Day of the Girl....

Today is the International Day of the Girl movement to speak out against gender bias and advocate for girls' rights everywhere. I think this is a pretty important movement, especially since I have a daughter.
Growing up I played with hot wheels and barbies, my parents never said that is a girl toy or that is a boy toy, but I do remember experimenting, whether it was trying to make perfume, mixing colors, or working with my sister on creating our own version of Reese's peanut butter cups (lesson learned cocoa powder is bitter). I loved trying to craft new things, but I don't ever remember being encouraged into fields such as science or math by any adult in my life. I will admit, I've never had a love affair with math, but I have always secretly loved science. And I remember the first time my 9th grade science teacher said I should pursue a more challenging science class as we were completing our class lists for the next year, I was dumbfounded, "me?" He thought it was an easy subject for me and thought I should pursue science and challenge myself. It was the first time I had ever heard an adult say something like that to me and I will admit I didn't listen to him. I was unsure of myself and I was afraid of failure. I loved science, but I was afraid that if I took a more challenging course I wouldn't get it, end up failing, and look like a "dummy," so I took what was expected, where I knew I would understand it and pass. Science and writing have always been big passions of mine and it is not that I think my life would have turned out differently had I chosen to pursue that path, but I wish I had more encouragement that was an acceptable field to pursue. As a parent to a boy and a girl, who are close in age, it is easy to tell both my kids that they can do anything they want. The hubs and I are always looking at cool science things to show the kids from making our paper to making a rubber egg because science is fun and both the kids love learning about it. The key I think is telling my kids that if they are interested in something, then they need to seek out all the resources and information they can, learn, learn, learn about what you love because once you have that knowledge, no one can take it away from you. It is yours to do with what you want.

The other reasons why this day is important is because of the following (from Day of the Girl's website):

• Illiteracy - by 2015, females will make up 64% of the world’s (adult) population who cannot read

• Force marriage - One in seven girls in developing countries is married off before age 15
• Violence – In the US more than half (54%) of all rapes of females happen before age 18. One in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Worldwide children as young as age 11 are forced to work as prostitutes, some estimates have as many as 1.2 million children being trafficked every year.
• Body image – More than half (54%) of 3rd-5th grade girls worry about their appearance and 37% worry about their weight. More than half (57%) of music videos feature a female portrayed exclusively as a decorative, sexual object.

I will admit I had body image issues and I experienced violence in a relationship as did my sister. All through middle school and high school, I had issues with my looks, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, blah, blah, blah....and as I got older and more comfortable with myself, those things were not as important, but I did go for a period of time where I didn't eat, unless I was with my parents and/or make myself throw up. It was not to the point where it became a problem like some of the other girls in school, but I did it and there was really no reason I should have. I was not overweight growing up, but when I looked in the mirror I saw something different.
So every day, I tell my children how wonderful they are, how smart they are, how funny they are, how kind they are, and how beautiful they are....my kids are used to hearing this all the time that I think they have tuned it out, but I tell them because I want them to know they don't need to change anything, they were created to be just as they are. And only time will tell when my daughter enters into that middle school/high school age, if she is proud of who she is or is not, but I hope I am giving her skills that she learns to walk with her head tall because of who she is as an individual.
There was an incident a few years back when someone wanted to take a photo of her and she made a silly face, this person said, "don't do that you don't look pretty," but before I could say anything, the hubby stepped in and said, "she is pretty no matter what face she is making, don't ever say that again." I was shocked because our daughter was four years old and yes I understand you don't want her poking her tongue out, but sometimes the silly faces are the best photos captured, but I was relieved my hubs stepped in.

And don't get me wrong, there have been wonderful strides for women as a whole. We have choices and most importantly, we have a voice, but I think the biggest challenge we face is changing the perception of what "beauty" is....I think until the mainstream media industry, entertainment industry, and advertisers work on this, young girls and young women will continue to struggle with body image and what these girls perceive as beautiful. 

"Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections." - Margaret Woodhouse

Presidential Debate: Is there a right choice?

