Amazing Game

This past weekend, we went to Chicago to watch the test match rugby game between the USA Eagles and the NZ All Blacks and what a fantastic game. The All Blacks dominated the game, but that was no surprise, I anticipated a clear win. The kids enjoyed the game, both of them were on their chairs screaming and cheering. My wee man has yet to stop talking about the game. The American team played with all their hearts and they played well - what I enjoyed was the crowds. I didn't hear any booing or name calling, it was just a great crowd enjoying this opportunity to see the world class team. Solider Field was sold out - 62000 fans enjoying a rugby game. I felt somewhat torn as I have dual citizenship with USA and NZ and I think what I enjoyed most about the game was hearing the New Zealand national anthem being sung on US soil and then in turn singing the US national anthem - for me it was an awesome moment.

 My mum got a bit emotional hearing the New Zealand anthem being sung in Maori - she wasn't expecting that and I think it ties you back home, which at least that is how I felt. I've spend much of my life living in the US and I love living here, but at times my heart and soul yearn for New Zealand and I can't explain it. I've always felt torn between two places, lost not quite fitting in one or the other. When we left and I knew it would be a long time till I returned, I've always had an absence in my heart - a tug to go back to New Zealand and thankfully I've married someone who would move there and we have discussed it. I have my NZ passport ready in case I do see a job opportunity and definitely have and would consider the move there, but it is such a big move.
I hesitate to do it to my children. Not because they wouldn't adjust, I know they would love it and enjoy it, but I grew up not being close to my extended family (my dad's and my mum's) and it is hard - no matter how hard you try, you can't replace those bonds with grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. Which is kind of ironic and sad because we have essentially no relationship with certain parts of the extended family, so it shouldn't matter, but I guess it boils down to I stay because my kids have relationships with their grandparents, and I hate the idea of taking that away regardless of how often they see any of their grandparents. 
In today's digital environment, I know that they would still have a relationship and I still had a relationship with my relatives, but you lose a connection and so when my cousin or family comes to visit from New Zealand, I light up because it reminds me of home and everything good that I still hold on to - for me that connection is deep and when I'm close to reminders of home, a part of me feels restored.
We are trying to plan for a trip to New Zealand with the kids and it will be stretch to send four people over there, but I want them to see it, experience it and then maybe we can discuss moving after they have been there.
Anyway, I was glad to witness this great sporting event and be part of the many fans cheering on the greatest team ever. I hope that Americans got a taste for rugby and it makes them want to see more of the USA Eagles - it would be good to see more rugby being broadcasted, not just because of the All Blacks, but because it is a great sport to watch.

Pallet Wall

The is a wall that I've always hated since we've lived in our home, it is the wall going down to the basement - it had this textured wallpaper that was plastered on and was just horrible. We try removing the wall paper, but it would pull chunks of the wall off leaving it uneven. The hubs fixed it, but it was still an eye sore. Then we came across a bedroom that had one wall completely covered in pallets and of course, lightbulb.....why don't we do that?
So, the hubs collected many pallets and I helped pull all the wood off and over a weekend, we had our pallet wall complete. I'm really happy with it and we didn't do the whole space, just one wall - I think if we were to have done all the walls, it would make the small space seem even smaller.
It is amazing how one simple change can really give your space a new look.

First Crushes and More.....

I had a great conversation with my kiddos last night - we talked about life for an 8 year old and 9 year old and lessons I want them to always remember. You see, when I picked up my sweet pea from school yesterday, she was excited and just carried herself a little differently that afternoon. So, of course, I pry and she informs me that she left a note inside the locker of whom she has a crush on. I said did you sign the note? And she looks at me like I'm crazy and as a matter of factly states...."no of course not, but I did tell him to guess."
She said she felt so great that she finally worked up the courage to do it and so I reminded her that she was great regardless of whether this boy felt the same way or not. She said she knew and said she didn't care if he did like her back. And as a mom, I don't want to encourage crushes nor discourage it either because I clearly remember my first crush, but part of me wants to avoid the subject all together. I think it is just the mere reminder that they are growing older and as sweet as first crushes seem, I know there will be others and I know that at some point, there will be tears, but I didn't - knowing that both my kids have crushes on individuals, I decided to just listen. I stopped asking questions and I just listened as they shared their thoughts with me.
After I knew they were done, we talked about respect and knowing that it's okay to have crushes and it's okay if these people like us back or not like us back. I then shared my first crush with them and as they asked questions, we spoke and towards the end of the conversation I told them five things that I wanted them to remember, not about crushes, but about qualities within that I see growing....I told them that this was not advice, but merely things I recognized in them that I appreciated and loved.....

