My Voice

The kids school recently added a poetry program, which my sweet pea absolutely loved. The poetry consultant teaches kids how to write the poem, how to express it and then they can participate in poetry slams. I think it is great to be able to offer this type of creative expression for children because not only does it get them to express perhaps a side they may not otherwise, but it also teaches them to speak publicly - my daughter floored me with her poem she wrote. The theme was "My voice," and was a platform for students to express what they thought their voice was, what it meant and I wanted to share hers.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did....she will indeed change the world!

“We are all creative, but by the time we are three of four years old, someone has knocked the creativity out of us. Some people shut up the kids who start to tell stories. Kids dance in their cribs, but someone will insist they sit still. By the time the creative people are ten or twelve, they want to be like everyone else.” — Maya Angelou

Christmas Time is Here

"Christmas time is here, happiness and cheer, fun for all that children call their favorite time of the year....." yes that song is stuck in my head, it was the last song I heard this morning before walking into work and it remains on auto play in my head.
Over the years, the hubs and I have tried to buy less "stuff" and more "experiences" for our children, especially for Christmas and the older I get the more desire I have for less and less. This year, we gave the kids an early present and took them down to Florida for a week - my parents even chipped in to the experience and got the kids tickets for Universal Studios, we surprised the kids. We told them we were dropping my dad off at the airport (had their bags packed in the trunk) and as we told them to hop out and give papa a hug, he handed them an envelop which had their tickets to Universal Studios and we told them the about our early surprise Christmas gift. We booked everything on cyber Monday and saved quite a lot of money because of it and it will be something our kids will remember forever vs some toy they will likely give away or toss out in a year or two. I love the experiences and wish we gave more of those out instead of random gifts we hope someone will like, but most likely they won't.
Anyway, I read this article on 35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget and it made me smile, I hope that I instill all of these, they each struck me in the simplicity of it all, but I believe the words he shared - we can give and give more things and stuff to our children, but it doesn't make them happy, it is the time, love, and quality we give our children that they crave and want.
Our short week in Florida was spent laughing, playing, learning and researching (we found several different types of shark teeth and we had to learn which type of shark it came from), and enjoying each other and I wouldn't trade that in for anything.
I hope your holiday is filled with joy, laughter, love, and good vibes all around!

"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" - Bob Hope

Growing Up Woes

Sometimes I have to take a step back as a parent and ask myself, What the f#$% am I doing? Sometimes I have no idea and sometimes I'm sure my kids know this and other times I think I get away with it.

Last night, my sweet pea asked if she could speak with me privately (aka no boys), so I said sure and after cleaning up the kitchen - we went to my room to talk. She looked me squarely in the eye and said, "I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to get away from the boys (daddy and little man)." And as I look at her like, seriously - she says, "okay, I do, but I'm not sure how to say it or phrase it so it makes sense or if you will understand."

I'm a little puzzled because my sweet pea is a independent little soul, she has strong opinions on matters, she can be sarcastic and funny, and she has her own style (which sometimes I'm like "what") and she has a sense about herself that often times leaves me in awe. So I don't often worry about her, I have trust in her to make right choices and let her freely be herself.
So at this point, I'm getting a wee bit nervous, thinking to myself, what the hell is she getting ready to tell me. I say, "look sometimes we all have trouble finding the right way  or words to say things, but how about you just speak your truth and we can sort it out from there," she smiles and takes a deep breath and then begins to cry as she unloads what is on her mind.

She laughs at one point and says, I don't know why I'm so emotional and crying - I hug her and tell her to just let it out. She didn't reveal anything shocking or troubling, she revealed her fears, her struggles of trying to "fit in," who is a friend and who maybe is not, transitioning into seventh grade and all that comes with this age and the next several years.

