So, when I worked from home and after I would pick the kids up from the school - I'd always ask them these five questions:
What made you smile?
What made you laugh?
What made you frustrated?
What did you do to be helpful?
What was something you learned?
I loved the openness of my kids responses and often times it would lead to great conversations. And it is one of the things I miss the most now that I'm not working from home and picking the kids up.
I come home after work and some days I feel disconnected from the kids and everything that is happening and often we are catching up with everything else, that I had forgotten about my five questions. It was only until, my wee man, said "I really miss you picking us up and are conversations after school" that it dawned on me.
So, digging around online and using questions we'd play on road trips - I typed up random questions, cut them into strips and put them in a jar. I even included some blank strips and told the kids, if they draw a blank one then they simply must make up a question. The questions range from whimsical, funny, to serious things and each night, each kid gets to pull one question and all of us answer it. Last night I put the jar in front of everyone, explained what it was and the kids loved it, my sweet pea asked if we could answer them all. I was glad they enjoyed it and what resulted was great conversations with my kids. The other rule was we couldn't repeat what someone else had said, so it helps add variety to the answers.
I love listening to my kids and their ideas, their struggles, their hopes and as they get older and closer to those preteen years, I want them to know that nothing is off-bounds when it comes to conversations. My hope is that they will feel comfortable coming to either me or the hubs with anything.
Someone asked me, why I support what is taking place in Standing Rock, when it's pointless because the pipeline will go in and I simply said, "how can you not support it?" So, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the topic...
I shared previously how the family went up to Standing Rock to witness first-hand what was going on and to offer our support, even if our efforts were small. And our experience is something that will be with me forever, if ever there was a just cause, this is it. Since then, the camp has grown significantly with many other tribal nations and non-indigenous people coming to show their support to the Standing Rock Sioux. In fact, it has now become the largest gathering of Native Americans in over 100 years, seriously, let that sink in just for a moment.
When we were there, they spoke of the seven generation prophecy that the Onkwehonwe would rise up and demand that their rights and stewardship over the earth be respected and restored and it is the younger generation that is spearheading this movement.
Yet respect....that is the furthest thing that Standing Rock has been given even more so when you look at what took place last weekend. The Standing Rock Sioux submitted paperwork to halt construction due to cultural artifacts and ancestral burial sites and while it was submitted on Friday, the next day Energy Transfer (the company responsible for the pipeline) tore up the ground over a holiday weekend, in the same area where they just asked for construction to be halted, essentially destroying whatever sacred sites that were there, will this company ever be held accountable for what they did?
What is even more deplorable is this all occurred on the anniversary of the Battle of Whitestone Hill, when the Sioux Indians were attacked on September 3-5 of 1863 and an estimated 300 to 400 Sioux were wounded and killed and yet on the anniversary of this when protectors came up to pray at the construction site, what they saw was the company tearing up their sacred sites. So yes, they were upset and went through the fence, which resulted in the private security using attack dogs and pepper spray on the protesters. It was horrifying to watch it unfold, I had to excuse myself from the room I was in with my kids and cried. My soul ached and an anger so fierce boiled inside me. And then only to read the sickening statements that came out of the local law enforcement, who conveniently were not present while it was all happening. Here they were clearly spinning fiction from documented facts, it makes you question the motivation and yet there is no wonder why there is mistrust with law enforcement today.
We heard from one of the people we met at the camp, his text was simply, "today was tough."
There are 380 archaeological sites that face destruction along the 1,134 miles of the pipeline and the government is blatantly ignoring the pleas of the Native Americans, have they not endured enough or do we simply allow their history to be erased, important cultural and spiritual connections to their land.
When I stood on the ground of my ancestors in Aotearoa, I was overcome with emotion - it came over me like a wave, a spiritual connection that pulled at my soul and whispered, "you are here, you are home."
You learn these things through the connection to the land, through the people, through the history and I get what it is like not having that connection, but desperately yearning for it as if a piece of your soul is somehow missing.
So much of indigenous culture is passed down through language and oral stories, my grandfather was stripped of his, resulting in his children being stripped of their connection and then the connection lost, but it still burns inside of me, the desire to connect to the land, to the language.
I honor my background, by honoring my ancestors and I am very proud of my heritage - I am a mixture of great cultures (Maori, English/Scottish, and Irish/English) and as a result of my background, it's important not to forget what has occurred in history. So often, we pretend that what happened so long ago as a result of white settlement to indigenous people across the world is history and shouldn't be spoken about, but we are here as a result of this history and therefore are a part of the larger story. It is the complete attitude that "it doesn't matter," that is the injustice.
