So that's what that was....

I went to the ER about three weeks ago because I was having horrible abdominal (labor-like) pain, it started about 8:00 pm and we went in around 11:00 pm. They ran tests, took blood, etc, etc...and discharged me around 5:00 am with CRAMPING. Okay...prior to children I had lots of tummy issues, so I chalked it up to those coming back around.
Well, my tummy still has been cramping, feeling sick and icky, and still have moderate pain...so about a week ago I went to see my regular physician, she schedules a pelvic ultrasound, which I did this week.
I got the results today...I have a ruptured cyst and there is still fluid/blood in my abdominal area, which needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. So, the nurses asks me..."are you running a fever, how is your pain?" I tell her I don't think I'm running a fever and actually this week was the first week were my pain wasn't that bad. So, she proceeds to tell me that I run the risk of infection with the fluid/blood still there and so they made an appointment with another physician and from there they will tell me what the next steps are because they don't know the severity of the rupture. I need to go in if I develop a fever, become dizzy, etc...and as she is telling me this, I'm thinking they told me it was CRAMPING, all this time I felt like an idiot because I couldn't handle cramps, yet the yahoo of a doctor couldn't tell I had a ruptured cyst even after a CAT scan...SERIOUSLY!!!!
So I try to digest all this because I knew it was something more than cramps, but I didn't know for sure and I got a bit upset about the whole thing...I found all this out about an hour and half before my second interview for a position I applied for, so I had to compose myself and think positive...which I think the interview went well, but I try to not to read into things or get ahead of myself, I'm just glad I was able to focus for the interview.
I'm also glad that I ended up going to my regular physician for a follow-up otherwise, it could have gotten a lot worse had I left it untreated. So, lesson learned...follow your instincts...it's there for a reason. And as I know from my mother's history...doctor's are not always right.

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of." - Ben Franklin

Dance, Dance, Dance

My sweet pea was singing lyrics from "All you need is love" and so we ended up taking out the IPOD and playing some music, which whenever we break out music tends to break out the dancing.
And the kids don't have to ask me twice to dance with them, so we spun, we twirled, and we laughed. I'm sure the hubs thinks I'm absolutely crazy when we do this, but I love music and music that makes you dance...what more could you ask for. So we had quite the fun listening and dancing. In fact, my little girl has this one move that reminds me of Elaine from Senfield, the episode when she dances...it makes me laugh everytime she pulls it out. It is like a combination of Irish Step and her own touch....I absolutely love it. I took a clip of her and we were watching it together, to which she put her hands on her face and said, "that is so freaking embarassing." I told her that I loved it and I loved her dance moves.

Anyway, the hubs and sweet pea had to leave for recital practice and it was just me and the little man. He wanted to listen to "Three Little Birds," which he calls "doe, doe" and one of my favorite songs came on. It is by The Pogues and is called "Love you 'till the end" and he didn't want to listen to it at all, but finally agreed and then he said, can we dance to it? So, he stepped on my toes and we danced around the room and I thought if I could choose one moment for him to hold on to, I would hope it would be that moment. And at the end of the song, I said, "thank you my little man for the dance, it was lovely" and he said, "actually...it was lovely, thanks mama."

And just as a side note, I was looking at old posts and it has been two years today that I started my blog (WOW)...it really doesn't seem like I've kept this blog that long...so if you happen to read my blog, THANKS! I really write this for myself as a way to just express my thoughts and my rants, so the fact that people read it, makes me smile...thanks again!

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life" - Berthold Auerbach

What good shall I do this day?

I came across Benjamin Franklin's daily schedule from another website regarding 25 Amazing websites for inspiration and positivity (http://gimundo.com/news/article/25-amazing-websites-and-online-resources-for-inspiration-positivity-and-mor/) and I thought that should be a question we ask ourselves everyday.
And today, I awoke a little grouchy...it was another day with "icky" feelings, but I tried to make the most of it because I had an interview today, so I didn't want any negative thoughts to make my day worse and then those come across in my interview.
My mom and I were talking about my stomach issues and she thinks it is my nerves and my pent up feelings creating all this tension in my tummy, I told her I didn't feel "stressed" out, but I could see that it is possible, but I've been trying to remain positive and as I think of it, yeah stress could be the cause of all my tummy troubles.
Stress 1.the bankruptcy, which I posted about earlier, but took down because I got some slack for blogging about it, even though it was published in the paper the following week (and yes people do read that section). 2. The hubs and I had the blow out with his sister, which I did call her and apologize for my actions, but I'm still upset about it and things that happened afterwards because regardless of what you do or say, it is all about perspective. 3. Our will 4. Job hunting and realizing that filing bankruptcy may hurt some potential leads 5. Interview jitters
So yes, I can see that keeping all this tucked inside could cause some stress and I was depressed a few months ago, but I pulled out of it and I have started feeling better, but apparently my body is slow in catching up.
So, after I got home from my interview this evening, I checked out the above website and saw the Franklin schedule and I tried to think of what good I've done today, but besides playing mommy I couldn't think of anything out of the ordinary. I did have a really great conversation with my little brother, which we haven't talked like we did in a very long time...so maybe that was it, but who knows.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will start my day with that question "What good shall I do this day?" And we shall see what happens....till then...Blessed Be!!!


