mess and to my surprise, I received an outpouring of love and support from old friends, new friends, family, in-laws, and more. I will admit, I was quite depressed and distraught for a few days after the whole fiasco. It hadn't fully sunk in until I was in the middle of a work project and found myself uncontrollably crying. And then slowly, I would get a message or some words of comfort and support from the people in my life, all telling me the same thing....it was in these moments that helped me realize that this person and those that defend such actions really don't KNOW me.

And as I sat in bed at night thinking and realized regardless of who, I don't want people in my life that treat people that way because at the end of the day you want to surround yourself with people who support you in the times of craziness, in times of happiness, in times of chaos, in times of those good days and more...you don't want people in your life who make you doubt yourself, lie, or make snide remarks. I have reached out one too many times to count to this person, all of which have been rebuffed and rejected and yet as time progressed I would continue to reach out because in my heart I knew this was the right thing to do, even though I knew what the answer was. I have always been willing to admit and ask for forgiveness for my part in the mess that was created, even though I knew I would never receive an apologize for the hurt that was inflicted upon me, yet I still reached out. And as I was reflecting on the support I was being given, something clicked inside me....I can't quite explain it, but I realized that you can't reach out for middle ground when someone isn't wanting to meet you halfway or for that matter at all ever cared about you.

I was overwhelmed with the love and support from all of you, it was unexpected, but greatly appreciated! And it is in those words that made me come to see that I am a strong person. And in looking back through the years, the only time we have had conflict is when I have stood up for myself, so I could choose to be silent and let things be said or I could stand up. So, I want to say "Thank You" to the many people who reached out to me, whether it was one word or a letter, you have opened my eyes for the better.

"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt."  ~Max Lerner

Beginning or an End...

How many times does something happen to you, till it grabs your attention? Well, I think that is where we are right now, the universe continually keeps throwing things our way, but we've ignored it for the most part, except now we are faced with making some big decisions. Decisions that mean letting go of what we have in the hopes of ultimately reaching the bigger dreams.
So, I have to stop the endless worrying because that doesn't get me anywhere and I think it just makes things worse, so I just have to let go and see where this takes us, where are we meant to go.  I know I am being pretty vague, but even I am not exactly sure where these decisions will take us. All I know is that whatever we are currently doing is not working, therefore something has to change and apparently the universe keeps sending us reminders of that...so all I can do now is make the decision to stop what we are doing and start a new beginning.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."  - T.S. Elliot

A lot for August.....

So, we had a lot of things going on in August....the ever fun drama, three year kidney day, the kids returning to school, and today celebrating our 10 year anniversary, Yeah to 10 years of adventures!!! I say "adventure" because by definition adventure means 1. an exciting or very unusual experience, 2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises, and 3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome. And when I think of what has transpired over these 10 years, all of those come to mind. We were planning a big celebration, but between him traveling and schedules of things going on, we just didn't have the time to squeeze one in, but perhaps another time.

It really doesn't seem like 10 years at all, which I suppose is a good thing. And I think back and realize how much has changed, how I am more in love with him than I ever was when we first met. Throughout the years, we've changed, individually and both as a couple. He has changed me for the better, he challenges me and I may not have been  his first love, but I am certainly glad that I am his last love.

It amazes what we have in the 10 short years we've been married that I look forward to spending the next 40 or 50 years with him and seeing what we accomplish! It is hard sharing your life with someone and constantly compromising, but it is also the most rewarding thing ever. And I am forever grateful that I get to share my life with his.

“The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life." - Hugh Walpole, Sr.

Yay!!! Three Year Kidney Day

Well my mother and I celebrated the three year kidney day this past Saturday. And she is doing amazingly well, especially when I looked back at my blog three years ago and the struggles she was going through with the kidney not working initially, but it is working mighty fine now.
My mum got me some earrings and flowers as a thank-you for donating my kidney, but I told her that she doesn't need to do that, I don't need her to get me anything, the fact that she is here with us and gets to see my children grow is enough for me.

To my mother, you are an amazing woman - with a strong spirit. I know you've seen hard days, I know you have seen tough days, but through it all you pick yourself up and move on. I want you to know you are BEAUTIFUL and I love you! Happy Kidney Day!

What would you do......

