The Almost Tooth Fairy Fail.......

My little man recently lost his fourth tooth this weekend, so of course we knew there would be a visit from the tooth fairy.
It wasn't until early this morning a little before six when he walks into our room and says, "she didn't come, the tooth fairy, she didn't come" that instantly my eyes opened and my heart dropped........I completely forgot and went into panic mode.

What do we say, what do we do.....I thought do we tell him the truth, argh, how could I forget!!!!

So I asked what time it was and both my kids say 6:00 am and I look out the window and clearly the sun has not risen, so I say...well perhaps the tooth fairy is still in the house...what made you get up? He told me that his sister woke him up to check and so I said, what....well maybe the tooth fairy was in the middle of grabbing your tooth and then sweet pea walked in, scaring the tooth fairy, maybe she is still in the house?
We put the tooth under the pillow again and I took the doggies out since they were barking. 
I told the kids to climb into our bed and we would just quietly talk and see what happens. The tooth fairy had till sunrise.....
Once the morning light started to hit, the kids quickly walked into his room to see if the tooth fairy had come and soon we heard it, "she did come, she did...the money was on the floor and my tooth is gone!" You were right, the tooth fairy must have been still in the room.

And all I could think of was "phew" that was a close one! 

In this pocket you will find
A teensy, tiny tooth of mine.
So while I sleep where dreams are made,
Let's see if you can make a trade.
~Author Unknown

What we learn.....

We had a couple birthday celebrations this weekend. The first started off with the hubby's grandma's 90th birthday, which is simply amazing, 90 years!
It is amazing to think of what she has lived through and seen change over these years. My Nana celebrated her 80th in September and it always amazes me how much spunk my Nana still has. I'm not one to think into the distant future, but if I am blessed to live as long as these women have, I hope to leave a life full of lessons and love behind.

The hubby's cousins flew in from out of state and we all gathered to celebrate. It was nice to visit with his cousins and I was not feeling any anxiety due to the past tension. I knew this was a big deal, I mean how often does someone celebrate their 90th birthday, so when we were told about it, I knew we would go and I would leave the past in the past. We came to the party with no ill feelings, I was quite happy and comfortable.
Things seemed to be going well or at least so I thought....after about 45 minutes, the hub came over and said, "we are leaving," I did not see or even overhear what happened, but I guess the hubs ate more than his fair share of dessert mints. Something was said and then asked, "what did you contribute to this party?" so quickly it became an issue and knowing my hubs, I'm sure he had a sarcastic reply. We wished his grandma happy birthday, said good-bye to the cousins and left, quietly.

And it is unfortunate, yes there have been many underlying issues and incidents that have occurred, but we were invited to the party, came with the best intentions and expected no problems. I was dumbfounded, I couldn't believe it when my husband came over to tell me and I thought, really mints, especially when everyone was eating them, I certainly know my husband wasn't the only one. So lesson learned....again.

When we got in the car, my hubs said he was finished. I am not sure if what my husband said is true about being done and not wanting anything more to do with them, I think he is hurt; I think there is a lot of unspoken hurt. Over the years I've been with my husband, I've definitely seen it first hand, I've felt it and I would say nothing, whether it was intended or not. The catalyst for all our problems was when we finally decided to speak out about it, started removing ourselves from the picture and no matter what we try to say, it goes ignored because there is no problem, we (my husband and I) are the problem.

After all I have seen and dealt with, it becomes exhausting and what is done is done. I know I am only responsible for my attitude and my actions, no one else. And I see that when you surround yourself with those who respect and care for you, all they want is to uplift you and encourage you, and when you surround yourself with those who are jealous or hold some other insecurities, all they want to do is tear you down, it is just a matter of how long you allow it to continue. What they don't see is what I see, how amazing and caring this man really is.

It is sad and instances like this in the past would anger me, would frustrate me, but I've reached past that and anymore it is just sadness I feel; sadness that my husband felt unwelcome at his grandmother's birthday celebration, sadness that we didn't partake in this celebration, and sadness that this is just another experience my children witnessed, questioned and will ultimately somehow go into shaping their lives and ideas.

The night however, did not end badly.....we had plans to have my father-in-law over to celebrate his birthday early as they have plans on his actual birthday and it is always fun getting together with them. There is no pretense, simply being yourself is all that is required and the ability to have some good laughs. We made dinner, ate homemade cookies, and played games.

So after our company left and the kiddies were in bed, I was reflecting on the weekend and life.
I was thinking about my grandparents and what have I learned from them.....I think of all that has transpired in my (comparative) short life, my life experiences....and although we did not live physically close to either of my grandparents, there are lessons you do learn.

