Testing Updates

Okay, so we met with the a couple of the doctors regarding the kidney transplant and I am indeed a possible match for my mom. Hubby came with me so he could ask any questions that he had and I was glad that he was there with me. So needless to say I can donate my kidney, the next step I believe is that they will meet with a committee to decide if it is still in the best interest of my mom and myself and then they will let me know. I did say I wanted to wait till I finished my master's program. The only thing I worry about is the recovery for myself and my mom. My hubby will need to take time off work to watch the kids since I will not be allowed to do any lifting of any sort for three to five weeks and I'm not sure if he has enough time built up to take off and so any time off that he takes that isn't vacation or sick leave will have to be unpaid, which I don't think we can afford that, so if we can arrange help for the time that he can't take off then we will be okay. My dad has offered, but he will be taking care of my mom, so I'm not sure how that will work. I know that if the committee says yes and we proceed, I'm sure will we'll get it worked out, it is just trying to figure it all out now that is a bit stressful.

Merry Christmas

It is Christmas Eve and I've just finished cleaning the house getting ready for tomorrow. The kids are enjoying a snack and soon we will start making some sugar cookies for Santa, this is probably the first year the kids really understand, for the whole month of December I started using a nice/naughty checklist and every time they were naughty or nice they got a check mark. We counted our check marks and afterward Sweetpea exclaimed, "yeah, I get presents!" She had 17 nice marks to her 12 naughty marks and Bubba has 17 nice to 11 naughty marks. I don't know what to do now as the naughty/nice checklist was working great....I may have to think of a way of somehow continuing the list....think, think, think.
I'm looking forward to tonight, we have no plans, but I think we will read some Christmas stories, drink hot coco, and play some games with the kids. As a child we would watch old home Christmas videos, which were always fun and embarrassing and it seems that as a child Christmas always had this special magical glow on Christmas Eve with the anticipation of Santa and his tiny reindeer and the older I got the glow became dimmer and dimmer, so I have to say I have a renewed sense of Christmas spirit since having the kids, it feels like the magic of Christmas is back from when I was a child and I look forward to my children experiencing that magic and joy the season brings. And since having kids, it has also made me appreciate the season and want to give back, so we did purchase some items for the less fortunate. It really is true that the more you give the more you receive, in every sense of the word. It is definitely a trait I want my kids to learn and appreciate.

Anyway, I want to take this moment to wish everyone a wonderful holiday, may it be joyous, filled with laughter, good food, and the ones you love!

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." ~Norman Vincent Peale

"I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Where Dreams Come True....

Well we have come back from our spur of the moment trip to Florida, we were gone about a week. We went to Daytona Beach, St. Augustine, and Orlando - it was a busy time, but the kids really enjoyed it. They loved the beach and couldn't wait to put their feet in the water, we built a sand castle and just had fun at the beach chasing each other. The weather was wonderful, couldn't have asked for better weather.

We went to St. Augustine, drank from the fountain of youth and I finally found the spanish bakery that we would go to as a child and of course, it was closed by the time I reached it, errr. I was so dissappointed.

Then on to Orlando and the kids were in their glory...I was concerned that the kids might be a bit young for it, but they both were so excited. Bubba got to meet and greet with some characters from Disney Playhouse and he really enjoyed the Muppets 3D at Hollywood Studios. Sweet Pea went to Bibbity Boppity Boutique and had her hair and make-up done, Grammy purchased a princess dress to add to the expeirence and watching the whole experience and her expressions were priceless, she doesn't get to wear nailpolish or get to play with makeup, so this was a real treat for her and the Fairy Godmother in Training thought she was a hoot, we then waited in line for an hour so she could meet the princesses and again seeing my little sweet pea light up was worth the wait, she got to take a picture with all three of them and got to spend a few minutes with each individually and together, it was great. This was my first time at the parks with my kids and it really made me appreciate the magic that surrounds the whole experience because Olivia really believed that pixie dust was being sprinkled in her hair and she really believes that she got to meet the princessess - the innocence of childhood, a wonderful thing.

10 minutes of HELL

Yes, my beloved little sweet pea decided to throw an all out fit of tantrum yesterday while I was with my mom at the mall. It started out with her finger grabbing everything she could touch, which I warned, "if you don't keep your hands to your side, then we will not ride the train." She stopped for all of five minutes and then proceeded to mess with the t-shirt display and so came another warning, "keep it up and we will wait in the car." So then my little man starts to follow suit of his sister and as I'm giving him his warning, she takes off and hides behind one of the displays (I see her instantly) and tell her to come over to me right now, she doesn't listen, I ask her again, nope.

Ok by this time, I had it, I could feel my blood pressure rising and my mom gave me her car keys, I grabbed the kids and proceeded to head out and that is when it started. "I'll be good!" she screamed. No, sorry - I gave you three opportunities to be good and you didn' listen, so we leave. She kicks, she cries, she screams for her nana as we head up the escalator and people are giving me the "Oh my god, what is she doing to that child" look.....Yes, people I'm holding my child's hand as we go up the escalator and yes she is screaming bloody murder because she doesn't want to go, and yes I am praying for the higher spirit to give me the strength to survive this unbearable moment. Meanwhile, my son (I think) is in complete shock of the whole event because he doesn't make a peep.

We get to the top and I see the exit door, yes, this horrifying moment is almost over as she is continuing to scream and yell, I want to say "f#@$ it" and just stay for the sake of her to stop, but I knew that if I did that, what message does that send? That your behavior was acceptable and throwing temper tantrums gets you what you want in the end, so I forced myself to continue the walk to the door, I could sense a few people behind me and finally reached to open the door and then pixie grabs anything to hold her from making into the exit door, the woman behind me almost falls on top of us. I apologize, she gives me the "poor you" look and proceeds to say something that I didn't hear because of the crying. We make it to the car, I open the door, get my little man in and then I look at my daughter and want to cry.

I say nothing to her and get in the car, she proceeds to kick and says, "I will be good, I promise." I look at her again, and said, do you think that is good behavior, what are you doing right now - I tell her she is getting a naughty check mark for her behavior and that sends her into another tizzy, finally after about another minute or so, she settles down - just in time for my mom to come back to the car.

My mom says nothing and we start to leave, then my son says, "Nanny, are you mad?" and she replies, "No, bub I'm not mad." Then he says, "Oh,okay, mommy is mad, she's f%$#ing mad."

I wanted to die at that moment - oh calgon...take me away...