So, I saw a friends' post regarding tonight's Powerball jackpot and it make me think....What would you do if you won $320 million dollar jackpot with cash option of $213 million?
Imagine the possibilities - I have my list of "What would I do" written in my journal, it is something I've thought about once or twice and that kind of money, would you do good or would it corrupt you?

The husband and I have had conversations around and around on this subject, because who doesn't like to dream about winning that kind of money? First thing we would do besides all the common things, like get an attorney, financial planner, establish a trust, and pay our bills. We would donate a huge portion - we would redesign the kids school because that school is in need of some updating and expansion as well as try and establish a montessori-based high school. Another wish list item is purchasing land parcels for the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee. Iowa was once all prairie and this state has destroyed 99% of its native prairies and since the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee currently does that and has about 5,000 acres, why not just support an existing program. We would start our lavender farm as well as purchase land in various places, especially New Zealand, but not for development purposes....it seems people are all to often wanting to develop things without realizing what is happening and on occasion I look at the NZ property listings and get sad when I see hundreds of property listings on untouched land. The hubby wants to help no kill shelters, so we would do something with that and we also talked about setting up a scholarship program for the non-traditional student.
As for my indulgence item, it would be traveling around the world - taking the time to actually see and experience all the different cultures that the world has to offer, what are the similarities, the differences because at the end of the day, we are all not that much different. I would also love to treat my friends/family to visit to New Zealand and Australia. I'm pretty sure the hubby's indulgence item would be some type of custom 1940's pickup truck or high-end sports car, but besides that and setting up various college funds for our kids and some others, that would be it. I'm sure that kind of money would not come without some headaches and heartaches, but it is still fun to image all the things you could do.

Derailed....again....

Why oh why does it upset me so? Again, I let something so frivolous upset me and drag me down to the bottomless pit of negative energy. I allow it to suck all the good that I feel and before I know it I'm derailed, heading on down to "Dramaville." Why? Can someone please explain to me, why I allow this individual who despises me have so much emotional control?

I think I know and I've even resorted to checking out self-help books at the library and mentally I know the answer, but it doesn't take the emotional sting out of the bite. Words are words, especially when they use ones such as "pathetic" or "good riddance to you," really are those necessary.
All I want to ask is, "do you feel better now that you got that out," but instead, I respond as if it is a joke or like it didn't upset me, even though as I am leaving the voice message because someone won't pick up the phone to at the minimum confront me, every bone in my body is shaking and I just want to cry. I feel like I am being bullied.
I don't go out of my way to email or make contact with this person, I'm the one getting sent emails accusing me of various things and perhaps it is because it has been so long that the relationship has been strained, somehow the person feels justified to contact me? And then I get sucked into this warp by responding when I know I shouldn't even respond. Every interaction with this person and afterwards I am left thinking, "am I really so horrible?" But I'm done being pushed with these bully tactics.

I am who I am, I like me. I am not perfect (you know this sounds familiar) and it is that "a-ha" moment that I find comfort - my priority is not making this person happy or even like me. My priority is my family, they love me, they support me, they enjoy being with me, they make me smile, they make me happy and I laugh so hard with them.
I lose sight of that every time I engage with this individual, I lose sight of who I am, I lose sight period and I can't continue to put up with that or the people who defend that behavior and treatment to others. The husband and I have tried to distant ourselves from certain family gatherings because of all the drama, so we make the choice not to attend Christmas, Easter, or Thanksgiving or whatever holiday to not make things awkward or we come at a different time, but tonight was the end. I've allowed myself to take on this drama and to bear the weight. I have allowed myself to be derailed far to many times to count. The problem is not ME!

This is my life and these individuals below are my priorities, these are who I need to be concerned for and about.

"The people who know the least about you are always the ones who have the most to say." - unknown

