Well for the past week and half, my little girl has been calling me "mama," which I found interesting how one day I was simply "mommy" and now I'm "mama." I'm not sure I'm ready for it, I enjoyed being called mommy and granted my little man still is calling me mommy, but what triggered her transition?
The first couple days I didn't say anything, but after day four I asked her why she was calling me "mama," and she looked at me with her great big blue eyes and said, "Cause, I like it, I like the sound." Now, I really wasn't looking for a justification and was impressed that my three year old said that, so I told her, okay, mama it will be.
I do want to giggle each time she says it because it sounds a little bit different each time she says it, especially if I haven't answered her the first time, it goes....mama...maw maw....maaaaama...ma ma and I'm still getting used to it because I just see it as pretty soon, it will then be just mom and I'm definitely not ready to be "mom." They are my bebes and I want to be "mommy" for as long as I can - yes I want them to grow, but not so quickly.
"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” - Rajneesh
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Decisions, Decisions
I had posted earlier that my sister was chosen as the living donor and her testing began, well there was some concerns with her and so she can't go through with the living donation and thus it has fallen to me.
So, I talked it over with hubby because I know that he is thinking of this from a different point of view and I honestly couldn't go through with this without his support. He wanted me to discuss it with my mom because all he has heard from her is that she doesn't want another transplant and her recovery from this past surgery took a major toll on her physically and emotionally, so I did ask her. I told her to be honest with me and she did break down and tell me that yes she does want one, which was all I needed to hear. Hubby says he will support my decision and I hope he meant it.
I told transplant services that they could schedule the secound round of testing as I'd like to know if there would be any issues like they ran into with my sister, which would prevent me from being a donor, so testing should begin in the next month or two. I also asked that if all comes back good, could we wait till I finished my master's program as that would be one last issue to worry about, so they said we could schedule the surgery whenever my mom and I wanted it, which put me a bit at ease. The recovery is six weeks, so once I get past the second round of testing I will need to start thinking about childcare for my bebes, my sister said she will come and stay a week or two and I want my kids around, so hopefully that will work out.
So time-wise if all goes good with the testing - the surgery would be sometime next year, my master's program is over in August '09 and then after recovery maybe we can all go to New Zealand together.
So, I talked it over with hubby because I know that he is thinking of this from a different point of view and I honestly couldn't go through with this without his support. He wanted me to discuss it with my mom because all he has heard from her is that she doesn't want another transplant and her recovery from this past surgery took a major toll on her physically and emotionally, so I did ask her. I told her to be honest with me and she did break down and tell me that yes she does want one, which was all I needed to hear. Hubby says he will support my decision and I hope he meant it.
I told transplant services that they could schedule the secound round of testing as I'd like to know if there would be any issues like they ran into with my sister, which would prevent me from being a donor, so testing should begin in the next month or two. I also asked that if all comes back good, could we wait till I finished my master's program as that would be one last issue to worry about, so they said we could schedule the surgery whenever my mom and I wanted it, which put me a bit at ease. The recovery is six weeks, so once I get past the second round of testing I will need to start thinking about childcare for my bebes, my sister said she will come and stay a week or two and I want my kids around, so hopefully that will work out.
So time-wise if all goes good with the testing - the surgery would be sometime next year, my master's program is over in August '09 and then after recovery maybe we can all go to New Zealand together.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Family Unity
I decided that I'm going to list three things that I love about each of my immediate family members (no worries the list won't be that long). With my mom having her health problems and my sister recently going through some things, I felt I needed to get it out there, like most families we have had fun, crazy, stressful, ups and downs - sometimes wondering if these people were really related (wink wink) and I don't know if I've ever really told any of them what I love about them....so here it is....
The Three Reasons Why I Love.....
My Hubby - my love - you married me...need I say more....
