Calming the Nerves......

So, I have an upcoming wedding shower, which typically would be just great to attend and partake in the festivities of the event. Yet, this is causing some uneasiness for me. I spoke with the Bride-to-be and asked if it would be okay if I did not attend and she expressed that she would understand, but she really would love for me to come. And don't get me wrong, I get along with the bride-to-be, it is a couple others that I'm worried about, but I told the bride-to-be that I would go as the event was still some time away.
And of course as with everything, things go by rather quickly and here we are a week away from the event and I'm scared. There I said, scared....my nerves are beginning to go crazy. There is a difference between going to an event that you are invited too and welcomed versus going to an event that you know you are really not wanted too, but it was most likely a "had" to invite deal. And because of all the past ongoing conflict it has been damaging and therefore why I'm scared to see these people. As I've blogged before, beginning in January, I set a new course for how I was going to live my life and thus far, things have been positive and so I don't want to get in a situation where there is negative energy or feelings towards me that I will pick up on, which will only make me defensive.
So, last night as I struggled to go to sleep, I thought what are my options? Not attend or Attend. I could easily not attend and make arrangements with the bride-to-be to give her gift some other time or attend the event, where there are unknowns, I can control how I react and behave, but I can't predict how others will act and the last event we were all gathered at, we ended up leaving because the husband got upset over some remarks that were made to him, so where does it leave me? Confused!
I tossed and turned playing out various scenes because I am an over-analyzer and then I realized I can't do this - I can't play out all the "what if's," it will drive me batty and so I let the feelings go for the moment. I calmed my mind and realized this is not about me. I can't control what these people think about me or even feel about me, the one person who this event centers on does want me there and that is all that matters. 
I have yet to decide what I am going to do, but I have decided that I will hold no expectations and just let things play out as it comes......whatever will be, will be.

“Avoiding conflict isn’t peacemaking. Avoiding conflict means running away from the mess while peacemaking means running into the middle of it.
Peacemaking means addressing those issues that caused conflict in the first place.
Peacemaking can never be separated from doing justice. They go hand in hand. Peacemaking means having to stir the waters on the way to peace.
Peacemaking means speaking the truth in love, but speaking the truth nonetheless.”
― Peggy Haymes

“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits." - Sarah Brethnach

"You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”- Alison McGhee