A lot for August.....

So, we had a lot of things going on in August....the ever fun drama, three year kidney day, the kids returning to school, and today celebrating our 10 year anniversary, Yeah to 10 years of adventures!!! I say "adventure" because by definition adventure means 1. an exciting or very unusual experience, 2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises, and 3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome. And when I think of what has transpired over these 10 years, all of those come to mind. We were planning a big celebration, but between him traveling and schedules of things going on, we just didn't have the time to squeeze one in, but perhaps another time.

It really doesn't seem like 10 years at all, which I suppose is a good thing. And I think back and realize how much has changed, how I am more in love with him than I ever was when we first met. Throughout the years, we've changed, individually and both as a couple. He has changed me for the better, he challenges me and I may not have been  his first love, but I am certainly glad that I am his last love.

It amazes what we have in the 10 short years we've been married that I look forward to spending the next 40 or 50 years with him and seeing what we accomplish! It is hard sharing your life with someone and constantly compromising, but it is also the most rewarding thing ever. And I am forever grateful that I get to share my life with his.

“The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life." - Hugh Walpole, Sr.

Yay!!! Three Year Kidney Day

Well my mother and I celebrated the three year kidney day this past Saturday. And she is doing amazingly well, especially when I looked back at my blog three years ago and the struggles she was going through with the kidney not working initially, but it is working mighty fine now.
My mum got me some earrings and flowers as a thank-you for donating my kidney, but I told her that she doesn't need to do that, I don't need her to get me anything, the fact that she is here with us and gets to see my children grow is enough for me.

To my mother, you are an amazing woman - with a strong spirit. I know you've seen hard days, I know you have seen tough days, but through it all you pick yourself up and move on. I want you to know you are BEAUTIFUL and I love you! Happy Kidney Day!

What would you do......

So, I saw a friends' post regarding tonight's Powerball jackpot and it make me think....What would you do if you won $320 million dollar jackpot with cash option of $213 million?
Imagine the possibilities - I have my list of "What would I do" written in my journal, it is something I've thought about once or twice and that kind of money, would you do good or would it corrupt you?

The husband and I have had conversations around and around on this subject, because who doesn't like to dream about winning that kind of money? First thing we would do besides all the common things, like get an attorney, financial planner, establish a trust, and pay our bills. We would donate a huge portion - we would redesign the kids school because that school is in need of some updating and expansion as well as try and establish a montessori-based high school. Another wish list item is purchasing land parcels for the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee. Iowa was once all prairie and this state has destroyed 99% of its native prairies and since the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee currently does that and has about 5,000 acres, why not just support an existing program. We would start our lavender farm as well as purchase land in various places, especially New Zealand, but not for development purposes....it seems people are all to often wanting to develop things without realizing what is happening and on occasion I look at the NZ property listings and get sad when I see hundreds of property listings on untouched land. The hubby wants to help no kill shelters, so we would do something with that and we also talked about setting up a scholarship program for the non-traditional student.
As for my indulgence item, it would be traveling around the world - taking the time to actually see and experience all the different cultures that the world has to offer, what are the similarities, the differences because at the end of the day, we are all not that much different. I would also love to treat my friends/family to visit to New Zealand and Australia. I'm pretty sure the hubby's indulgence item would be some type of custom 1940's pickup truck or high-end sports car, but besides that and setting up various college funds for our kids and some others, that would be it. I'm sure that kind of money would not come without some headaches and heartaches, but it is still fun to image all the things you could do.

Derailed....again....

Why oh why does it upset me so? Again, I let something so frivolous upset me and drag me down to the bottomless pit of negative energy. I allow it to suck all the good that I feel and before I know it I'm derailed, heading on down to "Dramaville." Why? Can someone please explain to me, why I allow this individual who despises me have so much emotional control?

I think I know and I've even resorted to checking out self-help books at the library and mentally I know the answer, but it doesn't take the emotional sting out of the bite. Words are words, especially when they use ones such as "pathetic" or "good riddance to you," really are those necessary.
All I want to ask is, "do you feel better now that you got that out," but instead, I respond as if it is a joke or like it didn't upset me, even though as I am leaving the voice message because someone won't pick up the phone to at the minimum confront me, every bone in my body is shaking and I just want to cry. I feel like I am being bullied.
I don't go out of my way to email or make contact with this person, I'm the one getting sent emails accusing me of various things and perhaps it is because it has been so long that the relationship has been strained, somehow the person feels justified to contact me? And then I get sucked into this warp by responding when I know I shouldn't even respond. Every interaction with this person and afterwards I am left thinking, "am I really so horrible?" But I'm done being pushed with these bully tactics.