1. You make me laugh, even when I don't want to and I try to fight it
2. You balance me out - you are spontaneous when I wouldn't otherwise be
3. You always tell me you love me
My SweetPea - you are my first, my little girl
1. Your love of knowledge
2. Your imagination
3. You are an old soul, even at three years old
My Little Man - my boy who has already had stiches and the one I will always worry about
1. Your curiousity
2. Your laugh
3. Your my fighter, yet a gentle spirit
My Brother - what can I say, you are 10 years younger than me and think you know it all....
1. You are fun to be with
2. You are a good helper
3. I've seen you cry
My Sister - we've had our fair share of fights and your older, yet somehow I get pegged as the oldest
1. Your big heart
2. Your carefree spirit (to a certain point)
3. You don't give up
My Dad - really what can I say, you've done so much
1. Your constant support
2. Your quiet nature
3. Your time in the military, a service I may never understand as a civilian and may have resented as a child, but I've come to realize that perhaps there were times you gave up more than we did
My Mom - my best friend, again there is so much more to say, but to narrow it down to three
1. Your resilience and strength - I know it has been tough these last few weeks, but you are stronger than you realize - something I have always admired in you
2. Your fiesty spirit
3. Watching you with my children and how happy you make them
Wow - this was a lot harder than I thought! As I was going through it, I thought of all the good, fun, bad, and sometimes hurtful moments throughout my life and to try to narrow it to three reasons was hard and also uplifting. It makes me realize how blessed I am to have all these people in my life.
My mom told me that she felt something had changed within her after this last bout - that she has accepted that her time may be coming, which is what sparked this and MOM - I can't say what you are feeling as I have not gone through what you are, but I know you are a fighter, you always have been, sometimes you just need to be reminded to fight.
My family, it is never a dull moment, but that is what makes us great, we each bring something to the other.
"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." - Erma Bombeck
The Three Reasons Why I Love.....
My Hubby - my love - you married me...need I say more....
1. You make me laugh, even when I don't want to and I try to fight it
2. You balance me out - you are spontaneous when I wouldn't otherwise be
3. You always tell me you love me
My SweetPea - you are my first, my little girl
1. Your love of knowledge
2. Your imagination
3. You are an old soul, even at three years old
My Little Man - my boy who has already had stiches and the one I will always worry about
1. Your curiousity
2. Your laugh
3. Your my fighter, yet a gentle spirit
My Brother - what can I say, you are 10 years younger than me and think you know it all....
1. You are fun to be with
2. You are a good helper
3. I've seen you cry
My Sister - we've had our fair share of fights and your older, yet somehow I get pegged as the oldest
1. Your big heart
2. Your carefree spirit (to a certain point)
3. You don't give up
My Dad - really what can I say, you've done so much
1. Your constant support
2. Your quiet nature
3. Your time in the military, a service I may never understand as a civilian and may have resented as a child, but I've come to realize that perhaps there were times you gave up more than we did
My Mom - my best friend, again there is so much more to say, but to narrow it down to three
1. Your resilience and strength - I know it has been tough these last few weeks, but you are stronger than you realize - something I have always admired in you
2. Your fiesty spirit
3. Watching you with my children and how happy you make them
Wow - this was a lot harder than I thought! As I was going through it, I thought of all the good, fun, bad, and sometimes hurtful moments throughout my life and to try to narrow it to three reasons was hard and also uplifting. It makes me realize how blessed I am to have all these people in my life.
My mom told me that she felt something had changed within her after this last bout - that she has accepted that her time may be coming, which is what sparked this and MOM - I can't say what you are feeling as I have not gone through what you are, but I know you are a fighter, you always have been, sometimes you just need to be reminded to fight.
My family, it is never a dull moment, but that is what makes us great, we each bring something to the other.
"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." - Erma Bombeck
Monday, September 15, 2008
Take a Stand
Today on Oprah they talked about sexual predators and what some of them are posting on the internet regarding children, infants as young as a few days old, absolutely disgusting.
I was brought to tears because I look at my two young toddlers and couldn't imagine anyone doing something so horrible as what some of these predators are doing, but also because I was sexually molested at five by a neighbor and it brought back horrible memories.
On her website, she listed a link and generic letter to help pass the Protect Our Children Bill, so I'm copying that here, if you read my blog, please contact your senator and help pass this bill.
