Are you "Mom"-enough.....Are you kidding?

I'm guessing by now most have seen the eye-grabbing magazine cover of TIME? Yes...No, well sorry I'm not going to post the image, but if you have not seen it...then I suggest you Google it or I will just say it showcases a mother breastfeeding her preschool-aged child (who looks rather older than three or four) with the mighty title, "Are you Mom enough?"
So, my initial thoughts were really? Now, I will preface that I have not read the article, I'm not really interested, I've read about attachment parenting when I had my first child, I took some of the recommendations like baby wearing and I breastfed both of my children during their first year of life and I'm pretty damn proud of myself, considering I was pretty grossed out by the idea prior to having children. It was only until I had my first that it seemed like the natural thing to do, little did I know how challenging my first child was going to be when it came to breastfeeding as she didn't want to latch, but we worked through it and proved to be the greatest bonding ever.
Yet, even if you follow the attachment parenting recommendations, why on earth would you pose on the cover of a widely circulating magazine with your child like that? I mean, come on....that image is going to haunt that child for the REST of his life, especially in the "digital age."

My second issue....why the title? The media is insisting that there is a war on women, so of course let's include the now war on mommies....I mean really, let's ask all the moms "Are you mom enough" if you don't breastfed your walking/talking preschooler, come on TIME, seriously?
Here's a thought, how about you cover issues that really concern moms or families for that matter. If we are being honest about it all, we live in a nation that doesn't support mothers, we give the least amount of time for maternity leave, and if there is maternity leave, moms are lucky if it is PAID maternity leave, not to mention the sick days we have to take when a child is ill or creating the false idea that somehow women can be it all without sacrificing something. (And I'm sorry to burst the bubble if you are a woman and somehow buy into the "I can have it all" fantasy) it simply doesn't happen because at the end of the day, something has to give and most often that something is "us," if not relationships or work. We put it all on our shoulders and seem to think the weight we carry isn't going to break.
So, instead of trying to push a further divide among mothers on yet another issue, how about an article on how moms make it work. Because one thing I've learned is that motherhood is not at all what I envisioned, it is challenging, it is rewarding, and it is empowering. Look at it....I am a superhero, a villain, a fighter, a healer, a communicator, a translator, an entertainer, a manager, a peacemaker, a teacher, a personal chef, a friend, and so forth. Being a mother is the best thing I could be and for the record....I am mom enough....and so much more.

“New mothers enter the world of parenting feeling much like Alice in Wonderland.
- Being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs on earth and also one of the most challenging.
- Motherhood is a process. Learn to love the process.
- There is a tremendous amount of learning that takes place in the first year of your baby’s life; the baby learns a lot, too.
- It is sometimes difficult to reconcile the fantasy of what you thuoght motherhood would be like, and what you thought you would be like as a mother, with reality.
- Take care of yourself. If Mommy isn’t happy, no one else in the family is happy either.
- New mother generally need to lower their expectations.
- A good mother learns to love her child as he is and adjusts her mothering to suit her child.” 
- Debra Gilbert Rosenberg

Meatless Mondays, here is an idea....

Typically, Monday nights have become one of the nights during the week that I cook a vegetarian dish. I know my husband doesn't really care for the meatless Mondays, if we had it his way, we would have meat every night, but I feel like it is helpful to introduce new things to the kids that doesn't always involve meat. And as I look for many recipes, I thought, why not start posting some of the dishes I make, so here goes.
Tonight, was Zucchini Patties on a bed of wild rice with sweet potato fries......and since this was a first time dish in our house, I wasn't sure how it would turn out, but it was rather good.

Want the recipe....here it is
2 cups grated zucchini
2 eggs beaten
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup onion, thinly diced
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella
2 Tbsp oil
Salt/Pepper to taste

Combine zucchini, eggs, onion, flour, cheese, salt (in this case I used a blend of italian seasonings).
Stir well until all ingredients are mixed together.
Heat oil in skillet over medium heat - drop tablespoon-sized of the mixture in the skillet. Cook for a few minutes on each side until done.
Serve on a bed of rice, with diced tomatoes, or with sour cream and salsa.