I am who I am, I like me. I am not perfect (you know this sounds familiar) and it is that "a-ha" moment that I find comfort - my priority is not making this person happy or even like me. My priority is my family, they love me, they support me, they enjoy being with me, they make me smile, they make me happy and I laugh so hard with them.
I lose sight of that every time I engage with this individual, I lose sight of who I am, I lose sight period and I can't continue to put up with that or the people who defend that behavior and treatment to others. The husband and I have tried to distant ourselves from certain family gatherings because of all the drama, so we make the choice not to attend Christmas, Easter, or Thanksgiving or whatever holiday to not make things awkward or we come at a different time, but tonight was the end. I've allowed myself to take on this drama and to bear the weight. I have allowed myself to be derailed far to many times to count. The problem is not ME!

This is my life and these individuals below are my priorities, these are who I need to be concerned for and about.

"The people who know the least about you are always the ones who have the most to say." - unknown

Thoughts on Marriage

The hubs and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary (this month)....yup 10 crazy, wonderful years and although marriage takes a lot of work, I love the life we have built together. At times, it doesn't even seem like it has been that long, but then I look back at all that has happened and how we have changed as individuals and as a family and I feel blessed.
So, with that said there has been a lot of talk regarding what the CEO of Chick-fil-a said in regards to gay marriage. Frankly, I am tired of hearing about it, I'm tired of seeing posts about it and even though I completely disagree with the views of this CEO, I still feel he is entitled to his opinion.
You can't force someone to change their beliefs, you can only hope that through life's experiences it may open eyes so they can come to see the ugliness of discrimination, can come to understand and see beyond. I don't want to live in a world where everyone has the same beliefs or opinions as I do, how could I grow as a person, how could I evolve or learn. Yet, when we ask someone their beliefs and it happens to be something we don't want to hear, why is it necessary to turn ugly ourselves. I support gay marriage because I have zero right in telling someone who they can marry - just like no one can tell me, I support gay marriage because there is nothing wrong with it. And I also support people who have conflicting views as mine because when I hear conflicting views from mine, it makes me stop and think and in some cases, I look further into the topic to and learn something new.  
In fact, the reasons that many people use to justify not supporting gay marriage is inaccurate, if they simply took the time to investigate or get to know a gay couple perhaps they would realize that we all want similar things: a loving partner, a good relationship, and perhaps start a family or not, but either way, I support it. Life is hard, marriage is hard, but when we share the joys and sorrows of life with someone we love, it makes it that much easier, it is not my place to deny someone that right. Ask yourself, how would you feel if you were not allowed to be with your partner, if everyone told you that you were wrong, that it was a sin to love that person, how would it make you feel? I asked myself those questions and that is why I as an individual support gay marriage. I also hold out hope that someday those against it, will change their views and will come to see really that it is not up to us to judge or condemn others, that is not our job or position in life.

“The rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.” - J.F. Kennedy

Vacation, all I ever wanted....had to get away.....

Yup, that was the song I was humming as we pulled out of our driveway heading for a week's worth of vacation! The plan, a week long rental at Black Hawk Lake with another family, the reality turned out a bit differently.

We packed the car and headed Northwest to the town of Lake View, IA to relax in a lakefront house on Black Hawk Lake and it was a great view sitting on the dock, reading my book, which I will admit I didn't read as much as I liked to, but oh well.
The kids were excited and ready to jump in the lake, I, myself, (not being fond of large amounts of water) was not ready for the kids to jump in, but alas I couldn't hold them off for much longer, so swim suits on, life jackets on and off they went. I watched on the sidelines while the husband and the other couple got in - much to everyone's surprise, the water near the dock was only about two feet deep, eventually I crept into the lake on my tippie toes because the feeling of the sand/mud/silt mixture grosses me out (I know, I'm weird). I was not raised in the Midwest and actually grew up near real beaches, so I've never grown use to the feeling of your feet being sucked into this sludge of lake matter. Anyway, the kids had a blast cooling down in the lake and then the guys took the kids fishing, on day three, we went boating and tossed the tube in for some real lake fun. Initially, we were not going to allow our kids on the tube and of course me and my water phobia I knew I was not going to go in, but after watching the hubby and then seeing him get tossed only to stand in the water (yes out in the middle of the lake, he could stand) made me rethink the whole thing. My kids watched our friend's children and begged to try it, so we allowed and went super slow, then watching my kids, I decided to give it a whirl.......it was fun. I didn't over think the situation like I tend to and just went with it and I had a blast.