•  My Nana in the states always had a jar of pickles for me, whenever we would visit from the earliest time I can remember...I knew pickles would be in the fridge and of course the yummy peanut butter ball recipe
• My Papa in the states who always complained of my bony butt when I would sit on his lap and would take us to the park where we could laugh, play and he would be silly......with him there was always time for fun and laughter.
• My grandparents in NZ we had a close bond even though the last time I saw them I was a young child, it was a bond that distance could not break, but perhaps strengthened. It was through them that I fell in love with music and dancing, watching their parties and all the grownups dancing and singing. They taught me it was okay to believe in fairies and all things magical, tea parties, and there were no limits to where you could go as long as you held close to your dreams.

I have wonderful memories with my grandparents, whether it was feeding Jack and Jill, walking to the store to get a bag of lollies, or picking a dandelion and sending whispers in the wind. So, I was devastated when one of my grandparents would die. It was like something inside of me was ripped open and exposed, but what helped was reading old letters and writing down what I felt. And seeing today as an adult how these people in my family helped shape me into the person I am today. Yes my parents raised me, but sometimes there are experiences that you see that embed inside you, these can be good and sometimes otherwise, but these play a force in shaping you.

So, I have a fridge that always has pickles and I always pick dandelions with my children and tell them to believe in magic and to be funny. I will never tell my children that they can't do something regardless of what it is, I will always tell them they can.
We learn these things without noticing them until you look back.
I see these things occurring with my parents as they interact with my children: tea parties, sharing jokes, or being silly with my kids. All of which will help shape my children and it warms my heart. And I know that my husbands parents/partners also try to create special moments with our children and I value those because I've grown up without my grandparents close by, so I know the importance of having that relationship. Do I wish things were a bit differently when it came to family functions like the party, yes.


I am also aware that some may look at this post and grumble because I am blogging about this incident....and perhaps say how disgusting I am for sharing my personal life, but you know what, I blog to help me make sense of things, to help me sort it out and learn. It makes me reflect and somewhere there lies an answer. And as I have stated before, if it bothers you, don't read it.

There is a quote by Richard Back that sums it up, "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life" and I think that is what is missing, we were there with both respect and joy for this moment in order to help celebrate his grandmother's life, but that didn't matter when there is no respect for the other. Or perhaps we've gotten it all wrong again and it really is just about dessert mints and the fact that my husband ate too many.....he definitely has an affinity for those dessert mints....Could be, maybe?

And even though we did not get to celebrate his grandma's birthday as I had expected, I feel blessed to have have been able to wish her a happy birthday. It is not often to celebrate such a milestone and I know that she had a special day because she was surrounded by love and really that is what was important.  



“It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives.”- Mitch Albom


"All the people in you have lost in life have taught you how rare it is to breathe, how unbearably beautiful and sacred it is to feel an ache in the center of your heart." - Augusten Burroughs

First Crushes....am I ready for this?

Recently my wee man said he needed to share something with me. Not quite sure what I was about to hear, we sit and he informs me that he likes a certain girl. I respond with "what," your six what do you mean you like her? He tells me that he makes her laugh and this makes him happy and so he informs me that "you know, I have a crush." And as he is talking about her, I can see his facial expressions beaming, he is all smiles as he says her name.
So, I'm thinking how to do I handle this? I certainly remember my first crush when I was in kindy, but I don't recall sharing the news with my parents and who knows maybe I did. I'm glad that he feels comfortable enough to share this news with me, but really part of me doesn't want to hear a peep about it and then the other part of me wants to know every last tidbit.
And I think I have discovered the solution.....I will let my little man share with me what he wants. When he first shared the news, about two days later, I said, "so did your crush say say anything to you today?" to which, he would say what had transpired. Today, I said nothing and as we were approaching bed time my little man says, "you didn't ask me if so-and-so talked to me today?" So I ask him since clearly he wanted to tell me......and he tells me what happened as he has this twinkle in his eyes (oh the power of a crush).
He then informs me that with Valentine's Day approaching, he would really like to get her something special, which I say we can discuss it when it gets closer to that time. Then he tells me he plans on telling so-and-so and is going to ask her if she likes him........I want to say....NO don't do it (because of course if this little girl's feelings are not mutual I don't want his feelings to be hurt, but we all go through those hurt feelings)....then he says, "all it takes is courage and she thinks I'm really funny, I also made her a heart today with my name on it" and that is when I realize that my little man is not asking for advice, he is not asking for my opinion, he is simply sharing  and opening up. So, then the hubby says, that's right, it just takes 20 seconds of courage (from that movie "We bought a zoo"). My wee man smiles and I tell him good luck and that if she doesn't share the same feelings that it is okay and he looks me dead in the eye and says..."Your boy is funny, don't worry."
And as he walks away, I think I'm not worried about him....I'm worried for myself because I don't know if I am ready for all this.....


“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” Bill Ayers

Unnoticed......