I wish I could say that we have evolved and that history won't repeat itself, but look around at what is happening, what is taking place. What we continue to do in the guise of "progress," we are raping our resources, we continue to take till there is no more, we have lost touch with nature and have replace it with distractions and take no responsibility for the greater good. We distance ourselves and tell ourselves, "it's not my problem," thereby cutting ties to any connection. So, I ask, how is that working? For most, perhaps the saying "ignorance is bliss," is true, but I can't ignore what is happening.
Right or wrong, I am completely honest with my children about everything - before we went to Standing Rock, we talked openly about what was going on, about the issue and asked if they were comfortable in going with us. They were hesitant but also felt it was important to show support. So, even after we left we still talk about what is going on, the hubs left yesterday to go up to Standing Rock and all of us were a bit disappointed we couldn't join him. My sweet pea says, "Mommy, I'm really upset and angry with America right now and I'm not proud to be an American, I'm afraid, what my future is going to be like, what the world is going to be like?"
It took a moment to let her words sink in and decide how I was going to respond. I told her that I too am scared about their future, but that I'm hopeful. I told her that she should be proud because Americans as a people stand up for what they believe in, whatever view (right or wrong) and that is something she mustn't forget. I told her that she and her brother have the ability to shape their future, that change starts with each one of them and as a result, they can make an impact. I told her to look at what was happening at Standing Rock, the message that the younger generation was speaking about and what they are protecting. And I reminded her that she should never feel like she can't make a difference, I reminded her that great social change starts with one individual spreading that idea. I told them to always be open and to always question everything, even if it is questioning me or daddy. I don't know if it was the right response, but I believe we all have a responsibility for our future, we all have a part, even if we don't know what that part is.
Right now, my part is standing with Standing Rock and all of the other people who are standing up.
There are pockets of protectors along the four states this $3.7 billion pipeline crosses and people everywhere are protesting and everyone should be standing with these protectors. There are many across the world that are behind this cause, but to say I'm not bothered by the indifference shown by most Americans about it, would be a lie.
Sometimes I wonder if people really understand what is at stake here. We have a private corporation that has been granted the right to take private land from land owners and the land owners can either get on board with the project and remain quiet or in the eyes of the corporation and law enforcement become the "enemy." And what other people seem to miss is that "we" the people are not going to benefit from the crude oil that this pipeline is exporting, it is not helping us become less dependent on oil because the company is selling it. And then there is the water issues, how is it, that those protecting our water are activists, but the company that is going to contaminate our water seen as "normal," in what world does this make sense? And to simply believe this pipeline will not leak, is absurd. Leaks happen, it is unavoidable. In fact, any advance leak detection equipment that is used is only capable of detecting leaks as small as .10 gallons per hour, by this, it means that a pipeline can lose one gallon every ten hours (2.4 gallons per day, 876 gallons per year) without being detected. According to various state pollution control agencies, it only takes one gallon of crude oil to contaminate 1 million gallons of water. And this pipeline is going under the Missouri River, the Standnig Rock Sioux Tribe's main source of water. Would you want this pipeline under your water source? According to the EPA, 14,000 oil spills are reported each year - are we simply suppose to ignore the statistics that pipelines leak or must we wait till it is too late?
You can continue to believe this is not your problem, but I urge you to look closer, to learn what is taking place, what is happening. We live in an age where information is right at our fingertips, other than what is being fed to you. Only then can you decide where you should stand.
Ways you can voice your support:
Learn more about Dakota Access
Learn more about Standing Rock Sioux Tribe
Sign the White House Petition to stop DALP
Sign the the petition on Change.org
Donate supplies to the camp
Call the Army Corps of Engineers and ask they reverse the permit: 202-761-5903
Contact your elected representatives
Share
I'm including this song, Love Letters to God because if you listen to the lyrics, I feel it is appropriate for those at Standing Rock
“Civil disobedience, as I put it to the audience, was not the problem, despite the warnings of some that it threatened social stability, that it led to anarchy. The greatest danger, I argued, was civil obedience, the submission of individual conscience to governmental authority. Such obedience led to the horrors we saw in totalitarian states, and in liberal states it led to the public's acceptance of war whenever the so-called democratic government decided on it... In such a world, the rule of law maintains things as they are. Therefore, to begin the process of change, to stop a war, to establish justice, it may be necessary to break the law, to commit acts of civil disobedience, as Southern black did, as antiwar protesters did.”