"While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about." ~Angela Schwindt

Where to go and What to do

Hubby and I have started talking about planning a minivacation for the two of us, it has been a year since our last vacation to the beautiful Aotearoa and as much as I'd love to go again, it isn't feasible this year and I think we are only thinking about about an extended weekend.
I didn't think it would be hard to find a place to go and we started thinking about Grand Cayman since we went there for our honeymoon and then all-inclusive resorts in Jamaica and Bermuda...and we priced out some last minute packages which were all in all a great deal, but when I looked at the final price, I told hubby, I couldn't do it. I felt guilty for spending that much money on ourselves, those darn kids what have they done to me...passing up a nice vacation on the beach being pampered while I sip on my fruity cocktail.
My reasoning, the amount we could spend at one of those all-inclusive places, we could easily go to Disneyworld for 7 days and stay at one of the resorts there and have enough for a weekend getaway within the US for the two of us, so I told him I'd much rather do that. Yes I want a nice getaway for just hubby and I, but for the amount those places were asking, I could go to New Zealand and I definitely would choose a trip to NZ again, but since this is suppose to be a long weekend getaway, it wouldn't be worth it to fly to NZ for 4 days, especially since you lose a day with the time change.
So we know that we will be taking the kids to Orlando sometime, now it is just deciding where the two of us want to go for a long weekend...any suggestions?

Bedtime

I wrote this poem while laying with my little ones during bedtime and decided to put it into Wordle



Here is the original poem

Bedtime by Dena Fife

shadows dance
along the wall
it's a show
for you and me

imagining
all the different
things that
we can see

If you haven't checked out wordle, it is a lot of fun...just type or paste words in and it creates "word clouds" http://www.wordle.net/

New Addition

And so my hubby thinks that our household isn't busy enough, we have added a new member to our family...he is an 11-week old Puggle....a cutie who stole the heart of my kids and hubby, he is slowly growing on me....alright, he stole mine too.

We had been talking about getting another doggie, but had decided to wait till Spring...well alas this little fellow fell into our paths and when I saw my hubby holding him and kissing his face, I knew I had no choice. I tried to play hardball...telling him it wasn't the right time, it was getting close to winter and I really didn't want to deal with potty training, and I wasn't sure if it would be fair to Barney and Pongo, but I lost. I knew I lost and I sometimes wonder why I even try.

This little brown nose pup slept on my lap on the way home, nuzzling me and all the while I remained like I didn't care and then when hubby went into the store to get some of the necessary puppy things, I melted.

So far he is doing great with Barney and although Pongo is not quite sure what to think, he is slowly warming up, letting this little one come close enough to touch before Pongo darts off to some corner of the house.

Hubby named him Yoder, but the kids are calling him Yoger and so I've started calling him that as well...I can tell he will be a mischief maker and into everything....ahh the joys of puppyhood.

The Weather is a Changing

It is starting to rain, okay pouring and we are expected to get snow flurries on Friday, which is of course normal for this time of year in Iowa, but I must admit that we've had some really outstanding, beautiful weather these past few days and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for the cold weather, burrr.

I've enjoyed taking the kids out to the park and just playing outdoors with all the changing leaves, which I might add have taken over our backyard.


My little sweet pea asked me when winter was coming and I told her soon enough, she said she is excited for snow angels, ahh the innocence of childhood. I on the otherhand get crabby and depressed....I woke up this morning and could feel the grumpiness inside me wanting to push out...I hate it.

And alas America's next president was chosen, Barack Obama and it was the biggest voter turnout in history. Congratulations to Obama and all his supporters, I was not one, but I am indeed proud of this moment in history.

Election Day Drawing Near

Election Day is near and the media is already projecting who the winner is and in all honesty, I hate discussing politics, because people get so emotional about it, it is like you can't even have a rationale conversation, but since I'm not really conversing here, I wanted to rant and that is what I'm going to do.

First, I was drawn into Obama immediately, I was so excited when he won here in Iowa and indeed I thought that I would vote for him, but I have changed my mine....so now you must be thinking that I'm voting for McCain...at this point, he is out too.

I'm going to vote third-party this election. I am so disgusted with the way both campaigns have run that I really don't believe we are not living in a democratic society, it is biased and it is heartbreaking and both camps should be ashamed, these are the two candidates that are suppose to be our next leaders...seriously? And not to mention that third-party candidates don't get any coverage, even if their ideas are sometimes better.

But here is what really bothered me about Obama, one was his experience, since he has been campaigning most of the time, he has only spent about 146 days in the senate and the other issue I had was the Reverend White incident, how can you honestly say you had no idea of the beliefs and thoughts regarding the person whom was an advisor and has played a role throughout your life, for me, I would have had more respect for him had he been honest about it and frankly Obama is just saying what people want to hear. The other issue I have is the media has purposely withheld information regarding Obama when they wouldn't give McCain the same and considering I got my undergrad in mass communication and journalism, I was taught that you don't pick a side and that sadly isn't the case, here is an article that I found interesting http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=ZDFkMGE2MmM1M2Q5MmY0ZmExMzUxMWRhZGJmMTAyOGY=

Now don't get me wrong, there have been things McCain has said that I think, seriously and I think his choice of vice president was purely to get him up on the polls, she has been more of a disappointment than anything else, so I decided about a month ago that I would vote for one of the many third-party candidates.

It would be my way of saying, I'm tired of this government bullshit and popularity contest, which that is what this is boiling down to and then the comment that Biden makes regarding Obama. "Mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking," Biden said.
"Remember I said it standing here, if you don't remember anything else I said. Watch, we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy. And he's gonna have to make some really tough -- I don't know what the decision's gonna be, but I promise you it will occur. As a student of history and having served with seven presidents, I guarantee you it's gonna happen," Biden continued.

Okay, that was scary...and granted I think any future president is going to be tested, but really, this is what you think of your running mate? Yet, it got me thinking that perhaps the democratic party is using Obama as a sacrificial lamb...they have made so many comparisons about Obama and JFK and even with comparing his wife to Jackie O, Obama will have two small children when he takes the presidency and so did JFK....so it makes me wonder if there is someone who knows something more and will there be an assassination attempt on him if he gets in? I really hope not, but there are indeed some backass people in this country and if that were to happen, will American people unite as they did when JFK died or will it tear us apart?
Or if by chance McCain does pull the votes to win, will it create turmoil within or will people shout racism or cheaters? We are indeed living in a historical moment, there is no doubt that history will be made on Tuesday, but are we prepared to deal with the outcomes regardless of who takes office, it will be a battle ground for either.
And as I am continually told, that a vote for a third-party candidate is a waste, they have no chance of winning, true, yet I hear from so many that they feel the same way as I do, but they can't vote third-party, well perhaps if all of us who felt the same way did vote third-party, there could have been a chance for real change and for me, I'm voting for the candidate that best aligns with my views.



"The key to change.....is to let go of fear." - Rosanne Cash

Happenings

Yesterday, I spent most of my day at the hospital having the series of tests needed to see if I am healthy enough to donate my kidney to my mom. They couldn't get a vein in my right arm, so they took everything from my left and now I have an arm that looks like it has been beaten, but oh well, compared to what my mom goes through every other day on dialysis. I was so tired when I got home later that day that I went to bed. Today, I'm meeting with the donor advocate and then in December/January I'll be meeting with the doctors to discuss my results and the actual surgery...and after all that then the transplant committee will meet to discuss if it is something I can proceed with or even if my mom can withstand another transplant.
When I was talking with the transplant social worker, I started crying - I think it was all the testing and he was asking why I want to do this and when I started talking about my mom, I just started crying...I felt silly.