She shared pieces of her soul and as I'm listening to her, my momma instincts kick in and I want to just wrap her in my arms and tell her everything will be fine and she has nothing to worry about it. And for a moment, I do exactly that, I wrap her in my arms and cuddle her tightly (for as long as she allows as she points out that she is only a few inches shorter than me) and told her she is exactly who she is meant to be at this moment and everything will fall into place and that right now is just a weird transition at this age, discovering yourself as a young lady vs a little girl.
As I was looking at her, I realize that she is still learning and she definitely still needs me. Because of her strong nature, it is so easy to think "she's got this," that I may not always "check-in" with her, her day, what's happening like I use to and that is on me.
I know that she is extremely shy, she doesn't engage in conversation with anyone unless they speak to her first, she has a few friends and she tries to keep it all together - so no one knows her internal struggle.
And all of it made me think back to myself at that age, my fears, my struggles, what I would have done differently, what I wish I would have known and she reminds me so much of myself.
So, I looked at her and I said, "these are the thoughts that go through your mind aren't they..." and then listed off - she bewilderingly looked at me (like how does she know) and I tell her, all of it - whatever I could recall - it came out.
We laughed, we cried and I told her that what she thinks is important today, will change tomorrow - I reminded her that we are constantly changing and our ideas, opinions, thoughts are evolving all the time and that sometimes it's okay to allow our self to be vulnerable, and that those thoughts that stop her from reaching out or doing something she really wants to, but doesn't because she is afraid of being judged - that they are just thoughts and are only as powerful as we allow them to be.
I don't know if I helped ease her mind, if I shared too much, I told her that all I want is for her to feel like she can be honest and open with me and in turn, I will give her an honest response and I reminded her that I've not been a parent before, she is the eldest and so as she grows into this young lady, and has all these emotions, questions and what not...that all of it is new for me as a parent - I've gone through it, but I haven't had to parent someone through it.
Before I went to bed, I was reflecting on the last eleven years and how my sweet pea is definitely growing up and are we doing a good job? I turned to my hubby and asked him, I told him I'm scared that maybe I share too much or maybe not enough and he smiled and said, she came to you didn't she? He reminded me that she could have just internalized all of it and we wouldn't have known how she was feeling, but she didn't. He said, "what more could you ask?" and he was right, she did feel comfortable to talk with me and I should feel so honored.

As a parent, I definitely want to shelter and protect my children from negative experiences and people - I only want them to experience good things, but then I realize that sometimes it is those difficult times that make you realize how beautiful the world really is and so we need those moments, to give us emotion, to give us hope, to give us love and be able to receive those things too.

I can only hope that my children know that I'm always there for them and that they can come to me and share their thoughts with us and speak their truth while giving them the room to be free.

"Parent can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." - Anne Frank

"Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others." - Virginia Woolf

Prayer of peace and trying not to succumb to anger

There are days that I'm filled with such anger over what has been happening lately, hate crimes seem to be on a rise after the election. This past Sunday evening, police attack unarmed water protectors by using water cannons, concussion grenades, tear gas and rubber bullets against the water protectors as they attempted to move a barricade set up by police on Highway 1806 on a bridge, injuring hundreds. We are at war and the mainstream media remains for the most part silent on the issue and when they do pick it up, the statements are direct quotes from the Morton County Sheriff's department, who first stated they were putting out fires, not spraying water protectors, but then ended up defending their actions and use of extreme tactics.
I'm at a loss of what to tell my children, how explain these horrible things, but I feel compelled to share them - I feel if I try to ignore it or not share it, that I'm only enabling the injustice. So, I tell them and try to answer their questions the best that I know how. I remind them how we too, need to speak out.