Thoughts on Marriage

The hubs and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary (this month)....yup 10 crazy, wonderful years and although marriage takes a lot of work, I love the life we have built together. At times, it doesn't even seem like it has been that long, but then I look back at all that has happened and how we have changed as individuals and as a family and I feel blessed.
So, with that said there has been a lot of talk regarding what the CEO of Chick-fil-a said in regards to gay marriage. Frankly, I am tired of hearing about it, I'm tired of seeing posts about it and even though I completely disagree with the views of this CEO, I still feel he is entitled to his opinion.
You can't force someone to change their beliefs, you can only hope that through life's experiences it may open eyes so they can come to see the ugliness of discrimination, can come to understand and see beyond. I don't want to live in a world where everyone has the same beliefs or opinions as I do, how could I grow as a person, how could I evolve or learn. Yet, when we ask someone their beliefs and it happens to be something we don't want to hear, why is it necessary to turn ugly ourselves. I support gay marriage because I have zero right in telling someone who they can marry - just like no one can tell me, I support gay marriage because there is nothing wrong with it. And I also support people who have conflicting views as mine because when I hear conflicting views from mine, it makes me stop and think and in some cases, I look further into the topic to and learn something new.  
In fact, the reasons that many people use to justify not supporting gay marriage is inaccurate, if they simply took the time to investigate or get to know a gay couple perhaps they would realize that we all want similar things: a loving partner, a good relationship, and perhaps start a family or not, but either way, I support it. Life is hard, marriage is hard, but when we share the joys and sorrows of life with someone we love, it makes it that much easier, it is not my place to deny someone that right. Ask yourself, how would you feel if you were not allowed to be with your partner, if everyone told you that you were wrong, that it was a sin to love that person, how would it make you feel? I asked myself those questions and that is why I as an individual support gay marriage. I also hold out hope that someday those against it, will change their views and will come to see really that it is not up to us to judge or condemn others, that is not our job or position in life.

“The rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.” - J.F. Kennedy

Vacation, all I ever wanted....had to get away.....

Yup, that was the song I was humming as we pulled out of our driveway heading for a week's worth of vacation! The plan, a week long rental at Black Hawk Lake with another family, the reality turned out a bit differently.

We packed the car and headed Northwest to the town of Lake View, IA to relax in a lakefront house on Black Hawk Lake and it was a great view sitting on the dock, reading my book, which I will admit I didn't read as much as I liked to, but oh well.
The kids were excited and ready to jump in the lake, I, myself, (not being fond of large amounts of water) was not ready for the kids to jump in, but alas I couldn't hold them off for much longer, so swim suits on, life jackets on and off they went. I watched on the sidelines while the husband and the other couple got in - much to everyone's surprise, the water near the dock was only about two feet deep, eventually I crept into the lake on my tippie toes because the feeling of the sand/mud/silt mixture grosses me out (I know, I'm weird). I was not raised in the Midwest and actually grew up near real beaches, so I've never grown use to the feeling of your feet being sucked into this sludge of lake matter. Anyway, the kids had a blast cooling down in the lake and then the guys took the kids fishing, on day three, we went boating and tossed the tube in for some real lake fun. Initially, we were not going to allow our kids on the tube and of course me and my water phobia I knew I was not going to go in, but after watching the hubby and then seeing him get tossed only to stand in the water (yes out in the middle of the lake, he could stand) made me rethink the whole thing. My kids watched our friend's children and begged to try it, so we allowed and went super slow, then watching my kids, I decided to give it a whirl.......it was fun. I didn't over think the situation like I tend to and just went with it and I had a blast.

We did end up leaving the next day and spontaneously decided to drive to South Dakota. Let me tell you, that it probably isn't all the best to do a drive like that spontaneously because it is a super long, boring drive and once getting there and realizing how vastly beautiful the Black Hills are, I would have much rather gotten a cabin or had the opportunity to spend more time there, but since we only had a week and spend half in Lake View, we were limited on time, but it is now on my list of places to visit again. I was really amazed at the beauty the Black Hills offer, if you have not been, you should try to go.

I can't explain how beautiful it really was, especially driving through the Badlands, I was speechless. All that really came to mind, was how much the earth endures and the wonderful gifts that are left. I felt very humble standing in this vastness of rocks and realizing the richness of history that was under my feet, not just the wagon trails of gold seekers, but the Native Americans who lived in this area. I walked away with a sense of appreciation for this land.

Next stop was Crazy Horse, which again left me all choked up listening to the story of how it came to be, I never realized that Korczak began working on this project in the 1940's and that this family has kept it private, turning down 10 million federal dollars because Korczak believed in private enterprise and he felt that if he took the money then the federal government would not finish the project as envisioned. Again, I left overwhelmed with a sense of emotion that I couldn't shake, this quote from Korczak Ziolkowski stuck with me..."When the legends die, the dreams end; when the dreams end, there is no more greatness."
Here was a man, who dedicated his life to trying to honor another man's dream and to try and make mends for all the wrongs that were done to the Native Americans....it is a heartwarming project,this stop is definitely a must!