On a lighter note....later on that night, my sweet pea asked for some milk and she was standing next to me as I was pulling the milk container out, which has a small chicken on the container (Target's Archer Farm Organic milk) and she says, "No! Mommy not that milk....that's chicken milk...yucky!" Hubby and I just started laughing hilariously because I didn't even notice the chicken and when I asked her what made her think it was chicken milk, she points to the roster, which I said...I'm not sure why that is on there, but I promise it isn't chicken milk. She looked at me cautiously and said, "You drink it," so I did and she followed....
The things kids say.....

And if I don't post it on time.....Happy Halloween....

Class Assignment

Okay, so I decided to post one of my class assignments on my blog, it is my Presentation Prowess assignment, which was to create a presentation using a combination of visuals and text, plus audio that is an instructional message...teaches somebody something. I had a terrible time trying to narrow down a topic, but I did and here it is....

Why do the trees fall off the leaves?

A question posed to me from my inquisitive little girl. I giggled when she asked me because the perspective from children is sometimes so different and they make things seem so simple. So both hubby and I explained to why trees fall off the leaves and she smiled and said, "oh, so does that mean snow will come next? I can't wait for the cold to make snow."

In the meantime I told her that if it was nice this weekend, that we can go for an adventure in the woods looking at all the different colored leaves. My little man yelled with excitment once he heard "adventure." I'm glad that they enjoy being outside, which reminded me that we took the kids camping for the first time two weekends ago. It was a last minute, spur of the moment decision on a Friday afternoon, so I think had we prepared a bit things would have gone better, but when we first got out there, I thought I was going to scream. The kids were so excited they were running everywhere while I was trying to set up our tent (which one of the poles broke as I was setting it up) and proceeded to take off into the woods running after daddy (although he didn't see them following). And the kids did not get the concept of "stay away from the fire" they kept wanting to throw the smores in the fire and my little man stuck a marshmallow on a stick that was just about two inches long and tries to roast it....yes, stressful and thankfully there were no hurts or booboos. It reminded me of something that should have been in one of Chevy Chase's National Lampoon Vacation movies.

And as I told hubby we were not trying this again for a while, my kids informed me of what a great time they had as we snuggled up for bed in our lopsided, broken tent and I realized that it really was a great time because that is our lives, crazy, stressful, and fun.

"Corn and grain, corn and grain, All that falls shall rise again."- Wiccan Harvest Chant

Waiting with growing frustration

Okay, if you read my blogs, you know that back in June, I blogged about the sewage that backed into our basement as well as into seven other homes on my street. Well we filed a claim with the city's insurance and we are still waiting for a decision as well as everyone else that has filed a claim to my knowledge. This happened the first weekend in June and we are now entering the first weekend of OCTOBER....4 months....what is the deal!
My hubby called and they said they were close to coming to a decision, this was three weeks ago. I know that they are in the interest of protecting the city, but this past week, I've been seeing survey crews and this morning I see a sewage pumping company on my street. We were told by a city employee that our street is the problem street b/c it goes from 16 inches to an 8 inch sewage drain, so it gets backed up on our street. He told my hubby that he informed the city of the problem when he first started 15 years ago and wanted to get an RFP to get it fixed, the city officials asked him how often would sewage backup occur and they decided it wasn't a big problem.
Yes, I posted that our basement was near completion, but there are still minor things that need to be done, that we are waiting for and not mention the personal belongings that we lost and waiting to replace since our insurance only covered structural damages. I can't tell you how upset I'm going to be if we have waited four months for them to turn around and tell us they are denying our claim, but my hubby said that we will proceed with a lawsuit if that happens. We are not even asking for everything we lost, we are only asking for what wasn't covered by our insurance and we didn't ask to be compensated for some things. We talked to our neighbors and they are asking for twice as much as what we are asking....the more I think about it, the more I think the city's insurance is just waiting us out, errrr!!!! It makes me so mad, especially when I see these crews on my street, looking at the sewers, which gives me the impression the city is surveying the sewers....yet there is no problem according to the city?!

Mommy to Mama

Well for the past week and half, my little girl has been calling me "mama," which I found interesting how one day I was simply "mommy" and now I'm "mama." I'm not sure I'm ready for it, I enjoyed being called mommy and granted my little man still is calling me mommy, but what triggered her transition?
The first couple days I didn't say anything, but after day four I asked her why she was calling me "mama," and she looked at me with her great big blue eyes and said, "Cause, I like it, I like the sound." Now, I really wasn't looking for a justification and was impressed that my three year old said that, so I told her, okay, mama it will be.
I do want to giggle each time she says it because it sounds a little bit different each time she says it, especially if I haven't answered her the first time, it goes....mama...maw maw....maaaaama...ma ma and I'm still getting used to it because I just see it as pretty soon, it will then be just mom and I'm definitely not ready to be "mom." They are my bebes and I want to be "mommy" for as long as I can - yes I want them to grow, but not so quickly.

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” - Rajneesh

Decisions, Decisions

I had posted earlier that my sister was chosen as the living donor and her testing began, well there was some concerns with her and so she can't go through with the living donation and thus it has fallen to me.
So, I talked it over with hubby because I know that he is thinking of this from a different point of view and I honestly couldn't go through with this without his support. He wanted me to discuss it with my mom because all he has heard from her is that she doesn't want another transplant and her recovery from this past surgery took a major toll on her physically and emotionally, so I did ask her. I told her to be honest with me and she did break down and tell me that yes she does want one, which was all I needed to hear. Hubby says he will support my decision and I hope he meant it.
I told transplant services that they could schedule the secound round of testing as I'd like to know if there would be any issues like they ran into with my sister, which would prevent me from being a donor, so testing should begin in the next month or two. I also asked that if all comes back good, could we wait till I finished my master's program as that would be one last issue to worry about, so they said we could schedule the surgery whenever my mom and I wanted it, which put me a bit at ease. The recovery is six weeks, so once I get past the second round of testing I will need to start thinking about childcare for my bebes, my sister said she will come and stay a week or two and I want my kids around, so hopefully that will work out.
So time-wise if all goes good with the testing - the surgery would be sometime next year, my master's program is over in August '09 and then after recovery maybe we can all go to New Zealand together.

Family Unity

I decided that I'm going to list three things that I love about each of my immediate family members (no worries the list won't be that long). With my mom having her health problems and my sister recently going through some things, I felt I needed to get it out there, like most families we have had fun, crazy, stressful, ups and downs - sometimes wondering if these people were really related (wink wink) and I don't know if I've ever really told any of them what I love about them....so here it is....

The Three Reasons Why I Love.....

