Day 3....Poem 3

I revisited some of my earlier poems and pulled this one out back from 1997 for Day 3 and I ended up cleaning it up a bit...here is Poem 3....

Move On
By DBF
© 2014

I don't need you
     I thought I did,
         but I was blinded
               by what I saw.

I can move on
     I knew I could,
         but I was distracted
               by what turned me on.

You had me
     that's all I need to say,
        because you told me
                what I wanted to hear.

But now,
       I don't need you
            and,
               I can move on.

No more
       shall I take
            from you.

NaPoWriMo....Day 2, Poem 2

Here is my second poem for NaPoWriMo

Light
By DBF
© 2014

eternal sunshine
that I seek
I'm not afriad
to take the leap

I welcome
the silence
and perhaps
the peace

yet I too am afraid
can't quite speak
so I wait
and wait

perhaps the light
will comfort me

April is NaPoWriMo....my first poem of the month

April is National Poetry Writing Month....30 poems in 30 days and I'm going to try it this year!
We'll see if I can stay up to the challenge I love writing poetry and having over 200, I use to write extensively, but over the years it is only here and there and I miss it, so what better way to get yourself back in then to dive write in...

If you would like to participate or view others participating, check out the NaPoWriMo website

Here is my first poem of the month

Aotearoa
By DBF
© 2014

The deep seas are calling me
The mountains are howling my name
to come home.
The land of my ancestors,
the land of my mother,
the land which I am from.
Beautiful with grace
it steals your breath away,
The land runs through
my soul,
my body,
my blood
and engulfs me in a wave of wonder.
Oh how the sea calls me
and the mountains howl for me to come.
And I so faraway
can hear it loudly
for I am your lost child
in a world not my own
any my soul yearns to break free
back to Aotearoa
fished from the sea.

Oh my, she's nine!

It was nine years ago, when she came into my life - I had no idea what "motherhood" would be like and I was scared as I held this wee blue-eyed, blonde hair child, who look nothing like me, but for her wee nose.
I had no idea what we were getting into, starting a family - there are no rules and any books I read overwhelmed me. 
But, as I held her in my arms and she wrapped her tiny fingers around mine, I thought, did I really help create this beautiful girl and immediately my ideas of motherhood had changed. As the years have past, I still really have no idea what we are doing, I just hope and pray we are making the best decisions not just for her, but for both my children. They come first in any decision we make and I've always lead with that.

So today, she turns NINE and I want to cry, not because I'm sad, but because it has all transformed so quickly. She has gone from singing nursery rhymes to songs of her own, she has gone from me reading her bedtime stories to her reading them to me.  And she is developing into this free-spirited, independent, amazingly smart and confident, wee girl - she questions everything and although sometimes I'd like her to just say, "okay," I wouldn't have it any other way.
It reminds me of when my dad came home from sea, he had missed one of my birthdays, and when he came back, he said, "will you stay my little girl forever," and I said "forever." I always had this idea of what it was like to be a parent, but you really have no idea until you become one, you are forever changed, forever protective and I look at her and think.."if only you could stay my little girl forever," but I know that simply isn't the case...we will grow, we will get older...all I can do is guide her through the years and hope that one day she will become whatever her heart desires. 

Happy Birthday Sweetpea!

“I sometimes wake in the early morning & listen to the soft breathing of my child & I think to myself, this is one thing I will never regret & I carry that quiet with me all day long.” - Brian Andreas

Reflection and Focus

February has come and gone and I feel ever overwhelmed. In my last post, my goal was to complete 35 random acts of kindness as a celebration for my 35th birthday. Although, I did not accomplish 35 acts, I did complete 24 acts of kindness. I did everything from give compliments to random strangers, delivered treats, paid for someone's coffee, paid for someone's lunch, left a large tip, helped with a project and donated to a woman's organization, and a few others.
The biggest thing I learned from this, was that some people welcomed the acts, some were not sure what to expect and others were willing to pass it along. I had ideas of what I wanted to do or accomplish, but what I found is that the most impacting acts were the ones that I did unexpectedly and it just felt right at the moment. So, I ended up tossing what I had planned and just did it when I felt it was the right time. We went on vacation and were at the beach and our kids were snorkeling. There were two local kids that tagged along with us and the one boy kept looking over at the mask, the kids let him borrow it and he jumped out of the water and was so excited. His reaction o being able to see underwater was priceless and I immediately thought, maybe we should give him the mask, but I didn't say anything because it was the kids gear. By the time we got back to the beach, the kids came up and asked if they could give the boy the mask. I told them it was up to them, but that I thought he would really enjoy it, so they did and he couldn't believe it. The kids said, "we just got you another item to add to your acts of kindness list."
So, we get back from a wonderful vacation and of course it gets me reflecting on everything....and I realize that over the years, I've focused on trying to do things right - that I've become complacent and I can't remember what it is that I've dreamed of doing. The hubs and I were talking about our goals and dreams, what legacy do we want to leave for our children, what do we want to create.
I could easily sell the house, pack up some things and start pursuing our dream, but I've lost sight of what our dream even is.  So, I think it's time to focus on what it is we want to pursue and go after it...I don't want my kids to simply live day to day, working day to day, letting the hours turn into days and days into hours. I want them to live a beautiful life, see the world, recognize the beauty, enjoy nature and all that is out there. So often, we get trapped in the normalcy, the daily habits, but my goal is for that to change. I can't get over the changes we as a family have made in a year in regards to living a more healthy lifestyle, I'm ready for more changes, what that may be, I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm ready for things to fall into place.
I could give a list of excuses for not following our dreams, but the biggest has been out of fear - fear of the unknowns, fear of failure, fear that maybe I don't even know what it is I want.
What I do know is that I want something more, I look at the world and I see beauty and I've realized that I'm just out of sync and change in perspective is needed to see things differently and open the door to the possibilities.


