No Privacy Here.....

So is your privacy automatically taken away when you have children? Or is it a slow removal process, a little here, some there?
And the more I think about it, really why does one have children? I mean, they are expensive, dirty, sometimes mouthy, demanding, your life is no longer yours, and did I mention how expensive it is?
We were getting ready to read books in my bed when I see one of my kids magnets on our wall hanging and I look at them and say, "Where did that come from?" My sweet pea, laughs and says, "Oh we were playing treasure hunt and I stuck it there, it's no big deal."
And as puzzled as I am about it, I laughed simply because the more I thought about it, there is not one room in our house that is kid-free. You'll find books in our bedroom, toys in the bathroom and not to mention that I can't even go to the bathroom without hearing, "Mom, Mommy, Momma...are you in there, let me in, what are you doing, can I see, why is it locked." The books, sock, or shoe in the living room, etc...etc.... They crawl over me at night so they can squeeze in between the hubs and I...I'm then kneed, jabbed, and sometimes punched throughout the night..last night I slept in my son's room, only because I've been feeling quite sick lately and I need some sleep.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, in fact, I think it is quite funny. I'm just trying to figure out when I handed the keys to my privacy over to my little ones because if I knew then I could have put some limitations on it.
So back to the magnet, I could have taken it down, but it is still there and after we read and we turned off the lights, I whispered to my kiddies, I love you and I'm the luckiest mommy in the world. They replied, no...your not lucky, you're the best!
And there it is...that is why we have children, because there is no other love quite like the love from your child - it's pure, it's unwavering, and I never knew I was capable of loving anyone as much as I do for my babies. And not to mention my life is never, ever boring!
So yes, I've traded in my privacy, handed over my life, yet somehow I'm completely filled!

"Children make you want to start life over." ~Muhammad Ali

It's gonna be another day inside

Well another day that school has been cancelled and we'll be inside. The temperatures are blistering cold and we received more snow yesterday, it's Iowa and this is winter, but it has been an extremely snowy start and chilly too. I'm not sure how much more the kids can take being trapped inside or for that matter myself.
We've done projects, played dress up, painted, watched movies, sword fights, Nerf fights, and there are only so many times you can do these over and over. Today we are going to watch old baby videos of the kiddies (it was their choice) and then we will probably make a craft (we have a few January birthdays). I know they are getting anxious, yesterday, my Sweet Pea asked if we can go to the Spanish restaurant for their yummy Spanish rice...I told her that the roads were pretty bad and daddy is sick, so we would be staying in. To which she huffed and said I'm suffocating Mommy...sometimes I really don't know where she comes up with this stuff.
So, I'm struggling to keep them entertained and healthy since the hubs has been sick - I'm trying hard to keep the germs at bay as I dream of warmer weather, my bare feet in the grass, the warm touch of the sun on your face. Oh I could go on, but it will only make me depressed since Winter has just started...YIKES!!! It is going to be one long Winter, but hopefully it will warm up enough so we can get some outdoor time.

On another note, my last entry was focused on trying to be myself (all the time) and somewhat breaking out of the mold that I've created for myself, so in the paper I saw that there was a play that is coming to Des Moines "Expressing Motherhood" and they are looking for moms to submit their feelings, story, etc...it is something similar to the Vagina Monologues, so I submitted an entry. So, if you are in the Des Moines area or Boston area, they are taking submissions...here is the link http://www.expressingmotherhood.com/Submissions.php
I figure it is a long shot, but it is something I would have wanted to do in the past, but wouldn't enter anything, so I figured this was my first challenge. It doesn't even matter if they don't choose my story, I submitted something and for that alone, I'm proud of myself....would I like to stand up in front of people and perform? Not sure, I've read my poems in front of groups before, but never anything like this, so I suppose I won't worry about it until the time comes, if it does. I think it would be great fun and empowering.
I also got an email from one of the companies I applied for, they want to set up a phone interview sometime towards the end of January, the job would be in the Southwest, but I'm quite excited.
I think 2010 is going to be full of changes for me....only time will tell! Blessed Be