zucchini mixture

frying the zucchini patties

 cooked zucchini patties on a bed of rice with diced cherry tomato

Junk Jubilee Indeed

Oh how I wish I were as creative as some of the vendors at the Junk Jubilee. This was my first visit to the expo, but it certainly won't be my last. I went with my mom and daughter and we just walked around and many times I kept looking into my purse hoping I would find more money to purchase all the wonderful things people created with old junk, wood, etc...
I did get a ring and I purchased an early birthday gift for my mom, as soon as I saw it I knew she would love it and so I acted as if I really was getting it for myself and then ended up giving it to her. I took a few notes of some of the things that I really liked and think I can do it, but who knows, it probably won't turn out as wonderful as what these people created.
I think I enjoyed this event more so because of the inspiration it has given me....that really you can create pretty much anything and there will always be someone who will appreciate it. I pretty much stick to things I know I'm good at, but after going to this, I've got so many creative ideas flowing, I'm excited to try them....

“It’s not about breaking the rules. It is about abandoning the concept of rules altogether” - Paul Lemberg

Bullying, it matters......

Before the digital age and social media, a lot of stories would not be heard, but with this new "outlet," it brings a new element to negative aspects like how a person can be pushed to the point where they feel death is their only option. I don't get it and as a parent to two young growing minds, I have to say, it scares the living hell out of me.
I want to protect my children, let them see how beautiful life is, because really it is, but there are people that make it ugly, pushing their hate whether it is intended or not. We all need to take the time to evaluate our actions. And so I've had small conversations with my children about being kind, respectful, and helpful, but when do the conversations need to go deeper, do I wait for when they are older or is it to late then?
My sweet pea one day asked what "gay" meant, so I had her pull the dictionary out and we looked it up (which we do for any word she doesn't know). We then had a conversation about how the word can mean many different things depending on how it is used, both used in good ways and bad. She didn't ask anymore questions and I didn't go into any further discussion with it, perhaps I should?
I want to prepare my children so when my children are in high school they will have the right tools to stand up and be the voice for someone who can not.

I read this article in the Des Moines Register today about bullying and the death of an Iowa teen, http://blogs.desmoinesregister.com/dmr/index.php/2012/04/18/bullying-and-the-death-of-iowa-teen-kenneth-weishuhn/

I cried. I cried for this boy, whose spirit was broken and for a teenager I realize that even a "few" make up your "everybody." And the truth of the matter is that unfortunately, the weight of opinions from the "haters" out weights any positive opinions from those who love us, why do we allow that?
We simply brush the positive, supportive comments from our loved ones away while allowing the ones that shouldn't matter cut us like a knife.
So, I thought, what are we doing? Why are more people not concerned about this growing trend of suicides? More and more young ones are resorting to these acts, yet all we can do is say how sorry we are after the fact, what can we do prior to these individuals doing these things? School officials won't allow these students to watch a documentary on bullying, but let's have a "discussion" about why it is wrong, we should be addressing the issues to show like we care, like we want change.

I know that my children have already had discussions from their guidance counselor regarding bullies, but what else needs to be done or said? I plan on taking my children to see the documentary, part of me wonders if they are ready to see this type of movie, but I think it is too important not to see it. One of the boys in the documentary killed himself at age 11, seriously, age 11? What were you doing at that age?

I went to a large high school, we had a little over 700 in my graduating class, so I did not know every one in my graduating class, but from those days, I do recall a few instances...like one boy, who shall remain nameless even though I clearly remember his first and last name, came up to me and repeatedly called me ugly and people around chuckled and laughed.
I kept on walking and said something along the lines "like you are anything to look at either" (mind you not the best come back, but thinking back, I'm still impressed that I said anything at all). I then, proceeded into the girls bathroom, shut the stall and cried for a few minutes. And I wasn't so much upset about what he thought about my looks as I was upset that I didn't even know this person, we shared no classes, he didn't know me and I didn't know him, that was what upset me, but maybe it was because of that reason why it seemed to be easy for him to say that to someone, would he have said it had he known me? Not sure.

I don't remember if I told anyone or not about that story, but I'm pretty sure we all have a story. I also remember being asked if "I liked boys," this probably stemmed from the fact that I did not date boys from my school. Did I have crushes, of course I did, I had HUGE crushes on three different boys, but after dating one boy from the same school my freshman year and of course everyone finds out your business, whether the information is fact or fiction, I never dated anyone else from my school again.
I think a lot of the tools I used to cope came from the fact that I was also a military brat, used to moving around, so a) you have to develop a thick-skin early on, b) I had a small circle of friends, and c) I acted as if I didn't give a shit and in some instances I didn't. I saw beyond high school and knew that after four years, I'd be gone, living my life.
I can't recall any specific instances where I made fun of someone maliciously or for the sake of joining in, but I do recall saying some stupid things when fighting with some people. Other than those, I never disliked high school or liked high school and I'm definitely not one of those that wishes I could go back and relive any of those days. If there was anything I could change or say to my high school self, it would be to enjoy it more....and to do the things that I wanted to without caring what someone may think.