1. Always Be You - My daughter questions EVERY thing, which sometimes drives me up the wall, I told her that asking questions is good, you learn invaluable things by asking and observing. I told her that it was only until I was older that I felt it was okay to question things and that it takes a strong sense of self and that regardless of what may come her way, to stay true to who she is. I told her that her confidence at 9 is something I didn't have till I was an adult.  I informed her that it is a the way we ask questions that enable us to grow. My wee man, he is my sensitive soul - like me, I believe he is an empath. He feels everything, hurts easily and also loves easily. He is most forgiving and is always thinking of others. I told him that sometimes he will feel isolated, but being sensitive means you have a huge heart and that you're not afraid to show your emotions. 
2. Find time to laugh - as they get older and as school progresses, I see that sometimes they get frustrated with various things - I told them that when they find that they are stressed or upset about something to find something that will make them laugh. Laughter is infectious and regardless of how upset or mad you may be at the time, when you start laughing instantly you feel better. I told them that if they need me to do something silly, if it will get them to laugh, I have no issues doing it!
3. Be Kind - there will always be mean people regardless of where you go - it took me a while to realize it, but people who are mean are most often lacking something in their own life. So be kind, it may not make a difference to that mean person, but people will always remember how you treat them, not by what you said. I also said, being kind doesn't mean you have to give in or even be nice - it means that even in disagreements you are showing politeness towards others. I reminded my daughter that to remember to be kind in your words when she questions things.  
4. It's okay if someone doesn't like you or if you don't like someone back - both of you will go through life and meet many people, some of them will like you, some of them may not and you in turn may not like that person and this is okay. As long as you follow number 3, it's okay. 
5. Be Courageous - It may scare you at first, but it leaves a lasting impression and sometimes could change your future. I told them that after the hubby and I met, I was the first one to call him, had I not had the courage to do so, I could have been waiting for his call. I reminded them that have courage also means to never be afraid to stand up for yourself or stand up for others - sometimes it may be hard to do this especially, but too often if we allow bad behavior or treatment to continue even when we know it is wrong it will only continue to grow or get worse. 

I love my little family - I love listening to their worldly ideas, there thoughts about the future and they know that I will always be honest with them. As a parent you hope and pray that you are providing the right tools to your children so they can navigate the world on their own and that is my hope. To walk gently upon this world, but for them to make their mark in their own way.

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there.
It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.”  - Ray Bradbury

12 Years 12 Dozen

We recently celebrated our twelfth wedding anniversary and I was greeted with 12 dozen roses the night before. You see, the hubs scheduled his annual creek clean-up event on our anniversary, and as often as he apologized, it never was an issue for me.  So, on that morning as he was thanking the volunteers, he called me out and informed everyone it was our anniversary and how thankful he is that I allow him to spend our day out here picking up trash. I immediately became uncomfortable because I hate attention and teary-eyed because I actually enjoy the creek clean-up and events like these are such a part of our lives that what else would we do?
He then surprised me with dinner plans later that evening at one of my favorite restaurants and part of me felt bad because I didn't plan a single thing. I did surprise  him with a gift, but I assumed we would be so tired after the clean-up that if we did dinner, it would be with the kids and just tossing some things together, so I felt spoiled. He also surprised me by having my wedding bands redesigned, I'm nervous because my rings have been a part of me for 12 years, but I'm excited to see what the design will be.  He definitely was full of surprises this year. 
As the years go by, you think marriage wouldn't be a surprise any more, and the more I realize how marriage constantly changes...you are never prepared for the journey it takes you. After several years, I think it will just get easier (and some years it is), but then sometimes it is harder and so you have to find a balance of what is working and what's not.
I keep trying to think that after twelve years I would have some grand knowledge, but I don't. We have our problems, our issues, our insecurities that come and go regardless of how long we have been together. Of course I get mad at him, he gets mad at me, but over these years I see the both of us changing and growing from the young kids we were and how life is shaping us. We change and I think that is important, if we refused to grow and change from who we were 12 years ago, then of course things would be hard. And I'm glad that I have someone who is willing to be part of my life and grow with me.
What I have learned is that marriage is all about giving because regardless of the issues or things going on, it is a constant giving by both individuals and it never ends, and sometimes it is not always 50/50....that's right, sometimes over the course of different periods in our life one of us is giving more than the other and that will always be the case, but as long as we are team and both support what is going on, it works. And the other thing I look at, is at the end of the day, who do I want standing next to me in this journey of life and always it is my love. When we were at dinner, I said, "does it really seem like 12 years, because I feel like it hasn't been that long?" He responded that indeed it doesn't....then I said something like, I don't know if that is good or bad and we laughed.
I've ever grateful for this man and love him more than I could ever express. He really makes me feel as if there is nothing that we can't do. I think of what we have accomplished in these short 12 years that I can't wait for what's in store......




