I broke down and spilled my guts to my hubby that I was starting to think our relationship was heading for trouble...I knew he would either think the same or think I was crazy. And although he doesn't think it is in TROUBLE, he did mention that it is awkward when we go on "dates" which is like every three or four months, which I don't even know how that happened, but I do. I simply let it become okay that we didn't go out because typically it is my parents who watch the kids and I feel bad asking them all the time, so we didn't go out unless it was something big.
And last month we went out for a date night and although we had fun, the awkwardness was pretty thick and I wanted to cry afterward - I couldn't believe that we had gotten to this point, that we allowed it to happen, but I don't think either one of us realized it because we enjoy spending time with our kids, so we would do fun activities with them and I think somehow I accepted that we didn't really need date nights and when we did go out, we were typically with friends or we went to a movie, so again, it didn't seem awkward - until we went out alone and it wasn't a movie. I had no idea what to talk about because we didn't want to talk about the kids and since I'm a stay at home mom....what else can I talk about?! It was pretty sad and so I try to think back when we were young and dating, but it seems so long ago and distant. I know we held hands more often, we kissed more often, we joked more often, and we were silly way too often.
So we talked and I cried - I think it was a big wake up call for the two of us and he said he will try harder and I will too. I think sometimes as parents it is easy to allow it to happen and then you realize that you've lost the relationship that you once had with your significant other and it is hard reconnecting. I'm definitely not as young as I once was and now I have cellulite in places that I didn't have before kids and as much as I try to exercise it isn't going away...errr!
And I know that he loves as I do for him, which is why we are going to try and have regular date nights, kiss more often, hold hands when we are out, and add a little more silliness to our relationship because we don't want to lose each other and nothing worth fighting for comes easy. Now, I need to line up a sitter.....
"All of us are born with the need to share our lives with someone.
During the years
the fulfillment of this need can be the cause
of constant concern and occasional pain.
For it can't be fulfilled by one person
reaching,
but only when two are willing
to meet halfway." - Javan
2 comments:
I hope you don't mind me commenting since you don't know me... my husband and I are quite similar. We rarely go out alone because I hate asking my mom and sister to watch the kids. And I'm hesitant to leave them with a teenage babysitter, particularly one I don't know. We had a similar night out about a year and a half ago. It was almost painful to sit there and wait for the food. Even though we still don't go out alone we are better about having fun together. But we definitely don't hold hands or kiss like we used to. (Or have "intimate time" in the bedroom as my husband frequently reminds me.) It is tough, especially with young kids. I'm a SAHM too and that definitely adds to the strain in our marriage at times (especially now when we're snowed in!). I'll stop rambling now!
Thanks Shelly for your comment, it is helpful to know we are not the only ones struggling and some days are harder than others, but I appreciate your comment. Thanks again.
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