Christmas Reflections

Yes, it is that time of year...lights glistening, the smells of baking, and the wrapping of things. And of course as the year closes, I've been reflecting on Christmas pasts and the year in general.
I've been thinking of my grandparents lately and cherishing those memories that I hold close to my heart.
This year has definitely been a year of transformation for us - I've let go of a lot of negative feelings and as a family we decided to become more healthy and aware of what we are eating. In fact, this Christmas dinner we will be having a whole foods (non-processed) dinner - we are making everything with fresh produce and whole grain flour - the hubbers was in charge of the pastry for our pies and we pretty much spent the entire morning today in the kitchen prepping for dinner tomorrow.
On the menu is Pumpkin French Toast bake, Christmas Quiche, Squash/Barley Pie, Cornbread stuffing, potatoes, and carrots. I will say it is a lot of extra work, but it is worth it - we feel great about what we are eating and it was fun working in the kitchen together.
I really feel 2013 has been a year full of blessings for us - I feel great, the kids make me laugh, my parents are doing good and life in general is feckin' awesome. Which is hard, because so many close to us experience a year of loss in some way or another and my heart would ache and I hope those who have experience loss this year, I hope that next year will be filled with many blessings.

However you spend your Christmas, I hope you are blessed in every way that brings you joy and peace!

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”- Dr. Seuss

October was a blur.......

The other day someone remarked that there were only 45 days till Christmas and I thought, that can't be, it's still October....and then I realized, wait, it's November. Where in the hell did October disappear too and why on earth are they playing Christmas music already before Thanksgiving!
October was pretty much a blur for me, we were all sick, my sweet pea was battling bronchitis, my little man and the hubby kept getting colds and I was knocked over with pneumonia. And I mean literally I was out of it, I have never had pneumonia before and it was horrible, in bed for pretty much two and half weeks, zero energy....the flu isn't even as bad as this was. I still have a bad cough, but I hear that will linger for a while.
Typically we don't get very sick, so it seemed odd that during October we just couldn't stay healthy. I've restocked my vitamin C, manuka honey, and hopefully the rest of the fall/winter will be kind to us, especially since I don't really remember October.

So, now we are full swing into November and Christmas will be here before I realize or necessarily want it to. We are going to attempt something different this year, we have asked the grandparents to give "experiences" instead of giving toys to our children. We talked about it with the kids and asked if they could remember what toy was given to them last year, it took them almost a day to recall it, but when we asked what some of their favorite memories were, the response was instant and it was "experiences" they recalled, going to the movies, going places or doing things with them. 

Of course, Father Christmas will bring some toys around, I'm sure, but I think this will make the holiday season a little more special and not to mention that my kids don't need any more toys or things, it is definitely not that it is not appreciated, but it seems like we are overwhelmed with "things" and the shopping culture. I read an article recently that was mentioning how some stores will be opening at 5:00 pm on Thanksgiving day for their "Black Friday" specials - how can you even call it "Black Friday" when it is happening on Thanksgiving Thursday? These stores are taking their employees from their families and what is even sadder is that consumers will go out in the droves. I don't get it.....we are conditioning our young ones to be nothing more than consumers, to spend, spend and want the latest "whatchamathing" because that will make us a better person, will give us a better life. Right? The ad definitely makes me think so.....

I hate it, because everywhere you turn, we are bombarded with reminders that it is not relationships with people that matter, but the items you accumulate. If I buy my children the "right" shoes, then that will make me a better mom and so forth. Really? And yes, there was a shoe store commercial that depicted that situation that played over and over during "back to school" month.

Do we need to be made to feel this way? Do we even care that we are being made to feel this way?
And believe me, I didn't always feel this way life - I use to think that money would definitely make me a happier person or if I had a bigger house, etc...I would somehow feel better about myself, that somehow if I just got to that next point, life would be easier.
Yet as the older I become, the more I realize what a falsehood that is, the mass accumulation of stuff will not bring me any more happiness than whatever current state of mind I am in, it is the connections with my family, and friends that bring me happiness.