We need to take a stand and protect all of our children.....the information is below:
Hundreds of thousands of children are victims of sexual abuse each year. Due to the sheer lack of resources, law enforcement is unable to follow up on the majority of leads they have.The PROTECT Our Children Act will:
Authorize over $320 million over the next five years in desperately needed funding for law enforcement to investigate child exploitation.
Mandate that child rescue be a top priority for law enforcement receiving federal funding.
Allocate funds for high-tech computer software that can track down Internet predators. Act Now!Your U.S. senators will be voting on the bill soon, so it is crucial you contact them immediately.
Go to www.senate.gov to find contact information for the senators in your state. Search for your senator by name or state by clicking on the arrow from either dropdown menu. Contact information is provided here.
To send an e-mail, click on "Web Form" below his or her name, and e-mail your letter to make a difference!
Call Your Senators! If you choose to contact your senators by phone, be sure to tell them, "Vote yes on Senate Bill 1738—The PROTECT Our Children Act."
Write to Your Senators! If you choose to write a letter, fax, telegram or e-mail, you may use the following sample letter—and modify it how you see fit.
Dear Senator:
I know that you believe, like I do, that we must do everything possible to protect children from sexual predators. That is why I am asking for your help.Last year alone, U.S. law enforcement identified over 300,000 criminals who were trafficking in movies and pictures of young children being raped and tortured. Experts say that one in every three of these criminals has local child victims. Child pornography trafficking over the Internet has given us a trail of evidence that leads straight to their doorsteps, but the vast majority of these children will never be rescued because investigators are overwhelmed, outnumbered and underfunded.As your constituent, I urge you to do everything in your power to pass the PROTECT Our Children Act (S. 1738, Biden-Hatch). This bipartisan legislation passed the House 415-2, but it is now the victim of petty partisan politics.Now that we know where these children are and how to protect them, there is no excuse for the Senate to fail to take action this session.
(Your name here)
I was brought to tears because I look at my two young toddlers and couldn't imagine anyone doing something so horrible as what some of these predators are doing, but also because I was sexually molested at five by a neighbor and it brought back horrible memories.
On her website, she listed a link and generic letter to help pass the Protect Our Children Bill, so I'm copying that here, if you read my blog, please contact your senator and help pass this bill.
We need to take a stand and protect all of our children.....the information is below:
Hundreds of thousands of children are victims of sexual abuse each year. Due to the sheer lack of resources, law enforcement is unable to follow up on the majority of leads they have.The PROTECT Our Children Act will:
Authorize over $320 million over the next five years in desperately needed funding for law enforcement to investigate child exploitation.
Mandate that child rescue be a top priority for law enforcement receiving federal funding.
Allocate funds for high-tech computer software that can track down Internet predators. Act Now!Your U.S. senators will be voting on the bill soon, so it is crucial you contact them immediately.
Go to www.senate.gov to find contact information for the senators in your state. Search for your senator by name or state by clicking on the arrow from either dropdown menu. Contact information is provided here.
To send an e-mail, click on "Web Form" below his or her name, and e-mail your letter to make a difference!
Call Your Senators! If you choose to contact your senators by phone, be sure to tell them, "Vote yes on Senate Bill 1738—The PROTECT Our Children Act."
Write to Your Senators! If you choose to write a letter, fax, telegram or e-mail, you may use the following sample letter—and modify it how you see fit.
Dear Senator:
I know that you believe, like I do, that we must do everything possible to protect children from sexual predators. That is why I am asking for your help.Last year alone, U.S. law enforcement identified over 300,000 criminals who were trafficking in movies and pictures of young children being raped and tortured. Experts say that one in every three of these criminals has local child victims. Child pornography trafficking over the Internet has given us a trail of evidence that leads straight to their doorsteps, but the vast majority of these children will never be rescued because investigators are overwhelmed, outnumbered and underfunded.As your constituent, I urge you to do everything in your power to pass the PROTECT Our Children Act (S. 1738, Biden-Hatch). This bipartisan legislation passed the House 415-2, but it is now the victim of petty partisan politics.Now that we know where these children are and how to protect them, there is no excuse for the Senate to fail to take action this session.