Last night began the first presidential debate for this year's election and we like many other Americans watched it. I went into the debate hoping one of the two candidates would "tell or show" me why I should choose that candidate for president, but neither of them did.
I saw misrepresentation, fluff and in some instances all out avoidance of the question asked. And I suppose if I preferred one candidate over the other, I wouldn't care so much, but I don't have a preference. I don't like either of the options we have, so I watched and listened hoping I would be swayed one way or the other. Yet, after watching it, I am left disappointed because frankly, Obama has had four years and in my eyes has not proved he is ready for another four. Romney is no better, some of the things outlined in his plan, although sound great, lack substance and so really, is it something that can be accomplished or another promise made with no commitment to fulfill it?
Since I turned 18, I have voted in every election, but I am seriously thinking of not voting this year, which is sad.There is no real difference, underneath the political party they hold, nothing will really change, yet Americans will be told that we have to choose this over that, but nothing real changes and all the while this country continues to slide. 
I'll watch the next debates and I will continue to read their proposed plans, but thus far, nothing is different expect how each of these candidates are being presented.

Sidewalks? Not in my City....

We were notified that a fellow school parent was planning on speaking at the city council meeting requesting some sidewalks around the school, so the hubs and I decided to attend to show our support. We both made public comments in support.....well there were plenty of "sidewalk" haters, even a few sporting "No Sidewalk" t-shirts, which made me think...really? You went to that much trouble, okay then. It was something I have never witnessed before, the intensity of which these people seriously do not want sidewalks. Anyway, I learned something big last night as comments were made regarding sidewalks and garage sales....these old timers (and I do mean this literally) don't like change, they don't like school traffic, but they don't mind garage sale traffic and don't mess with the garage sales.

So, afterwards it was bugging me, so I thought I would write a letter to the members of city council, which I'm fully aware that some of the members live on the street that would possibly get a sidewalk, so we all know where they stand on the issue, but that is why I love being a voter. It this is the issue that stands between me casting my vote for or against those that want to be re-elected, you better believe I will vote no for re-election. Anyway, below is my letter to the mayor and city council members.....

 

Good Evening! 
Thank you for listening to us speak tonight regarding sidewalks at the council meeting, which I see is a touchy subject. As I stated, we are city residents living at (addy taken out). Our children attend Montessori school,which is about a mile away for us and it is one of the reasons why I love living here and why we finally decided on living in the city.

My kids have been on the waiting list since they were babies; we moved from another city in 2007 so we could be closer to the school. I was super excited when they finally started school there because I envisioned many school walks. As I stated tonight, I have attempted to walk my kids to school twice, during both times I took different routes to see if one was better or not. During our walk, we had to get out of the way for several vehicles, not to mention avoid the parked cars, trying to stay out of the way from the traffic to/from the school directly. And as much as I would like to walk my children to school more often, it is not an easy task when the walk becomes stressful.

Tonight there were definitely more against sidewalks than for, but what surprised me was how some residents were suggesting that this is not a city problem, but perhaps the school is the burden or as one woman suggested that she will encourage all the residents of street name to park on the street, so parents don’t have an option to park and walk their children in.

Let me first say, that most of the parents who are parking and walking their kids in are those of preschool age and kindergartners, so they are basically saying that those kids can walk on the street themselves. 

My two children are in first and second grade, I follow the school plan when dropping my kids off. This school is a choice-school, therefore it is up to parents to get their kids to and from school, our students don't have buses or paid crossing guards. The school is an asset to this city; whether you see it or not. It has received the healthiest school award, among other recognition for its efforts. There was a discussion when my daughter started attending a few years ago about creating a “walking school bus” to help ease the traffic concerns and parking issues of the residents. The idea was to pick a couple central locations in the area where parents could drop/pick kids up from and then volunteer parents/teachers could walk with a bunch of students to school, however, again there are no sidewalks to safely do that with various children of all ages, so the idea was dropped. 

I was completely appalled at how some residents felt about this school, when the school creates a snowball effect because of its location, parents end up spending money in this city, whether it is at places like The Bake Shoppe, Grounds for Celebration, Mustards, Walmart, or Hy-Vee and there are many parents who partake in city events, which is again putting their money into this city, yet the school is a burden? I regularly attend the Parent Group meetings and they are always encouraging parents to be respectful of resident’s space, streets, and more, yet again residents say, “we are for no parking on Del Matro.” For the first time, I was ashamed to be a resident of this city because it is that attitude that reflects this city.