My Hubby - my love - you married me...need I say more....
1. You make me laugh, even when I don't want to and I try to fight it
2. You balance me out - you are spontaneous when I wouldn't otherwise be
3. You always tell me you love me

My SweetPea - you are my first, my little girl
1. Your love of knowledge
2. Your imagination
3. You are an old soul, even at three years old

My Little Man - my boy who has already had stiches and the one I will always worry about
1. Your curiousity
2. Your laugh
3. Your my fighter, yet a gentle spirit

My Brother - what can I say, you are 10 years younger than me and think you know it all....
1. You are fun to be with
2. You are a good helper
3. I've seen you cry

My Sister - we've had our fair share of fights and your older, yet somehow I get pegged as the oldest
1. Your big heart
2. Your carefree spirit (to a certain point)
3. You don't give up

My Dad - really what can I say, you've done so much
1. Your constant support
2. Your quiet nature
3. Your time in the military, a service I may never understand as a civilian and may have resented as a child, but I've come to realize that perhaps there were times you gave up more than we did

My Mom - my best friend, again there is so much more to say, but to narrow it down to three
1. Your resilience and strength - I know it has been tough these last few weeks, but you are stronger than you realize - something I have always admired in you
2. Your fiesty spirit
3. Watching you with my children and how happy you make them

Wow - this was a lot harder than I thought! As I was going through it, I thought of all the good, fun, bad, and sometimes hurtful moments throughout my life and to try to narrow it to three reasons was hard and also uplifting. It makes me realize how blessed I am to have all these people in my life.

My mom told me that she felt something had changed within her after this last bout - that she has accepted that her time may be coming, which is what sparked this and MOM - I can't say what you are feeling as I have not gone through what you are, but I know you are a fighter, you always have been, sometimes you just need to be reminded to fight.

My family, it is never a dull moment, but that is what makes us great, we each bring something to the other.

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." - Erma Bombeck

Take a Stand

Today on Oprah they talked about sexual predators and what some of them are posting on the internet regarding children, infants as young as a few days old, absolutely disgusting.
I was brought to tears because I look at my two young toddlers and couldn't imagine anyone doing something so horrible as what some of these predators are doing, but also because I was sexually molested at five by a neighbor and it brought back horrible memories.
On her website, she listed a link and generic letter to help pass the Protect Our Children Bill, so I'm copying that here, if you read my blog, please contact your senator and help pass this bill.

We need to take a stand and protect all of our children.....the information is below:

Hundreds of thousands of children are victims of sexual abuse each year. Due to the sheer lack of resources, law enforcement is unable to follow up on the majority of leads they have.The PROTECT Our Children Act will:
Authorize over $320 million over the next five years in desperately needed funding for law enforcement to investigate child exploitation.
Mandate that child rescue be a top priority for law enforcement receiving federal funding.
Allocate funds for high-tech computer software that can track down Internet predators. Act Now!Your U.S. senators will be voting on the bill soon, so it is crucial you contact them immediately.
Go to www.senate.gov to find contact information for the senators in your state. Search for your senator by name or state by clicking on the arrow from either dropdown menu. Contact information is provided here.
To send an e-mail, click on "Web Form" below his or her name, and e-mail your letter to make a difference!
Call Your Senators! If you choose to contact your senators by phone, be sure to tell them, "Vote yes on Senate Bill 1738—The PROTECT Our Children Act."
Write to Your Senators! If you choose to write a letter, fax, telegram or e-mail, you may use the following sample letter—and modify it how you see fit.

Dear Senator:
I know that you believe, like I do, that we must do everything possible to protect children from sexual predators. That is why I am asking for your help.Last year alone, U.S. law enforcement identified over 300,000 criminals who were trafficking in movies and pictures of young children being raped and tortured. Experts say that one in every three of these criminals has local child victims. Child pornography trafficking over the Internet has given us a trail of evidence that leads straight to their doorsteps, but the vast majority of these children will never be rescued because investigators are overwhelmed, outnumbered and underfunded.As your constituent, I urge you to do everything in your power to pass the PROTECT Our Children Act (S. 1738, Biden-Hatch). This bipartisan legislation passed the House 415-2, but it is now the victim of petty partisan politics.Now that we know where these children are and how to protect them, there is no excuse for the Senate to fail to take action this session.
(Your name here)

Falling Leaves

Already? I keep forgetting that we are entering into September and the air has already shifted, the days are getting cooler and you can feel the crisp in the morning air. I love fall, but I'm really not ready for it - we didn't have very many hot sultry days here in Iowa this summer and when we do, I long for fall, but it has been a rather pleasant summer.
With fall comes classes and I started my new semester, which I'm having a terrible time trying to keep up with the house, kids, and reading assignments between the two classes, but I keep telling myself...one year...one year.
My mom also had her sleep apnea surgery 11 days ago, it hasn't been a pleasant recovery. Three days after her first surgery, she ended up going to the ER via ambulance because she coughed and ended up bleeding from the site in her mouth, lost a liter of blood, she ended up staying two days and then this past Wednesday before she finished her dialysis treatment, the same thing happened, thankfully she was already at the hospital. They put her under this time and said they fixed whatever was happening and she stayed till Friday, she seems better, but not herself. She had to have a blood transfusion before she left this time around and I don't know how much more she can endure while trying to maintain good spirits. Thank goodness for my kids as she does light up when she sees them and they can always get a smile or a laugh out of her, which reminds me that I have to get my little man singing "3 Little Birds" by Bob Marley...he starts off by saying...doe doe about a sa, eberythik gonna be alright...woke up tis morning....there was three wittle birdies at my door...it is the cutest, funniest thing in the world. I love it!
Anyway, I hope things turn around for my mom - I told her she needs to get well, so we can take the kids to an apple orchard.

"Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." ~Elizabeth Lawrence

Happy Anniversary

Hubby and I will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary this Saturday. I totally can't believe it has been six years and yet there are moments when I find myself smiling just by thinking of him. We've had some crazy times, but what couple doesn't. I really can't imagine my life without him. It is absolutely wonderful to know I have found someone who knows me so well. Someone who wipes my tears, tickles me endlessly, and still calls me sexy.

I remember the first moment I saw him at my friend's birthday party and I immediately thought "I'm going to marry him," I had no idea why I thought that, but I knew it and I later told my mom that night that I had met my future husband. And so went six months and I didn't see him again, until he ran into my friend and gave his number to her to give to me. She had to convince me as to why I should call him because I didn't think I could, but she did and we talked, we talked for three hours about everything and anything and we ended the call with a time and date for our first date. One of my friends told me to stay away from him (P-aren't you glad I didn't listen), she said he is a bad boy and he will break your heart. And I did think about cancelling the whole thing, I had been through enough and really didn't want to get involved only to get hurt, so I debated, but my heart told me no - I knew he was the one.

I remember the morning I woke up on our wedding day thinking is this really going to happen to which lead me into a panic attack and then I left for the whole makeup/hair stuff and came back to my parent's house and sitting on the table was a vase of 32 red roses and 1 white rose perfectly in the center - on the card it said, "a red rose for each month we have spent together and a white for the lifetime we'll spend together." I melted and couldn't wait to see you and when I turned the corner coming into the balacony, I immediately locked eyes with you and knew you would make my life better and because of you, I now know what love really is.

