A Garden for the Fairies......

As wonderful as this weather has been, we could possibly still get a frost, but I am taking my chances and we created a space for the fairies this weekend.
We have a birdbath that developed a few cracks and no longer held water, so instead of tossing it, I thought why not plant some things in it. So creating a fairy garden was one of the many things we did this weekend.

It was a lot of fun and I think my little ones enjoyed it.

"The fairies break their dances
And leave the printed lawn"
- A.E. Housman

All Around Sadness.....

So, I've spent the last few days in Atlanta and watching the news in the evening is sad...most all major networks are discussing the Trayvon Martin incident and all try to spin their angle. What happened to that young man is awful and it breaks my heart. And the man who shot this boy will have to live with the consequences of his actions and I'm not going to speculate about what I think happened or didn't happen because that is not my job.

What I find disturbing in this whole matter is I feel like here two families have had a major tragedy impact them, one lost someone they loved and the family is dealing with so much grief, loss, and mixed emotions. And instead of trying to help this family, the media and various special interest groups are tearing the public apart, dividing communities when in reality, we should be taking a step back and offering our support for this tragedy.
I'm appalled by remarks that I have heard or discussions that have nothing to do with the real incident, but are making headway from all this. The Black Panther groups have called a bounty on the man, condoning violence and watching the interview with Anderson Cooper, the leader clearly expressed an eye for an eye, while I am outraged with the Trayvon Martin shooting and that this young man shouldn't have been shot, I don't feel like an eye for an eye is appropriate.

This is 2012 and clearly some human beings have not learned from the global mistakes humans have made in the name of religion, racial differences, etc...which brings me to how am I as a parent suppose to raise my children to believe that we need to treat everyone with respect and kindness, when that is clearly not shown on a national or even global level?
Racism isn't something that we are born with, it is taught and here there are campaigns to stop smoking, to eat healthy, but where are the campaigns to promote equality to prevent racism. It is a global epidemic and we are all at war until it is stopped, until we finally wake up and confront our own fears. We need to get over the idea that somehow perfection exists because it doesn't, no one is perfect, we all have flaws in some way, shape, or form, but we should respect each other and celebrate the diversity that does exists.

I suppose all I can do, is to show my children through my examples and hopefully they will come to see and value the world and people in it. When I look at someone, I don't categorize them into groups, because clearly I don't want to be categorized myself.

When I was leaving Atlanta outside of one of the MARTA stations, a young man in dirty cloths approached me asking if I wanted to buy his MARTA ticket that had 10 rides on it, he scanned his card to show me that it really did have 10 rides on it, but I explained that I was leaving and just need the one ride to the airport.
He said he was homeless and hungry, had this card, but no cash...whether or not he really was I don't know. As I was getting my ticket, another man came by and ask if he was bothering me and did I need help, to which I said no thank you, I was just looking at the map to make sure I get on the right train.
I didn't need any help, and I didn't need to buy this kids card, but as I left, I handed the young man all the change I had, which was about $11, whether or not he needed it for food or something else, I don't know, it is not my business. He thanked me and told me I was kind and I said, no I just hope someone would do the same for me if I needed it and when you can, to which he interrupted me and said pay it forward, I nodded and said goodbye.
As I was getting on the MARTA train, I thought did the man ask me for help because it looked like I needed it or because this young man was hanging around me and was black? I will never know, all I know is here was someone who didn't come out asking me for money, he offered me a trade, which I didn't need. I didn't feel obligated to give him money nor did I give him the money to leave me alone, or because I felt sorry for him, I felt neither of those things... and I wasn't even thinking about it, but as I was walking towards the gate, I gave it to him because I felt it was the right thing to do at that moment. And perhaps one day, he will be able to return the favor to someone else.

Could this young man tried to have hurt me? I doubt it, there were lots of people around and during this time I never felt like I was in danger from this young man and I think sometimes we overlook our instincts. I know that for me personally, each time I have ignored my instincts, it has come to bite me in the arse...clearly they are there for a reason, but most often times we ignore it because we don't want to be rude or whatever the reason is and so our mind somehow manages to rationalize the feelings to be ignored. I think I could have saved myself from many past incidents had I simply listened to my instincts.

