On Tuesday I got a message from the the kids school that another child spit on my son, but the "situation" was handled. My first reaction was, what does that mean? Did the boy apologize, emotionally how is my son?
So, I sent a reply back indicating that I wanted to know if the boy apologized and was remorseful in any way and do I need to pick my son up? I mean, I was stunned to hear this, we choose to send our kids to a Montessori school to because the values that the kids learn in this type of environment and granted I realize no school is free from these types of incidents, but if my child did this, I would definitely want my child to face the consequences of that type of behavior. The hubs responded back as well indicating that this was not acceptable behavior and he wanted a formal apology. When I finally saw my son, I asked him about it, he said he doesn't know why the boy did it, but he was playing with two other boys and this kid ran up and spat at the back of his head and when he asked why, the kid said nothing and so my little man said, well I'm going to tell and the kid stated, "I don't care." My little man said, I really wanted to punch him, but I knew I would get in trouble instead, so I told. I told him he did the right thing. Wednesday the hubs and my little man went to the Principal's office where the other boy apologized, I just hope this kid learns his lesson and that type of behavior is not okay. I hope this is a one time situation and nothing like this happens again.
The other happenings and what nots.....it has been over a month since I found myself trapped in "Dramaville" and since that time, a couple people chose to "defriend" me on Facebook, which I understand, I've done it myself, so it is what it is, I think I was just more surprised by who it. During the whole mess and to my surprise, I received an outpouring of love and support from old friends, new friends, family, in-laws, and more. I will admit, I was quite depressed and distraught for a few days after the whole fiasco. It hadn't fully sunk in until I was in the middle of a work project and found myself uncontrollably crying. And then slowly, I would get a message or some words of comfort and support from the people in my life, all telling me the same thing....it was in these moments that helped me realize that this person and those that defend such actions really don't KNOW me.
And as I sat in bed at night thinking and realized regardless of who, I don't want people in my life that treat people that way because at the end of the day you want to surround yourself with people who support you in the times of craziness, in times of happiness, in times of chaos, in times of those good days and more...you don't want people in your life who make you doubt yourself, lie, or make snide remarks. I have reached out one too many times to count to this person, all of which have been rebuffed and rejected and yet as time progressed I would continue to reach out because in my heart I knew this was the right thing to do, even though I knew what the answer was. I have always been willing to admit and ask for forgiveness for my part in the mess that was created, even though I knew I would never receive an apologize for the hurt that was inflicted upon me, yet I still reached out. And as I was reflecting on the support I was being given, something clicked inside me....I can't quite explain it, but I realized that you can't reach out for middle ground when someone isn't wanting to meet you halfway or for that matter at all ever cared about you.
I was overwhelmed with the love and support from all of you, it was
unexpected, but greatly appreciated! And it is in those words that made
me come to see that I am a strong person. And in looking back through the years, the only time we have had conflict is when I have stood up for myself, so I could choose to be silent and let things be said or I could stand up. So, I want to say "Thank You" to the many people who reached out to me, whether it was one word or a letter, you have opened my eyes for the better.
"The
turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the
core of strength within you that survives all hurt." ~Max Lerner
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Beginning or an End...
How many times does something happen to you, till it grabs your attention? Well, I think that is where we are right now, the universe continually keeps throwing things our way, but we've ignored it for the most part, except now we are faced with making some big decisions. Decisions that mean letting go of what we have in the hopes of ultimately reaching the bigger dreams.
So, I have to stop the endless worrying because that doesn't get me anywhere and I think it just makes things worse, so I just have to let go and see where this takes us, where are we meant to go. I know I am being pretty vague, but even I am not exactly sure where these decisions will take us. All I know is that whatever we are currently doing is not working, therefore something has to change and apparently the universe keeps sending us reminders of that...so all I can do now is make the decision to stop what we are doing and start a new beginning.
