Roots of Happiness.....

I have picked up a new book titled, Torn by Sarah Parent Walravens. It is a collection of stories from real-life mothers who have faced the decision of whether to continue with their careers or stay-at-home, but the commonality of it is the fact that women are "torn" by their decisions.

I can only speak for myself, but at times I definitely felt torn and whether or not the decisions I made and make are the "right" ones for my family. For any mother, I think we are our own worst enemy. I have learned early on to not compare myself to moms because at the end of the day, I can only do what works for me. When I first decided to leave my full-time job, I struggled with the decision, but when I put the decision in perspective of the overall bigger picture, I realized that my kids are small once, when they are grown I can never go back to replace that time. And even though my kids are still small, looking back, I'm happy I did it. I've got two of the best kids ever and I wouldn't trade any of the moments spent with them.


I will be the first to admit that I'm stern with my kids and they know that, but they are also learning that if they tell the truth, they don't get in trouble (and it's already been tested). I'm also not afraid to be silly with them, they know if they ask me I'll catch fireflies, I play freeze tag, and I will certainly dance and sing as loud as I can. At the end of the day, all I want is that my kids go to bed each and every night knowing how much I love them and I think they do.


I'm not a perfect mom, I've made mistakes and I'm sure I'll make plenty of more along the way, but I'm also not trying to be the perfect mom. I'm not trying to be a "cool" mom, I'm just trying to raise two little ones who grow into responsible individuals who believe in dreams, who believe in themselves, who aspire to be more, and who are willing to work for what they want.

"I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies." P. Aretino


“Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness." - Unknown

Random thoughts on my mind.....

It's late and I've got so much going on in my mind that I thought I'd share....perhaps then I can go to bed and not toss/turn.
I've been having crazy dreams for the last several nights, so crazy that I wake up most nights, I feel like it is almost like a warning , but the dreams are so vastly different that I can't make sense of it.
And then today, I learned something that just sadden me to my core and it makes me wonder does normalcy exist in families? Yes, we all have those quirks, but do most families get along or is there tension most of the time?
Sometimes it is like watching a train wreck before it has even happened and no matter how many warnings you throw, nothing changes, but then wonder why the train wrecked? I just don't get it., but a lot of times we view things the way we want to see things versus the way it actually is.
Also, the Christchurch area was hit with not one, but two more earthquakes (aftershocks) one was 5.5 and then another struck which was over 6.0 - I keep thinking when will this city get a break, how much more can one city sustain? Christchurch was such a vibrant and beautiful city and as we were putting the kids to bed and I said a prayer for those in Christchurch my kids asked some questions and what struck me was that they will never get to see the city how I remember it and how it was because I don't think it will ever be the same, which is sad. The people there are strong and resilient, but enough already.
Is something bigger coming? I really don't know, but I suppose it just makes you want to be with the ones who really do matter the most.

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot." ~Ashleigh Brilliant

And so summer begins.....

This is the first week the kids have been out of school, my sweet pea is having a hard time adjusting. She likes being home, but I've caught her in her room sobbing. She is missing her friends and her teacher. And although I have tried to comfort her, it seems like it is one of those moments in her life where it is beyond mommy's reach. It is not like a cut or scrap that I can kiss and make it all better because even though I tell her it will be okay, it is not helping her.

The kids begin swimming lessons soon, so I'm hoping that will take her mind off it.

I think this is the first "growing" pain that we have encountered and I know there will be more to come, but as a mom, I feel so helpless in those moments, when my words are not comforting and it is just one of the many life experiences to come. At least she is feeling better about moving into 1st grade. My little man is doing fine, he still enjoys being at home, but towards the end of the year, he would get mad that I would pick him up, so I think he will enjoy going all-day next year.

Our front landscaping is finally finished (for the most part). We are not done with the wine bottle border, we ran out of blue bottles so as soon as we get more blue bottles we can finish the border and we need quite a lot. I could go on more, but I have to get the kiddies to bed....

"A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life." - James Allen

The weekend is over....already....

Is there a weekend for the weekend? It seems like lately we have been working in our yard and around the house that there is no time for relaxing. We've gotten a lot accomplished, most of our vegetables are in, however, we have a few more to plant. We've started a compost pile and the new front landscaping is finally finished. Yahoo....we put the last of the mulch down on Saturday. We still have the sides of the house and some planting in the back yard. I definitely look forward to once we are done and actually getting to reap the benefits of our hard work.
Yet, I'm sure there will be more projects that the hubby will add to our "do" list since he can't seem to sit still for long periods of time.
My sweet pea had her violin solo recital today and she is getting so good. We had been practicing pretty hard, but overall she performed great! She walked off the stage and said, I made a couple mistakes and I said did you hear anyone that didn't clap? And she said, no everyone clapped and I said well then don't worry because you did great.