(Your name here)
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Falling Leaves
Already? I keep forgetting that we are entering into September and the air has already shifted, the days are getting cooler and you can feel the crisp in the morning air. I love fall, but I'm really not ready for it - we didn't have very many hot sultry days here in Iowa this summer and when we do, I long for fall, but it has been a rather pleasant summer.
With fall comes classes and I started my new semester, which I'm having a terrible time trying to keep up with the house, kids, and reading assignments between the two classes, but I keep telling myself...one year...one year.
My mom also had her sleep apnea surgery 11 days ago, it hasn't been a pleasant recovery. Three days after her first surgery, she ended up going to the ER via ambulance because she coughed and ended up bleeding from the site in her mouth, lost a liter of blood, she ended up staying two days and then this past Wednesday before she finished her dialysis treatment, the same thing happened, thankfully she was already at the hospital. They put her under this time and said they fixed whatever was happening and she stayed till Friday, she seems better, but not herself. She had to have a blood transfusion before she left this time around and I don't know how much more she can endure while trying to maintain good spirits. Thank goodness for my kids as she does light up when she sees them and they can always get a smile or a laugh out of her, which reminds me that I have to get my little man singing "3 Little Birds" by Bob Marley...he starts off by saying...doe doe about a sa, eberythik gonna be alright...woke up tis morning....there was three wittle birdies at my door...it is the cutest, funniest thing in the world. I love it!
Anyway, I hope things turn around for my mom - I told her she needs to get well, so we can take the kids to an apple orchard.
"Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." ~Elizabeth Lawrence
With fall comes classes and I started my new semester, which I'm having a terrible time trying to keep up with the house, kids, and reading assignments between the two classes, but I keep telling myself...one year...one year.
My mom also had her sleep apnea surgery 11 days ago, it hasn't been a pleasant recovery. Three days after her first surgery, she ended up going to the ER via ambulance because she coughed and ended up bleeding from the site in her mouth, lost a liter of blood, she ended up staying two days and then this past Wednesday before she finished her dialysis treatment, the same thing happened, thankfully she was already at the hospital. They put her under this time and said they fixed whatever was happening and she stayed till Friday, she seems better, but not herself. She had to have a blood transfusion before she left this time around and I don't know how much more she can endure while trying to maintain good spirits. Thank goodness for my kids as she does light up when she sees them and they can always get a smile or a laugh out of her, which reminds me that I have to get my little man singing "3 Little Birds" by Bob Marley...he starts off by saying...doe doe about a sa, eberythik gonna be alright...woke up tis morning....there was three wittle birdies at my door...it is the cutest, funniest thing in the world. I love it!
Anyway, I hope things turn around for my mom - I told her she needs to get well, so we can take the kids to an apple orchard.
"Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." ~Elizabeth Lawrence
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Happy Anniversary
Hubby and I will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary this Saturday. I totally can't believe it has been six years and yet there are moments when I find myself smiling just by thinking of him. We've had some crazy times, but what couple doesn't. I really can't imagine my life without him. It is absolutely wonderful to know I have found someone who knows me so well. Someone who wipes my tears, tickles me endlessly, and still calls me sexy.
I remember the first moment I saw him at my friend's birthday party and I immediately thought "I'm going to marry him," I had no idea why I thought that, but I knew it and I later told my mom that night that I had met my future husband. And so went six months and I didn't see him again, until he ran into my friend and gave his number to her to give to me. She had to convince me as to why I should call him because I didn't think I could, but she did and we talked, we talked for three hours about everything and anything and we ended the call with a time and date for our first date. One of my friends told me to stay away from him (P-aren't you glad I didn't listen), she said he is a bad boy and he will break your heart. And I did think about cancelling the whole thing, I had been through enough and really didn't want to get involved only to get hurt, so I debated, but my heart told me no - I knew he was the one.