And don't get me wrong, just because I feel this was doesn't mean that I expect everyone else too or that I think anyone who purchases expensive things is horrible. I think it is the attitude behind that purchasing power, what is the driving force behind it - do you like it because you love those things or do you like it because an ad convinced you that it will make you somehow a better person?
I know several people who have expensive taste, but are also some of the most selfless people I know and they work hard for every dollar they make. And I know some who follow trends simply because it is the "in" thing and are selfish individuals. What bothers me, are the perceptions that ads and society create, that somehow if you lack these things you are not "complete" as a person.



So, I know that definitely became a rant and if you made it to the end, all I want is to make sure my children have reminders of what really matters, the relationships with the people in their lives and so I hope this Christmas, it will be filled with many experiences that my children will cherish.

"Our lives are mere flashes of light in an infinitely empty universe. In 12 years of education the most important lesson I have learned is that what we see as “normal” living is truly a travesty of our potential. In a society so governed by superficiality, appearances, and petty economics, dreams are more real than anything anything in the “real world”. Refuse normalcy. Beauty is everywhere, love is endless, and joy bleeds from our everyday existence. Embrace it. I love all of you, all my friends, family, and community. I am ceaselessly grateful from the bottom of my heart for everyone. The only thing I can ask of you is to stay free of materialism. Remember that every day contains a universe of potential; exhaust it. Live and love so immensely that when death comes there is nothing left for him to take. Wealth is love, music, sports, learning, family and freedom. Above all, stay gold.”- Dominic Owen Mallary

Piano Tuner

So my wee man has been taking piano lessons for a bit and our piano is way out of tune and I mean out of tune. I finally got around to calling and having someone come and tune it for us.
He was suppose to come this morning, but about 20 minutes before he calls and says he had an unexpected appointment and depending on the outcome could he come after or if need be reschedule. He said it was health related and I said, "Of course, you have to take care of your health." He thanked me and said "I will either come by after my appointment or give you a call back."

A couple hours go by and he phones to tell me he will be by in a few minutes. He pulls up and out comes this older, full white beard, shorter type gentleman carrying a small tackle-like box. He comes in, looks at the piano, asks how we got it and checks it out. He tells me this is going to be a shock to the system, meaning that this piano is way out of tune and I'm like, "yea buddy, I know."

He then asked who played and I said my son, he is a beginner player. We small talked about music and I tell him how I am envious of anyone who has any sort of musical talent. I tell him about my grandparents and how my granddad and his brothers were all self-taught, but highly talented musicians and my nanny played the violin. I said somehow all that talent skipped me, he laughed. He said it is nice that I'm giving my kids the opportunity to play and I joked saying they had no choice.

I left him to get started on tuning the piano and then a few minutes later as I walked by, he stops and starts talking to me. At first thought, I didn't pay much attention, but then I could sense something was bothering him, he goes on about his health and how healthy he has been and it was at his wife's urging that he go to the doctor. He said I'm not sure what is going to come after all this, but I don't want to get caught in the system, you know, I'm an older man and I've seen so many get caught, I still have control over myself, so I imagine there is going to be a some sort of conflict after all is said and done.
I felt a bit uncomfortable, as I wasn't quite sure what to say, but then I thought, maybe he needs to just talk, so I didn't ask any questions, I just let him talk and I listened. He told me how he has led a full life of 73 years and if he goes, he wants to be in control, but then he would pause and say, it's my wife. I don't believe in miracles and she is not a patient women, I love her and I know she loves me, but I wouldn't want to do that to her, I don't want her to play nurse. And then I said, "maybe that is why we are so afraid, because death is out of our hands, we typically don't get to say when our time is up," and then I gave him a smile and said, "there is no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow, we just have to make the best with what we have."

He goes on about how he use to talk to people that he no longer talks to, regrets of the things he didn't do and how he accepted it. He spoke of his mother, his uncle who led a life as a bootlegger and then he said, I'm sorry, not sure why I just told you all this and I smiled, I wanted to talk to him, give him some words of wisdom, but I just said, "you're good."