“I told you. You don't love someone because of their looks or their clothes or their car. You love them because they sing a song only your heart can understand.” - LJ Smith


“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
― Khalil Gibran

Wilderness Awe

"The mountains are calling and I must go," said John Muir and I know it well. I feel it in the depths of my soul when I'm in Aotearoa and when I hit a landscape that reminds of home, it calls and pulls at my heart.
We decided at the last minute to take the kids on one last summer adventure before school started. So we knew we would drive and since we went to Niagara Falls last summer we decided to head West to Colorado.
I have been there via the Denver airport, but that was it - we were going to go for my graduation ceremony, but it was the middle of winter and driving didn't seem like a good idea at the time, so we didn't attend the ceremony, other than the glimpse I had seen from the airport windows, that was my experience. Hubby had been as a kid, skiing with his dad. I was excited to see the Rocky Mountains.
So, we jumped in the car and drove West and our first stop was Estes Park to the Rocky Mountain National Park. We stopped and did some very basic, very easy hiking and at first the kids were all game and then as we continued on the Rocky Mountain Trail Ridge Road and would stop, hike some more, the kids got tired, antsy and complain. We eventually told them that when they got older and had kids of their own, they could take this same trek and tell their kids the story of when mom and dad forced them to climb this trail and how horrible it was, but how much they loved it once they got to the top, they didn't like that and informed us that they would carry their kids. I said remind me of this conversation in twenty or so years.
The Trail Ridge Road was breathtaking, we saw some Elk and it is just amazing and I'm so grateful that we still have places that are not developed and are left for generations to come and enjoy this piece of nature, wilderness.

From there we headed to Breckenridge where we got to relax a bit and hit the Alpine Slide. You get to take the chair lift to the top of the mountain and then sit on a plastic sled type thing (it does have a brake) and then slide down to the bottom via some twists and turns down the mountain. It was more fun than I had anticipated and the kids just had a blast.



Then it was on to one of the places that I have always wanted to visit - Mesa Verde National Park where the cliff dwellings are. And wow, I was not expecting to feel what I felt - it was amazing. Rocky Mountain National Park was beautiful, but Mesa Verde - is special - there is something inherently remarkable about the land, that it draws you in, wanting more. We took two tours - one at Cliff Palace and the other at Balcony House. Right before we were getting ready to leave, we stopped to take a photo and I saw a man walking by, I smiled, he smiled and I said, "this is beautiful, I'm in awe." He stopped and started to speak and informed us that just a few steps over was the reservation side of the park....he was part of the Ute Native Indian tribe and part of the park belongs to them. He pointed to a direction and said that some members sell fry bread, jewelry and things over there and we should stop by. And then he said that visitors are not allowed within the reservation side without a member of the tribe. I told him that I was just taking a photo here and would not disrespect the grounds - he then came closer and said, come with me.
He then lead us through a closed road and into the reservation side - he said the view is better here and took us for a short walk directly atop a cliff and he was right, the view was stunning.
I was quickly overcome with emotion and thanked him for this amazing moment.  All of us stood there for a bit in silence, just listening....you could hear the ravens.
We headed back and he told us about the Ute Native Indian tribe and some history, and some of what they believe about the cliff dwellings.
We parted and I hugged him - I felt close to him in those brief moments. I'm sure if we were to go back, I would want to visit the Ute Mountain Tribal Park.





Our final stop before heading home was in Pagosa Springs. We were going to head straight home from Mesa Verde, but decided as we were approaching Pagosa Springs to stop and enjoy soaking in the hot pools.  So we did, we capped off our summer trip with a nice soak in the hot springs and reflected on the last few days.