Happy Anniversary my love, my constant, my sometimes you make me so frustrated, my kindred spirit - I thank you for the six wonderful, crazy years and our children - you've made my dreams come true.

And really who would have thought that this one girl, born in New Zealand and this one boy, born in Iowa would cross paths, but I suppose no explanation is needed because only we know!

I love you, babe, your are everything, p.s.

"All of us are born with the need to share our lives with someone. The fullfillment of this need can be the cause of constant concern and occasional pain. For it can't be fullfilled by one person reaching, but only when two are willing to meet halfway." - Javan

So the testing begins....

My sister and I have both been doing some initial testing to see if we are potential kidney donors for my mom. For those who know me, know the story and for those who don't...the short story is my mom is in need of a kidney transplant.
Now, she has had two (one was immediate rejection and she never left the hospital and the second was from her sister). The second transplant lasted about six years and she began dialysis again in late 2006, she initially refused dialysis as she wasn't sure she wanted to go back to that lifestyle, but thankfully she accepted and has been doing great since (at least no hospital admissions). So, I started looking into kidney donation and was sent a packet of information, in the meantime, I find out my sister is doing the same. So we went to a couple of tests together and this phase is just the initial phase, seeing if we can even be a potential donor. My hubby was unsure, he didn't like the idea of me having to have surgery, but he wants my mom to be healthy.
Anyway, yesterday I got a call from transplant services and they informed me that while both my sister and I are good candidates, they are choosing my sister to go through the second round of testing. They felt since me having two small children that it would be just be additional stress of having to come to several appointments and then having to arrange childcare for six weeks would be challenging.
When she told me this, it was bittersweet - part of me wanted to help my mom in this way and the other part of me was a bit relieved as I was worrying about my kids, but it was something I really wanted to do.
So, my sister will begin the second round of testing and only when that is done will we know if there will be another transplant on the horizon. My mom at this moment, doesn't want it - she wants to wait...for what...only she knows. I only told her that she has to be prepared for it physically and mentally and that in the end the decision is hers alone.
I will support my sister in whatever capacity I can while she continues on with the testing - Good Luck Sis!

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” - William Allen White

Slowly, but surely

Our basement clean up is done, the drywall has been hung, carpet laid, and now we are just doing the minor finishes. The vanity cabinet to the bathroom has to be installed and and the plumbing reconnected, but we are almost done. It has taken a little over a month to clean-up after the sewage backup and we are still waiting to hear from the City's insurance company as to whether or not they are going to compensate us for what our insurance didn't cover.
There is no doubt that there is and has been a problem with the sewers in this town as one city employee already told hubby there was, so we will see if they step up and remedy the situation.

It has been a stressful mess, but I'm glad to see we are almost done and that we can get our lives somewhat back to normal. I know that we are lucky as it could have been worse.

When Do You Call It Quits.....

Lately, I've been doing some thinking as to what is the breaking point in a marriage? When do you stay and when do you say, I tried, but enough.
A friend finds out that his spouse is having an affair with her best friend and then finds out she is also sleeping with her best friend's spouse, so she leaves him because she is discovering herself. So he watches the kids so she can discover herself and even though he is hurt, would take her back, if she came. And although the situation is different, in the last few months that I have heard of couples splitting, I find it heartbreaking.

I hate hearing that someone I know is going through difficult times. I also know that marriage takes work, a lot of work and in fact the last few weeks have been extremely stressful for hubby and I that we started arguing more often than usual. Trying to clean up our basement while maintaing everything else that is on our plate has played its toll and began to wear on us both emotionally and physically. And as I was confiding my woes to my endearing friend at dinner, she asked if I could imagine my life without him, to which I replied, absolutely NO, but I thought for a moment about what life would be like if one day it got to that point where a person decides that enough is enough and I decided I was tired of being a wife and left, would my hubby be better off, would my children, would I? And afterwards, I realized no - I want to grow old with my hubby, I want to be his ever after.
I also realize that our issues do not compare to my friends, I know there are underlying issues going on that can only be addressed by a professional, I just find it sad that he is hurting and that his two little boys are hurting as well.
My friend told me that hubby and I need more couple time together, we never make time for the two of us and I know she is right, but I love spending time with my kiddies and my hubby together, yet I also realize that if we don't make couple time that one day one of us may wake up and not realize who the other person is and that scares me.
And as my friend dropped me off, she said, "go get your man and give him long kiss." I told her I couldn't, we had been fighting for the last few days, hadn't kissed in a week, and I just couldn't take the rejection...she looked at me and repeated, "go get your man."

So I did....

Welcome to the World...

Brayden made his debut this morning, congrats to Jenny and Brandon!
I know he will fill your life with joy and the occassional mess, but it is entirely worth it!
I look forward to taking on the role of "Aunty" and promise to do my best at such role.

We went up to see the new family and I forgot at how small the new babies are, he was all bundled up and just as precious as could be - when I held him, he opened up an eye and you could see his mop of dark hair poking out of his little hat. They change so quickly, especially those first few weeks. And of course, it brings back memories of my own little ones, which seems like yesterday, but also so long ago.

So I'm going to take a moment to list some advice (at least what I think)

• Take the help you are offered - those first few weeks are going to be a struggle as you adjust, so if someone offers to bring dinner or clean your house - take it...it doesn't matter if they clean like you - it takes one thing off of your mind. (this was one I struggled with and in the end, you'll be glad you did)
• Sleep when baby sleeps - again you'll want to do all the stuff that you can't do when the baby is awake, but as a new mommy, you need rest
• Baby Blues are normal - sometime during those first few weeks, you may have some episodes of crying for no reason or anixety, if it continues for a couple months then you may want to talk to someone
• One day you will forget what life was like prior - I don't know what it is, but one day you will realize that you just couldn't imagine life any differently
• If in doubt, ask - I don't know how many times I called the peditricians office to ask "is this normal" There were plenty of times I felt silly asking, but I felt a ton better afterwards.
• Relax and enjoy the moment - they are not babies forever and someday they won't want you to hold them, so cuddle, hold, and simply enjoy the fact that you are holding a miracle.

Okay, so now here are reasons why it's great to be a parent (again only what I think)

• Feeling a tiny fist wrap around your finger
• Gazing into your child's eye and knowing they completely and utterly trust you
• The smell of a new baby - nothing greater
• The first time you pick up your crying baby and they instantly stop because they know it's you
• Seeing new qualities in your partner that you never saw before
• Watching your child sleep
• The first smile that your baby makes
• The first giggle you hear and how contagious it is
• Seeing yourself in your child
• Discovering the child in yourself
• Discovering a forgotten favorite child's book or toy
• watching your baby's expression when you enter a room
• The first time you hold your child's hand when you cross the street
• The first time you hear you baby say Mommy or Daddy and "I Love You"
• Enjoying the chance at being silly again
• bubbles
• Re-discovering the world again through your child's eye
• Lots of hugs and kisses

Alright, so that is all I could think of for now, but there are no words to say how life changing having children was for me and I hope you find it as wonderful and beautiful as I have. And don't get me wrong, there are going to be sleepless nights, crying, fussing, but know that this will pass and it is all part of the watching this little tiny being blossom into greatness.

