I think I know and I've even resorted to checking out self-help books at the library and mentally I know the answer, but it doesn't take the emotional sting out of the bite. Words are words, especially when they use ones such as "pathetic" or "good riddance to you," really are those necessary.
All I want to ask is, "do you feel better now that you got that out," but instead, I respond as if it is a joke or like it didn't upset me, even though as I am leaving the voice message because someone won't pick up the phone to at the minimum confront me, every bone in my body is shaking and I just want to cry. I feel like I am being bullied.
I don't go out of my way to email or make contact with this person, I'm the one getting sent emails accusing me of various things and perhaps it is because it has been so long that the relationship has been strained, somehow the person feels justified to contact me? And then I get sucked into this warp by responding when I know I shouldn't even respond. Every interaction with this person and afterwards I am left thinking, "am I really so horrible?" But I'm done being pushed with these bully tactics.
I am who I am, I like me. I am not perfect (you know this sounds familiar) and it is that "a-ha" moment that I find comfort - my priority is not making this person happy or even like me. My priority is my family, they love me, they support me, they enjoy being with me, they make me smile, they make me happy and I laugh so hard with them.
I lose sight of that every time I engage with this individual, I lose sight of who I am, I lose sight period and I can't continue to put up with that or the people who defend that behavior and treatment to others. The husband and I have tried to distant ourselves from certain family gatherings because of all the drama, so we make the choice not to attend Christmas, Easter, or Thanksgiving or whatever holiday to not make things awkward or we come at a different time, but tonight was the end. I've allowed myself to take on this drama and to bear the weight. I have allowed myself to be derailed far to many times to count. The problem is not ME!
This is my life and these individuals below are my priorities, these are who I need to be concerned for and about.
"The people who know the least about you are always the ones who have the most to say." - unknown
2 comments:
Dena... you are an amazing woman and I know I haven't seen you in many years, but I know who you are at your core, who you were and always be and there is noone worth anything out there that doesn't see a great and strong woman. If people feel they need to judge or bring you down, it really isn't worth your time or energy. Knowing you as a person, I feel these actions speak much louder volumes as them as people than you. As you said yourself, your family is who matters.
I am sending you a virtual hug because you deserve it! You are wonderful woman who many look up to, including your magnificent children so hold your head up high and know you are doing right by all the people that matter!
Thank you so much for your words! It really means a lot to me!
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