"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." - T.S. Elliot
So, I have to stop the endless worrying because that doesn't get me anywhere and I think it just makes things worse, so I just have to let go and see where this takes us, where are we meant to go. I know I am being pretty vague, but even I am not exactly sure where these decisions will take us. All I know is that whatever we are currently doing is not working, therefore something has to change and apparently the universe keeps sending us reminders of that...so all I can do now is make the decision to stop what we are doing and start a new beginning.
"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." - T.S. Elliot
Thursday, August 23, 2012
A lot for August.....
So, we had a lot of things going on in August....the ever fun drama, three year kidney day, the kids returning to school, and today celebrating our 10 year anniversary, Yeah to 10 years of adventures!!! I say "adventure" because by definition adventure means 1. an exciting or very unusual experience, 2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises, and 3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome. And when I think of what has transpired over these 10 years, all of those come to mind. We were planning a big celebration, but between him traveling and schedules of things going on, we just didn't have the time to squeeze one in, but perhaps another time.
It really doesn't seem like 10 years at all, which I suppose is a good thing. And I think back and realize how much has changed, how I am more in love with him than I ever was when we first met. Throughout the years, we've changed, individually and both as a couple. He has changed me for the better, he challenges me and I may not have been his first love, but I am certainly glad that I am his last love.
It amazes what we have in the 10 short years we've been married that I look forward to spending the next 40 or 50 years with him and seeing what we accomplish! It is hard sharing your life with someone and constantly compromising, but it is also the most rewarding thing ever. And I am forever grateful that I get to share my life with his.
“The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life." - Hugh Walpole, Sr.
It really doesn't seem like 10 years at all, which I suppose is a good thing. And I think back and realize how much has changed, how I am more in love with him than I ever was when we first met. Throughout the years, we've changed, individually and both as a couple. He has changed me for the better, he challenges me and I may not have been his first love, but I am certainly glad that I am his last love.
It amazes what we have in the 10 short years we've been married that I look forward to spending the next 40 or 50 years with him and seeing what we accomplish! It is hard sharing your life with someone and constantly compromising, but it is also the most rewarding thing ever. And I am forever grateful that I get to share my life with his.
“The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life." - Hugh Walpole, Sr.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Yay!!! Three Year Kidney Day
Well my mother and I celebrated the three year kidney day this past Saturday. And she is doing amazingly well, especially when I looked back at my blog three years ago and the struggles she was going through with the kidney not working initially, but it is working mighty fine now.
My mum got me some earrings and flowers as a thank-you for donating my kidney, but I told her that she doesn't need to do that, I don't need her to get me anything, the fact that she is here with us and gets to see my children grow is enough for me.
To my mother, you are an amazing woman - with a strong spirit. I know you've seen hard days, I know you have seen tough days, but through it all you pick yourself up and move on. I want you to know you are BEAUTIFUL and I love you! Happy Kidney Day!
My mum got me some earrings and flowers as a thank-you for donating my kidney, but I told her that she doesn't need to do that, I don't need her to get me anything, the fact that she is here with us and gets to see my children grow is enough for me.
To my mother, you are an amazing woman - with a strong spirit. I know you've seen hard days, I know you have seen tough days, but through it all you pick yourself up and move on. I want you to know you are BEAUTIFUL and I love you! Happy Kidney Day!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
What would you do......
So, I saw a friends' post regarding tonight's Powerball jackpot and it make me think....What would you do if you won $320 million dollar jackpot with cash option of $213 million?
Imagine the possibilities - I have my list of "What would I do" written in my journal, it is something I've thought about once or twice and that kind of money, would you do good or would it corrupt you?