"A new baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities."-- Eda J. Le Shan

Happy Father's Day

Happy Daddy's Day to fathers everywhere!

Today, I'm letting my man sleep in and then we will go to brunch and celebrate. It is so much fun to be a parent and I'm fortunate to have such a hubby who provides for us so I am able to stay at home with our children these first few years of their lives and most importantly who is such a wonderful daddy that the kids absolutely light up when they see him. I love you, babe - you are a great daddy!

And I couldn't continue on without mention of my father, a quiet man who has always been a rock for me. Growing up I hated how he was in the military, how often we moved, and how he would be gone for periods of time and missed my Girl Scout Father/Daughter Dance, but it really wasn't until he retired after 26 years in the service and we moved for the last time that I realized how much his military life impacted mine. And I wouldn't change any of it, I've been able to live in many places, see beautiful places, and experience lots of things that have helped shape my life today.

My dad would do anything for any of us kids, no questions asked (well perhaps some questions with a bit of advice thrown in), but we know we can turn to him, we know we can count on him just as I did when I had trouble in softball with my hitting - he took me outside and for hours he just threw ball after ball or most recently when hubby was in IL and the sewage water started coming into the basement and my dad rushed over and stayed till 3:30 a.m trying to move anything that was in the way. And no matter how old I get, he is my Super Dad!

So happy father's day to my dad! And happy father's dad to hubby!

"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty." -- Unknown

What A Mess....

Last Thursday around 11:30 pm, I woke up to hear a bubbling sound - the kids and I were sleeping in the basement since we were in tornado watch. I walk over to the sump pump and see it working hard and so I go into the bathroom and step in water.....and see this rush of water coming out of the shower drain. I immediately went into a panic since hubby was still over six hours away. I ended up calling my dad and he came over and called 911, we went outside and our neighbors were experiencing this same thing. After about 12 hours of sewage water coming into our basement, it stopped, but only after hubby called the DNR to report that the city of Windsor Heights was not willing to do anything to help.

So we spent Saturday tearing out carpet, collecting our damaged items and then finally disinfecting the basement. Yet, more was to come.....

Sunday about 11:00 am, I went downstairs to remove some more of what was "saved" and sure enough I hear the sound again and here comes sewage coming out of the shower and toilet. This time it was twice as fast and disgusting, we had about 13 inches of sewage floating in our basement, anything that was saved, was now ruined. Hubby asked if the city was going to bypass again, to which he was told no...so hubby had to call the DNR again and what do you know...here comes the city to begin pumping. The second incident lasted about 22 hours - once is hard enough, but twice - I was ready to melt, however, I knew that I wasn't the only one going through it and I didn't want my babies to know something was wrong. At one point, I did start to cry and my sweet pea came over and handed me her blankie. I just wrapped my arms around her!

So we are now cleaned up, but it is still a mess and we don't know if it will happen again....I suppose we will find out soon...

Graduation Fever

Last weekend, I watched my little brother graduate from high school and it reminded me of my own and how much I have changed since that time and I wonder how much will he change in 10 years.
There was a moment when the commencement speaker was telling these young graduates to read...she said, "read your college textbooks, read for the fun it or read to a young person...do you remember that feeling as a child when you would sit on someone's lap and they would read to you, well do it for someone else, but read."
It was this moment that I broke down, I couldn't help myself because at that moment, I was flooded with all the moments of when I would read to him or how often he would follow me and how frustrated I would get and now I'm lucky if I even get him to stop and say hello.
By all means he is no longer the little boy I remember and he is at a point where he is unsure of his plans, college, job corp, or what...and no matter how many times I stress it, he just needs to get away for the kids he is running about with now. I know he isn't listening.
I know he doesn't believe in himself that he can finish college as he barely got by high school, but I believe in him. And I ask myself will he find himself and straighten out, but I wonder as he continues to hang with the people he is associating himself with - will he change, will he come into the person I know he can be or will he take the lazy road to life. I hope not because I know he is capable of more, he is good, he is smart, but he just isn't acting it right now. And then should we even ask that of him as he struggles to find himself because really graduation from high school is really only the beginning.

"Graduation is only a concept. In real life every day you graduate. Graduation is a process that goes on until the last day of your life. If you can grasp that, you'll make a difference." ~Arie Pencovici

Picking Sunshine

The sun was shinning and it was just a beautiful day, so I asked my kids if they wanted to go on a picnic for lunch. We packed a quick lunch, the always reliable PBJ, raisins, cheddar goldfish and pretzels. I grabbed a ball and a blanket and we headed off and we found a nice spot to lay the blanket down and have a picnic.
My sweet pea rolled over on her back and just had the biggest smile on her face, I loved it. Then my little man took his shoes off and started picking the dandilions, sniffing them and so his sister decided to help. They picked a whole bunch and she handed them to me and said, "here mommy, we picked sunshine for you, a whole bunch too."

It is in these moments that I just love and want to pause, freeze the moment, and put it in my pocket. They are young for such a sort time and every day I see something new and wonderous. My little girl is now asking with every word she hears or sees, "What letter does water begin with?" And as I tell her, she practices and my little man, he is just talking in full sentences now and I am like where did my baby boy go? I want to expose them to every wonder of the world, I've started teaching them their body parts in Maori and some Spanish. I can't get over how quickly they recall it - they impress me everyday!

Happy Mommy Day

Happy Mommy Day to mommies everywhere!

No matter how old I was I always looked at my mom through childhood eyes and it really wasn't until I became a mother that I was able to see her differently and see her for the person she is and all she has done. It was like some veil was lifted off and things I didn't understand as a child, a teenager and so forth didn't make sense until the role of mother was granted to me. I probably don't tell my mother often enough how much I love her, but I hope she knows because I do (that is my momma in the pink holding my first born - you can't tell she's excited about becoming a Nana, can ya)

I also want to say Happy Mommy Day to Nana - you are in my thoughts and prayers and I love you!

"Some people go through life trying to find out what the world holds for them only to find out too late that it's what they bring to the world that really counts." - Anne of Green Gables

Another 30th Comes Our Way....

My friend is celebrating her big 3-0 and I'm glad I can help celebrate this moment in her life with her.
So Porsh, here is your birthday sign -

She's hot, She rocks, She likes to get dirty...all still appropriate for 30!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Friend - I admire your courage, your strength and all you have given me with your constant friendship! And by the way, I'm thankful your hubby got you knocked up so that we can share the joys and pains of raising our children together!

Happy Birthday! Kia huritau ki a koe! Feliz Cumpleaños! We will see you this weekend!