Sometimes I get sad because of what we are doing to this earth and how little we appreciate the gifts that this land truly is, but then I'm hopeful that my children will see these amazing places and be inspired to preserve what we are not, to cherish these sacred lands. 
I love being in nature, feeling the ground beneath, it makes you realize how small you really are and it really makes you appreciate the land for what it is, the simple beauty that is. It makes you pause and even if it is for a moment, reflect on something greater - connected to all things.

"So extraordinary is Nature with her choicest treasures, spending plant beauty as she spends sunshine, pouring it forth into land and sea, garden and desert. And so the beauty of lilies falls on angels and men, bears and squirrels, wolves and sheep, birds and bees...." - John Muir

Mom's Night Out...

Monday night is just as good as any night for a mom's night out....I was invited to get some dinner and enjoy some drinks with a friend and her friend, whom I had not met before.
It's always a little unnerving meeting other women, especially when you don't them and I think it is because for the most part, we've been brought up in asociety where females tend to compete with one another. I enjoyed hanging with these women because sometimes when you get in a group of different women, somewhere in the conversation negative stereotypes pop up, self-criticism comes in or other negative attitudes arise and what I found was none of those popped up in our conversations. It didn't become a "bitchfest" at all and not that all girls night turn into that, it was just refreshing.
And what a great night it was...it wasn't too long before the stories started to go around, lots of laughs, and even some swearing was tossed around. It was a great evening and it was great to be surrounded with such empowering women. I was just grateful to enjoy the night for what it was. I don't get out for many "Girls or Moms" nights, not because I don't want too, but it seems our schedules are so busy that I can't make it and often what results is people stop asking, but as I was thinking this morning, I realized I really need to make more time for those evenings. I didn't realize how much I miss it till now.....

Thank you ladies for including me in your night!


"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass." - Maya Angelou.

Hidden

Sometimes life can be so overwhelming that everything seems hidden - even if it is right before your eyes. This summer has been a wonderful, full of decisions journey. We listed our home for sale by owner, have shown it a few times, but no offers, which is okay with me. We really don't know where we are going, so I feel when the time is right, the opportunity will present itself.
I passed on a job opportunity with a great company - I was honest with them in my decision making and the timing was just not right. I enjoy what I do and I enjoy the people I work with - sometimes change may present itself, but I say only go into it if your heart is in it. The kids start school in a matter of weeks and where or what we did is beyond me - we are planning a trip the week before the kids go back, but it seems like summer went and came in the blink of an eye.
I recently watched a film on Netflix, titled Life in a Day, which was a series of video clips selected from 80,000 clips submitted to Youtube, showing respective occurrences from around the world on a single day, July 24, 2010. The strange thing was I watched it on July 24th - without a thought until I realized halfway through the date. It was fun to watch and made me feel a bit sad for the turmoil of what is taking place in Gaza with Israel and Palestine - there is no winner in situations like that. I clearly remember being in 5th and 6th grade when I became aware there was turmoil in the Middle East and the conflict of there and thinking how great it would be to have peace one day and that it could be accomplished, "if only they knew...," but unfortunately politicians run the world and peace is not profitable. The amount of money the US government is sending in "aid," is astounding. And I don't have a side - I stand with Israel, but not its actions and I stand with the Palestine. I often find myself what type of world we are leaving for our children, what lessons will they learn? As a child, I clearly remember the day when I realize my great nanny was ashamed of her skin color and how sad that made me feel because in my eyes she was a beautiful woman and it stuck with me and I remember growing up thinking that "I" could change the world....we participated in events like "farm aid" and "hands across America" and I think it was events like those, that lead me to believe that one day things would be different...one day people would realize the value of a person's life - would see beyond...wouldn't life be grand....imagine.
And now I have children of my own, and I am starting to doubt humanity - what are we leaving them? Food that is polluted with chemicals and toxins, a water supply that we treat as our personal dumping grounds, the killing of animals without thought of the consequences and treating life as if it is nothing. I feel as if I am becoming jaded....which is ironic because personally life is wonderful, but I struggle with what is the impact that I am leaving my children.  My hubby organizes a local stream clean up on an annual basis and each year the number of people who participates grows and I think it is great, but is it making an impact? We often get tied up in our own world that we overlook what life might be like for someone else and in today's world with the resources we have, we should be in a better place and we are not. We are taking everything for granted, yet what do we do? For myself, I try to be a good role model for my children, but I don't know if that is enough? It's weird because we are connected digitally, but often I feel ever more hidden.


“You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one.”- John Lennon