When people ask where I live and I tell them, I get the standard jokes of “the 25mph zone,” or “city with no sidewalks” and although what they say is true, I tell them all the things that I love and why I enjoy being a resident. Yet, I want to venture beyond my driveway. I want to walk safely in front of my home, hand-in-hand with my husband and kids to "Music and the Park" or whatever event is going on, which I don’t complain about the traffic that creates on my street. I want to interact with my neighbors and above else I want my children to walk…to the park, to the town center, or to their grandparents’ house, which is on the next street over, but again there are no sidewalks for them to walk on. I want to walk the dog without hugging the curb without worry that some car is going to be zipping down the road because regardless of what the speed limit is, I know for a fact there are people driving faster than 25 mph down my street.

I understand why some may be against sidewalks and I heard those concerns. One suggesting that streets are safe and pedestrians use the streets now, but let me ask you, would you allow your 5 year old child or grandchild ride a tricycle or play in the street while you watch from the front of your yard? Well as this man suggested that is okay to do. Another person stated that there has been no accidents, so why sidewalks now? Really, does the city want to wait till a child or someone is injured, seriously hurt, or god-forbid dies before we address the problem.

Another argument was “I’ve grown up here without sidewalks or I played on the streets with no sidewalks,” this again ignores the increase in traffic over the decades, my dad grew up here and there was not nearly the businesses or traffic then that this city sees now, so that argument is invalid.

And another man stated that it will take his front lawn or destroy the landscaping, well again, most cities have enough public right of way to build a sidewalk without taking private land and if landscaping is on the public right of way, it shouldn’t be there and they are breaking zoning codes, if I am not mistaken? I think I will have to pay more attention to see if there are any homes in violation of these codes. The other issue I heard was maintenance and that it would be hard for older citizens to shovel it during the winter, so I take it they don’t shovel their driveways during the winter either?

 

Another issue was the cost factor and who would be paying for the sidewalks, well that is an issue, but about a year ago I saw a grant for sidewalk development project that I forwarded to the past city administrator. It was a grant looking for partnerships with cities and local schools in creating projects that would benefit the city, but I also realize that sidewalks are not a huge priority, so I'm sure it was simply missed. There are grants available; you just have to find them. The USDA Rural Development has a Community Facility Grant, which funds can be used to construct, enlarge, or improve the community for health care, public safety, and community and public services or the Community Development Block Grant Program sponsored by HUD has grants available.

I stated at the public comment that the city does not needs a sidewalk on every street, but I do believe the city needs to focus on the streets that have routes to schools, parks, and shopping. What I learned tonight was that residents don’t like change, but they do want to provide comment. This is where I think there is an opportunity.

I shouldn’t have to mention that it is listed as a goal in the city's Comprehensive Plan is to promote green mobility, so how does a city with no sidewalks promote green mobility? How does the city that “is in the heart of it all” connect pedestrians? I believe that eventually we will get sidewalks, but I think if the city wants the support of its residents, is to enlist the help of residents, give them a say of where to put them, what they should look like, give them some control because there are several alternatives that currently exist beside concrete and perhaps residents would be more open to some alternatives to concrete. There are many cities that are using grass-crete (a combination of grass and concrete) or rubber sidewalks.

Anyway, thank you again, I’m sure you will hear more from me regarding this issue.

I did get a couple positive responses back and we will continue to move forward with this initiative. So, what about your neighborhoods...sidewalks or no?

“The more people that meet each other, the better it is for all of them." - Fletcher Pratt

Random Thoughts nonetheless.....

On Tuesday I got a message from the the kids school that another child spit on my son, but the "situation" was handled. My first reaction was, what does that mean? Did the boy apologize, emotionally how is my son?
So, I sent a reply back indicating that I wanted to know if the boy apologized and was remorseful in any way and do I need to pick my son up? I mean, I was stunned to hear this, we choose to send our kids to a Montessori school to because the values that the kids learn in this type of environment and granted I realize no school is free from these types of incidents, but if my child did this, I would definitely want my child to face the consequences of that type of behavior. The hubs responded back as well indicating that this was not acceptable behavior and he wanted a formal apology. When I finally saw my son, I asked him about it, he said he doesn't know why the boy did it, but he was playing with two other boys and this kid ran up and spat at the back of his head and when he asked why, the kid said nothing and so my little man said, well I'm going to tell and the kid stated, "I don't care." My little man said, I really wanted to punch him, but I knew I would get in trouble instead, so I told. I told him he did the right thing. Wednesday the hubs and my little man went to the Principal's office where the other boy apologized, I just hope this kid learns his lesson and that type of behavior is not okay. I hope this is a one time situation and nothing like this happens again.