Arohanui (much love)

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

Planting Seeds to Grow On

This morning we drove down to Goode's Greenhouse and got a few plants and seeds for our garden. It was a little chilly, but definitely nice to be outside and begin planting, which I must confess...hubby did most of the work. We still have much to do, but it is coming along nicely. We planted a couple rows of wildflowers and peonies.
We also planted a few veggies and herbs, which will be fun. We are going to plant cucumbers, tomatos, peppers, spinach, honeydew, grapes, raspberries, snap peas, we may try a few stalks of corn, still debating on that one and The Perkins will be sharing in our garden, so whatever they want to plant. It will just be nice to have some fresh veggies around. The kids will enjoy picking them from the garden. They had fun just digging with the shovels and putting dirt in the pail.
We still need to find a place for our tree, not sure where to put it, but it is beginning to bloom, so we need to get in the ground soon. I was thinking somewhere in the front, but not sure.
I am really excited to plant the lavender bushes in the front as I love the smell of lavender, one of these days I will have a nice little lavender farm and hubby can have his vineyard....so nice to dream.
Anyway, I just wanted to share in my beginnings of this garden adventure.

"It is good to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that all its shy presences may haunt you and possess you in a reverie of suspended thought." ~James Douglas

Childhood Dreams

A friend of mine sent me a video link of Randy Pausch reprising his Last Lecture, you may have seen him on several different programs. He has terminal cancer and gave his last lecture. The link to the video is http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

I cried, I think it would be hard not to after watching it and it is also inspirational. My heart goes out to him, his wife, and children. After watching the video, it made me think "What was my childhood dream?" I couldn't think of it, but finally I did...there were many things I wanted to grow up and do, so here is my list, in no particular order.

• Professonial Ballroom Dancer
• GreenPeace Volunteer
• President of the USA
• Actress, but more of the 1940-50's genre
• Civil Rights Lawyer
• A Writer

Secretly, I still want to be a ballroom dancer. I've loved ballroom dancing from the earliest I can remember watching the women with their flowing dresses and how it seemed like they were floating on air. I fell in love immediately!

I remember as a child going to the parties my grandparents would throw and watching all the women dancing and seeing my grandparents out on the dance floor and thinking how magical it all looked. I've taken several ballroom, swing, latin classes and I've always enjoyed those, but finding time to keep it all up is tough. So I watch the ballroom competitions on PBS and spin around the room with my children and I may not be a professional, but I do believe my babies love every step we make.

I would also love to publish something I've written, I've had a poem here and there, but I would like to write something inspiring. I've been writing poetry since I was 13 and have over 500 poems, I've started two different stories and most recently a children's book, but usually somewhere along the lines the self doubt creeps in and I lose the fire. I'm hoping I don't this time with the children's book, I really think it is cute. I have the concept, it is just laying out the copy for the pages. I want it to be a picture book for perhaps the 2-5 year olds...we'll see how it goes.

Everything that I watched on the video rang true and really it is only us that determines how we choose to expeirence our lives, we can make the most of it or not. And I want to live my life in the now, not worry for tomorrow or all the yesterdays.

All of this reminds me of a letter my nana wrote me that I've kept in my wallet since she died and at the bottom, she wrote...."Don't ever give up your dreams and never leave them behind. Find them, make them yours and always through your life cherish them and never let them go. Let it never be the case that I grow to weary and impatient to sit and write you, as always remember that its part of discovering how much we love each other in the first place, because we don't want to feel like strangers when we meet."

That last part might seem strange, but my grandparents lived in New Zealand and I was 5 the last time I saw them, so writing and phone calls were all I had and I remember sitting at the airport getting ready to leave and putting my arms around my granddad and saying, "the next time I see you, you'll be a whisper in the wind." Did I know that was going to be the last time I ever got to hug my grandparents, no I didn't, which is why we should be enjoying the now.

"Motherhood qualified me to let the child within come out and play." - Christy Borgeld

Still Losing Self

Okay, so today I lost my temper with my babies...and I feel so horrible. I yelled at them...I yelled, now don't get me wrong I raise my voice to my children when they are doing something they shouldn't, but I don't yell.
I don't like it because I feel like yelling destroys a piece of their essence, like I'm killing part of the spirit that gives you warm fuzzies and the sad part...I can't remember even why.
They weren't really misbehaving, but were getting into things I told them not to and then they both in my ear whinning for this/that, etc...and it got too much.

My mind has been preoccupied with frustration and worry that I've let it build up inside me and today was the boiling over point. Afterwards, I simply broke down in tears, tears for being the mom that yells for no apparent reason and taking my frustrations on them. And tears for letting them down and myself.

So, I apologize for continuing to lose my self and I will let go of the frustration, worry, and anger that is taking hold and making this raining day seem even gloomier.

"Life is just a chance to grow a soul" - A. Powell Davis

Oh my, he is 30...

Well it is official, my hubby has turned 30 - we celebrated Friday and Saturday, very low key, nothing as to what I really wanted to plan, but oh well. On Friday, we listened to Paul's band, Mr. Baber's Neighbors, play at Court Ave Brewery and had some beers. Saturday, Darren invited a few of his friends over for a BBQ. I drank a really good bottle of wine, gonna have to get some more, it was yummy.
He seems fine with turning 30 because really in the long run, it is still relatively young. I did however spot some GREY hairs poking through, I never noticed them before and so I was teasing him a bit about it. All good fun, until he says I have some and then I quickly looked in the mirror, but alas no greys for me...yet.

Anyway, my love, I hope your 30th year is filled with joy and I wish you much love because you know that we love you to INFINITY and BEYOND!

Tribute to Bandit

Today, Bandit (9-week old papillion) died - she was my mom's new puppy, a playmate for her other dog. She was cute, a tan/white fuz ball, which my parents named her Bandit because it looked like she was wearing a mask.
My sweet pea was so excited to see "Nana's puppy" that when they came over, Libby ran over and looked at it and said, "you are sooo cute, aren't you, you are just a baby." Bubba was excited to see the new puppy too - they each took turns sitting in the chair and holding the little puppy.
Whenever my mom called, the kids would ask...."How's the puppy...can we come over?!"

My mom only had the puppy a week, a short time to get attached? No, my mom was worried the second day they got her, Bandit was always tired and by the third day, she quit eating, my mom took her to the vet, they gave her a presciption and said she should perk up...Friday morning, Pepper (my mom's other dog) was sitting in front of the puppy's bed, which my mom thought was strange since Pepper had been avoiding the puppy and she picked the puppy up and could tell it was struggling, so she headed back to the vet. They told her to leave while they ran some tests and by the time she got home, she got the news.

I took my mom back and she held Bandit one last time, it was sad, my son was with us and said, "Me, hold puppy?" It was hard, my mom broke down.

So I just wanted to take a moment for Bandit, your time here was short, but you were surrounded by love!

Losing Self

The past few weeks have been and continue to be a struggle and as thoughts of "what am I going to do" and the fear of uncertainty creeps in, I find I'm losing my self. I've become so engrossed in mental/emotional formations that I realized I'm losing the joy of life and it simply must stop.
I have to stop the incessant negative thoughts and worry - I feel like I'm going through this hard time for a purpose, whatever it may be, but I can't let it stop me from living a wondrous life. I have the most wonderful husband, who is everything a girl could wish for and two beautiful, healthly children, I feel foolish for feeling this way.