A moment ago this was a stranger, but after listening to him, I felt connected to him. He finished tuning the piano and then played three songs, all of which sounded vaguely familiar and I thanked him for playing those, I said, those were beautiful." He smiled and started to gather his things.
I wasn't sure what to say, here was a man who shared his thoughts and fears, I wanted to hug him, but I didn't. I said, "I'll see you in a couple months for another tuning," he said, "yes do." And then I said, "it was lovely meeting you, enjoy the rest of the day." He smiled grabbed my hand and said, "No, thank you - you are lovely, your partner is a lucky man, cherish each other." I smiled and said, thank you and until next time......

I don't why the man shared the thoughts he did with me, I'm not even sure he meant to, I certainly don't have the answers to life, but I know that sometimes we are so easily caught up in the happenings of our own things, that we become entangled in our own world that often times we forget to look out.
That we've forgotten to listen when someone says, "how are you," most of the time we don't even wait for a response or we just say "good." We are no longer connected, which is ironic. We live in a digital age...where we are literally connected to the world, but are those real connections? When this man walked in, I felt a sense of sadness and I hope on some level after he left, he felt a sense of relief, that what he was able to share was off his chest and he could enjoy the rest of the day.

I know that I will enjoy the rest of my day because of this man, because of his honesty.

"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to just listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention....A loving silence often has far more power to heal and connect the most well-intentioned words." - Rachel Naomi Remen 

Opting Out.....

My children are reaching an age where they will soon be required to take the standardized tests in school. I absolutely hated these tests when I was in school, regardless of how well I did, I always felt like I didn't do well enough because there was someone who did better. By the time I hit high school and needed to take my SAT's I had enough of "filling in the circle" that I took them without ever studying or preparing for the SAT's, my scores were average and I didn't care. When I took the ACT's, it was the same, I think there was one whole page that simply tried to make an image using the the circle bubbles. In fact, when we moved here and I applied to the local community college, I had to "retake" my ACT test and when I got my results and they compared them, she asked if I was not feeling that day. I told her no, I simply didn't try and that I wasn't interested in taking the test that day.

I've never like standardized tests and as I read more about the Common Core Standards the result that will come from that push, with more testing, I find myself at a cross-road....Do I opt my children out of these standardize tests (yes, you can opt out of them) or do I allow them to partake in these exams? I firmly believe these test actually do more harm and do not define the worth, the potential and the achievement of any students and yet state governments uses these tests to base their educational decisions on.

So, do we take a stand and say, "No, enough is enough, my child is not a test-score" and opt them out or by opting them out will it make my children feel isolated if all their peers are taking their standardized tests while they have to do something else or worse will they possibly feel humiliated and demoralized because of the results. I definitely think my children would do fine, I think we would be happy with the results, but I want to make the right decision for my children and I have been researching both sides of this debate, there is no right or wrong answer, but through all of it, one thing is definitely in agreement, these tests lack validity and are not a true measure of learning. Everyone tends to agree that all these tests are not really good indicators of classroom performance, but we use them nonetheless.

I'm torn and unsure what to do, what is right. My children go to a Montessori school, but they are still required to do the state testing of basic skills, which I find ironic because here in a Montessori setting the teacher is using an authentic assessment almost on a daily basis by observing, recording, and documenting the work that not only my child does, but all of the children. When I first decided to send my children to this school, I looked at the test score comparisons for the surrounding schools and it did factor into our decision, but again, here we have standardize tests that more often than not show a bias towards certain demographic groups.

The other reason is these tests provide only a small glimpse of what my children are capable of during a specific time, on a specific day under a certain setting - it is not a true measure of their ability, but is the result of various conditions (did they eat a good breakfast, did they sleep well, are their incentives, feelings of anxiety, frustration, or stress) all of which can taint the results of these tests.

So, even after sharing all this, I'm still not any clearer as to whether or not opt out of these test or not. We spoke with both of our children tonight as I definitely wanted their input, both said they would like to take these tests, but is in their best interest since these types of tests promote a culture of lying, cheating within the school and fosters competition instead of cooperation?

I want my children to learn and develop at their own pace following the educational philosophy that has been set forth by their Montessori school, which looks at the child as a whole, why is that so much to ask?