― Howard Zinn, You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train: A Personal History of Our Times
We celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow and it seems surreal that we've been married that long. I forget how young we were - my sweetpea called me at work and said, "Hello Ms. I'm conducting a survey and want to know what have been your top three moments with daddy?" I wanted to pry, but I didn't and played along, so I told her my top three would be: the first time I met and chatted with him at Rene's birthday party, the day we got married, and the day(s) we became parents. She responded with, "thank you for your time, have a lovely day" and hung up before I could say anything more.
She made me smile as I reflected on those moments and so I thought I would share some things I've come to realize over the last 14 years.
It takes constant work - seriously you can't slack in a marriage, especially if you have kids and the moment you think you have it all figured out, something changes. Some days are simply more challenging for whatever reason, but at the end of the day there is nothing better than seeing the one you love.
I love traveling and exploring with my husband - we've been lucky enough to travel throughout our marriage, some heavily planned and others spur of the moment and I love each moment, even when something doesn't turn out the way we planned or expected.
You have to be vulnerable - even after 14 years of marriage I still struggle with this one and yes even with my hub, to speak your truth can make you feel so naked and exposed, but there is no guarantee in life and to live with an open heart, I have to be vulnerable, even if it is one conversation at a time.
Always make time for silliness and laughter - with everything that life throws at you with schedules, work, kids and balancing it all sometimes I forget to add that bit of humor or just plain silliness to our lives.
Lift each other up
So what's next after 14 years of marriage? Well let's just say, I look forward to many more years with my guy - he is a dreamer, a wonderful father, my rock and all I need. I look forward to more adventures that come our way. Happy Anniversary!
This weekend we drove up to Cannonball, North Dakota to stand with Standing Rock Reservation against the Dakota Access Pipeline and what an incredible experience to witness and briefly be part of; we definitely want to go back.
The controversial pipeline is in encroaching into Native Territory and would go under the Missouri River, which if broke would be an environmental disaster. "The tribe's water supply is threatened by construction of the Dakota Access pipeline, which was permitted by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers in late July despite objectives of three federal agencies including Environmental Protection Agency, the Department of the Interior and the Advisory Council on Historic Preservation."
Read more at: http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2016/08/20/dakota-access-pipeline-standing-rock-sioux-issue-urgent-appeal-united-nations-human
When we were there, it was said that there were over 40 different Native American tribes represented - standing with Standing Rock Sioux Tribe and as of today 60 are represented. So far, I have seen very little coming out of the major media outlets and what is being reported is so disappointing. The coverage I have seen depict a tale of chaos, violence, and unorganized large gatherings. In fact, as we were driving, the Governor had declared a state of emergency and we were not sure what to expect, but we continued on.
What we witnessed was the complete opposite. After 12 hours of being on the road and having to replace two tires, we finally arrived right before sunset at the Red Warrior Camp. As we pulled in, we were greeted with volunteer security (young men) and they raised their fist - we found a spot to park and then quickly set up our tent. We walked around, gathered by the fire, listened to elders speaking of peace and the importance of this fight. We strolled back to our tent and met Ruben, a native american who welcomed us, asked if we needed anything, told us where to get fire wood and that he would help us dig a fire pit and what has transpired since he has been at the camp.
Then we had two more groups pulled about an hour after us and set up next to us. The hubs help set up the tent with one and we traded some food with the others, then once the sun set - we all gathered around the fire and talked.
We talked about why we were all here - the importance of the issue and the significance, not just for today, but for future generations. We shared, we laughed, we connected and those are the stories that are not being shared. Not once did I feel uncomfortable or feared for my safety or my kids because we did bring them. In the morning, we headed down for the water prayer and support the water warriors - as more and more people started to show up, I spotted two officers standing across the bank and it was in that moment that I got nervous. What were they going to do, but after standing there for about 15 minutes they departed.
It was a privilege to bear witness and be part of this significant moment - tribes from all over the United States, Canada and non-natives coming together to stand in solidarity - sharing prayers, sharing stories, but all wanting the same thing, to protect our water.
We need strong leaders willing to take a stand, willing to protect our natural resources, willing to do what others may not want to do.
Here are just a few of the photos:
My brother and his fiance welcomed
their daughter this weekend. It was a long, emotional journey for them both,
but this little ball of cuteness came into the world on Saturday. She is
perfect as can be and I was glad to be there anxiously awaiting her arrival.
I told my brother that it was weird, I remember struggling
to complete my homework in the family waiting room while we waited for his
arrival and now here I was waiting once again, but this time for the arrival of
his daughter. I look forward to seeing this baby girl grow over the years as
well as see my brother grow and change as he adjusts to becoming a daddy.