Then on to Sylvan Lake, Custer State Park, which again was simply breathtaking. There are very few places especially here in America, where I step onto the land and want to stay or feel like I belong, but something resonated deep inside me when we were here. In fact, the only place where my heart feels "at home" is when I step onto the ground in Aotearoa, instantly my bones settle and it is like my body says, you are home. And even though I've pretty much grown up in the USA, I've never had the feeling of being "home," not even here in Iowa. It is a hard feeling to describe to someone or explain, the best I can do is like a part of you is missing and it is only until you are there that you feel complete and that is how I feel when I am in New Zealand and being in South Dakota was the closest I have felt that feeling. It is like being drawn into something intangible, but feeling the pull.

We also stopped at Mt. Rushmore, Tatanka - Story of the Buffalo in Deadwood, panned for gold in Lead, and then onto Rapid City. It was a great time, especially considering it wasn't planned and I look forward to visiting this great state again. The trip has definitely given me a greater appreciation for all that is close and far.

"You can’t just have the dream. You’ve got to work for that dream. And if it isn’t within you and you don’t love it yourself, you’re not going to do it because somebody tells you to do it. It has to come from within." Ruth Ziolkowski

Digging, Planting, and Sore.....

Several months ago, someone asked the husband if we would be interested in having our house on the city garden tour, and of course, he agreed. And foolishly, I thought, sure it's fall, we have plenty of time to get things ready. Well, as of Sunday we had sixteen items left to do, today, we are down to seven and the tour is this Sunday, yup we are not ready. Are we close, yes, but is it where I would like it to be, no.
The city felt that we were doing some really creative things regarding sustainability and recycling, which is why they asked us to be on the tour and I'm really flattered that they thought of us. What bothers me is that I'm sure that the other homes on the tour either have had professional landscape plans done for the yards or professionals to do the work, have a ton of variety of plants and flowers, and have poured a ton of money into the yard.
We have not - we don't have a huge variety of plants and flowers - I like what I like and I tend to stick with such. We also don't have a large amount of money to pour into our landscaping, everything we've done has come from things people have gotten rid of, such as the brick for our patio was from my mother-in-law's patio that they tore out, our front deck was from someone off of craigslist that they were replacing. The wood we use is from the scrap cart at Home Depot and Lowe's, which don't get me wrong, I love our yard, we put our heart and soul into it, and I enjoy being in our space. I just don't want people to expect something they would see from Better Homes and Gardens, cause that isn't us and this tour is starting to get me to look at all the "flaws" in the space I love, so I have to remind myself that I didn't agree to this and so frankly I don't care what other people may think, but I would like to get things finished from our list.

The other frustrating thing is that we've had such warm weather that most of the flowers have bloomed early and we've had little rain, so everything is drying out...the grass doesn't look as green, flowers are blooming and dying, but I suppose what can you do?

Here are some photos of some of the things you'd see......

So, once this is all over I plan on having a huge BBQ to celebrate and just have some real backyard enjoyment!

"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows".- Doug Larson

Summer Days Drawing Near.....

The kiddies are in their last few, literally, the last few...tomorrow and the next day, both of which are half-days. They are looking forward to summer break, but both have mentioned how sad it will be not going to school and being in class.
My little man said that he is feeling nervous about moving into 1st grade next year, he is afraid of how challenging the work will be. So we talked about what we could do over the summer to help him build his confidence, so he listed of some things he wants to work on and I told him that we will practice, but I assured him that he will do just fine and that if any ounce of me was worried about it, I would let him know. My sweet pea is vocal about any concerns and issues and sometimes I don't realize that just because my little man isn't being as vocal as his big sister doesn't mean that all is okay.
He is my shy man and reserved, so this was a great reminder to myself that I need to remember to ask questions even if he doesn't bring the issue up. I was thankful for the talk and I actually enjoy our bedtime discussions.
I believe I've mentioned before that bedtime routine use to be in our bed - the kids always wanted to hear the same books and they wanted daddy to read a story and myself to read a story, so we would all gather in our bed and read the stories. The kids would fall asleep in our bed and later in the night we would move them into their own beds. Of course, at the time, I always wondered how long were we going to be doing this bedtime routine and would they ever actually fall asleep in their own beds?
And then one night I realized that they started going to their own rooms at bedtime, wanted different stories, we talked about different things and subsequently we started the dream seeds, which I blogged about here and then it hit me, they are falling asleep in their own beds and I didn't have to enforce it or even suggest it.....holy bananas...I couldn't believe it! Sometimes they grow right before your eyes and you see it and other times, it is subtle and you don't realize it until the moment has passed. I cherish the bedtime discussions I have with each of my children now, most of the time the conversations varies from which is the better power ranger, the red or green....to deeper questions on how to handle a friend or an emotion, but regardless of how silly or serious the conversations get....I listen. And tonight, it was the excitement of summer drawing near and later bedtimes to the realization that some friends we may not see on a daily basis and a new school year brings new changes.