When I would sit in history class and we would cover certain periods of American history like the Indian wars, Trail of Tears, slavery, the violent death of Emmett Till, civil rights, KKK, the Holocaust, etc...I would think, how could people allow these things to take place, how could anyone who has feelings and emotions justify these horrible actions. And of course, I would think, they must not of known better - we are more advance now, history has shown us how wrong it was, we now know how horrible it is to treat people differently, but I look around and see and read things that are taking place and I have to ask, "do we know better?"
This is simply one article of many and the Southern Law Poverty Center has been trying to collect reports of increase hate crimes since the election, so do we really know better?
I'm struggling, at times throughout the day I break down crying - Sunday night as I watched some of the live feeds of what was happening at Standing Rock, I was so enraged and angry at these law enforcement officials.
The excuse, "they are just following orders or doing their job" is exactly that, an excuse to harm people. How can anyone justify those actions, how can anyone sit there and say it's okay to knowingly spray water in below freezing temperatures on people and be okay with it. Or launch grenades, tear gas, and rubber bullets at people who are trying to clear the road.
And not to mention the type of people the President-elect is appointing to his leadership team - to say "we're fucked" is an understatement.
Of course, time will ultimately reveal what a Trump presidency will be like and as much as I try to remain positive, I am beginning to look differently at the people who I know voted for this man. Will they speak out against racism, will they speak out against policies that unfairly punish certain people, will they speak out for their neighbor, their daughter, their son, their in-law, their grandchildren, or will they remain silent as the face of this nation reveals its ugly head and turns down a direction that we know it is headed for? The wound is deep, will it only get deeper? I certainly hope not.
So, I pray for peace, I envision light surrounded the water protectors, for those who are afraid and I pray for strength and courage to stand up to those who are wanting to tear down people, wanting to evoke violence and hate, wanting to challenge me on my beliefs. I hold on to peace like a sacred totem because I'm fighting these negative energies and I know that is a dark place I don't want to crawl into, so I'm trying to be a positive force, let go of any feelings of despair and rejoice in all that is good and find the strength for forgiveness and love. Love fiercely, love boldly, and love strong because if not me, then who and we need now more than ever.

“We've got to face the fact that some people say you fight fire best with fire, but we say you put fire out best with water. We say you don't fight racism with racism. We're gonna fight racism with solidarity.” - Fred Hampton

"Pick a leader who will keep jobs in your country by offering companies incentives to hire only within their borders, not one who allows corporations to outsource jobs for cheaper labor when there is a national employment crisis. Choose a leader who will invest in building bridges, not walls. Books, not weapons. Morality, not corruption. Intellectualism and wisdom, not ignorance. Stability, not fear and terror. Peace, not chaos. Love, not hate. Convergence, not segregation. Tolerance, not discrimination. Fairness, not hypocrisy. Substance, not superficiality. Character, not immaturity. Transparency, not secrecy. Justice, not lawlessness. Environmental improvement and preservation, not destruction. Truth, not lies." - Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun

Election Fall Out

The last 24 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions with the results of the election. I fully believe and expected a Hillary win and prepared mentally for that, what I did not prepare for was a Trump win and I am just as disappointed as anyone else. When I woke up yesterday morning to the news, my heart sank and I was confused.

A Trump presidency definitely scares me for many reasons, but it is mostly the intolerance or racism that I fear will become prominent as a result of his election. It's not hard to see, even a quick look on social media and the negativity is prominent, people are hurt, people are scared and rightfully so. Another quick look and you see reports of white men accosting minorities and women all over the USA and this is a direct result of the hate and intolerance messages Trump often included during his campaigning. This is something we all must stand up to, regardless of political affiliations.

It also scares me because Trump has campaigned that he will dismantle the EPA and remove the Clean Water Act regulations, this is horrible for our environment and for our water. And could impact my husband's job, who is an environmental scientist and works with these regulations, we can't handle a job loss.

So I posted a message on my FB page indicating that I would call anyone out if I see or hear any sort of action that is offensive or racist and be an ally to all minority groups, however, I have always been that way before this election, during and after. None of that will change. So, I was surprised when I had one friend call me a traitor and I'm sure many of Hillary's supporters see anyone who didn't vote for her in this manner, however do you get the irony, do you not get how self-righteous that is?

So, if you feel that way, I'm certainly not going to get into an argument with you, but I'm also not going to carry that weight or allow anyone to put that on me. I certainly wouldn't change my vote and even if I could, my single vote wouldn't make any difference, the outcome would be the same. If you look at the results, Hillary won the popular vote, she did not when the electoral vote, the issue is not with third party voters or any one else for that matter. Take a look at her campaign, a lot of concerns most Americans felt have gone unheard or ignored, that can only be tolerated for so long and the media, her supporters laughed at those concerns, ignored those voices and belittled those who thought differently.