What is to come is greater and I don't know what it is, but I can feel it. I've just been ignoring it for a long time and I think I'm needing to go through this period of struggle to prepare me of what is to come, whatever that may be.

I'm sure I'm sounding like a mad woman, but sometimes you need to be awakened to truly see the greater force of being that is working and I'm tired of losing my self.

"You cannot become successful. You can only be successful." - Eckhart Tolle

Happy Birthday My Little Man

My little boy celebrated his 2nd birthday! We had a joint party for my two children since their birthdays are a year and 12 days apart, but it is such an awakening when you pause and reflect on the years and changes he has made.
Everyday he is talking more and more and it is becoming understandable, he is so different from his sister, he is my mr. mischief and can tear a room apart in a matter of seconds, I always know where he has been and where he is going as he leaves a trail.

He was our "surprise" baby as I don't think I would have planned my pregnancies so close together, but he has always been our joy and I really couldn't imagine having them any other way. I know he is the one who I'm going to "worry" about as I've been doing that since he tried to make his debut at 21 weeks, but thankfully we were able to push it back and he ended up only being about 5 weeks early.
He is my daredevil taking leaps from the ottoman onto the couch and then he is my snugglebug...I love how he looks at me and asks for a butterfly kiss or by saying, I wub (love) you!
There are moments I want to just be able to pause certain moments and forever keep them in my pocket because I know he is growing so fast and one day he will be off on his own, so I am always reminding myself to cherish these moments and soak them up, even though he is only 2, he is my little man.

Happy Birthday Bubba, a wish for much happiness! Love Mommy

"Outings are so much more fun when we can savor them through the children's eyes. " - Lawana Blackwell

My Sweet Pea is Growing

Well, my first-born celebrated her 3rd birthday and I got a bit weepy-eyed as I thought of her birth three years ago. I remember there was a point in the delivery that they thought I would need an emergency c-section, but thankfully the heart rate went up and I was able to deliver and feeling so blessed once the doctor said, you have a baby girl and they handed her to me. I was in complete awe and still am.
I can't believe that it has been three years and how she has grown from my little sweet pea to this talkative little girl full of big ideas, my little voice. I love the way she will break out into song just because it makes her happy or how she will ask, "Mommy, what letter does tiger start with?" Or how she will ask me to sing her the bellyache song even when she doesn't have a bellyache or when she runs into her room to put on her dress up clothes and pretends to be Cinderella or Mairead from the Celtic Woman.

There are so many times where I just pause and think how blessed I am, so I'm taking this time to say Happy Birthday my little voice and thank you for blessing our life with your beautiful presence!

"Family faces are magic mirrors looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future." -- Gail Lumet Buckley

Me Me Me Me

Okay, this I am anticipating will be a short post, but who knows once I start rambling on....just yesterday I went to a local kids furniture store as my little boy has upgraded to a big boy bed. We were strolling around and they have several nice things, but I didn't see any beds that would go well with his jungle room and as we were heading back to leave, I walked through the little girl stuff. I immediately see things that would go great with Libby's room and I read this one pink sign that says "ME me ME me ME."
Now, I don't know if it is just ME, but I definitely do not want to decorate my little girls bedroom wtih a sign that reads"ME me ME me ME" what would I be teaching her, what kind of message would I be sending my child if everyday she wakes up to see a sign like that. And even now, I'm thinking do they really sell those (and the sad thing about it, is they probably do).
I know that parents want to their children to have everything and more, but really is that what we want to teach to our children....that shelfishness is okay?! Or am I simply mistaken in that it is just a cute decoration and I shouldn't read into it, either way I don't want it.

Growing Up

Okay, so my second post is a lot sooner than I expected, but I couldn't help myself. I was playing with the kids the other day, we were playing "Mommy Says," you know the game Simon Says and the kids just got a kick out of it that Libby now says, "Let's play Libby says" she got so excited as I did everything she told me to do. Then three of us then took a break to watch one of the many kids songs dvd's and bubba was banging away on his drum set and with their birthdays soon here, I couldn't get over how much they have grown. It almost saddens me to see my babies growing up into these rambuncious toddlers full of energy and there are those moments when I feel exhausted and ready to pull my hair out, but it seems that if either one of them runs up and gives me a hug and kiss and I simply melt.

There was also a moment where I could glimpse into Libby's future that it made me cry....she loves looking at photos especially wedding phots (I think it is the dress) and she was sitting on my lap and simply says, "Mama you are a princess, do you think I could be a princess?" Of course, I tell her yes, she can be anything she wants and I told I still had my dress and asked her if she wanted to see it. Her eyes glowed with excitement as she ran to my bedroom closet and wonders where it could be. I opened my hope chest and pulled it out and she touches my dress and this is exactly what she said..."Oh Mommy, I can't wait to get bigger and then I can wear it!" I said you certainly can, so then I showed her everything in the hope chest and wrapped my shawl from my dress around her, she put on my shoes, and we put my veil on her and as she wobbled to her mirror, she looked back at me and smile and it was in that instant that I pictured her as a grown woman and I cried. My baby girl is now my little girl.

It made me think of how she will be starting preschool soon and how as much as I want her to experience the world, I so don't want the world to hurt her and I know someday it will. So Darren and I just have to make sure we raise them right so they will be prepared to face the challenges and wonders that makes up life.

"The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have." -Ring Lardner

My 1st Post

Today is my first post, who will read it, don't know, but I've kept a blog for my master's program and have enjoyed it, so I thought I would do one for just my thoughts.



It is bone chilling cold outside and I've been trying to keep my kids busy with coloring and such since I don't want to take them out in this weather. I can't wait for spring to arrive and feel the cool crisp breeze on my face. The other day I took the kids out after we got some snow, my little man grab some snow and put it in his mouth. I looked at him and laughed when he said..."COLD." I put the kids in their little sled and just ran around the front yard with them. I think they enjoyed it.

Hubby and I are doing great, I don't think there has been a better time in our marriage. I've come to the realization as simple as this may seem that I am indeed a wife first and a mother second. I love my children endlessly and I don't know if it is something that new mothers get sucked into or what, but there were times when I completely focused my attention on my children that sometimes I overlooked the needs of my hubby. This caused many fights and dissagreements, but I think at last we've reached a point where if we do argue, it is civil.
So now I make more of an effort to pour on the affection, a kiss at the door, dinner ready as he comes home. He goes to work everyday so I can stay home with our kids and I need to show him appreciation, not resentment. So I email him to tell him how much I love him and need him.
I was surprised at how those little acts changed the dynamic in our relationship into a more loving and fun relationship and all because I forgot that I was a wife first.
And I got the sweetest email from him yesterday.....it simply said, "I am very happy babe. I am perfectly content with you, the kids, and life. I really can’t remember the last time we got along so well. Thought you should know. LU"

"The best educated human beings is the one who understands most about the life in which he is placed." - Helen Keller