I remember the morning I woke up on our wedding day thinking is this really going to happen to which lead me into a panic attack and then I left for the whole makeup/hair stuff and came back to my parent's house and sitting on the table was a vase of 32 red roses and 1 white rose perfectly in the center - on the card it said, "a red rose for each month we have spent together and a white for the lifetime we'll spend together." I melted and couldn't wait to see you and when I turned the corner coming into the balacony, I immediately locked eyes with you and knew you would make my life better and because of you, I now know what love really is.
Happy Anniversary my love, my constant, my sometimes you make me so frustrated, my kindred spirit - I thank you for the six wonderful, crazy years and our children - you've made my dreams come true.
And really who would have thought that this one girl, born in New Zealand and this one boy, born in Iowa would cross paths, but I suppose no explanation is needed because only we know!
I love you, babe, your are everything, p.s.
"All of us are born with the need to share our lives with someone. The fullfillment of this need can be the cause of constant concern and occasional pain. For it can't be fullfilled by one person reaching, but only when two are willing to meet halfway." - Javan
Thursday, August 7, 2008
So the testing begins....
My sister and I have both been doing some initial testing to see if we are potential kidney donors for my mom. For those who know me, know the story and for those who don't...the short story is my mom is in need of a kidney transplant.
Now, she has had two (one was immediate rejection and she never left the hospital and the second was from her sister). The second transplant lasted about six years and she began dialysis again in late 2006, she initially refused dialysis as she wasn't sure she wanted to go back to that lifestyle, but thankfully she accepted and has been doing great since (at least no hospital admissions). So, I started looking into kidney donation and was sent a packet of information, in the meantime, I find out my sister is doing the same. So we went to a couple of tests together and this phase is just the initial phase, seeing if we can even be a potential donor. My hubby was unsure, he didn't like the idea of me having to have surgery, but he wants my mom to be healthy.
Anyway, yesterday I got a call from transplant services and they informed me that while both my sister and I are good candidates, they are choosing my sister to go through the second round of testing. They felt since me having two small children that it would be just be additional stress of having to come to several appointments and then having to arrange childcare for six weeks would be challenging.
When she told me this, it was bittersweet - part of me wanted to help my mom in this way and the other part of me was a bit relieved as I was worrying about my kids, but it was something I really wanted to do.
So, my sister will begin the second round of testing and only when that is done will we know if there will be another transplant on the horizon. My mom at this moment, doesn't want it - she wants to wait...for what...only she knows. I only told her that she has to be prepared for it physically and mentally and that in the end the decision is hers alone.
I will support my sister in whatever capacity I can while she continues on with the testing - Good Luck Sis!
“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” - William Allen White
Now, she has had two (one was immediate rejection and she never left the hospital and the second was from her sister). The second transplant lasted about six years and she began dialysis again in late 2006, she initially refused dialysis as she wasn't sure she wanted to go back to that lifestyle, but thankfully she accepted and has been doing great since (at least no hospital admissions). So, I started looking into kidney donation and was sent a packet of information, in the meantime, I find out my sister is doing the same. So we went to a couple of tests together and this phase is just the initial phase, seeing if we can even be a potential donor. My hubby was unsure, he didn't like the idea of me having to have surgery, but he wants my mom to be healthy.
Anyway, yesterday I got a call from transplant services and they informed me that while both my sister and I are good candidates, they are choosing my sister to go through the second round of testing. They felt since me having two small children that it would be just be additional stress of having to come to several appointments and then having to arrange childcare for six weeks would be challenging.
When she told me this, it was bittersweet - part of me wanted to help my mom in this way and the other part of me was a bit relieved as I was worrying about my kids, but it was something I really wanted to do.
So, my sister will begin the second round of testing and only when that is done will we know if there will be another transplant on the horizon. My mom at this moment, doesn't want it - she wants to wait...for what...only she knows. I only told her that she has to be prepared for it physically and mentally and that in the end the decision is hers alone.
I will support my sister in whatever capacity I can while she continues on with the testing - Good Luck Sis!
“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” - William Allen White
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