"Our care of the child should be governed, not by the desire to make him learn things, but by the endeavor always to keep burning within him that light which is called intelligence.”- Maria Montessori

“We cannot know the consequences of suppressing a child's spontaneity when he is just beginning to be active. We may even suffocate life itself. That humanity which is revealed in all its intellectual splendor during the sweet and tender age of childhood should be respected with a kind of religious veneration. It is like the sun which appears at dawn or a flower just beginning to bloom. Education cannot be effective unless it helps a child to open up himself to life.” - Maria Montessori

Pillow Talk

Last week as the kiddos were getting ready for bed, my sweet pea excitedly tells me how she applied for a "job" at school. She informs that if she is chosen she will need to go to the school at 7:30 in the morning as she would be a "bank teller" and they need time setting things up. I told her great and I said, did you have to do anything when you applied and she goes on about how she had to fill out an application and that one of the questions was, "Why do you think we should pick you for this position?"
I was curious, so I said, what did you write? And she said, "well you know things like I am responsible, kind, but then I put because I am AWESOME, in capital letters and with three exclamation points. I burst out laughing and said, well then there is no question, they should totally pick you. She smiled and I said so will you be disappointed if you don't get the job and she said, "I think it would be fun, but if it is not me that's okay too."
I told her to keep me posted and then planted her dreams for the night and went to do the same with my little man. After they were in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about what she put on her paper, "because I am AWESOME!!!" and I know it is such a minor thing, but when I was her age, I definitely didn't have the self-confidence to a) apply for a school job and b) would never consider writing down that I was awesome, because I didn't believe that at her age.
And as a parent you want your children to believe in themselves and their capabilities, to have a good self-image, and to be kind to others, but you never know how they internalize these things. And I never have thought to ask my kids what they thought of themselves, it was something I never thought to ask. We typically ask questions like:

• What are you thankful for today
• What did you dream about
• What was your favorite thing about today
• What did you learn about
• What is the best thing about school, friend, or your teacher

And it made me think that we should incorporate some other questions throughout the week, such as:

• Who is your hero
• What are you most proud about
• How would you describe yourself
• What is the best compliment you have received and given

I was completely amazed by what my sweet pea had shared in that discussion because I knew that she didn't lack confidence in herself, that she saw herself as an awesome little girl and in that moment my heart melted. Of course you don't want your child to have so much self-confidence that they are narcissistic or arrogant, but you definitely want them to have self-worth and a positive self-image. 
And as I reflected on my own memories, I couldn't hold back my tears - it really hasn't been till recently that I am comfortable with my own self and that I started to feel confident in myself and it is not that my parents weren't encouraging because they were.There are just certain things that can happen in life that sometimes break your spirit and suddenly you see the world through a different lens then you once did...moments that happen that you wish didn't, but in the end you learn from them, even if it takes you a while.
Anyway, it made me feel blessed that my children have a good self-image of themselves, that they really do believe in themselves, that they feel they are awesome individuals because I certainly believe it! And it is these type of nights that I enjoy our pillow chats with my kiddos, I never know what I will learn.

"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”- J.M. Barrie

Car Trip Vacation......

As one last hurrah before school starts, we decided to take a mini vacation to Niagara Falls. We took the Northern most route and it took us about 16 hours total including all the pit stops along the way. Before we even left the house, the portable DVD decided to crap out, so we left it. The hubs and I thought, this will be a loooong drive, especially without it, but there was nothing we could do. So, we explained to the kids that it wasn't working and made sure they had some books and other activities to bring.
This trip was also going to be our first trip since we switch our diets to a more natural, whole food type of diet. We weren't going to be relying on fast food places for a quick bite to eat, so we packed crackers, bagels, cheese, lots of fruits, assorted nuts, some carrots, dried fruit, and a ton of water. I did throw in some lollies and treats I knew the kids would like.

We stopped somewhere in Indiana to eat lunch and in Erie, PA for dinner; the kids loved the picnic idea and we had no complaints about the food. We also didn't have any complaints or fights between the kids on the way, I was pleasantly surprised at how well the kids got along and behaved without the DVD player to entertain them on the car trip. We only use the DVD player for car trips, but this was the first time we had taken a car trip that was longer than six hours, but the kids managed without it. We ended up playing car games, I asked the kids if they thought we could find all 50 states license plates and so they had fun trying to find those. We ended up finding 47 states, the ones we couldn't find were Hawaii, Alaska, and South Dakota. We did eat at Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY and they had a license plate on the wall from Hawaii and South Dakota, but we didn't count those.
Niagara Falls was beautiful, we stayed on the New York side, but ended up walking onto the Canadian side, which I was glad. The car traffic to get into Canada was about a two hour wait - we only had to wait about 20 minutes in line and it was only a 15 minute walk over the bridge.

