The Choice is Yours

There is a saying that seems to resonate with me, it goes "I've learned that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings. Even if I respect theirs. Being a good person, doesn't guarantee that others will be good people too. You only have control over yourself on how you choose to be as a person. And for the others you can only choose to accept them or walk away."

It resonates with me for several reasons that I will admit I am even still in the process of learning and understanding and the choice is always with you. No one is responsible for your happiness, only you can choose to be happy and why? Because you cannot control how others feel or act, you only have control over yourself. And if you are unhappy then regardless of what someone else is doing, you will remain unhappy, nothing will satisfy you until you change how you feel and think.
And it is funny, because people will look from the outside and make assumptions that "he is not happy in his relationship" or "she is unhappy with life," but unless you have the ability to somehow transform yourself into a fly and perch on the wall of that person's house to watch what is going on, you don't know. And if you have that ability, please do share.

Recently that was something that was said to my husband and I could get all bent out of shape about it, but what is the point, especially when that person doesn't know, but I know. I know who is happy and who is not.
Can life sometimes be hard, be difficult, be boring, yes, of course it can. Yet for all those times there are the opposite moments when life is beautiful, when it is filled with laughter, kindness and those moments you cherish and hold close to your heart. And only we can choose what we want to hold on to.

It is easy to look at someone else and criticize how they act and compare them to someone else, that is the easy part, the hard part is recognizing why we do it? Is it because we seek approval from others? I am (or was) a people pleaser, I did not like saying no and I don't like discord, so often times I would do or say things that I may not agree with, but was doing so in order to keep the peace. It is a hard lesson to learn, but I have learned that the only approval I need is from myself and I've stopped holding back.
We waste so much time believing that if they like you then you are worthy and if they don’t like you then something must be wrong with you and so we try harder to earn their validation, to get their attention by trying to conform, to be something other than yourself and at some point, you either break in doing so or you wake up and realize that it is not about you and the only approval you need comes from within.

The life I am living is based on the thoughts and decisions that I have made and in sharing my life not only with my husband, but with my children as well, any thought or decision I make has the ability to affect those I share my life with. If any of them are unhappy, then I will know it, just as much as they will know if I am unhappy. 

And over the last five months, I've been working on letting go because the past is long gone and I can either hold on to anger or resentment and forever feel trapped or let it go and choose to accept a person or walk away from them.  Something as simple as the idea of forgiveness is not so simple, but rather difficult to do and keeps us a stuck in a place, blocking us from moving forward. We can continue to blame everyone and everything around us for everything that is lacking or we can stop, and actually see all the amazingly wonderful things that happen and people in our life that do care instead of focusing on the ones that don't. Happiness is a choice and until we stop complaining about what was done, said, or has happened then on some level we won't really be happy and that is something that has been difficult for me to even understand because it is hard, you want someone to like you, to get to know you, but it is way more easier to fight with someone, then to let it go. I see that now, we only have this life and I am going to enjoy it, even if that means accepting some people in my life and walking away from others.

A new year will be upon us before we even know it and I am exhausted from the bickering, fighting, and arguing. I will accept you for you, but I expect the same courtesy. 
It makes me think of this quote from the movie, Grown Ups "In life, the first act is always exciting, but it is the second act - that is where the depth comes in." I don't need someone to like me, I don't need someone's approval....I did, but where did that get me except for feeling angry. This is my life and I'm going to live my life in joy, love, and peace, not get lost in the darkness.  



Give yourself entirely to those around you. Be generous with your blessings. A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~Steve Maraboli

The Flu, a blizzard, and Christmas....

So, our household (except for the husband) all got sick. It first started with my little man, he came down with strep throat, then three days later my sweet pea came down with influenza a, and by the weekend it hit me. I think I was in bed for three days and although I am better, I still have a horrible cough. We typically get flu shots after Christmas, but the flu seemed to hit early this year, but it is over and I'm better, I only hope that next year I will be ready for it. We also got hit with a blizzard, over night 11 inches of the powdery white stuff was dumped and so came the bitterly cold. I'm sure I am not alone when I saw I love the snow and hate it too! I love it when the snow is first falling and covering the landscape, it is a beautiful scene, but when it is done, I'm ready for it to be gone.

One down side to being sick, I didn't get much baking in this Christmas due to the kiddies and myself being sick, we did make some caramels and peanut butter balls, but I kind of missed out on my annual baking session. Our neighbor delivered a big basket of cookies and goodies galore, so that helped, but not calorie-wise since the goodies were so yummy. She made hot coco cupcakes that were delicious.



So, before I knew it December was nearly gone and Christmas was upon us. We definitely kept things low key, we hit the in-laws on Christmas Eve, which was a nice evening, though we left a bit early because we had to get the kids in bed so we could prepare for Santa's arrival. The kids got up at 5:01 am and eagerly ran into our room excited to see what Father Christmas had left for them. We then spent the rest of the day playing with the kids, getting dinner ready, then enjoyed a visit from my father-in-law and his wife, and ended the day with Christmas dessert and tea at my parents house. It was definitely a nice Christmas.