So, as a parent with two children, I want to protect them from hurtful behavior and I want to make sure they don't resort to bullying others, but I also realize that I can not control everything, I can only try to give them the right tools to deal with what comes down their path and pray that my children make the right decisions and are never made to feel inferior or pushed so hard that their spirits break.

After reading that story, that is what I struggle the most with, that this boy was pushed to his breaking point....the one video clip, stated how well he was liked, how popular he was till the day he came out and then started the bullying. I hope the people who pushed this boy, feel some sort of responsibility and it stays with them as they continue to live their life, I hope that some sort of change can come from this tragedy.

Why is it that one statement unnerves so many people, why is it that it matters. Why should it change how you view someone, how you care about that person. In the end, we are all no different, we all want to feel loved and we all want to feel accepted and that is universal, if we didn't fixate on things like religion, sexual orientation, political views, or the color of some one's skin....imagine the possibilities, imagine the good.

Perhaps if we took the time to really look at someone, look in their eyes and really ask, "How are you doing?" Instead of saying it for the sake of being polite, we could possibly ease some one's hurt and pain. It is so much easier to be kind as it seems to take so much more energy to be hurtful, hateful, and unkind. I know first hand that we all can't get along and if you've read any of my past blogs regarding my relationships, you know that, but I've also had to learn to just let it go at some point the people who matter are and will be in your life, they will make the effort and those that don't, really don't matter in the grand scheme of things and at some point they will see that, whether or not they want to admit their wrongs. For relationships to work everyone has to be willing to meet halfway, the problem is so many people don't want to and that is sad.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama

Planting the Seeds.....

Lately, at bedtime after we've read, my little man has said, "don't forget to plant the seeds for good dreams." And so I asked him if it help keep the bad dreams away and he replies, "oh, yes, mommy, it works!" I smiled and I'm glad, it isn't often that the kids have bad dreams, but it seems when they do have them, it is hard to get them back to sleep.
And I've tried almost every trick I could think of to help them, dream catchers, monster spray, pictures under the pillow, etc.... and they always said it wasn't helping.
So, since the kids help us so often in the garden, I thought how about we "pretend" our dreams are seeds.
So each night, I take out the "weeds" (any bad thoughts/dreams) and then we close our eyes and think of good things we want to "plant" (dream about) and I select five "seeds" (dreams).
I "plant"(pat on the head) each seed somewhere on their head and then I rub the seeds in and water the seeds with a kiss. I've been doing this with the kids for the last few weeks and tonight as I almost forgot, I was reminded.
And as I did each movement, I saw the smile widen across my little man's face and my heart was full. I went into my sweet pea's room and so with her continually reminding me that she is "7," a "big" girl, I'm not sure if she thinks it is hokey, so as I wished her goodnight, she says, "you haven't planted the seeds for good dreams, you have to do it, it is my favorite thing, you know."

And so of course I plant the seeds and wish her good-night and as I sit in the silence, it is in these little moments, reminders of sweet innocence that melt my heart and forever touch my soul.
I could have days where I'm stressed about things not working as expected, like today or upset about something so small, but it is those pure moments with my kids that make everything else seem so inconsequential.

"Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count." -Albert Einstein

A Garden for the Fairies......

As wonderful as this weather has been, we could possibly still get a frost, but I am taking my chances and we created a space for the fairies this weekend.
We have a birdbath that developed a few cracks and no longer held water, so instead of tossing it, I thought why not plant some things in it. So creating a fairy garden was one of the many things we did this weekend.

It was a lot of fun and I think my little ones enjoyed it.

"The fairies break their dances
And leave the printed lawn"
- A.E. Housman

All Around Sadness.....

So, I've spent the last few days in Atlanta and watching the news in the evening is sad...most all major networks are discussing the Trayvon Martin incident and all try to spin their angle. What happened to that young man is awful and it breaks my heart. And the man who shot this boy will have to live with the consequences of his actions and I'm not going to speculate about what I think happened or didn't happen because that is not my job.