"If we are ever to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow or next year." ~Thomas Dreier

“We may place blame, give reasons, and even have excuses; but in the end, it is an act of cowardice to not follow your dreams.” - Steve Maraboli

Kicking off the Randomness

February is my birthday month and I'm hitting a big number (at least for me it is a big number). It's smack in the middle of my thirties, no longer can I say I'm in my early thirties and now I am closer than ever creeping to my forties.
The weird thing is I'm not sad about growing older because I still feel young and I feel like I am healthier than I have ever been, so I'm not yearning for my younger years or nervously biting my nails with impending dread or denial as I age.
I don't yearn for those younger days because in all reality, I was insecure of myself for most of my teenage years clear till (speaking truthfully) when I became a mother. It was only then when my body experienced so many changes that I slowly was becoming more confident in who I was.  As you age, you grow, and as you grow, you learn.

Here I am at a point in my life where I am completely comfortable with who I am and even comfortable in my own skin. I am happy and content with all that I have in my life, which I feel has only come with growing older. I have learned to let go of past hurts, because ultimately it takes up room in my heart and I want my heart to be full of joy instead of full of sorrow for things I can not change.  And the biggest thing I have learned thus far is that really the only person you can change is yourself, if you are not happy, no one can change that but yourself.
What I'm still working on is slowing down, I see my children growing so quickly before my eyes and sometimes I wonder where did the time go? So, I'm trying (really trying) to enjoy each day as it comes because they say, the days are long, but the years are shorter and how true it is. So, I try not to feel guilty if I take some time to enjoy those life moments, but there are times when I definitely need reminders to stop and pause.
So, as I ramble on and get back to my post, last year as it dawned on me that I would be hitting 35, I thought how can I celebrate this birthday milestone? I don't need anything, and there isn't anything I want, so what can I do? Then I read about a lady who did acts of kindness and I thought how wonderful and so I jotted the idea down as a possibility.
And most recently a FB friend celebrated her birthday by completing acts of kindness as well, so I knew that this was something I wanted to do.
Everyday I feel blessed for all that I have, my children are healthy and so fun to be with, my partner is the greatest person I could ever share this journey with, and I have all that I could ever want.
Sometimes I wonder how did I become so deserving?
And so how I can I spread a little joy to others? Well my plan of attack is to try to accomplish 35 random acts of kindness by my birthday with the hopes of bringing a little joy to others.
I have somewhat of a limited budget, so I plan to do some things that will most likely require some money and other acts that are free.
Any thoughts or ideas you have, please feel free to give. At the end of my journey, I will post a recap of all the things I have done and anything I have learned from this.
And of course, I wouldn't be here without my parents, so I have to somehow think of something I can do for my parents that is different than stuff I have done before....
With today kicking off this project, I gave some money to the clerk at a local cafe after we paid for our lunch and I said to use it to the next persons purchase. He said, "really, great." Then about three minutes afterwards, a younger lady walked up to our table and said, "that was really kind of you, thank you so much."
I have some ideas of the next things I plan to do, just need to start acting on them.

“Your face is marked with lines of life, put there by love and laughter, suffering and tears. It's beautiful.” - Lynsay Sands

Bring on the New Year.....

Well 2013 has left and a new year is upon us. Of course as I reflect on 2013, to sum it up in one word would be transformation, not just for me, but as a family too. We did a 100-day challenge to eat only whole foods (we wanted to limit the amount of processed foods we were eating). We not only accomplished the 100-day challenge, but we simply continued on...the kids didn't seem to notice and we just stuck with preparing real foods, eating more fresh fruit and veggies. We weren't doing this to lose weight, but as you read about the chemicals that are put into our foods and the problems associated, we wanted to become more aware of what we were putting into our bodies. My little man has eczema and since switching our diet, not only has the eczema calmed down, but his flare ups only occur once in a while, which is definitely an improvement from where it was. My skin has cleared up and I've dropped six pant sizes (I don't know how much weight as we don't have a scale). The hubbers has also dropped four pants sizes. The other transformation, which I have blogged about, was the act of letting go and enjoying the moment.