The kids received lots of Lego's and they each got a big Lego set from Santa - it is fun to sit down and put these tiny little blocks together and end up with a huge house or whatever it is we are building. What I like is that it is something I don't mind helping the kids do and the hubs will sit with our little man and just build one set after another and that is pretty much how we spent Christmas day. I helped my sweet pea build her Lego Friends house and the hubs helped my little man build Star Wars Jabba the Hut's Palace, these tiny things keep the kids entertained for hours.The only downside to having a house full of Lego's is stepping on one, seriously that is some pain. I've told the kiddies that from now on any piece I find on the floor is going directly to the rubbish bin because I don't think my feet can handle any more Lego injuries.

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." - Norman Vincent Peale 

My heart is aching....

Today, we learned of the horrible tragedy that unfolded at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. My sweetpea was home from school because she has the flu, but my little man was at school and it took every inch of me not to go down and pull him out, not because I felt he was unsafe, but because my heart broke and I just wanted my children close to me.
I can not fathom what goes through a person's mind, what breaks inside them that they find it necessary to commit such violent acts against innocent people, especially children and then instead of explaining themselves, they take the cowardly way out by shooting themselves because on some level they know what they have done is horrible and can't face the consequences. It is nothing but heartbreaking.
And I'm not going to say I understand what these families are going through or try to imagine the pain, because I can't, I don't understand, and when I do I break down. What bothers me most is within hours of these types of tragedies the political pundits and media outlets are quick to turn the focus of these events to gun control and banning guns, yet communities that are involved in these tragedies are still comprehending what the f*** just happened and are left picking up the shattered pieces while they are just  beginning to grieve.
I don't feel strongly one way or the other towards the gun control issues, what I wonder about is the underlying cause. And no, Mr. Huckabee these crimes don't happen because the lack of religion in school and it was shameful to say just hours after what happened.
We as a collective society can point fingers all day as to what we think happened and why, but we don't know why.
As a society, we can remove the guns, but someone who has broke mentally in a way like this man did and others in the past, that is not going to stop them from harming others. The gun is the tool  used to express their hate, anger and other troubling emotions, remove it and they will find another tool unfortunately.
Do people honestly feel banning guns will prevent these tragedies? Or what if we actually provided the mental health these people really need besides drugging them up on psychiatric drugs where side effects are aggression, mania, hallucinations, etc....It is a vicious cycle and I'm sorry for all involved. This is an interesting article....what do you think?

I would like to start a project. My goal is to gather fabric and have the kids write messages of hope, encouragement, condolence's of the pieces and then string them all together like a prayer flag and send to the school. I'm sorry to the children and adults who died, the children who witnessed this tragedy and the community that will be picking up these pieces. Kia Kaha (stay strong).

"Our country is grieving. Each child who has been slaughtered belongs to each of us and each slain adult is a member of our family. It is impossible to explain the horror to ourselves and to our survivors. We need to hold each other’s hands and look into each other’s eyes and say, “I am sorry.”" - Maya Angelou 

Quick Holiday Project

So, we still have plenty of cabinet door and drawer faces that we need to upcycle or do something with, so I painted one of the drawer faces a reddish color and then grabbed some of the cheap ornaments glued them on some cloths pins and now have a great holiday photo board.
The paint, we had on hand, and I actually purchased the ornaments after Christmas last year, so the total cost for this project was under $1 and now I have a nice holiday wall hanging.

 The below image is just after painting the drawer face red

This is what it looks like after gluing the ornaments on

Gratitude.....

Yes, in the midst of November the month of gratitude and shopping deals, what a combination. Be thankful for what you have, but remember doors open at midnight (or 8pm, as it is this year) and go crazy shopping.
A lot has transpired this year and like most years, I typically wait till the start of a new year to reflect on all that has happened, but I think November is just as good as any time.

Gradually, I am working on not getting so hung up about those issues that tend to put me into an emotional state, because ultimately I have no control over it, so why let my blood pressure rise or stress myself out over something I cannot control, it is useless and is more trouble than it is worth. Often times, what I find myself in afterwards is a state of depression and for people who have never struggled with depression it is easy to say, "don't be sad, mad, upset, or whatever word they tend to say....be happy!" If that were only the case.....unless you've been in that dark, numbing hole of depression regardless of what you want, everything else in your mind is telling you the opposite, it is like you are Alice falling into Wonderland...there may not be a purpose to the pain you feel, but the pain is real, the suffering is real,and it will strike before you even comprehend what the hell happened.  In the midst of talking with friends, having a wonderful time and then suddenly the overwhelming sense of loneliness and you are not quite sure, but you know that you don't want people to look at you because the tears are going to gush out, you don't want to speak or open your mouth because you are afraid, you want to hide, but you don't move, you smile and laugh even though you feel broken, misplaced.