 This is the view of the American Falls from the Tower Wheel on the Canadian side

I think my favorite part was the Maid of the Mist boat tour of the falls, it was great to get that close and we got absolutely soaked. The kids laughed as the water from the falls sprayed all over us and it was something we will never forget. If we had more time, I really wanted to drive down to my old hometown in PA, but we only really had four days, not counting the car time. We also visited the Columbus Zoo and although it definitely beats out our local zoo, I think I like the Omaha Zoo better. The kids had a blast and really that was all that matter, I think it was great way to end our summer vacation.

The kids are definitely ready to go back to school and see their friends and I just keep thinking, where is all this time going, 3rd and 2nd grade!

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” - Ernest Hemingway

Happy Kidney Day!!!!

It was four years ago when my mum and I went into to surgery not knowing what the future would bring us, and so far it has given us four more years of life for my mother. The journey to that point was long and my mother went through many things from not wanting another transplant to finally accepting this gift.



It doesn't seem that long ago when I remember finally becoming aware after the anesthesia finally wore off and asking tons of questions. "How is my mother, is she okay, did the kidney take, will it work?" And seeing the look on the transplant coordinator's face before she answered, I knew it wasn't good, they said it wasn't working how they expected, they weren't sure what went wrong.
I had no words, it definitely wasn't what I wanted to hear, I smiled and said I was tired, when really I just didn't want her to see me break down. I was angry even though they tell you this and try to prepare you, I thought it can't be!
I immediately wanted to see my mum, but she was still in recovery and I was in no shape to get out of the bed. I didn't want my mum to wake up to hear this, I didn't want them to tell her, I wanted her to hear positive news because I wasn't going to give up. My dad came in and I told him, don't let them tell her it is not working, don't let them say that to her and he patted my hand and said it will be fine. The recovery for mum after the kidney transplant was long and rough, she was in the hospital a lot longer than anticipated, she went through ups and downs, but eventually that kidney kicked into high gear and started functioning like it should. My mom is a fighter, she has always been a fighter, it is part of her nature, part of her spirit and she has been fighting for this and that since she was a child. We should have expected that this too would not have been so easy, but after some time, it has all worked out.
 
I think back to that day every now and then and am grateful that my children have been able to make many more memories with her. They don't remember the visits to the hospital prior to the transplant and sitting on her hospital bed singing songs and I'm grateful they don't remember those instead they have had four more years worth of memories and to me that is priceless and something I wouldn't change. I'm grateful for everyday I'm given. All too often we get caught up in those little things that don't really matter, but cause such messes and our focus becomes narrow. Zeroing in on the what if's, could be's, the have not's, etc....and then we are left feeling empty and unfulfilled. Life is a gift - and yes we all have days where some days are a lot harder than others, but it is not how you live your life that counts, it is how you make others feel - the impact that you have, that is what lasts. Slowly I am becoming more conscience of this, that sometimes life can break you, but you can either pick at the broken pieces one by one till you feel no more or you can pick up the pieces, accept it and continue to live and enjoy all that you have and were.

“If we thought of life as a gift, we might not demand nearly as much from it. And if we lived more graciously, giving of ourselves more freely to the well-being of others, many of our personal concerns would disappear, and life would become easier for all.”- Lowell Bennion

"There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections." - John Lennon