Sometimes we try so hard to make different relationships work because you think you should and it ends up causing more headaches and heartaches trying to force yourself to fit into a world you don't really belong. So, while on vacation in the beautiful Cayman Brac an "ah-ha" moment hit me and I gave myself permission to let go. Too often, we feel we must carry this weight of past hurt, past anger, resentment and we carry it, letting it shape us and our attitude and I let it go. Let go of the grudges, regrets, and left the hurts and disappointments behind. I came back refreshed and full of positive feelings and things have been for the better ever since. I'm almost a bit sad that 2013 is over because it was one of my best years, but I look to 2014 with excitement because I know that I am the one in control of my future and ultimately my happiness. And at the end of the day, I will always choose happiness and I hope happiness fills 2014 for you as well! Happy New Year!

I saw the below quote and had to share! Enjoy.....

"When you feel connected to and in harmony with the universal mind of intention, you’ll sense a major difference in how other people react to you. These reactions are important because they bear directly on your ability to fulfill your own individual intentions, your goals and dreams. The more closely you resonate with the frequencies of the universal all-creating Source, the more others will be impacted. They’ll gravitate toward you, bringing peace, joy, love, beauty, and abundance into your life. Here, in my opinion, are some of the ways in which you’ll impact others when you’re resonating with intention:

Your presence instills calmness.

When you coincide with intention, your impact on others has a calming influence. People tend to feel more at peace, less threatened, and more at ease. The power of intention is the power of love and receptivity. It asks nothing of anyone, it judges no one, and it encourages others to be free to be themselves. As people feel calmer in your presence, they’re inclined to feel safe, by virtue of the energy frequencies that you radiate. Their feelings are encouraged by your energy of love and receptivity, causing them to want to reach out and be with you.

Your presence leaves others feeling energized.

When you bring the frequencies of intention into the presence of others, they’ll feel energized just by being in your immediate circle. You don’t have to say a word. You don’t have to act in any prescribed fashion. Your energy of intention alone will make others in your field feel as if they’ve mysteriously been empowered. They’ll want to assist you in fulfilling your own dreams.

Your presence allows others to feel better about themselves.

Have you ever noticed when you’re in the presence of certain people that you feel better about yourself? Their compassionate energy has the noticeably pleasant impact of simply making you feel really good about yourself. You’ll impact others with this energy of compassion as you develop your connection to intention. People will sense that you care about them, understand them, and are interested in them as unique individuals.

Your presence allows others to feel unified.

The effect of being in the presence of people expressing high frequencies is to feel unified and connected to all of nature, all of humankind, and to intention. As you raise your frequencies, your impact on others invites them to be on the same team. You are unified and want to assist each other in the fulfillment of a common objective.

Your presence instills a sense of purpose.

When you’re in the higher spiritual energies, your presence and behavior from a space of love, acceptance, nonjudgment, and kindness becomes a catalyst for others to feel on purpose in their lives. By staying at the higher energies of optimism, forgiveness, understanding, reverence for Spirit, creativity, serenity, and bliss, you radiate this energy. The people around you begin to feel your quiet reverence and serenity. Your own purpose, which revolves around serving others and therefore serving God, becomes fulfilled, and as a bonus, you create allies.

Your presence allows others to trust in authentic personal connections.

By bringing the traits of intention to others, you allow trust to be present. You’ll notice both an inclination and a willingness on the part of others to open up and confide in you. This is related to the quality of trust. In the atmosphere of higher energy, people trust and want to share their personal stories with you.

Your presence inspires others to greatness.

When you’re connected to Spirit and quietly reflect this consciousness, you become a source of inspiration to others. In a sense, this is one of the most powerful effects that connecting to intention transmits to others. The word inspiration means “in-spirit.” The fact that you’re primarily in-spirit means that you inspire rather than inform with your
presence.

Your presence aligns others with beauty.

When you’re connected to intention, you see beauty everywhere and in everything because you’re radiating the quality of beauty. Your perceptual world changes dramatically. At the higher energy of intent, you see beauty in everyone, young or old, rich or poor, dark or light, with no distinctions. Everything is perceived from a perspective of appreciation rather than judgment. As you bring this feeling of
beauty appreciation to the presence of others, people are inclined to see themselves as you see them. They feel attractive and better about themselves. When people feel beautiful, they act in beautiful ways.

Your presence instills health rather than sickness.

Your connection to your Source keeps you focused on what you intend to manifest into your life, with no energy given to what you don’t want. This internal focus doesn’t permit you to complain about what ails you or to think about disease, pain, or any physical difficulties. Your energy is always on creating love, and expanding the perfection from which you originated." Wayne Dyer