“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes." - Charles Swindoll

No Privacy Here.....

So is your privacy automatically taken away when you have children? Or is it a slow removal process, a little here, some there?
And the more I think about it, really why does one have children? I mean, they are expensive, dirty, sometimes mouthy, demanding, your life is no longer yours, and did I mention how expensive it is?
We were getting ready to read books in my bed when I see one of my kids magnets on our wall hanging and I look at them and say, "Where did that come from?" My sweet pea, laughs and says, "Oh we were playing treasure hunt and I stuck it there, it's no big deal."
And as puzzled as I am about it, I laughed simply because the more I thought about it, there is not one room in our house that is kid-free. You'll find books in our bedroom, toys in the bathroom and not to mention that I can't even go to the bathroom without hearing, "Mom, Mommy, Momma...are you in there, let me in, what are you doing, can I see, why is it locked." The books, sock, or shoe in the living room, etc...etc.... They crawl over me at night so they can squeeze in between the hubs and I...I'm then kneed, jabbed, and sometimes punched throughout the night..last night I slept in my son's room, only because I've been feeling quite sick lately and I need some sleep.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, in fact, I think it is quite funny. I'm just trying to figure out when I handed the keys to my privacy over to my little ones because if I knew then I could have put some limitations on it.
So back to the magnet, I could have taken it down, but it is still there and after we read and we turned off the lights, I whispered to my kiddies, I love you and I'm the luckiest mommy in the world. They replied, no...your not lucky, you're the best!
And there it is...that is why we have children, because there is no other love quite like the love from your child - it's pure, it's unwavering, and I never knew I was capable of loving anyone as much as I do for my babies. And not to mention my life is never, ever boring!
So yes, I've traded in my privacy, handed over my life, yet somehow I'm completely filled!

"Children make you want to start life over." ~Muhammad Ali

It's gonna be another day inside

Well another day that school has been cancelled and we'll be inside. The temperatures are blistering cold and we received more snow yesterday, it's Iowa and this is winter, but it has been an extremely snowy start and chilly too. I'm not sure how much more the kids can take being trapped inside or for that matter myself.
We've done projects, played dress up, painted, watched movies, sword fights, Nerf fights, and there are only so many times you can do these over and over. Today we are going to watch old baby videos of the kiddies (it was their choice) and then we will probably make a craft (we have a few January birthdays). I know they are getting anxious, yesterday, my Sweet Pea asked if we can go to the Spanish restaurant for their yummy Spanish rice...I told her that the roads were pretty bad and daddy is sick, so we would be staying in. To which she huffed and said I'm suffocating Mommy...sometimes I really don't know where she comes up with this stuff.
So, I'm struggling to keep them entertained and healthy since the hubs has been sick - I'm trying hard to keep the germs at bay as I dream of warmer weather, my bare feet in the grass, the warm touch of the sun on your face. Oh I could go on, but it will only make me depressed since Winter has just started...YIKES!!! It is going to be one long Winter, but hopefully it will warm up enough so we can get some outdoor time.

On another note, my last entry was focused on trying to be myself (all the time) and somewhat breaking out of the mold that I've created for myself, so in the paper I saw that there was a play that is coming to Des Moines "Expressing Motherhood" and they are looking for moms to submit their feelings, story, etc...it is something similar to the Vagina Monologues, so I submitted an entry. So, if you are in the Des Moines area or Boston area, they are taking submissions...here is the link http://www.expressingmotherhood.com/Submissions.php
I figure it is a long shot, but it is something I would have wanted to do in the past, but wouldn't enter anything, so I figured this was my first challenge. It doesn't even matter if they don't choose my story, I submitted something and for that alone, I'm proud of myself....would I like to stand up in front of people and perform? Not sure, I've read my poems in front of groups before, but never anything like this, so I suppose I won't worry about it until the time comes, if it does. I think it would be great fun and empowering.
I also got an email from one of the companies I applied for, they want to set up a phone interview sometime towards the end of January, the job would be in the Southwest, but I'm quite excited.
I think 2010 is going to be full of changes for me....only time will tell! Blessed Be

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it." ~Buddha