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it." ~Buddha

Day 365....tomorrow Day 1

I'm not sure how many people actually set New Year resolutions or for that matter follow through with them, but I decided a few years back that we would set goals for the year...right them down and visualize those things happening and see what transpires.
I wouldn't say 2009 was a great year, but I also wouldn't say it was horrible either - I met a few of the goals I set which were

• finish my MA degree with a GPA of 3.0 or higher(I finished with a GPA of 3.9)
• donate my kidney to my mom (we did that in August)
• get a job after school finishes (still working on that one)

I did lose sight of a few and sometimes I think towards the end of the year, I started to let negative thoughts and energy consume me, which pulled me down and I do believe the energy you put out is reflected back, so I'm letting go of all this negative energy because it will be a new morning, a new day, a new year's worth of journeys that need to be accomplished and explored. So I'm setting new and bigger goals for 2010....

• finish writing one of the books that I have started
• get back into the workforce with a new job, maybe one that will entail a move
• take steps that get us closer to our dream (moving to New Zealand)
• continue to be a good wife and mother
• be me (I had to chuckle when I wrote this down because I had a reading done a couple years ago and the lady said that one of these days, I will be breaking out of my shell and people will be quite surprised) and it's not like I am a different person, it is just I don't allow a lot of people into my world, so to speak - in most public settings I am quite, reserved and give people what they expect...I tend to mind my manners whereas my sister is the free spirit and I'm going to start letting go of my reservations and just be me)

2010 will be a year of renewals, continuations, and new adventures with the births of several babies...Melinda and Andrew, Suthanya and Kim, Deanna and Eric, and Deanna and Sean - I look forward to hearing all about the births of your little ones! May the rest of your pregnancies be easy and smooth.

Happy New Year all may it be filled with joy and laughter!

I just wanted to say Day 365 from the book 365 Tao Daily Meditations by Deng Ming-Dao

"Always finish what you start. That alone is discipline and wisdom enough If you can follow that rule, you will be superior to most people. When you come to the end of a cycle, a new one will begin. You might say that completion actually begins somewhere in the middle of a cycle and that new beginnings are engendered out of previous actions.

Completing a cycle means fulfillment. It means that you have achieved self-knowledge, discipline and a new way of understanding yourself and the world around you. New horizons are always there. But you can reach out for those new vistas with fresh assurance and wisdom. With each turn of the wheel you go further. With each turn of the wheel you free yourself from the mire of ignorance. With each turn of the wheel comes continuation.

Turn the wheel of your life. Make complete revolutions. Celebrate every turning. And persevere with joy."

What a Wonderful Christmas

Can you believe that it is already over...we had a wonderful Christmas Eve, which ran into the morning and overfilled into the day.
The dishes are soaking, the table has been cleared, toys have been put away well at least in their rooms. My belly is full and my spirit is filled.
It really was a wonderful christmas! Thanks to all who made it so special, I hope yours was as great as mine.

"Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time." ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

Letting Go

Marilyn Monroe said it best...."I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Things definitely went wrong yesterday with various people. Granted there are underlying issues and the hubs has been biting his tongue for a long time, but we try to let it go, but it reached a point where we didn't. Things were said on both ends that were inappropriate and hurtful. Sometimes the truth hurts and we don't want to recognize that there are issues, so in that respect I think after time, we will all come out better people, because feelings have been expressed that otherwise would continue to be bottled up.

I don't like conflict and it bothers me that I was sucked into this mess, it bothers me that I allowed myself to react the way I did, I hate it. And then this morning I was reading one of the blogs I follow and there starring at me was that quote above from Marilyn Monroe....I do believe that everything happens for a reason and when I read it, I sense of ease came over me. I can and will apologize for the way I reacted, but I can't take away the hurt that she inflicted or the hurt that I may have inflicted on her. I can only be remorseful, apologize for my part, and let go. Then after it has fallen apart only hope that better things will come together.