What I find disturbing in this whole matter is I feel like here two families have had a major tragedy impact them, one lost someone they loved and the family is dealing with so much grief, loss, and mixed emotions. And instead of trying to help this family, the media and various special interest groups are tearing the public apart, dividing communities when in reality, we should be taking a step back and offering our support for this tragedy.
I'm appalled by remarks that I have heard or discussions that have nothing to do with the real incident, but are making headway from all this. The Black Panther groups have called a bounty on the man, condoning violence and watching the interview with Anderson Cooper, the leader clearly expressed an eye for an eye, while I am outraged with the Trayvon Martin shooting and that this young man shouldn't have been shot, I don't feel like an eye for an eye is appropriate.

This is 2012 and clearly some human beings have not learned from the global mistakes humans have made in the name of religion, racial differences, etc...which brings me to how am I as a parent suppose to raise my children to believe that we need to treat everyone with respect and kindness, when that is clearly not shown on a national or even global level?
Racism isn't something that we are born with, it is taught and here there are campaigns to stop smoking, to eat healthy, but where are the campaigns to promote equality to prevent racism. It is a global epidemic and we are all at war until it is stopped, until we finally wake up and confront our own fears. We need to get over the idea that somehow perfection exists because it doesn't, no one is perfect, we all have flaws in some way, shape, or form, but we should respect each other and celebrate the diversity that does exists.

I suppose all I can do, is to show my children through my examples and hopefully they will come to see and value the world and people in it. When I look at someone, I don't categorize them into groups, because clearly I don't want to be categorized myself.

When I was leaving Atlanta outside of one of the MARTA stations, a young man in dirty cloths approached me asking if I wanted to buy his MARTA ticket that had 10 rides on it, he scanned his card to show me that it really did have 10 rides on it, but I explained that I was leaving and just need the one ride to the airport.
He said he was homeless and hungry, had this card, but no cash...whether or not he really was I don't know. As I was getting my ticket, another man came by and ask if he was bothering me and did I need help, to which I said no thank you, I was just looking at the map to make sure I get on the right train.
I didn't need any help, and I didn't need to buy this kids card, but as I left, I handed the young man all the change I had, which was about $11, whether or not he needed it for food or something else, I don't know, it is not my business. He thanked me and told me I was kind and I said, no I just hope someone would do the same for me if I needed it and when you can, to which he interrupted me and said pay it forward, I nodded and said goodbye.
As I was getting on the MARTA train, I thought did the man ask me for help because it looked like I needed it or because this young man was hanging around me and was black? I will never know, all I know is here was someone who didn't come out asking me for money, he offered me a trade, which I didn't need. I didn't feel obligated to give him money nor did I give him the money to leave me alone, or because I felt sorry for him, I felt neither of those things... and I wasn't even thinking about it, but as I was walking towards the gate, I gave it to him because I felt it was the right thing to do at that moment. And perhaps one day, he will be able to return the favor to someone else.

Could this young man tried to have hurt me? I doubt it, there were lots of people around and during this time I never felt like I was in danger from this young man and I think sometimes we overlook our instincts. I know that for me personally, each time I have ignored my instincts, it has come to bite me in the arse...clearly they are there for a reason, but most often times we ignore it because we don't want to be rude or whatever the reason is and so our mind somehow manages to rationalize the feelings to be ignored. I think I could have saved myself from many past incidents had I simply listened to my instincts.

I also think we have to keep in mind that the media can portray anyone how they want that person to be portrayed, good or bad, all we have to do is look at political campaigns to realize that....and these influence us extremely, which I think is important. As a public citizen, I am outraged that politicians are using this event for their purposes, that racial groups are using this event to promote themselves when in reality they are adding more grief and unnecessary stress to the Trayvon family.
What needs to be focused on is Trayvon and why he died, the man responsible needs to come out, to take responsibility and for the most part, I think that is all that people want to hear - the truth, no one will possibly ever know what happened, but whether or not the man responsible is held accountable in a court of law is yet to be known, but he will be held accountable at some point in his life, karma does catch up with you.
I feel like here in all this, is an opportunity for a nation to stand together, help this family heal their wounds, but instead we are degrading this life that has been lost with all this negative energy and it is heartbreaking to watch. I offer my condolences and prayers for the Trayvon family, that they find some peace and goodness out of this tragedy.

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word." ~Martin Luther King, Jr.