Oh my, he is 30...

Well it is official, my hubby has turned 30 - we celebrated Friday and Saturday, very low key, nothing as to what I really wanted to plan, but oh well. On Friday, we listened to Paul's band, Mr. Baber's Neighbors, play at Court Ave Brewery and had some beers. Saturday, Darren invited a few of his friends over for a BBQ. I drank a really good bottle of wine, gonna have to get some more, it was yummy.
He seems fine with turning 30 because really in the long run, it is still relatively young. I did however spot some GREY hairs poking through, I never noticed them before and so I was teasing him a bit about it. All good fun, until he says I have some and then I quickly looked in the mirror, but alas no greys for me...yet.

Anyway, my love, I hope your 30th year is filled with joy and I wish you much love because you know that we love you to INFINITY and BEYOND!

Tribute to Bandit

Today, Bandit (9-week old papillion) died - she was my mom's new puppy, a playmate for her other dog. She was cute, a tan/white fuz ball, which my parents named her Bandit because it looked like she was wearing a mask.
My sweet pea was so excited to see "Nana's puppy" that when they came over, Libby ran over and looked at it and said, "you are sooo cute, aren't you, you are just a baby." Bubba was excited to see the new puppy too - they each took turns sitting in the chair and holding the little puppy.
Whenever my mom called, the kids would ask...."How's the puppy...can we come over?!"

My mom only had the puppy a week, a short time to get attached? No, my mom was worried the second day they got her, Bandit was always tired and by the third day, she quit eating, my mom took her to the vet, they gave her a presciption and said she should perk up...Friday morning, Pepper (my mom's other dog) was sitting in front of the puppy's bed, which my mom thought was strange since Pepper had been avoiding the puppy and she picked the puppy up and could tell it was struggling, so she headed back to the vet. They told her to leave while they ran some tests and by the time she got home, she got the news.

I took my mom back and she held Bandit one last time, it was sad, my son was with us and said, "Me, hold puppy?" It was hard, my mom broke down.

So I just wanted to take a moment for Bandit, your time here was short, but you were surrounded by love!

Losing Self

The past few weeks have been and continue to be a struggle and as thoughts of "what am I going to do" and the fear of uncertainty creeps in, I find I'm losing my self. I've become so engrossed in mental/emotional formations that I realized I'm losing the joy of life and it simply must stop.
I have to stop the incessant negative thoughts and worry - I feel like I'm going through this hard time for a purpose, whatever it may be, but I can't let it stop me from living a wondrous life. I have the most wonderful husband, who is everything a girl could wish for and two beautiful, healthly children, I feel foolish for feeling this way.

What is to come is greater and I don't know what it is, but I can feel it. I've just been ignoring it for a long time and I think I'm needing to go through this period of struggle to prepare me of what is to come, whatever that may be.

I'm sure I'm sounding like a mad woman, but sometimes you need to be awakened to truly see the greater force of being that is working and I'm tired of losing my self.

"You cannot become successful. You can only be successful." - Eckhart Tolle

Happy Birthday My Little Man

My little boy celebrated his 2nd birthday! We had a joint party for my two children since their birthdays are a year and 12 days apart, but it is such an awakening when you pause and reflect on the years and changes he has made.
Everyday he is talking more and more and it is becoming understandable, he is so different from his sister, he is my mr. mischief and can tear a room apart in a matter of seconds, I always know where he has been and where he is going as he leaves a trail.

He was our "surprise" baby as I don't think I would have planned my pregnancies so close together, but he has always been our joy and I really couldn't imagine having them any other way. I know he is the one who I'm going to "worry" about as I've been doing that since he tried to make his debut at 21 weeks, but thankfully we were able to push it back and he ended up only being about 5 weeks early.
He is my daredevil taking leaps from the ottoman onto the couch and then he is my snugglebug...I love how he looks at me and asks for a butterfly kiss or by saying, I wub (love) you!
There are moments I want to just be able to pause certain moments and forever keep them in my pocket because I know he is growing so fast and one day he will be off on his own, so I am always reminding myself to cherish these moments and soak them up, even though he is only 2, he is my little man.

