A little girl in the making

My sweet pea's birthday is upon us and she is way excited! I find myself feeling torn, here she is obviously becoming a little girl and I still see her as my baby. I found it ironic that we received her preschool information in the mail today, somewhere someone is trying to tell me something.

It stills seems like yesterday when we were preparing for our "first" and really seems quite impossible that she will be four, really did I have her that long ago? I'm just glad that I am here with both my babies enjoying everyday of their young lives. We have made many and continue to make sacrifices for me to be home, but I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars.

Tomorrow we will celebrate by going to lunch and having tea at one of the local tea rooms, she has her "dress" picked out. She is kind, loving, bright, and a little bit mischievous all rolled into this wonderful bundle. She amazes me everyday, we were sitting in the car the other day and she looks over at the store hubby was in and she says "O-P-E-N, O-P-E-N...I know mommy that spells OPEN," I spun around looking at her like "what" and everyday she looks for words she can spell and read. When we sit and cuddle I tell her to stay my little girl forever and she says, "I will, if they make a no growing pill, I'm gonna take it so I stay little." And I laugh as it reminds me when I made those promises to my dad and I know that no matter how she gets she will always be my baby, but it still is a bittersweet moment and doesn't make me want to rush things any faster because it all happens in a flash.

You are my sweetpea, my little girl how I love you so! Happy Birthday Big Girl!
Arohanui my daughter!

From Flordia 2008

"Like star dust glistening on fairies' wings
Little girls dreams are of magical things."-- Sherry Larson

30 plus a day

So it is real and official...I'm 30...uh...did I really type that for all to see?!
It was a quiet, yet a fun celebration with those who I love and my husband wrote me the most sweetest note and it's in those moments that I'm reminded of how happy he makes me.

It is a big age and one that I thought I would not look forward to approaching, but what surprised me was that I really don't care unlike my OLDER sister who has yet to "celebrate" her 30th birthday. And as I was trying so hard to decide if there was something wrong with me since I really didn't mind approaching this age, it dawned on me that all in all I'm quite happy with my life and where I am, where I've been, and where I've yet to go.
For the most part, I've accomplished all that I have wanted to do and don't get me wrong there are still some things that I've yet to tackle, but those can be my goals for the next chapter in my life as I let go of my twenties and say HELLO thirties!

In My Twenties I.....
partied, cried, sang, danced, and laughed with my girl friends
fell in love
graduated with a BA in Mass Communication and Journalism
got my first full-time job
got engaged
realized how much I love to travel
was married to the love of my life, my kindred spirit
purchased my first home
went home to Aotearoa
lost friends and loved ones
became a mommy (twice)
quit my job
went back to school
and I let go of all my insecurities and anger I had once been holding on to.

Ah...my twenties were fun, outragous, momumental, and inspiring and were a time when I could make mistakes and it be okay, so now I only hope that my thirties will be just as memorable as the last ten years, except now I have to figure out what I've learned from those past mistakes.

"Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be!" - Robert Browning

It's Beautiful Out

What a lovely day....today was wonderful! The temperature was great and I took the kids for a stroll and could feel the excitement stirring inside. We have had such a long, very long and very cold winter that it really makes you appreciate days like today. It is suppose to get cold again, but yes indeed I'm ready for spring...bring it on! Okay, I'm going to head out again with the kids and just soak up this weather. Enjoy the simple things in life.

"It's spring fever...You don't quite know what it is you Do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!" - Mark Twain

Welcome Little One....

Our friends, the Perkins, welcomed their beautiful baby boy into the world today. It was a fast delivery for her and she did it all natural - go Momma! He is beautiful and just the most precious little dear, it was wonderful to hold him and share this day with them. He has a great future with a big sister to look up and I can't wait to watch him grow and change.

Congratulations Perkins family - we love you all so much! I'm looking forward to your maternity leave and some play dates in the future.

"If I have a monument in this world, it is my son." - Maya Angelou

It's A Go.....

I heard from the transplant team that I have been accepted as a living kidney donor for my mother. So, the procedure will be scheduled in the fall, possibly September '09 as I graduate from my master's program in August and I just want to wait till I finish that way it is one less thing to worry about. If by chance my mom needs the surgery sooner then by all means I would agree to the procedure.

I'm excited and I know I have a lot of planning to do to get everything in order with the kids and making it so Darren doesn't have to take that much time off work because I don't think we would be able to financially make it if he has to take six weeks off to care for me and the kids. I've been diligent about exercising and getting healthier that way my recovery will (hopefully) be quick, the transplant coordinator said that recovery can be anywhere from three to six weeks, so I'm hoping for the three, but will plan for six.

I have thought about "what if" my mom rejects my kidney and if that happens well, at least I did what I could and if I did nothing and something happened to my mom, there would always be the thought that I could have done something and didn't....so I know that the possibility exists that it won't work, but I also know that the same possibility exists for it to work and that is what I will focus on.
Any way, I wanted to share my big news - I'll post more closer to the procedure date so those who read this can keep me in their thoughts!

Blessed Be!

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." - Albert Einstein

Witnessing History

Yes, if you are not living in a cloud you know that today was the inauguation day for President Obama and although I did not vote for him, I am moved and proud and only hope that he holds true to what he says.
I may not agree with his plans for this country, but he is giving people hope as well as bringing people together and you have to be proud for that. I also know that this man is going to be facing probably one of his toughest times, as the world is holding some high expectations of him and is this really fair, would we be holding these high standards of someone else. Only time will tell if he holds true and really is the Hope and Change we have been waiting for, but today I celebrate the moment and can appreciate the greatness of this moment.

Reconnecting shouldn't be so hard....

I broke down and spilled my guts to my hubby that I was starting to think our relationship was heading for trouble...I knew he would either think the same or think I was crazy. And although he doesn't think it is in TROUBLE, he did mention that it is awkward when we go on "dates" which is like every three or four months, which I don't even know how that happened, but I do. I simply let it become okay that we didn't go out because typically it is my parents who watch the kids and I feel bad asking them all the time, so we didn't go out unless it was something big.

And last month we went out for a date night and although we had fun, the awkwardness was pretty thick and I wanted to cry afterward - I couldn't believe that we had gotten to this point, that we allowed it to happen, but I don't think either one of us realized it because we enjoy spending time with our kids, so we would do fun activities with them and I think somehow I accepted that we didn't really need date nights and when we did go out, we were typically with friends or we went to a movie, so again, it didn't seem awkward - until we went out alone and it wasn't a movie. I had no idea what to talk about because we didn't want to talk about the kids and since I'm a stay at home mom....what else can I talk about?! It was pretty sad and so I try to think back when we were young and dating, but it seems so long ago and distant. I know we held hands more often, we kissed more often, we joked more often, and we were silly way too often.

So we talked and I cried - I think it was a big wake up call for the two of us and he said he will try harder and I will too. I think sometimes as parents it is easy to allow it to happen and then you realize that you've lost the relationship that you once had with your significant other and it is hard reconnecting. I'm definitely not as young as I once was and now I have cellulite in places that I didn't have before kids and as much as I try to exercise it isn't going away...errr!
And I know that he loves as I do for him, which is why we are going to try and have regular date nights, kiss more often, hold hands when we are out, and add a little more silliness to our relationship because we don't want to lose each other and nothing worth fighting for comes easy. Now, I need to line up a sitter.....


"All of us are born with the need to share our lives with someone.
During the years
the fulfillment of this need can be the cause
of constant concern and occasional pain.
For it can't be fulfilled by one person
reaching,
but only when two are willing
to meet halfway." - Javan