We are so glad to welcome this newest member to our family - she will be a joy to us all!
As the nation is still grasping what happened in Orlando
this weekend, I’ve quickly seen multiple posts from everything regarding shock
and sadness, which is what we expect to debates about the "why" with most of
those stemming from more political issues – the blame of a religion, the criticism
of lack of gun control.
I can’t possibly begin to understand what drives
someone to do such a thing as what happened and I’ve never hated anything or anyone so
much that I would want to cause bodily harm and I’m sure most people
are like this, which is why we struggle with the why because it is so foreign to
comprehend.
Hate is a dangerous thing and we have lots of examples throughout history where
we can show exactly what hate can bring about, yet we don’t discuss hate,
instead these tragedies become politicized. And what happens when we do this?
Everyone wants to provide their opinion and is quick to condemn,
without pause – without reflection. Yes, the world wants answers, but 50 people
were attacked and killed without cause. And I truly feel like when people so
quickly start turning these events into political agenda items – we lose sight
of what we should be doing, which is providing support.
My feed is full of people making their stances on their
assumptions of what needs to happen and I’m over here thinking, 50 people were
murdered and ONE person was responsible, ONE person did this, ONE person. There
is no justification in what he did, absolutely none! I can’t possible begin to
understand what drives someone to such a point, but what I also don’t
understand is how people can start using this to push their own agenda spewing
hate to Christians, to Muslims, to pro-gun supporters, to LBGTQ, I don’t get
it. We will never, ever, fully understands what drives people to do horrific
actions, but on some level, it is intensified by hate.
And I’m so tired of it – if you have a social media account,
look at it - everyone all of sudden thinks they know the answer as the media spends
countless hours feeding our assumptions, furthering our own belief systems, our
own hate instead of grieving for the lives lost, for these families. We think
we are showing our support, but if you have seen Twitter lately, the hate that
is being lashed out is bewildering to me because it’s not towards the perpetrator.
And all too often it seems like when tragedies like this happen, this is the
result – let’s make this a political issue and divide more people.
Yet instead of saying no more, we allow our politicians to
exploit these tragedies to their advantage, we allow the division, we allow the
judgements, we allow the fostering of hate. Because we someone are lead to
believe that if we only had X, Y, and Z in place through this bill, act, or
legislation we could prevent this or that from happening and this is false. We
will never be able to prevent these tragedies because someone who is filled
with such hate that they are willing to take the life of others, is not
reasonable and will do whatever regardless if there are rules and regulations
in place, how can we simply ignore this and not acknowledge it?
I’m deeply saddened by what happened in Orlando, but instead
of politicizing this, what if we chose to be a little more empathic, to be a
little more supportive and more compassionate to everyone who is touched by
this tragedy, instead becoming more divided and removed. And we do see some of
these things happening like the donation line for blood – the supportive
community that follows is what should be spoken about and encouraged. I for one
am tired of the spreading of hate and would much rather see a movement raising
the bar of awareness and being a part of community that fosters an understanding
of all backgrounds rather than trying to make this a left or right issue.
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world
would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the
world change towards him. . . . We need not wait to see what others do.” Mahatma
Gandhi
My granddad's birthday was yesterday, he would have been 95 and lately I have been reflecting on our trip, emptying my soul and the desire to return to Aotearoa has not subsided and although I know someday I will return - it's hard to walk within two cultures - not quite feeling you belong to either. I think how hard it must have been for my grandfather growing up - being smacked for speaking his native language, the disconnect with his culture and then his children (my mother) and then us - the generation after that yearns for the connection, the knowledge, the culture that gets past down.
So, as I reflected on our journey to Rawene - I wrote this:
Whenua (Land) by Dena Fife
Here, I stand
as my ancestors before me
the land is empty, but I can feel the ihi (power)
the wind picks up and runs across my skin
as I reflect on this journey
drawn to this place
to understand
whakapapa
where it all began.
It speaks to me,
this place
to care for our story, a past.
A story where
one generation was stripped away,
a language, culture washed away, identity lost.
What would become of it all,
no marae, broken connections,
a lost generation with no sense of belonging
turangawaewae
Who passes the knowledge down
to future generations
all that is left
is a deep-rooted scar
left in the bones of our children to carry, a longing, a yearning.
So, here I stand
wanting to understand
to know who I am
where I am from
my whanua,
my hapu,
my iwi
and here I am embraced,
connected
and my soul know it's home
because I feel the mana
So come close my daughter, come close my son
and listen to the story of this land