So, what is in store for your summer break?

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Are you "Mom"-enough.....Are you kidding?

I'm guessing by now most have seen the eye-grabbing magazine cover of TIME? Yes...No, well sorry I'm not going to post the image, but if you have not seen it...then I suggest you Google it or I will just say it showcases a mother breastfeeding her preschool-aged child (who looks rather older than three or four) with the mighty title, "Are you Mom enough?"
So, my initial thoughts were really? Now, I will preface that I have not read the article, I'm not really interested, I've read about attachment parenting when I had my first child, I took some of the recommendations like baby wearing and I breastfed both of my children during their first year of life and I'm pretty damn proud of myself, considering I was pretty grossed out by the idea prior to having children. It was only until I had my first that it seemed like the natural thing to do, little did I know how challenging my first child was going to be when it came to breastfeeding as she didn't want to latch, but we worked through it and proved to be the greatest bonding ever.
Yet, even if you follow the attachment parenting recommendations, why on earth would you pose on the cover of a widely circulating magazine with your child like that? I mean, come on....that image is going to haunt that child for the REST of his life, especially in the "digital age."

My second issue....why the title? The media is insisting that there is a war on women, so of course let's include the now war on mommies....I mean really, let's ask all the moms "Are you mom enough" if you don't breastfed your walking/talking preschooler, come on TIME, seriously?
Here's a thought, how about you cover issues that really concern moms or families for that matter. If we are being honest about it all, we live in a nation that doesn't support mothers, we give the least amount of time for maternity leave, and if there is maternity leave, moms are lucky if it is PAID maternity leave, not to mention the sick days we have to take when a child is ill or creating the false idea that somehow women can be it all without sacrificing something. (And I'm sorry to burst the bubble if you are a woman and somehow buy into the "I can have it all" fantasy) it simply doesn't happen because at the end of the day, something has to give and most often that something is "us," if not relationships or work. We put it all on our shoulders and seem to think the weight we carry isn't going to break.
So, instead of trying to push a further divide among mothers on yet another issue, how about an article on how moms make it work. Because one thing I've learned is that motherhood is not at all what I envisioned, it is challenging, it is rewarding, and it is empowering. Look at it....I am a superhero, a villain, a fighter, a healer, a communicator, a translator, an entertainer, a manager, a peacemaker, a teacher, a personal chef, a friend, and so forth. Being a mother is the best thing I could be and for the record....I am mom enough....and so much more.

“New mothers enter the world of parenting feeling much like Alice in Wonderland.
- Being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs on earth and also one of the most challenging.
- Motherhood is a process. Learn to love the process.
- There is a tremendous amount of learning that takes place in the first year of your baby’s life; the baby learns a lot, too.
- It is sometimes difficult to reconcile the fantasy of what you thuoght motherhood would be like, and what you thought you would be like as a mother, with reality.
- Take care of yourself. If Mommy isn’t happy, no one else in the family is happy either.
- New mother generally need to lower their expectations.
- A good mother learns to love her child as he is and adjusts her mothering to suit her child.” 
- Debra Gilbert Rosenberg

Meatless Mondays, here is an idea....

Typically, Monday nights have become one of the nights during the week that I cook a vegetarian dish. I know my husband doesn't really care for the meatless Mondays, if we had it his way, we would have meat every night, but I feel like it is helpful to introduce new things to the kids that doesn't always involve meat. And as I look for many recipes, I thought, why not start posting some of the dishes I make, so here goes.
Tonight, was Zucchini Patties on a bed of wild rice with sweet potato fries......and since this was a first time dish in our house, I wasn't sure how it would turn out, but it was rather good.