Forgetting to listen

Sometimes all it takes is listening; problems don't need to be solved, issues don't need resolved, but all you need to do is vent and let it all out. I forget this sometimes, well, maybe often. When someone comes to me to talk, I try to give advice and try to "fix" whatever is bothering the person.
And lately there has been some stuff going on with my siblings and I've been trying to avoid the whole thing because I don't want to get dragged into whatever is going on - it is frustrating and my parents don't need the added stress.
And earlier today as I was on the phone with my sister, my frustration came out and then soon afterwards my parents came over and my frustration came out again. Just because some things should be said, doesn't mean that it should be and I told my mum that she couldn't complain to me and of course, after she left, I realized how selfish that was on my behalf. I realized that maybe all the complaining wasn't necessarily her looking to fix things, but rather her venting, letting it out and I failed to see that. I have been trying to ease her feelings by giving her advice, when perhaps all along she is just venting. Same with my siblings, I'm a fixer - when you come to me with an issue, I will point out other options.
I come from a line of highly passionate, full of emotions, often defensive, open-hearted family. We are close-knit, sometimes weary of others, but often full of spirit and will wear our hearts on our sleeve if you look close enough and so I know that what I said hurt my mum, which was not my intention. And so I called to apologize to her, that I was wrong in saying she couldn’t complain to me and that I realized that maybe she is just wanting to vent her frustrations, but before I could squeeze in my apology, she yelled and hung up on me. I rang right back, was about to yell right back at her and then I stopped, because I realized that sometimes we just don't see at the time how our minds can blow things out of proportion, we are quick to assumptions and overgeneralizations, so I stopped myself and have left things alone. I realize that I simply forgot to listen and instead tried to reply when at the time perhaps all she wanted was to be heard.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” - Ralph Nichols

Calming the Nerves......

So, I have an upcoming wedding shower, which typically would be just great to attend and partake in the festivities of the event. Yet, this is causing some uneasiness for me. I spoke with the Bride-to-be and asked if it would be okay if I did not attend and she expressed that she would understand, but she really would love for me to come. And don't get me wrong, I get along with the bride-to-be, it is a couple others that I'm worried about, but I told the bride-to-be that I would go as the event was still some time away.
And of course as with everything, things go by rather quickly and here we are a week away from the event and I'm scared. There I said, scared....my nerves are beginning to go crazy. There is a difference between going to an event that you are invited too and welcomed versus going to an event that you know you are really not wanted too, but it was most likely a "had" to invite deal. And because of all the past ongoing conflict it has been damaging and therefore why I'm scared to see these people. As I've blogged before, beginning in January, I set a new course for how I was going to live my life and thus far, things have been positive and so I don't want to get in a situation where there is negative energy or feelings towards me that I will pick up on, which will only make me defensive.
So, last night as I struggled to go to sleep, I thought what are my options? Not attend or Attend. I could easily not attend and make arrangements with the bride-to-be to give her gift some other time or attend the event, where there are unknowns, I can control how I react and behave, but I can't predict how others will act and the last event we were all gathered at, we ended up leaving because the husband got upset over some remarks that were made to him, so where does it leave me? Confused!
I tossed and turned playing out various scenes because I am an over-analyzer and then I realized I can't do this - I can't play out all the "what if's," it will drive me batty and so I let the feelings go for the moment. I calmed my mind and realized this is not about me. I can't control what these people think about me or even feel about me, the one person who this event centers on does want me there and that is all that matters. 
I have yet to decide what I am going to do, but I have decided that I will hold no expectations and just let things play out as it comes......whatever will be, will be.

“Avoiding conflict isn’t peacemaking. Avoiding conflict means running away from the mess while peacemaking means running into the middle of it.
Peacemaking means addressing those issues that caused conflict in the first place.
Peacemaking can never be separated from doing justice. They go hand in hand. Peacemaking means having to stir the waters on the way to peace.
Peacemaking means speaking the truth in love, but speaking the truth nonetheless.”
― Peggy Haymes

“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits." - Sarah Brethnach

"You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”- Alison McGhee

Late night chats and laughs......

 My wonderful cousin is visiting from Aotearoa and it has been great having him here. We've spent several nights sitting on the porch talking till the wee hours of the morning. Sharing our thoughts, laughing, talking about our dreams, hopes, and fears.
We've shown him around the city, enjoyed a "flash mob" during RAGBRAI, picked out shirts from RAYGUN, and even hit some bars/clubs (although I must admit I'm not as young as I once was and it definitely catches up) and I must not forget the karaoke bar.
It will be sad to see him go because he is more like an older brother and always has been, but perhaps one day fate will lead him here to stay for longer than visit. His visit has reminded me how beautiful this city is - sometimes we forget what we have in our reach and his stories of how our beloved city, Christchurch, has changed since the earthquake and what was once was is no longer there.
Ideally, I would love to be able to travel back and forth between here and Aotearoa and perhaps one day in the future that will happen, but for now I will enjoy the time I have with my cousin.