Oh, and I hope everyone survived the "rapture," out of all that is and has been taking place in the world, it is sad that the media put such a frenzy into what this man thought, as it says in the bible, "no one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven..." and I don't believe we are suppose to know.

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams." a.smith

Would you do it.....

I'm watching the PBS Special on the Freedom Riders and my words can't express the emotions I am feeling. I vaguely remember learning about their journey in high school, but if I remember the civil rights movement was just a chapter in our history class. And as I watch this documentary, I find myself wondering, could I do it, would I have had the courage and guts to do what these individuals risked their lives doing, the non-violent statement they were making? And I don't know....part of me thinks, yes...but the other part of me is simply unsure.
And then I wonder why the civil rights movement is just a chapter in most high school history books, if it is even discussed at all.
I can't imagine treating another person the way these white people did, it is horrifying and are these people who committed these horrible actions remorseful? And does the younger generation really appreciate the groundwork that these silent hero's did for them? Yes, I'm not naive enough to pretend that racism doesn't exist, it does, however the difference now is that it is hidden, which is that any better? I don't know....
As a parent of two small children, I want my children to look past those differences regardless of the issue, I want my children to be compassionate towards their fellow being. No one should be made to feel they are inferior or less human and I struggle to grasp how others can be so blinded.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts on this powerful documentary and if you haven't seen it, you should.

"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men." - Abraham Lincoln

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with the illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." - August Wilson

Happy Mother's Day.......

My kiddies gave me my mother's day present early, they each had a plant for me that they planted at school. And my little man says, "is it the best mother's gift ever?" and I of course, said yes. And then I said, "do you really want to know what the best gift ever is...." and his curious eyes widened and he said, "yes, what, what...." "you and sissy," I said. He smiled and gave me hug, and that is one reason I love being a mom. It is those innocent and simple moments that I cherish the most.
So of course it made me reflect on the day I first became a mother. I remember when I was pregnant that I had so many fears...would I be a good mother, would I know what to do...I had no motherly instincts would those kick in?
And of course, those instincts did....I don't know when it happened and perhaps it is just as you grow as a mom...from the first feedings, changing the poopy diapers, the first time they gaze into your eyes and squeeze your finger, to the first time they are sick...all of these moments adding up as you gain confidence in yourself. And then slowly with time, you change as a person...you grow from the individual you were before your children to the person you become after....and maybe it doesn't happen for everyone, but I can say I am a much better person after I had my children than I was before. They've taught me patience and my children make me want to be the best person I can be. I have more confidence in myself since having children, weird as it seems.
I'm not a size 6 anymore and I doubt I will ever again be that size again. I put my career on hold so I can raise my children and in turn had to make sacrifices, we changed our life for our children, but I've given birth to two most amazing, beautiful children who have changed my life for the better and I wouldn't change a thing.
I'm happy and proud of who I have become....I am a mother and I never fully understood certain things until I was blessed with mine. And I remember calling my mum one day and said, "I get it now....I didn't before, but I get it." So for me this day isn't a day for me, but rather a moment to reflect on what a privilege it is to be a mom....thank you to my babies for changing my views and me....I love ya!
And I can't really have a post without a special shout out to my mummers.....she has wiped my tears, given me kisses, scolded me, laughed with me, held my hand, shared stories, and much much more. I love you mom!

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." ~Sophia Loren

"It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't." ~Barbara Kingsolver

Digging in the Dirt....

So, we took a risk and planted some of our plants late this afternoon...we've still been having some colder nights, but the forecast is suppose to be relatively nice. We are redesigning a portion of our front yard and so all our new plants are going there. We planted eight lavender plants and three hostas so far, I still have about 10 more plants to place in the ground, but considering we didn't start till after dinner, we were tuckered out.
We are also making wine bottle torches for the backyard and creating a wine bottle border in the front....I've put a request out for wine bottles...I estimated that I will need about 80 bottles for the ring around our tree and depending on how that looks we may extended it elsewhere. It will be time consuming because I will need to take the labels off the bottles and push each one into the ground without breaking, so it could get tricky, but I can't wait till we are all done with the front. We are also going to extend the little deck we have that is out front just by another five feet...so many landscaping projects this spring/summer, but I can't wait. I love digging in the dirt. I also can't wait to get our garden going, we have lots of lettuce, spinach, squash, peas, strawberries, and various herbs....I love this time of year!!!!!
Our community is having a plant exchange coming up, so I need to get some plants that we have dug up and put in some containers to exchange with others....such a great way to diversify your landscaping.

"You can bury a lot of troubles by digging in the dirt" - Unknown