Winter Solstic, Reflection, Christmas, and a New Year

Happy Yule Celebration!
Tomorrow is Winter Solstice when it's the shortest day and nighttime is at its longest, it also marks the Yule Celebration when there springs a new spark of hope. It is the celebration of a new solar year and beginning of winter.
The word Yule comes from the Germanic "yula" meaning "wheel," such as the wheel of life, represented by the changing seasons and the cycle of light and darkness. To celebrate, we will be making a popcorn garland to place outside for the birds and squirrels, celebrate new beginnings, and strengthening our family bond and in speaking of celebrations....
Christmas is fast approaching and before we know it, it will pass in a blink of an eye and it will be on to the next holiday before we can catch our breathe. I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on the year - ups and downs and all that goes into making us stronger, testing our will, and giving us a pause to be thankful to those who surround us, so I want to pause and just say thank you. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in all the things we don't have that we fail to realize what is beneath our nose. We take for granted those relationships that we have past and present and typically with Christmas and the verge of a new year, we can reflect and realize how blessed we are.
It amazes me that a new year will soon be approaching, it seems like the first six months of 2009 were a blur. In February, Porshia and Paul celebrated the birth of Noam. Jami and Jim flew to the Cayman Islands in April and were married. Kim and Matt were married in July and continue to fight on Garret's behalf, they have him full-time and hopefully it will stay that way. I was wrapped up in finishing my MA that those months just blew right by, like most of you know I finished in August, which was a busy month. My sweet pea started PreK at one of the Montessori schools and is loving it, she is also taking violin lessons and amazes me how quickly she picked it up. She has an outstanding memory.
I donated my kidney to my mom in August, who initially had complications and with the help of small miracles, it turned around.Thank you to everyone who came over to help, to bring dinner, to offer support, and to just be there while I recovered, it meant a lot to me.
In regards to my mother, these last several months have definitely pushed her strength and will - in October she got sick with an inflection, that turned out to be norcardia infection, very dangerous and deadly infection. My mom is a fighter and she finishes her last antibiotic treatment at the end of the year. My little man had inguinal hernia repair surgery in November, which he took like a champ, I was amazed at how quickly he recovered, he is indeed my little superhero. Jami's sister, Brenda, also received a liver transplant in November. Organ donation is the greatest gift you can bestow on someone.
We have forged new friendships this year, thank you Melinda and Andrew for all you have done. Renewed old friendships (thanks facebook)and found whanau members in New Zealand that I knew existed, but never had connections to (thanks again facebook). Darren and I may have ended the year on a somewhat downward end, but it all depends on how you look at it. I could make a post of all that is missing from my life, but it would leave me feeling empty and shallow and so instead I want to celebrate all that I have and that is the people who surround me or just listening to my little sweet pea who said, "it's all about family and love," she is an old soul that one.
So tomorrow take a moment to pause and reflect....

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." - TS Eliot

One date turns into so much more....

It was ten years ago when I accepted a date from this guy and little did I know it would turn into so much more. When he came to pick me up, he went to the wrong house, and then moments later he knocked on my door. I was nervous and had butterflies and when he took me to dinner, I made sure to order something that would not be so messy (spaghetti + me = one big mess). See even then I knew I was not one of those girls who can pull of a "sexy" look, I'm more like the clumsy sexy, so I knew not to order spaghetti.

Anyway, afterwards we went to look at the holiday lights and as we were driving through looking at the lights, he touched my hand and I knew, there was a spark that went off. He later took me home, we kissed and I was hooked. I told my mother that night that he was the one I would marry and so here we are now...ten years later. He keeps me in awe...thanks babe!

Not much has changed except for the addition of some pets and two wonderful, beautiful, fantastic children. He has filled my dreams, given me hope, made me crazy, and most importantly makes me happy....so you never know what one date can turn into, but this girl is definitely happy she accepted this date.

"It's not so much a matter of meeting the right person - as it is meeting them at the right time." - Javan