I read many articles about the election results and what struck me was yeah, the blame game had begun, but no one was asking what did our campaign do wrong, what did we miss? Instead it was how did this happen, who is to blame because of course nothing her campaign did was wrong.

Being an independent means I can look at both parties and see the bullshit that is spouted out and most of my friends know I supported Bernie Sanders. When it became evident that Bernie was not going to secure to the DNC nomination, I was not going to vote, end of story. However, over this long process, I got to learn more about Stein/Baraka and realized for the most part, my views aligned closely with hers, so she was the candidate I came to support and tell people about. I did not like either of the main two candidates and I was not going to vote for either of the lesser of two evils because I would not be able to stomach it based on my principles. And I never tried to sway anyone from their candidate of choice or try to make them feel inferior, I always told people that their vote is exactly that, theirs. But it was made clear to me, when someone from the Hillary campaign called me, asked if I would support her and when I told her no, and explained, her response was "we don't need your support anyway." And I am sure I am not the only one this happened too - that's not how you handle potential voters, that spoke volumes to me. And here I have someone calling me a traitor, do you not see the irony - her campaign made many people feel like they could not share their "real" opinions without facing backlash or made to feel isolated and inferior, and yet you all are questioning why you didn't win?

If anyone asked my opinion on either candidate, I was completely honest, I never hid my disdain for Trump or Clinton, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that I voted third-party and I'm not going to fucking apologize. I understand that you feel robbed, I felt that way with Sanders and I was disappointed, but I didn't go around telling any of my Hillary supporter friends that they stole it from him or that I wasn't going to like them any more. And let me tell you now, that if you don't want to be my friend because of who I voted for, then so be it, that is totally on you and is a direct reflection of your character, not mine. I will not tolerate ignorance in any shape or form, I don't give a fuck who it comes from.

Here's what I will tell you, that I will continue to support and stand up for the values I believe, the issues I care about diversity, the environment, our water, indigenous rights, education, standing up for injustices, my family and friends, my life, your life - the ripples that occur as a result of my words or my actions. I will honor all those things because at the end of the day, I know I am needed and you are needed too.

We can collectively choose to turn against each other and things can go on as they have, perhaps even get worse, or we can turn to one another despite differences and work toward creating small positive lasting changes that burst into movement that is unstoppable, where even those who feel like their voices are unheard - are heard. That is where I will be, I'm not going to wait for four more years to create positive change, I have kids that watch what I say, what I do and hold me accountable.

In fact, when I told my children who won, I said to them because of this, it just means that when we see hate, we have to stand up and be that voice of hope, that voice of strength for someone who can't.
So, when my son came home from school and said everyone was talking about Trump at recess and one boy said, "I'm glad he won, he can now send the Mexicans home." I asked him if he said anything to this boy and he said, "I did, I told him that so-and-so is Mexican, who is our friend and would he want him to leave and then I asked him how would he feel if so-and-so said that about him." I asked him if the boy respond, and my son said that he only said, he hadn't thought about so-and-so and that no he wouldn't want that.

Justice is always in the making, that will not change.

“Remember the earth. Remember your ancestors. Remember your four-legged, winged, crawling relatives. Remember life. Your life, your way of living, that is the only activism you’ve ever had. Use it. Make your existence a ritual that honors everything your body and words touch. The times are troubled and you are needed. Wake up—notice the consequence of every action and non-action. You are needed. You are needed. You are needed.” - Eric Chisler

"Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free." - Starhawk

Water Protectors

I became aware of what was happening in Standing Rock Sioux Tribe and the pipeline in late June and have been following the story since. My family and I made a trip at the end of August to stand in solidarity, we attended on of the water ceremonies and it was overwhelming. I felt a sense of privilege for being welcomed and witnessing such sacred ceremonies.
There is a key issue that often gets overlooked when discussing Standing Rock or many simply are not aware of it. In fact, we didn't know this until we were at camp and everyone was discussing it, which is the fact that the pipeline was originally proposed to be put 10 miles north of Bismarck, but ultimately was scraped and redirected to where it is now. Why? One reason was stated that the proximity to municipal water supply and concern for contamination to the water supply was at risk. How can they cite this as a reason, yet put the pipeline directly under the Missouri River, which is Standing Rock Sioux Tribe's main water supply? The same concerns exists, do they not? Why is it okay to redirect the pipeline from a mostly white populated area to an area with Native Americans when the risk for contamination remains? This has not been answered by city leaders, by state leaders, nor by the company who owns the pipeline, but it needs to be addressed. With eyes on Standing Rock and Native Americans, I think it is ever important to realize that our indigenous brothers and sisters have been fighting for their rights, for the protection of the land, for the protection of their sacred sites for a long time. This is nothing new for them, the difference is the attention Standing Rock has gotten, which is crucial, but what happens when this is over? Will non-natives move on or will they continue to bring light to the many issues that face them, will the dialog continue? I certainly hope it does because there were many times while at camp, when I was spiritually moved by everyone there and it is something I will forever live with. I simply can't walk away and ignore what continues to happen. And I'm trying to figure out what is the best way to do that - I've reached out to different groups and organizations and hope to be a voice.
I've blogged about our experience a couple times, so I'm not going to repeat my story because this isn't about my story. This is about what is taking place as I type this and what I would like all those fighting this fight to know.


Dear Water Protectors,

There is a feeling at camp that overcomes you, it may come from the great spirit, the various people there united under a cause. You can feel the sense of pride that hovers over the camp, ready to be celebrated. You can feel the momentum of determination that is building and ready to burst open.
I know my words are not much when you are in the depths of this fight, but I want you all to know how courageous you truly are and that even though I'm not there yet, I'm on your side!
You are strong, you are brave and you are fighting a tough fight: corporate greed, and system that has proven to be corrupt. The major media is silent, our highest elected officials remain silent, which speaks volumes, yet your story is out. Although, they want you to feel like you are alone in this fight - with intimidation, with force, with brutality they want nothing more than for you to stop, but the world is watching and the world stands with you. I stand with you, my husband stands with you, my children are with you and we share our experience at Standing Rock, we share why everyone needs to be behind this cause.

On Thursday as the events were unfolding it was emotionally hard for me to watch all of it, I was thinking of the people we met while at camp, were they safe, were they arrested, were they okay? I simply can not comprehend what it must be like to experience it and live it. When we were at camp, the police had not massed to a militarized force. I think of our first night at camp, sitting by the fire talking with young native youths and families and sharing what drew us all to Standing Rock, how we laughed and shared stories of our fears and hopes with the outcome of all of this.

So many emotions overwhelmed me - anger at how this story is sometimes portrayed, how they want to vilify the camp, the water protectors, but I know the truth. It angers me how distorted the law enforcement is right now - they are blinded. How can they as human beings, do what they are doing and think it is okay? It makes me sick to my stomach, the complete disregard and lack of respect.
I fear for so many of you fighting the fight, protecting sacred land and water, the essence of life, but I admire your strength and spirit! You are warriors and through this fight, it has brought so many Native tribes and indigenous groups together - that in itself is something to be celebrated.

I know there are some who don't understand this fight, but I think that is also because many people have lost touch, they don't get the cultural significance of land, of water to indigenous people and the sacredness it holds. I clearly remember my grandfather telling me our ancestors (the Maori) are the guardians of the land and sea and therefore we must give it respect and honor. It is a spiritual bond, all connected.
So, as I was watching one of the live stream feeds, I could hear the chants and calls, but wasn't sure what was happening until the young man on the feed started yelling, "the buffalo nation is coming, the buffalo are coming to protect us" and you could faintly see the many buffalo running. I instantly started to cry - this was a sign and the significance is huge - we are connected.