I also think we have to keep in mind that the media can portray anyone how they want that person to be portrayed, good or bad, all we have to do is look at political campaigns to realize that....and these influence us extremely, which I think is important. As a public citizen, I am outraged that politicians are using this event for their purposes, that racial groups are using this event to promote themselves when in reality they are adding more grief and unnecessary stress to the Trayvon family.
What needs to be focused on is Trayvon and why he died, the man responsible needs to come out, to take responsibility and for the most part, I think that is all that people want to hear - the truth, no one will possibly ever know what happened, but whether or not the man responsible is held accountable in a court of law is yet to be known, but he will be held accountable at some point in his life, karma does catch up with you.
I feel like here in all this, is an opportunity for a nation to stand together, help this family heal their wounds, but instead we are degrading this life that has been lost with all this negative energy and it is heartbreaking to watch. I offer my condolences and prayers for the Trayvon family, that they find some peace and goodness out of this tragedy.

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word." ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Indeed She is Growing Up.....

It makes me a little teary-eyed knowing that my baby girl turned seven! Wow, I still can't believe it and although she is growing up, I still see this little girl tugging at my feet or using the baby sign language for her "blanket." We had her party, she invited her whole class and she asked that everyone bring items to be donated to a local animal shelter instead of bringing gifts.
I wish I could claim any sort of credit here, but the truth is she has been wanting to do this since we saw this animal shelter at the local Petco for one of the adoptable days. My sweet pea asked them all sorts of questions and afterwards she said that this was what she was going to do and I said okay, which was about nine months ago.

I assumed once her birthday rolled around, she would forget, but nope, she stayed focused and insisted that was what she wanted to do, so we did. The owner of the shelter came out with two puppies and the kids had such a great time playing with the puppies, we also made doggy toys and cat toys, and face painting.
I hope the kids had fun and I told my sweet pea that I was extremely proud of her for what she did for the animals and she got a lot of items.

She amazes me at times and I see her blossoming into an independent spirit. As we were planning the party, we had a conversation that made me realize that she is also becoming more perceptive of certain things and relationships. I was writing down the names of who (outside of her class) she wanted to invited and she left off her three aunties, so I said do you want me to invite them? And what she said made me sad, but unfortunately was the truth. Her response was simply, "they don't really come around now so I'm sure they would either be too busy or leave halfway through my party like they always do, so don't bother." I felt bad not inviting them, but my daughter is right. I feel horrible that we are in this situation where we have no real relationship with them, but there is only so much you can tolerate in one's life. When I asked her again about inviting them, she felt the same way. So, I left it alone....I don't know if they really cared about not being invited or not as no one has asked me anything or sent me any email inquiring about it.
I would like to keep this type of sadness away from my children, but of course I can't, I can only hope to give them the tools to help deal with it. And when she did say that, we had a discussion about how she felt and I encouraged her to be honest and open with her feelings. It is a lesson I am learning now.
Anyway her party was great and she was happy, and really that is all that matters. So, thank you sweet pea for blessing my life in so many ways....next one coming....my little man!

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love." - Lao Tzu

March on in.....

March is upon us and considering we have had a rather mild winter, I'm excited to say that it is suppose to reach in the 60's today! Spring is here, Spring is here, I do declare Spring is near!!!!
I've started typing up the "To do" list for the garden and I'm anxious to start working in it. I'm opening the windows and letting some of today's fresh air into the house and if I can get my work done to a point where I feel accomplished then I may try to get a walk in before it is time to get the kids.
With the month of March, brings a parade of birthdays - my sweet pea has her birthday party this weekend. Every day, she is like 5 days till my party. I'm proud of my little girl, this year for her birthday party, she decided that instead of having a party with gifts, that she wanted people to bring items to be donated to a local animal rescue. So, I said because she was doing that, we could invite her entire class and we reserved the community center and someone from the shelter will be coming to speak to the children towards the end of the party. I'm going to have options for the kids to make cat toys or dog toys and we will have face painting and dancing. I'm super proud of my little sweet pea, she has a big heart.