Want the recipe....here it is
2 cups grated zucchini
2 eggs beaten
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup onion, thinly diced
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella
2 Tbsp oil
Salt/Pepper to taste

Combine zucchini, eggs, onion, flour, cheese, salt (in this case I used a blend of italian seasonings).
Stir well until all ingredients are mixed together.
Heat oil in skillet over medium heat - drop tablespoon-sized of the mixture in the skillet. Cook for a few minutes on each side until done.
Serve on a bed of rice, with diced tomatoes, or with sour cream and salsa.

zucchini mixture

frying the zucchini patties

 cooked zucchini patties on a bed of rice with diced cherry tomato

Junk Jubilee Indeed

Oh how I wish I were as creative as some of the vendors at the Junk Jubilee. This was my first visit to the expo, but it certainly won't be my last. I went with my mom and daughter and we just walked around and many times I kept looking into my purse hoping I would find more money to purchase all the wonderful things people created with old junk, wood, etc...
I did get a ring and I purchased an early birthday gift for my mom, as soon as I saw it I knew she would love it and so I acted as if I really was getting it for myself and then ended up giving it to her. I took a few notes of some of the things that I really liked and think I can do it, but who knows, it probably won't turn out as wonderful as what these people created.
I think I enjoyed this event more so because of the inspiration it has given me....that really you can create pretty much anything and there will always be someone who will appreciate it. I pretty much stick to things I know I'm good at, but after going to this, I've got so many creative ideas flowing, I'm excited to try them....

“It’s not about breaking the rules. It is about abandoning the concept of rules altogether” - Paul Lemberg

Bullying, it matters......

Before the digital age and social media, a lot of stories would not be heard, but with this new "outlet," it brings a new element to negative aspects like how a person can be pushed to the point where they feel death is their only option. I don't get it and as a parent to two young growing minds, I have to say, it scares the living hell out of me.
I want to protect my children, let them see how beautiful life is, because really it is, but there are people that make it ugly, pushing their hate whether it is intended or not. We all need to take the time to evaluate our actions. And so I've had small conversations with my children about being kind, respectful, and helpful, but when do the conversations need to go deeper, do I wait for when they are older or is it to late then?
My sweet pea one day asked what "gay" meant, so I had her pull the dictionary out and we looked it up (which we do for any word she doesn't know). We then had a conversation about how the word can mean many different things depending on how it is used, both used in good ways and bad. She didn't ask anymore questions and I didn't go into any further discussion with it, perhaps I should?
I want to prepare my children so when my children are in high school they will have the right tools to stand up and be the voice for someone who can not.

I read this article in the Des Moines Register today about bullying and the death of an Iowa teen, http://blogs.desmoinesregister.com/dmr/index.php/2012/04/18/bullying-and-the-death-of-iowa-teen-kenneth-weishuhn/

I cried. I cried for this boy, whose spirit was broken and for a teenager I realize that even a "few" make up your "everybody." And the truth of the matter is that unfortunately, the weight of opinions from the "haters" out weights any positive opinions from those who love us, why do we allow that?
We simply brush the positive, supportive comments from our loved ones away while allowing the ones that shouldn't matter cut us like a knife.
So, I thought, what are we doing? Why are more people not concerned about this growing trend of suicides? More and more young ones are resorting to these acts, yet all we can do is say how sorry we are after the fact, what can we do prior to these individuals doing these things? School officials won't allow these students to watch a documentary on bullying, but let's have a "discussion" about why it is wrong, we should be addressing the issues to show like we care, like we want change.

I know that my children have already had discussions from their guidance counselor regarding bullies, but what else needs to be done or said? I plan on taking my children to see the documentary, part of me wonders if they are ready to see this type of movie, but I think it is too important not to see it. One of the boys in the documentary killed himself at age 11, seriously, age 11? What were you doing at that age?

I went to a large high school, we had a little over 700 in my graduating class, so I did not know every one in my graduating class, but from those days, I do recall a few instances...like one boy, who shall remain nameless even though I clearly remember his first and last name, came up to me and repeatedly called me ugly and people around chuckled and laughed.
I kept on walking and said something along the lines "like you are anything to look at either" (mind you not the best come back, but thinking back, I'm still impressed that I said anything at all). I then, proceeded into the girls bathroom, shut the stall and cried for a few minutes. And I wasn't so much upset about what he thought about my looks as I was upset that I didn't even know this person, we shared no classes, he didn't know me and I didn't know him, that was what upset me, but maybe it was because of that reason why it seemed to be easy for him to say that to someone, would he have said it had he known me? Not sure.