We did end up leaving the next day and spontaneously decided to drive to South Dakota. Let me tell you, that it probably isn't all the best to do a drive like that spontaneously because it is a super long, boring drive and once getting there and realizing how vastly beautiful the Black Hills are, I would have much rather gotten a cabin or had the opportunity to spend more time there, but since we only had a week and spend half in Lake View, we were limited on time, but it is now on my list of places to visit again. I was really amazed at the beauty the Black Hills offer, if you have not been, you should try to go.

I can't explain how beautiful it really was, especially driving through the Badlands, I was speechless. All that really came to mind, was how much the earth endures and the wonderful gifts that are left. I felt very humble standing in this vastness of rocks and realizing the richness of history that was under my feet, not just the wagon trails of gold seekers, but the Native Americans who lived in this area. I walked away with a sense of appreciation for this land.

Next stop was Crazy Horse, which again left me all choked up listening to the story of how it came to be, I never realized that Korczak began working on this project in the 1940's and that this family has kept it private, turning down 10 million federal dollars because Korczak believed in private enterprise and he felt that if he took the money then the federal government would not finish the project as envisioned. Again, I left overwhelmed with a sense of emotion that I couldn't shake, this quote from Korczak Ziolkowski stuck with me..."When the legends die, the dreams end; when the dreams end, there is no more greatness."
Here was a man, who dedicated his life to trying to honor another man's dream and to try and make mends for all the wrongs that were done to the Native Americans....it is a heartwarming project,this stop is definitely a must!

Then on to Sylvan Lake, Custer State Park, which again was simply breathtaking. There are very few places especially here in America, where I step onto the land and want to stay or feel like I belong, but something resonated deep inside me when we were here. In fact, the only place where my heart feels "at home" is when I step onto the ground in Aotearoa, instantly my bones settle and it is like my body says, you are home. And even though I've pretty much grown up in the USA, I've never had the feeling of being "home," not even here in Iowa. It is a hard feeling to describe to someone or explain, the best I can do is like a part of you is missing and it is only until you are there that you feel complete and that is how I feel when I am in New Zealand and being in South Dakota was the closest I have felt that feeling. It is like being drawn into something intangible, but feeling the pull.

We also stopped at Mt. Rushmore, Tatanka - Story of the Buffalo in Deadwood, panned for gold in Lead, and then onto Rapid City. It was a great time, especially considering it wasn't planned and I look forward to visiting this great state again. The trip has definitely given me a greater appreciation for all that is close and far.

"You can’t just have the dream. You’ve got to work for that dream. And if it isn’t within you and you don’t love it yourself, you’re not going to do it because somebody tells you to do it. It has to come from within." Ruth Ziolkowski

Digging, Planting, and Sore.....

Several months ago, someone asked the husband if we would be interested in having our house on the city garden tour, and of course, he agreed. And foolishly, I thought, sure it's fall, we have plenty of time to get things ready. Well, as of Sunday we had sixteen items left to do, today, we are down to seven and the tour is this Sunday, yup we are not ready. Are we close, yes, but is it where I would like it to be, no.
The city felt that we were doing some really creative things regarding sustainability and recycling, which is why they asked us to be on the tour and I'm really flattered that they thought of us. What bothers me is that I'm sure that the other homes on the tour either have had professional landscape plans done for the yards or professionals to do the work, have a ton of variety of plants and flowers, and have poured a ton of money into the yard.
We have not - we don't have a huge variety of plants and flowers - I like what I like and I tend to stick with such. We also don't have a large amount of money to pour into our landscaping, everything we've done has come from things people have gotten rid of, such as the brick for our patio was from my mother-in-law's patio that they tore out, our front deck was from someone off of craigslist that they were replacing. The wood we use is from the scrap cart at Home Depot and Lowe's, which don't get me wrong, I love our yard, we put our heart and soul into it, and I enjoy being in our space. I just don't want people to expect something they would see from Better Homes and Gardens, cause that isn't us and this tour is starting to get me to look at all the "flaws" in the space I love, so I have to remind myself that I didn't agree to this and so frankly I don't care what other people may think, but I would like to get things finished from our list.

The other frustrating thing is that we've had such warm weather that most of the flowers have bloomed early and we've had little rain, so everything is drying out...the grass doesn't look as green, flowers are blooming and dying, but I suppose what can you do?

Here are some photos of some of the things you'd see......

So, once this is all over I plan on having a huge BBQ to celebrate and just have some real backyard enjoyment!

"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows".- Doug Larson