Happy Birthday Bubba, a wish for much happiness! Love Mommy

"Outings are so much more fun when we can savor them through the children's eyes. " - Lawana Blackwell

My Sweet Pea is Growing

Well, my first-born celebrated her 3rd birthday and I got a bit weepy-eyed as I thought of her birth three years ago. I remember there was a point in the delivery that they thought I would need an emergency c-section, but thankfully the heart rate went up and I was able to deliver and feeling so blessed once the doctor said, you have a baby girl and they handed her to me. I was in complete awe and still am.
I can't believe that it has been three years and how she has grown from my little sweet pea to this talkative little girl full of big ideas, my little voice. I love the way she will break out into song just because it makes her happy or how she will ask, "Mommy, what letter does tiger start with?" Or how she will ask me to sing her the bellyache song even when she doesn't have a bellyache or when she runs into her room to put on her dress up clothes and pretends to be Cinderella or Mairead from the Celtic Woman.

There are so many times where I just pause and think how blessed I am, so I'm taking this time to say Happy Birthday my little voice and thank you for blessing our life with your beautiful presence!

"Family faces are magic mirrors looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future." -- Gail Lumet Buckley

Me Me Me Me

Okay, this I am anticipating will be a short post, but who knows once I start rambling on....just yesterday I went to a local kids furniture store as my little boy has upgraded to a big boy bed. We were strolling around and they have several nice things, but I didn't see any beds that would go well with his jungle room and as we were heading back to leave, I walked through the little girl stuff. I immediately see things that would go great with Libby's room and I read this one pink sign that says "ME me ME me ME."
Now, I don't know if it is just ME, but I definitely do not want to decorate my little girls bedroom wtih a sign that reads"ME me ME me ME" what would I be teaching her, what kind of message would I be sending my child if everyday she wakes up to see a sign like that. And even now, I'm thinking do they really sell those (and the sad thing about it, is they probably do).
I know that parents want to their children to have everything and more, but really is that what we want to teach to our children....that shelfishness is okay?! Or am I simply mistaken in that it is just a cute decoration and I shouldn't read into it, either way I don't want it.

Growing Up

Okay, so my second post is a lot sooner than I expected, but I couldn't help myself. I was playing with the kids the other day, we were playing "Mommy Says," you know the game Simon Says and the kids just got a kick out of it that Libby now says, "Let's play Libby says" she got so excited as I did everything she told me to do. Then three of us then took a break to watch one of the many kids songs dvd's and bubba was banging away on his drum set and with their birthdays soon here, I couldn't get over how much they have grown. It almost saddens me to see my babies growing up into these rambuncious toddlers full of energy and there are those moments when I feel exhausted and ready to pull my hair out, but it seems that if either one of them runs up and gives me a hug and kiss and I simply melt.

There was also a moment where I could glimpse into Libby's future that it made me cry....she loves looking at photos especially wedding phots (I think it is the dress) and she was sitting on my lap and simply says, "Mama you are a princess, do you think I could be a princess?" Of course, I tell her yes, she can be anything she wants and I told I still had my dress and asked her if she wanted to see it. Her eyes glowed with excitement as she ran to my bedroom closet and wonders where it could be. I opened my hope chest and pulled it out and she touches my dress and this is exactly what she said..."Oh Mommy, I can't wait to get bigger and then I can wear it!" I said you certainly can, so then I showed her everything in the hope chest and wrapped my shawl from my dress around her, she put on my shoes, and we put my veil on her and as she wobbled to her mirror, she looked back at me and smile and it was in that instant that I pictured her as a grown woman and I cried. My baby girl is now my little girl.

It made me think of how she will be starting preschool soon and how as much as I want her to experience the world, I so don't want the world to hurt her and I know someday it will. So Darren and I just have to make sure we raise them right so they will be prepared to face the challenges and wonders that makes up life.

"The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have." -Ring Lardner