“If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart" - Arab proverb

Sometimes Our Decisions Surprise Us....

Occasionally I talk about relocating, especially during the winter and when I think about the places that I lived close to the ocean, they seem to be some of my happiest memories, so of course I dream about a view of the ocean with the sand beneath my toes. However, I really like where we are - I like our community, I love the public Montessori school that my children attend, and I like what we have.

So I was surprised to get contacted by a recruiter for a job and long story short even more surprised when an offer was thrown on the table - some of the responsibilities were new...less instructional design, more project coordinating and face-to-face delivery. The salary/benefits package was outstanding, and it would only require a relocation. The relocation was not ideal, smaller town and as I thought about all the possibilities of what we could finally accomplish with a bigger salary, the thought of relocation kept nagging at me.
A date was set for dinner with the director and a tour of the company and as I looked at real estate and thought I'm going to have to leave my husband and children here until school lets out, I kept having negative thoughts about the relocation. So, I looked more about the town with the hopes that something would pull at my heart strings, making this feeling go away. And then I realized that I would have to pull my children from their Montessori school and I did a 100 mile search for private and public Montessori schools and there were none, my heart sank. So then I thought, is it really that important, this is a job opportunity that I'd be foolish to pass up, but I also felt like it was happening so quickly, I barely had time to adjust to what was taking place.

Discussions with my husband and children were supportive of whatever I decided, but I still struggled and finally I had to inform the company, that I couldn't commit, everything that we were leaving behind seemed like more of a loss than gaining a huge salary increase.

And I was surprised by my decision, I tend to open the door to opportunities, but I feel like this wasn't the right opportunity for me and therefore my heart wasn't in it, which would have been unfair to the company from the beginning. As parents, we are always making sacrifices for our children whether they realize it or not and really it is something they don't need to know, because they are happy and life for them will continue to move forward. I will never know if I made the right decision, but that is the risk I took, however I will say that I am happy with my decision. We all want more money, but you have to ask yourself what will it cost you?

"Quick decisions are unsafe decisions." - Sophocles

Reasons Why......

I hear it is Valentine's Day and even though I'm not horribly into this holiday, I did make my husband a "Reasons Why I love you" book.....


1. You make me smile when clouds are grey (okay maybe everyday)
2. You challenge me...in so many ways
3. You make life so much fun
4. You are a wonderful father
5. You give the best kisses...
6. You dream BIG
7. You are kind
8. You are our hero
9. You have amazing confidence
10. You chose me
11. The fact that you are not afraid to cry...
12. The lives we have made....
13. Your drive and boldness
14. The way you liven up a room
15. Your ability to tackle anything
16. Your handiness
17. Your incredible blue eyes
18. Your strong hands
19. Your vast knowledge
20. The fact that you are good at just about everything (even if it makes me jealous)
21. The way you make me feel
22. Your incredible sexiness (don't act like you don't know)
23. The amazing gifts you have given me (like our children)
24. Your sense of humor (even if sometimes it is crude)
25. That you took a chance on me
26. Your sense of adventure
27. The way you kiss and touch me
28. How much excitement you bring to life
29. Your incredible big heart...
30.You are not afraid to be a risk-taker
31. How you will hide and try (okay do) scare me
32. How we buy the same anniversary card for each other (without even trying to)
33. That I know you will be one of the most successful men I know
34. How you always comfort me when I need it the most
35. Your incredible visions for our future that will come true
36. The way you inspire me
37. The role model you are for our children
38. How you know not to take life too seriously (yes, I'm trying)
39, How you know what to say and how to say it (again, not my forte)
40. The fact that you are my first and only true love
41. Your playfulness
42. The amazing things that happen to us
43. How much you know about me....
44. You accept my emotional manner when pushed
45. Your willingness to make us so happy
46. The things you have said and written me
47. That I know we will make a great "old" couple
48. The way you opened your heart and life to me...
49. The fact that I learn new things about you
50. That we have an amazing good life
51. How you call me your lady and you are my man
52. How you have given up on things you've wanted for the benefit of our family
53. You endure my quirkiness
54. How really wonderful you really, really are
55. You tackled my wall and took it down one piece at a time
56. You dance with me (as chili peppers fly from the sky)
57. How cute and adorable you can be
58. How with just one look you melt my heart
59. Your people skills and charming nature
60. Your thoughtfulness
61. Your ability to lead
62. That you drink tea with me each night (when you are not away)
63. You support my choices
64. I know we are safe with you
65. How much you've taught me
66. That I know you would do anything for us
67. How you changed my life
68. That you tell me that I am a great mother
69. How forgiving you are....(more so than myself)
70. That you are my forever soul mate
71. With you and me...we can tackle anything
72. That there will be many more reasons to love you....