"When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them." - Unknown

Where is the outrage?

In cities across America, people are killed on a daily basis, victims of gun shootings, gang violence, hate crimes, or whatever the ultimate case may be. The case with Trayvon Martin and Zimmerman, could have been prevented and ultimately what happened was sad for everyone involved. Yet, this was one incident, there are many more untold stories, many whose lives have been taken simply for being there at the wrong time, where are their stories? Where is the outrage from the American people? Oh, that's right, there is none, no one cares unless it is getting the attention of the media.
I found an article by the Huffington Post, which asks, "when the media would tell their similarly tragic stories of lives lost to gun violence." During the Zimmerman trial over 50 people will killed to gun violence in Chicago alone. Where are their stories? Where is the outrage for those victims?
I think what I found most disturbing with the coverage of the Zimmerman trial and what happened to Trayvon was the media's portrayal and almost push for riots, "will their be riots after the outcome is read," "how will the African-American community feel," etc......
I felt like instead of dividing and trying to ignite fear - why not use this as a time to unify people, but instead looking at my Facebook news feed, it elicited anger, sadness, and even some unnecessary comments. I didn't remark or post any of my thoughts.

There needs to be a shift in our thinking if things should get better, just not sure that is going to happen.

“I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.”- Mahatma Gandhi

Going strong.......

So, it has been several months since we as a family switched to a more healthier lifestyle and so far we are still going strong. The hubby has started running and some evenings all of us end up joining in - the kids typically ride their scooters while we run. And I have to admit the healthier we are eating, the more energy I have and I don't crave sweets as often as I did. I've been working in more vegetable dinners and so far no complaints!
I have also noticed that the number of stomach aches I have are little to none since we started eating better and as weird as it may seem, my little man's eczema is not as bad as it use to be. I'm not sure if it is related or not, but less breakouts for him, the better.

Anyway, I thought I would share one of the dishes that I have made that everyone loves, the hub even said, "it all vegetarian dishes tasted this good, I would definitely eat it more," which I found funny - anyway, here it is:

Artichoke Pasta

• 2 14 1/2ounce cansdiced tomatoes with basil, oregano, and garlic
• 2 14 ounce cansartichoke hearts, drained and quartered
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup whipping cream
• 12 ounces any dried favorite pasta
• Crumbled feta cheese or finely shredded Parmesan cheese (optional) - I used feta cheese

Directions

1. Spray the inside of a 3-1/2- or 4-quart slow cooker with cooking spray. Drain one of the cans of diced tomatoes (do not drain remaining can). In the prepared cooker, stir together drained and undrained tomatoes, the artichoke hearts, and garlic.

2. Cover and cook on low-heat setting for 6 to 8 hours or on high-heat setting for 3 to 4 hours. Stir in whipping cream; let stand about 5 minutes to heat through.

3. Meanwhile, cook pasta according to package directions; drain. Serve sauce over hot cooked pasta. If desired, top with feta or parmesan cheese and enjoy!!!!

"When the rain washes you clean, you'll know"

Sometimes there are words in a song that hit you - that resonate deeply within and for me, it was listening to Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nick. And one of my dreams came true just a few days ago.....I got to go see Fleetwood Mac with Stevie Nicks in concert! I was so excited and it was hard to keep my excitement contained, especially when Stevie came out. I screamed, I hooted and hollered and was ecstatic.
I have not only loved Fleetwood Mac since the first time I heard them, but I love, love, love Stevie Nicks! I would sneak my dad's Stevie Nicks cassette tape and go into my room and dance, sway, and lip sync to her songs. Her voice matched her style - mystical that drew you in to a world of mystery. I wanted to be like her, in her voice, her style, but alas - I can't sing (but it doesn't stop me from trying) and I don't think I can pull her look off as well as her.  
It was after listening to some songs of Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks when I started experimenting with poetry. It was through her expression of vulnerability in her songs and yet power in her voice that inspired me to express my emotions through words. I was hooked and have ever since been a fan.....my parents got me tickets as a birthday gift and it was the best. I hope my parents know how much I appreciated that birthday gift!!!!!

