Surgery is near, in five days it will end. It's been a long journey which started in October of 2008 of the initial testing of my sister and myself and yesterday we did final crossmatching. I had several more testing done and met with the doctor to ask any final questions.
I'm comfortable and at ease with my decision and with the approaching surgery. Friends keep asking if I'm nervous, but surprisingly I'm not...it could be because I just finished my graduate program and so I've been thinking of that and I'm surrounded by my children and they keep my mind to busy to wonder about it, but I've never felt like I'm putting my own life at risk. Don't get me wrong, I realize there is that risk, but it has never crossed my mind that it is a possiblity. I'm more nervous for my mother than myself, as this is her third, but I also know that my mom is a strong person and a fighter, so that helps.
A part of me also realizes that what is meant to be is meant to be and that at some point, I have to rest my fate in the higher spirits to watch over me and my mother. Everyday is a gift and I live my life in that manner because one never knows when it is your last. Each night, I reflect on my day, what went well, what didn't, but mostly reflect on the people that impacted my life either shown through the generosity of friends or what some are missing by not really knowing us. It's weird how you can be connected to someone you've yet to meet and how distant you can be with someone who is suppose to be so close, but that is life. And I want to enjoy it for all that I have.
I don't feel like I'm doing something extraordinary, I feel like I'm doing what is needed to help my mother. I know most people are unaware of the need for organ transplantation and most will be unaware until it impacts them personally, at least that was the case for me. The statistics are shocking, yet most are unaware....every 12 minutes another name is added to the national organ transplant list and an average of 17 US people die everyday while waiting for an organ. How would it appear on the news if 17 people were dying everyday in the war...something to think about.
Anyway, if it crosses your mind, keeps us in your thoughts.
"The essence of life shall never be known by a human being as long as that person seeks to observe life like a viewer and subject. The absolutely essential nature of life can only be comprehended by merging fully with the flow of life, so one is utterly a part of it." 365 days of Tao
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