Pillow Talk

Last week as the kiddos were getting ready for bed, my sweet pea excitedly tells me how she applied for a "job" at school. She informs that if she is chosen she will need to go to the school at 7:30 in the morning as she would be a "bank teller" and they need time setting things up. I told her great and I said, did you have to do anything when you applied and she goes on about how she had to fill out an application and that one of the questions was, "Why do you think we should pick you for this position?"
I was curious, so I said, what did you write? And she said, "well you know things like I am responsible, kind, but then I put because I am AWESOME, in capital letters and with three exclamation points. I burst out laughing and said, well then there is no question, they should totally pick you. She smiled and I said so will you be disappointed if you don't get the job and she said, "I think it would be fun, but if it is not me that's okay too."
I told her to keep me posted and then planted her dreams for the night and went to do the same with my little man. After they were in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about what she put on her paper, "because I am AWESOME!!!" and I know it is such a minor thing, but when I was her age, I definitely didn't have the self-confidence to a) apply for a school job and b) would never consider writing down that I was awesome, because I didn't believe that at her age.
And as a parent you want your children to believe in themselves and their capabilities, to have a good self-image, and to be kind to others, but you never know how they internalize these things. And I never have thought to ask my kids what they thought of themselves, it was something I never thought to ask. We typically ask questions like:

• What are you thankful for today
• What did you dream about
• What was your favorite thing about today
• What did you learn about
• What is the best thing about school, friend, or your teacher

And it made me think that we should incorporate some other questions throughout the week, such as:

• Who is your hero
• What are you most proud about
• How would you describe yourself
• What is the best compliment you have received and given

I was completely amazed by what my sweet pea had shared in that discussion because I knew that she didn't lack confidence in herself, that she saw herself as an awesome little girl and in that moment my heart melted. Of course you don't want your child to have so much self-confidence that they are narcissistic or arrogant, but you definitely want them to have self-worth and a positive self-image. 
And as I reflected on my own memories, I couldn't hold back my tears - it really hasn't been till recently that I am comfortable with my own self and that I started to feel confident in myself and it is not that my parents weren't encouraging because they were.There are just certain things that can happen in life that sometimes break your spirit and suddenly you see the world through a different lens then you once did...moments that happen that you wish didn't, but in the end you learn from them, even if it takes you a while.
Anyway, it made me feel blessed that my children have a good self-image of themselves, that they really do believe in themselves, that they feel they are awesome individuals because I certainly believe it! And it is these type of nights that I enjoy our pillow chats with my kiddos, I never know what I will learn.

"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”- J.M. Barrie

Car Trip Vacation......

As one last hurrah before school starts, we decided to take a mini vacation to Niagara Falls. We took the Northern most route and it took us about 16 hours total including all the pit stops along the way. Before we even left the house, the portable DVD decided to crap out, so we left it. The hubs and I thought, this will be a loooong drive, especially without it, but there was nothing we could do. So, we explained to the kids that it wasn't working and made sure they had some books and other activities to bring.
This trip was also going to be our first trip since we switch our diets to a more natural, whole food type of diet. We weren't going to be relying on fast food places for a quick bite to eat, so we packed crackers, bagels, cheese, lots of fruits, assorted nuts, some carrots, dried fruit, and a ton of water. I did throw in some lollies and treats I knew the kids would like.

We stopped somewhere in Indiana to eat lunch and in Erie, PA for dinner; the kids loved the picnic idea and we had no complaints about the food. We also didn't have any complaints or fights between the kids on the way, I was pleasantly surprised at how well the kids got along and behaved without the DVD player to entertain them on the car trip. We only use the DVD player for car trips, but this was the first time we had taken a car trip that was longer than six hours, but the kids managed without it. We ended up playing car games, I asked the kids if they thought we could find all 50 states license plates and so they had fun trying to find those. We ended up finding 47 states, the ones we couldn't find were Hawaii, Alaska, and South Dakota. We did eat at Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY and they had a license plate on the wall from Hawaii and South Dakota, but we didn't count those.
Niagara Falls was beautiful, we stayed on the New York side, but ended up walking onto the Canadian side, which I was glad. The car traffic to get into Canada was about a two hour wait - we only had to wait about 20 minutes in line and it was only a 15 minute walk over the bridge.

 This is the view of the American Falls from the Tower Wheel on the Canadian side

I think my favorite part was the Maid of the Mist boat tour of the falls, it was great to get that close and we got absolutely soaked. The kids laughed as the water from the falls sprayed all over us and it was something we will never forget. If we had more time, I really wanted to drive down to my old hometown in PA, but we only really had four days, not counting the car time. We also visited the Columbus Zoo and although it definitely beats out our local zoo, I think I like the Omaha Zoo better. The kids had a blast and really that was all that matter, I think it was great way to end our summer vacation.