So, yes, after all the hubbub of several incidents, on top of life's responsibilities, I found myself in a state of depression that I had not been in quite some time.
I know I suffer from depression, it runs in the women of my family for as long as probably anyone can go back too, my great-grandmother killed herself when my nanny was only a small girl, two years old, I believe. My nanny has no memories of her mother and often I would think about this woman, who left her young children and why, what was so horrible that she had to escape life from, what was her suffering or agony that pushed her to that level that death seemed more alluring or more of an escape. There is that thin veil with depression that sometimes death seems logical, but if you don't understand it, then I think that is where people feel trapped or pushed and result in such acts. Depression hit me when I was 14 and I didn't understand it, I struggled with similar thoughts, until you realize what it is you are dealing with. And underneath it I know that my life is so much more than the ball of nothingness that tries to wash over me.
I have also tried to learn and understand my triggers and writing helps reason with my internal self, it draws the negative out so I realize the positive, the beauty in the ugly. It is the letting go that I struggle with and need working on, but I think I am making progress.
I wish I could say that depression was not something I struggled with, but it is and for the most part it is something I don't have to deal with very often because I know what I have and my love of my children and family is stronger, the memories of the good are stronger than any negative projections. And even when I don't want to pick myself up out of bed, I do. I am grateful for today and I debated heavily on whether or not to blog about this topic, but I know there are a lot of people who suffer from depression and feel like they have to hid or be ashamed and I don't quite understand that. So, this is for you, who struggle as well. We all have our moments, but you have to remember that it feels better to stand in the sunshine than in the depths of the shadows.

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” – Buddha 

Upcycling.....it's fun, no really, it is...

Well we have a ton of cabinet doors...we are not remodeling, but we inherited them and once we realized the doors were not the right size for our cabinets, we were not sure what we were going to do.
Thank you jellybeans and pixie dust for the Internet because where else could you type in "cabinet door" projects to find an abundance of ideas at your finger tips. And that is exactly what we did....

This is our cabinet door upcylced "kids art/activity" desk, pretty neat, don'tcha' think?

 

 The top has a chalkboard front so the little ones can write, scribble, or doodle....

And then, open it up and peek inside.....

a small space for paper and pens/pencils/markers

There are several more projects that I have ideas for and not to mention more cabinet doors to use, but as soon as those are done, I will post pictures. There is nothing more exciting than looking at something and realizing there are thousand other ways to use it.....

I voted....did you?

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed I awoke this morning eager to get out and cast my vote (well not exactly more like rainy, chilly, and wet I stepped out) and went to my polling place. The kiddies tagged along, watching over my shoulder to see who I was going to vote for, who would it be?

I am actually tired of hearing about the election, in my opinion neither of the two major party candidates were ideal choices and thus it becomes a question of the lesser of two evils.
I downloaded each of the candidates plans, watched the debates, but both seem phony, full of exaggerations, lies, and promises neither will be held accountable for. I watched as both parties use scare tactics, bullying, and half-truths to try and sway voters.  Friends hashing it out over this or that.
I had one woman tell me it was my duty as a woman to vote for Obama because god forbid if I get rapped and pregnant from said rape, only through Obama will I be able to get an abortion. Really, that is what you want to say?  Our phone was ringing constantly from Republican volunteers and Democrat volunteers asking who was I supporting....towards the end, they would ask and I would reply, so do you wear socks to be or no socks? Huh? Exactly, who I plan to vote for is none of your business because both of your candidates are poor selections.

As I watched the debates, we heard more about social topics than what either candidate planned to do to really fix the real issues and that is what both parties want, they don't want American's to pay attention to the spending, the federal deficit, the federal reserve....they want American's to be divided on gay marriage, abortion, separation of the classes (wealthy vs poor). As a citizen of this nation, I want to help those less fortunate, but when the deficit is higher than ever before and it continues to grow, when do we wake up to the fact that we cannot continue to set up programs that we can't afford. It doesn't make sense. There is an article in CNN regarding what our share would look like, something to the tune of $193,989.72 per taxpayer to pay off the federal government's total debit....I don't have that, do you?

Neither major political candidate in my eyes was a good choice and as much as people said, you have to vote for one of the two, Why? I firmly believe the one candidate that would uphold the constitution, that held real change for this country was made to look like a fluke, a crazy politician, yet if you looked closer, his message was clear and he was bullied out of both major parties.  And I am not alone. And I believe that if I were to vote for the "lesser of two evils" I am essentially saying, that third party candidates don't matter because in the end, it will always be a two party system. Do I like either of the lesser of two evils, NO, therefore I vote for the candidate I believe in, even if that means writing him in......

“Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education.” - FDR