As I was walking into the local grocery store, I saw an older gentleman walking out. I'm not sure why I initially noticed him, but I did as he casually walked out pushing his cart. If I had to guess he was in his late seventies or early eighties and as he stepped out of the automatic doors, he stopped, turned to his right, raised his hand to his head and saluted the flag. It happened so quickly that it took me a  moment to realize what he did.
I was struck by what I witnessed, I was in awe and by the time it registered in my mind what happened and that most likely this man served this country and was still proud of that, I wanted to say thank you for the simple reminder, but before I could, he was out of sight and had already passed me.

What happened was so simple and he did it so casually like it was simply part of him and most of us probably walk past this flag without moments notice because I know I have done so, as much as I hate to admit this...I never even realized that flag was there. I was moved by what this man did and his actions made me reflect, made me wonder what that man endured for the sake of the American flag, what had he sacrificed for the American flag and yet to still hold such revere when so many do not.


I felt somewhat embarrassed that this flag had gone unnoticed, but I was also glad that I had witnessed this brief moment. It made me think of all the men and women who have given their lives so willingly for our freedom, it made me think of my grandfather, who I didn't even know served in WWII until he died. It made me think of my father and his service. In today's world, with the technology and convenience, we take for granted the many things that came before, we forget what was laid before us, what was fought for, what was sacrificed for....so thank you to the older gentleman for that brief moment that I was able to witness whether he noticed it or not. It made me pause and be thankful for all that has come before me.


"OUR DEBT TO THE HEROIC MEN AND VALIANT WOMEN IN THE SERVICE OF OUR COUNTRY CAN NEVER BE REPAID. THEY HAVE EARNED OUR UNDYING GRATITUDE. AMERICA WILL NEVER FORGET THEIR SACRIFICES." President Harry S Truman

Let the New Year Begin.....

2013 has come in with a mild bang accompanied by the humming sound of my husband's drill. On Sunday, he got the urge for a house project and decided to tackle the counter tops, which I will admit needed work. When I entered the kitchen, I was not prepared for what I saw.....we had a tile backsplash that he removed, because the tile won't go with the new counter tops and neither will our white cabinets.....this is what I saw.....

I have been married to this guy long enough to know that I should have known this was going to be more of a "kitchen" project than just counter tops and I know that once he is done, it will look 100 times better. So last night, we spent NYE's getting the new counter tops in....

He got all the counters mounted last night and we just need to cut the hole for the sink, update the cabinets and get new tile, but it is coming along and it definitely looks a lot better already.  As I am blogging this, I can hear him in the kitchen taping off the template for the sink, so I know any moment there is going to be drilling noises.

So, ringing in our new year involved some minor renovating, which I find fitting, out with the old and in with the new, both literally and figuratively speaking.
2012 was filled with sporadic personal struggles that left me feeling overall pretty angry at others and at myself and if you read my blog, you know this this struggle. And really, those moments were few and far between, but it doesn't ease the hurt or exhaustion. It leaves a bad memory, but what can you do except hold on to it or move on and hopefully learn from these moments of growth and opportunity.
I know that 2013 is going to be a year filled with change, fun, laughter, and happiness and most importantly sharing these moments with the people I love. I also know that most likely I will make mistakes just as I have done in the past, but I can either let the mistakes make me angry, bitter and resentful or I can learn from them because making mistakes means you are trying and learning, changing yourself and opening yourself. So I'm going to keep making mistakes with the hope that I learn and grow and not worry about whether it is good enough or not, because ultimately if I am happy and if my family are happy, then that is all that matters.
My plan is to live and enjoy my life, which includes blogging about anything and everything that I choose to share. To anyone who reads my blog and finds it "disgusting," because I share my life, my experiences, my struggles....all I have to say is don't read it, plain and simple.
So, bring on the new year!!!

I hope 2013 is filled with much happiness and peace for all of you!!!! Cheers!

“For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice.” T.S. Eliot

The Choice is Yours

There is a saying that seems to resonate with me, it goes "I've learned that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings. Even if I respect theirs. Being a good person, doesn't guarantee that others will be good people too. You only have control over yourself on how you choose to be as a person. And for the others you can only choose to accept them or walk away."

It resonates with me for several reasons that I will admit I am even still in the process of learning and understanding and the choice is always with you. No one is responsible for your happiness, only you can choose to be happy and why? Because you cannot control how others feel or act, you only have control over yourself. And if you are unhappy then regardless of what someone else is doing, you will remain unhappy, nothing will satisfy you until you change how you feel and think.
And it is funny, because people will look from the outside and make assumptions that "he is not happy in his relationship" or "she is unhappy with life," but unless you have the ability to somehow transform yourself into a fly and perch on the wall of that person's house to watch what is going on, you don't know. And if you have that ability, please do share.