The kids are definitely ready to go back to school and see their friends and I just keep thinking, where is all this time going, 3rd and 2nd grade!

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” - Ernest Hemingway

Happy Kidney Day!!!!

It was four years ago when my mum and I went into to surgery not knowing what the future would bring us, and so far it has given us four more years of life for my mother. The journey to that point was long and my mother went through many things from not wanting another transplant to finally accepting this gift.



It doesn't seem that long ago when I remember finally becoming aware after the anesthesia finally wore off and asking tons of questions. "How is my mother, is she okay, did the kidney take, will it work?" And seeing the look on the transplant coordinator's face before she answered, I knew it wasn't good, they said it wasn't working how they expected, they weren't sure what went wrong.
I had no words, it definitely wasn't what I wanted to hear, I smiled and said I was tired, when really I just didn't want her to see me break down. I was angry even though they tell you this and try to prepare you, I thought it can't be!
I immediately wanted to see my mum, but she was still in recovery and I was in no shape to get out of the bed. I didn't want my mum to wake up to hear this, I didn't want them to tell her, I wanted her to hear positive news because I wasn't going to give up. My dad came in and I told him, don't let them tell her it is not working, don't let them say that to her and he patted my hand and said it will be fine. The recovery for mum after the kidney transplant was long and rough, she was in the hospital a lot longer than anticipated, she went through ups and downs, but eventually that kidney kicked into high gear and started functioning like it should. My mom is a fighter, she has always been a fighter, it is part of her nature, part of her spirit and she has been fighting for this and that since she was a child. We should have expected that this too would not have been so easy, but after some time, it has all worked out.
 
I think back to that day every now and then and am grateful that my children have been able to make many more memories with her. They don't remember the visits to the hospital prior to the transplant and sitting on her hospital bed singing songs and I'm grateful they don't remember those instead they have had four more years worth of memories and to me that is priceless and something I wouldn't change. I'm grateful for everyday I'm given. All too often we get caught up in those little things that don't really matter, but cause such messes and our focus becomes narrow. Zeroing in on the what if's, could be's, the have not's, etc....and then we are left feeling empty and unfulfilled. Life is a gift - and yes we all have days where some days are a lot harder than others, but it is not how you live your life that counts, it is how you make others feel - the impact that you have, that is what lasts. Slowly I am becoming more conscience of this, that sometimes life can break you, but you can either pick at the broken pieces one by one till you feel no more or you can pick up the pieces, accept it and continue to live and enjoy all that you have and were.

“If we thought of life as a gift, we might not demand nearly as much from it. And if we lived more graciously, giving of ourselves more freely to the well-being of others, many of our personal concerns would disappear, and life would become easier for all.”- Lowell Bennion

"There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections." - John Lennon

Forgetting to listen

Sometimes all it takes is listening; problems don't need to be solved, issues don't need resolved, but all you need to do is vent and let it all out. I forget this sometimes, well, maybe often. When someone comes to me to talk, I try to give advice and try to "fix" whatever is bothering the person.
And lately there has been some stuff going on with my siblings and I've been trying to avoid the whole thing because I don't want to get dragged into whatever is going on - it is frustrating and my parents don't need the added stress.
And earlier today as I was on the phone with my sister, my frustration came out and then soon afterwards my parents came over and my frustration came out again. Just because some things should be said, doesn't mean that it should be and I told my mum that she couldn't complain to me and of course, after she left, I realized how selfish that was on my behalf. I realized that maybe all the complaining wasn't necessarily her looking to fix things, but rather her venting, letting it out and I failed to see that. I have been trying to ease her feelings by giving her advice, when perhaps all along she is just venting. Same with my siblings, I'm a fixer - when you come to me with an issue, I will point out other options.
I come from a line of highly passionate, full of emotions, often defensive, open-hearted family. We are close-knit, sometimes weary of others, but often full of spirit and will wear our hearts on our sleeve if you look close enough and so I know that what I said hurt my mum, which was not my intention. And so I called to apologize to her, that I was wrong in saying she couldn’t complain to me and that I realized that maybe she is just wanting to vent her frustrations, but before I could squeeze in my apology, she yelled and hung up on me. I rang right back, was about to yell right back at her and then I stopped, because I realized that sometimes we just don't see at the time how our minds can blow things out of proportion, we are quick to assumptions and overgeneralizations, so I stopped myself and have left things alone. I realize that I simply forgot to listen and instead tried to reply when at the time perhaps all she wanted was to be heard.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” - Ralph Nichols

Calming the Nerves......