Oh Monday, how I've missed you so.....

Who looks forward to Mondays? Me, I do, I do! At least this week, man what crazy, drama-filled weekend, which all began on Friday night after the kids school dance. (Where at least we had a fun-filled evening prior to all the messiness).

Anyway, our school principal left selecting some strange departure words and hence followed an onslaught of questions (myself include) from parents wondering what in the world was going on. Granted, the past several parent-group meetings have had some bumps and you definitely could feel some tension, but to leave unexpectedly, I thought was strange.

We meet with a dozen or so parents yesterday and all of my concerns were addressed and my feelings toward the school did not change, we have an outstanding school, with wonderful teachers and children whom happen to have passionate parents (and there is nothing wrong with that).
Coming out of the meeting, our goal is how do we heal our teachers, it was a fantastic meeting and a reminder that even through differences shared among parents, we can still see through it and move on in a positive direction.
However, for some reason, that doesn't seem to apply to family...why is that?
Saturday was a busy day filled with a baby shower, which was fantastic and then my sweet pea's group violin recital, which I didn't send a bunch of invites out simply because it was her group performance and she has those often. Then the husband and I left early as he had a EPI dinner (which was wonderful by the way) at a fancy-smanshe restaurant on the 34th floor (amazing views) with all the full dinnerware and serving utensils....I leaned over to the husband and said, "outside in," but it seemed he knew what to use. When we left, the manager gave all the women roses (um, I think that should be a requirement for all restaurants, I bet there would be fewer complaints).
So, as I'm taking in the wonderful evening that we just had, my husband informs me that we got a lovely (not) email, but he took care of it and that I should ignore it....(yeah, like that is going to happen).
I opened it up on my phone, started to the read the first line, laughed and then stopped, hit reply and typed, "I'm not going to let you drag this into something, I asked so and so...blah, blah and she said no. I said we exchanged some emails, but haven't gotten anywhere. I told you in my last email regarding the party, that our son had karate that night and we MAY be there. I'm done playing these stupid games with you, move on, I have."

And that is where I left it, as I was thinking about the situation, the more upset I became and therefore I called so and so informing them of the situation and that I am through with this bull honky. I talked to a counselor a couple years ago because of the crap this individual was pulling and so I'm not going to allow myself to be dragged into her whirlwind of drama she wants to create with me over something she thinks I said and we all know how second-hand information works. This is just another example in the many that I have endured over the years and it is exhausting, sorry folks, not going to fall into this once again, it is almost like "bullying" behavior.

I thought I made it clear last round, what I would do and apparently it wasn't clear enough. I will not allow myself or my family go down this destructive path, try as you might to pull me down, not happening. My husband has had enough and I am beyond caring anymore. I've gone from trying to understand, trying to change how I responded and stay out, to now not giving a flying leap.
The past is the past and I'm moving forward without all this in my life. It was nice at times and I have some good memories that I will select to remember, but out of my life you go.
Time after time I've attempted to mend things and it is a no-go, I'm not chasing. It is funny how quickly people forget the role they have played in this dysfunction and try to put it on me, but you know what, fine, so be it, I'm done concerning myself with it anymore. C'est la vie

“You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent them from making nests in your hair.” - Confucius