Recently that was something that was said to my husband and I could get all bent out of shape about it, but what is the point, especially when that person doesn't know, but I know. I know who is happy and who is not.
Can life sometimes be hard, be difficult, be boring, yes, of course it can. Yet for all those times there are the opposite moments when life is beautiful, when it is filled with laughter, kindness and those moments you cherish and hold close to your heart. And only we can choose what we want to hold on to.

It is easy to look at someone else and criticize how they act and compare them to someone else, that is the easy part, the hard part is recognizing why we do it? Is it because we seek approval from others? I am (or was) a people pleaser, I did not like saying no and I don't like discord, so often times I would do or say things that I may not agree with, but was doing so in order to keep the peace. It is a hard lesson to learn, but I have learned that the only approval I need is from myself and I've stopped holding back.
We waste so much time believing that if they like you then you are worthy and if they don’t like you then something must be wrong with you and so we try harder to earn their validation, to get their attention by trying to conform, to be something other than yourself and at some point, you either break in doing so or you wake up and realize that it is not about you and the only approval you need comes from within.

The life I am living is based on the thoughts and decisions that I have made and in sharing my life not only with my husband, but with my children as well, any thought or decision I make has the ability to affect those I share my life with. If any of them are unhappy, then I will know it, just as much as they will know if I am unhappy. 

And over the last five months, I've been working on letting go because the past is long gone and I can either hold on to anger or resentment and forever feel trapped or let it go and choose to accept a person or walk away from them.  Something as simple as the idea of forgiveness is not so simple, but rather difficult to do and keeps us a stuck in a place, blocking us from moving forward. We can continue to blame everyone and everything around us for everything that is lacking or we can stop, and actually see all the amazingly wonderful things that happen and people in our life that do care instead of focusing on the ones that don't. Happiness is a choice and until we stop complaining about what was done, said, or has happened then on some level we won't really be happy and that is something that has been difficult for me to even understand because it is hard, you want someone to like you, to get to know you, but it is way more easier to fight with someone, then to let it go. I see that now, we only have this life and I am going to enjoy it, even if that means accepting some people in my life and walking away from others.

A new year will be upon us before we even know it and I am exhausted from the bickering, fighting, and arguing. I will accept you for you, but I expect the same courtesy. 
It makes me think of this quote from the movie, Grown Ups "In life, the first act is always exciting, but it is the second act - that is where the depth comes in." I don't need someone to like me, I don't need someone's approval....I did, but where did that get me except for feeling angry. This is my life and I'm going to live my life in joy, love, and peace, not get lost in the darkness.  



Give yourself entirely to those around you. Be generous with your blessings. A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~Steve Maraboli

The Flu, a blizzard, and Christmas....

So, our household (except for the husband) all got sick. It first started with my little man, he came down with strep throat, then three days later my sweet pea came down with influenza a, and by the weekend it hit me. I think I was in bed for three days and although I am better, I still have a horrible cough. We typically get flu shots after Christmas, but the flu seemed to hit early this year, but it is over and I'm better, I only hope that next year I will be ready for it. We also got hit with a blizzard, over night 11 inches of the powdery white stuff was dumped and so came the bitterly cold. I'm sure I am not alone when I saw I love the snow and hate it too! I love it when the snow is first falling and covering the landscape, it is a beautiful scene, but when it is done, I'm ready for it to be gone.

One down side to being sick, I didn't get much baking in this Christmas due to the kiddies and myself being sick, we did make some caramels and peanut butter balls, but I kind of missed out on my annual baking session. Our neighbor delivered a big basket of cookies and goodies galore, so that helped, but not calorie-wise since the goodies were so yummy. She made hot coco cupcakes that were delicious.



So, before I knew it December was nearly gone and Christmas was upon us. We definitely kept things low key, we hit the in-laws on Christmas Eve, which was a nice evening, though we left a bit early because we had to get the kids in bed so we could prepare for Santa's arrival. The kids got up at 5:01 am and eagerly ran into our room excited to see what Father Christmas had left for them. We then spent the rest of the day playing with the kids, getting dinner ready, then enjoyed a visit from my father-in-law and his wife, and ended the day with Christmas dessert and tea at my parents house. It was definitely a nice Christmas.

The kids received lots of Lego's and they each got a big Lego set from Santa - it is fun to sit down and put these tiny little blocks together and end up with a huge house or whatever it is we are building. What I like is that it is something I don't mind helping the kids do and the hubs will sit with our little man and just build one set after another and that is pretty much how we spent Christmas day. I helped my sweet pea build her Lego Friends house and the hubs helped my little man build Star Wars Jabba the Hut's Palace, these tiny things keep the kids entertained for hours.The only downside to having a house full of Lego's is stepping on one, seriously that is some pain. I've told the kiddies that from now on any piece I find on the floor is going directly to the rubbish bin because I don't think my feet can handle any more Lego injuries.

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." - Norman Vincent Peale