So, I have an upcoming wedding shower, which typically would be just great to attend and partake in the festivities of the event. Yet, this is causing some uneasiness for me. I spoke with the Bride-to-be and asked if it would be okay if I did not attend and she expressed that she would understand, but she really would love for me to come. And don't get me wrong, I get along with the bride-to-be, it is a couple others that I'm worried about, but I told the bride-to-be that I would go as the event was still some time away.
And of course as with everything, things go by rather quickly and here we are a week away from the event and I'm scared. There I said, scared....my nerves are beginning to go crazy. There is a difference between going to an event that you are invited too and welcomed versus going to an event that you know you are really not wanted too, but it was most likely a "had" to invite deal. And because of all the past ongoing conflict it has been damaging and therefore why I'm scared to see these people. As I've blogged before, beginning in January, I set a new course for how I was going to live my life and thus far, things have been positive and so I don't want to get in a situation where there is negative energy or feelings towards me that I will pick up on, which will only make me defensive.
So, last night as I struggled to go to sleep, I thought what are my options? Not attend or Attend. I could easily not attend and make arrangements with the bride-to-be to give her gift some other time or attend the event, where there are unknowns, I can control how I react and behave, but I can't predict how others will act and the last event we were all gathered at, we ended up leaving because the husband got upset over some remarks that were made to him, so where does it leave me? Confused!
I tossed and turned playing out various scenes because I am an over-analyzer and then I realized I can't do this - I can't play out all the "what if's," it will drive me batty and so I let the feelings go for the moment. I calmed my mind and realized this is not about me. I can't control what these people think about me or even feel about me, the one person who this event centers on does want me there and that is all that matters. 
I have yet to decide what I am going to do, but I have decided that I will hold no expectations and just let things play out as it comes......whatever will be, will be.

“Avoiding conflict isn’t peacemaking. Avoiding conflict means running away from the mess while peacemaking means running into the middle of it.
Peacemaking means addressing those issues that caused conflict in the first place.
Peacemaking can never be separated from doing justice. They go hand in hand. Peacemaking means having to stir the waters on the way to peace.
Peacemaking means speaking the truth in love, but speaking the truth nonetheless.”
― Peggy Haymes

“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits." - Sarah Brethnach

"You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”- Alison McGhee

Late night chats and laughs......

 My wonderful cousin is visiting from Aotearoa and it has been great having him here. We've spent several nights sitting on the porch talking till the wee hours of the morning. Sharing our thoughts, laughing, talking about our dreams, hopes, and fears.
We've shown him around the city, enjoyed a "flash mob" during RAGBRAI, picked out shirts from RAYGUN, and even hit some bars/clubs (although I must admit I'm not as young as I once was and it definitely catches up) and I must not forget the karaoke bar.
It will be sad to see him go because he is more like an older brother and always has been, but perhaps one day fate will lead him here to stay for longer than visit. His visit has reminded me how beautiful this city is - sometimes we forget what we have in our reach and his stories of how our beloved city, Christchurch, has changed since the earthquake and what was once was is no longer there.
Ideally, I would love to be able to travel back and forth between here and Aotearoa and perhaps one day in the future that will happen, but for now I will enjoy the time I have with my cousin.



"When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them." - Unknown

Where is the outrage?

In cities across America, people are killed on a daily basis, victims of gun shootings, gang violence, hate crimes, or whatever the ultimate case may be. The case with Trayvon Martin and Zimmerman, could have been prevented and ultimately what happened was sad for everyone involved. Yet, this was one incident, there are many more untold stories, many whose lives have been taken simply for being there at the wrong time, where are their stories? Where is the outrage from the American people? Oh, that's right, there is none, no one cares unless it is getting the attention of the media.
I found an article by the Huffington Post, which asks, "when the media would tell their similarly tragic stories of lives lost to gun violence." During the Zimmerman trial over 50 people will killed to gun violence in Chicago alone. Where are their stories? Where is the outrage for those victims?
I think what I found most disturbing with the coverage of the Zimmerman trial and what happened to Trayvon was the media's portrayal and almost push for riots, "will their be riots after the outcome is read," "how will the African-American community feel," etc......
I felt like instead of dividing and trying to ignite fear - why not use this as a time to unify people, but instead looking at my Facebook news feed, it elicited anger, sadness, and even some unnecessary comments. I didn't remark or post any of my thoughts.

There needs to be a shift in our thinking if things should get better, just not sure that is going to happen.

“I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.”- Mahatma Gandhi