I stopped watching after that because I knew that I needed to pray and give thanks to all of you water protectors.  I went outside - faced Northwest in the direction of North Dakota and sat in prayer and meditation - I prayed for strength and courage for those in the midst of it all. And I prayed the law enforcement find empathy and compassion because it is so evident, they need it. There will come the day, when they will look back at this moment and come to realize how wrong their actions are, and they will ask for forgiveness because right now, they simply don't understand. Blinded by ignorance, blinded by greed and power, but they know in their hearts this is wrong.

I want to be at your side, fighting with you and I hope to return to Standing Rock soon, since I can't be there I've called all the numbers for the White House, the ND Governor's Office, and Morton County Sheriff's office, I've sent many twitter messages to @POTUS, I've been sharing all the posts and have sent donations. We are trying to figure out the details of our return to camp, but in the meantime, know that we are praying for your safety, we are praying for your strength and we are behind you.

"Ko au te wai, ko te wai ko au" I am the water, and the water is me.


Previous blogs
Of fact and fiction and the struggle to piece it all together and Water is Life

The Privilege of No Sidewalks

I read Reka Basu's column regarding the sidewalks in Windsor Heights and seriously who knew the mighty would rally with such determination, such vigor, such force. With their "booing and heckles" for those in support and their "cheers and claps" for the anti-sidewalk folks. What a feat, going door to door, passing out their misinformed flyers out like candy. I too, would eat it all up based on what it states, unfortunately most of it is inaccurate.
But I will say, it's admirable to see so many get behind an issue, but the delivery and message it sends is absolutely laughable.

The whole thing sort of reminds me of the poem "Where the Sidewalks End," by Shil Silverstein  - I can't fully remember it all, but I know it is something like "There is a place where the sidewalk ends and before the street begins...we will walk with a walk that is measured and slow, we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go, for the children, they mark, and they children, they know, the place where the sidewalk ends...." I know there is more that I'm likely forgetting, but that is all I remember.

It started to get me thinking, the anger these folks are all worked up about, how walking past those signs makes my kids feel, so I wrote this little poem, I hope you enjoy.

There is a place in Windsor Heights
where the sidewalks end,
30 plus years it's been,
no connectivity you will find.
and the neighbors, well,
they don't mind,
leave it this way,
no need to sway.
Windsor Heights is just fine
Unique they say....
Kids safety? Blah,
just go away,
this is no concern of mine,
The school, that pesky school
with those darn kids and
school traffic
is to blame
for these sidewalk woes.
Can't you all just pick up and go?
Let's put out our pretty yellow signs,
shouting "No Sidewalks" here,
My yard is my yard with my lovely green grass
and shall not be touched by the filth of concrete
or your child's little feet.
Stay off, stay off
You are not welcome here,
get out of here, move away
you must not stay, we don't want you here;
where the sidewalk ends.

Of course, I am being sarcastic, but some of these comments are based off of things that have really been said at some of these meetings.
I joke about this simply because I don't get it, I don't get the depth of anger that some of these people have? I mean, there are some people (I won't say names) who would walk by our house and give a wave, maybe stop and say hi, but they don't do that anymore - why? Over sidewalks?
If the city was really going to make residents pay, I'd get it, and I don't think residents should bear the cost either, however, that isn't the case. And the only thing that passed, was the ordinance. They didn't pass "sidewalks," so please pull your panties out of your arse and stop.
Nothing on this is final - the estimate, was exactly that an estimate (over priced estimate, I will admit) and if the city is smart, they will get more than one bid. I have heard from city officials that they will be working to get community input, so if they do, then this is the chance the community can have a say. If you want a say in how the sidewalks progress, then be willing to be cooperative and find common ground. All of us, bad, pro-sidewalk folks, we simply want a safe route to school - we've been open to ideas, to alternatives, but you angry anti-sidewalk folks; it's your way or no way.
And really we are talking about sidewalks, let me say that again, we are talking about sidewalks - communities are currently being torn apart because of much larger issues - just turn on the news to see it, police shootings, protests, pipelines, and this little city in the Midwest wants to get worked up over sidewalks. Welcome to Windsor Heights!