"When you grow up as a girl, the world tells you the things that you are supposed to be: emotional, loving, beautiful, wanted. And then when you are those things, the world tells you they are inferior: illogical, weak, vain, empty.”- Stevie Nicks

“And the moon never beams
Without bringing me dreams
And the sun never shines
But I see the bright eyes
I lie down by the side
Of my darling
My life, my life..” - Stevie Nicks

It Snuck Right In......

For those of you that have read my blog from the beginning, you know I am pretty candid with my posts - ups, downs, battles, and everything in between. Over the last couple years I got stuck in a warp of negativity, which I struggled with and so I vowed at the beginning of 2013 to start anew and six months into the year, things have been positively great! Or this quote by John Barrymore says it best: "Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

Since I've stopped looking at the negative aspects or things that were happening in my life or the lack of and started looking at them as blessings and life lessons, my focus has changed into a more positive one and it radiates out. When I was younger I would take the time to meditate and visualize my life, but I stopped for a long time and just recently started and it has made a difference in how I feel and respond. When I sense negativity either in a discussion or something else, I try to change the focus and I'm not going to lie and say that it is happiness every single day as it is hard - it's not easy to stay happy every day, but the difference it makes is amazing. I believe that my life is happy, that it is the life I want and no one else is responsible for that, but me. And it is radiating out to every aspect of my life, I'm eating healthier, I'm feeling better, and somehow when something goes wrong within moments it works itself out.
I have two examples to share:
First, my parents took the kids on a Friday night and typically the hubs and I would go out to eat and run to Target (without the kids, yes that is a treat), but lately I felt like we have been in a rut, so I decided to create a scavenger hunt. I sent him a clue to initiate the game, he accepted the challenge and so I sent the first clue, however, after working 8 hours in the sun and out of town, by the time he was ready to come home, his eagerness for the game was gone. I planned four clues throughout various places, my brother had come to the house and was waiting to take me to the final location, which at the last minute I had to scrap it all. I typically would have been upset over the whole thing and a little of me was a bit disappointed, but the hubby called and told me how tired he was and how sorry he felt and I told him not to worry, so instead of feeling disappointed and angry, I let it go. We would do dinner and just see how the evening goes. Well, it was a fantastic evening - we went to dinner, had drinks, laughed so hard, went to an art showing and then went to the wine bar before ending our night. It was a great evening and one of the best date nights we've had in a long time. And even though I went to a lot of work planning the scavenger hunt and could have gotten upset over him bailing out at the last minute, I chose not to get upset and not to make a fuss about it....I chose to be happy to just have the opportunity for an evening out with my spouse and it made all the difference.  
Second example, just this past weekend, the hubby's truck was overheating....well after inspection, the radiator needed replaced and we didn't have the cash to get a new one and I knew we would have to wait til payday, but I didn't freak out, I didn't panic. I simply said it will all work out and the next day, we got a check for the amount we needed. And granted it was for a project the hubby worked on several weeks ago, so we knew the money was coming, but we didn't know when to expect it, but it came just when we needed it most.

And I know that there are some that don't buy into the whole positive outlook thing, but this is my journey - I'm not asking anyone else to change their behavior or their thought process. I decided that I needed to change my outlook because I was growing numb. I've also noticed that I'm attracting happy people around me. I'm genuinely a quiet person and enjoy silence, however, I find lately when I'm around people before too long we are laughing and having a great time. And what I've realized is that negative thoughts force me to look at the negative things in life, which is a vicious cycle because the more you focus on the negative things in life, the unhappier you become and you just get stuck in this cycle of repeated negativity. Then before too long, nothing is enjoyable, nothing is funny, nothing is beautiful, and you become numb. Numb to life and critical to everyone.
There are a million possibilities at my door and I'm open to them all and to me, that is exciting!

"When people feel beautiful, they act in beautiful ways. Your awareness of beauty impacts others to see the world around them in the same way." - Wayne Dyer

"Remember at all times that what you think and what you do affects other people." Wayne Dyer