The other happenings and what nots.....it has been over a month since I found myself trapped in "Dramaville" and since that time, a couple people chose to "defriend" me on Facebook, which I understand, I've done it myself, so it is what it is, I think I was just more surprised by who it. During the whole mess and to my surprise, I received an outpouring of love and support from old friends, new friends, family, in-laws, and more. I will admit, I was quite depressed and distraught for a few days after the whole fiasco. It hadn't fully sunk in until I was in the middle of a work project and found myself uncontrollably crying. And then slowly, I would get a message or some words of comfort and support from the people in my life, all telling me the same thing....it was in these moments that helped me realize that this person and those that defend such actions really don't KNOW me.

And as I sat in bed at night thinking and realized regardless of who, I don't want people in my life that treat people that way because at the end of the day you want to surround yourself with people who support you in the times of craziness, in times of happiness, in times of chaos, in times of those good days and more...you don't want people in your life who make you doubt yourself, lie, or make snide remarks. I have reached out one too many times to count to this person, all of which have been rebuffed and rejected and yet as time progressed I would continue to reach out because in my heart I knew this was the right thing to do, even though I knew what the answer was. I have always been willing to admit and ask for forgiveness for my part in the mess that was created, even though I knew I would never receive an apologize for the hurt that was inflicted upon me, yet I still reached out. And as I was reflecting on the support I was being given, something clicked inside me....I can't quite explain it, but I realized that you can't reach out for middle ground when someone isn't wanting to meet you halfway or for that matter at all ever cared about you.

I was overwhelmed with the love and support from all of you, it was unexpected, but greatly appreciated! And it is in those words that made me come to see that I am a strong person. And in looking back through the years, the only time we have had conflict is when I have stood up for myself, so I could choose to be silent and let things be said or I could stand up. So, I want to say "Thank You" to the many people who reached out to me, whether it was one word or a letter, you have opened my eyes for the better.

"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt."  ~Max Lerner

Beginning or an End...

How many times does something happen to you, till it grabs your attention? Well, I think that is where we are right now, the universe continually keeps throwing things our way, but we've ignored it for the most part, except now we are faced with making some big decisions. Decisions that mean letting go of what we have in the hopes of ultimately reaching the bigger dreams.
So, I have to stop the endless worrying because that doesn't get me anywhere and I think it just makes things worse, so I just have to let go and see where this takes us, where are we meant to go.  I know I am being pretty vague, but even I am not exactly sure where these decisions will take us. All I know is that whatever we are currently doing is not working, therefore something has to change and apparently the universe keeps sending us reminders of that...so all I can do now is make the decision to stop what we are doing and start a new beginning.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."  - T.S. Elliot

A lot for August.....

So, we had a lot of things going on in August....the ever fun drama, three year kidney day, the kids returning to school, and today celebrating our 10 year anniversary, Yeah to 10 years of adventures!!! I say "adventure" because by definition adventure means 1. an exciting or very unusual experience, 2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises, and 3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome. And when I think of what has transpired over these 10 years, all of those come to mind. We were planning a big celebration, but between him traveling and schedules of things going on, we just didn't have the time to squeeze one in, but perhaps another time.

It really doesn't seem like 10 years at all, which I suppose is a good thing. And I think back and realize how much has changed, how I am more in love with him than I ever was when we first met. Throughout the years, we've changed, individually and both as a couple. He has changed me for the better, he challenges me and I may not have been  his first love, but I am certainly glad that I am his last love.

It amazes what we have in the 10 short years we've been married that I look forward to spending the next 40 or 50 years with him and seeing what we accomplish! It is hard sharing your life with someone and constantly compromising, but it is also the most rewarding thing ever. And I am forever grateful that I get to share my life with his.

“The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life." - Hugh Walpole, Sr.

Yay!!! Three Year Kidney Day

Well my mother and I celebrated the three year kidney day this past Saturday. And she is doing amazingly well, especially when I looked back at my blog three years ago and the struggles she was going through with the kidney not working initially, but it is working mighty fine now.
My mum got me some earrings and flowers as a thank-you for donating my kidney, but I told her that she doesn't need to do that, I don't need her to get me anything, the fact that she is here with us and gets to see my children grow is enough for me.

To my mother, you are an amazing woman - with a strong spirit. I know you've seen hard days, I know you have seen tough days, but through it all you pick yourself up and move on. I want you to know you are BEAUTIFUL and I love you! Happy Kidney Day!