I don't remember if I told anyone or not about that story, but I'm pretty sure we all have a story. I also remember being asked if "I liked boys," this probably stemmed from the fact that I did not date boys from my school. Did I have crushes, of course I did, I had HUGE crushes on three different boys, but after dating one boy from the same school my freshman year and of course everyone finds out your business, whether the information is fact or fiction, I never dated anyone else from my school again.
I think a lot of the tools I used to cope came from the fact that I was also a military brat, used to moving around, so a) you have to develop a thick-skin early on, b) I had a small circle of friends, and c) I acted as if I didn't give a shit and in some instances I didn't. I saw beyond high school and knew that after four years, I'd be gone, living my life.
I can't recall any specific instances where I made fun of someone maliciously or for the sake of joining in, but I do recall saying some stupid things when fighting with some people. Other than those, I never disliked high school or liked high school and I'm definitely not one of those that wishes I could go back and relive any of those days. If there was anything I could change or say to my high school self, it would be to enjoy it more....and to do the things that I wanted to without caring what someone may think.

So, as a parent with two children, I want to protect them from hurtful behavior and I want to make sure they don't resort to bullying others, but I also realize that I can not control everything, I can only try to give them the right tools to deal with what comes down their path and pray that my children make the right decisions and are never made to feel inferior or pushed so hard that their spirits break.

After reading that story, that is what I struggle the most with, that this boy was pushed to his breaking point....the one video clip, stated how well he was liked, how popular he was till the day he came out and then started the bullying. I hope the people who pushed this boy, feel some sort of responsibility and it stays with them as they continue to live their life, I hope that some sort of change can come from this tragedy.

Why is it that one statement unnerves so many people, why is it that it matters. Why should it change how you view someone, how you care about that person. In the end, we are all no different, we all want to feel loved and we all want to feel accepted and that is universal, if we didn't fixate on things like religion, sexual orientation, political views, or the color of some one's skin....imagine the possibilities, imagine the good.

Perhaps if we took the time to really look at someone, look in their eyes and really ask, "How are you doing?" Instead of saying it for the sake of being polite, we could possibly ease some one's hurt and pain. It is so much easier to be kind as it seems to take so much more energy to be hurtful, hateful, and unkind. I know first hand that we all can't get along and if you've read any of my past blogs regarding my relationships, you know that, but I've also had to learn to just let it go at some point the people who matter are and will be in your life, they will make the effort and those that don't, really don't matter in the grand scheme of things and at some point they will see that, whether or not they want to admit their wrongs. For relationships to work everyone has to be willing to meet halfway, the problem is so many people don't want to and that is sad.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama

Planting the Seeds.....

Lately, at bedtime after we've read, my little man has said, "don't forget to plant the seeds for good dreams." And so I asked him if it help keep the bad dreams away and he replies, "oh, yes, mommy, it works!" I smiled and I'm glad, it isn't often that the kids have bad dreams, but it seems when they do have them, it is hard to get them back to sleep.
And I've tried almost every trick I could think of to help them, dream catchers, monster spray, pictures under the pillow, etc.... and they always said it wasn't helping.
So, since the kids help us so often in the garden, I thought how about we "pretend" our dreams are seeds.
So each night, I take out the "weeds" (any bad thoughts/dreams) and then we close our eyes and think of good things we want to "plant" (dream about) and I select five "seeds" (dreams).
I "plant"(pat on the head) each seed somewhere on their head and then I rub the seeds in and water the seeds with a kiss. I've been doing this with the kids for the last few weeks and tonight as I almost forgot, I was reminded.
And as I did each movement, I saw the smile widen across my little man's face and my heart was full. I went into my sweet pea's room and so with her continually reminding me that she is "7," a "big" girl, I'm not sure if she thinks it is hokey, so as I wished her goodnight, she says, "you haven't planted the seeds for good dreams, you have to do it, it is my favorite thing, you know."

And so of course I plant the seeds and wish her good-night and as I sit in the silence, it is in these little moments, reminders of sweet innocence that melt my heart and forever touch my soul.
I could have days where I'm stressed about things not working as expected, like today or upset about something so small, but it is those pure moments with my kids that make everything else seem so inconsequential.

"Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count." -Albert Einstein