The husband and I have had conversations around and around on this subject, because who doesn't like to dream about winning that kind of money? First thing we would do besides all the common things, like get an attorney, financial planner, establish a trust, and pay our bills. We would donate a huge portion - we would redesign the kids school because that school is in need of some updating and expansion as well as try and establish a montessori-based high school. Another wish list item is purchasing land parcels for the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee. Iowa was once all prairie and this state has destroyed 99% of its native prairies and since the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee currently does that and has about 5,000 acres, why not just support an existing program. We would start our lavender farm as well as purchase land in various places, especially New Zealand, but not for development purposes....it seems people are all to often wanting to develop things without realizing what is happening and on occasion I look at the NZ property listings and get sad when I see hundreds of property listings on untouched land. The hubby wants to help no kill shelters, so we would do something with that and we also talked about setting up a scholarship program for the non-traditional student.
As for my indulgence item, it would be traveling around the world - taking the time to actually see and experience all the different cultures that the world has to offer, what are the similarities, the differences because at the end of the day, we are all not that much different. I would also love to treat my friends/family to visit to New Zealand and Australia. I'm pretty sure the hubby's indulgence item would be some type of custom 1940's pickup truck or high-end sports car, but besides that and setting up various college funds for our kids and some others, that would be it. I'm sure that kind of money would not come without some headaches and heartaches, but it is still fun to image all the things you could do.
Imagine the possibilities - I have my list of "What would I do" written in my journal, it is something I've thought about once or twice and that kind of money, would you do good or would it corrupt you?
The husband and I have had conversations around and around on this subject, because who doesn't like to dream about winning that kind of money? First thing we would do besides all the common things, like get an attorney, financial planner, establish a trust, and pay our bills. We would donate a huge portion - we would redesign the kids school because that school is in need of some updating and expansion as well as try and establish a montessori-based high school. Another wish list item is purchasing land parcels for the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee. Iowa was once all prairie and this state has destroyed 99% of its native prairies and since the Neal Smith Wildlife Refugee currently does that and has about 5,000 acres, why not just support an existing program. We would start our lavender farm as well as purchase land in various places, especially New Zealand, but not for development purposes....it seems people are all to often wanting to develop things without realizing what is happening and on occasion I look at the NZ property listings and get sad when I see hundreds of property listings on untouched land. The hubby wants to help no kill shelters, so we would do something with that and we also talked about setting up a scholarship program for the non-traditional student.
As for my indulgence item, it would be traveling around the world - taking the time to actually see and experience all the different cultures that the world has to offer, what are the similarities, the differences because at the end of the day, we are all not that much different. I would also love to treat my friends/family to visit to New Zealand and Australia. I'm pretty sure the hubby's indulgence item would be some type of custom 1940's pickup truck or high-end sports car, but besides that and setting up various college funds for our kids and some others, that would be it. I'm sure that kind of money would not come without some headaches and heartaches, but it is still fun to image all the things you could do.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Derailed....again....
Why oh why does it upset me so? Again, I let something so frivolous upset me and drag me down to the bottomless pit of negative energy. I allow it to suck all the good that I feel and before I know it I'm derailed, heading on down to "Dramaville." Why? Can someone please explain to me, why I allow this individual who despises me have so much emotional control?
I think I know and I've even resorted to checking out self-help books at the library and mentally I know the answer, but it doesn't take the emotional sting out of the bite. Words are words, especially when they use ones such as "pathetic" or "good riddance to you," really are those necessary.
All I want to ask is, "do you feel better now that you got that out," but instead, I respond as if it is a joke or like it didn't upset me, even though as I am leaving the voice message because someone won't pick up the phone to at the minimum confront me, every bone in my body is shaking and I just want to cry. I feel like I am being bullied.
I don't go out of my way to email or make contact with this person, I'm the one getting sent emails accusing me of various things and perhaps it is because it has been so long that the relationship has been strained, somehow the person feels justified to contact me? And then I get sucked into this warp by responding when I know I shouldn't even respond. Every interaction with this person and afterwards I am left thinking, "am I really so horrible?" But I'm done being pushed with these bully tactics.
I am who I am, I like me. I am not perfect (you know this sounds familiar) and it is that "a-ha" moment that I find comfort - my priority is not making this person happy or even like me. My priority is my family, they love me, they support me, they enjoy being with me, they make me smile, they make me happy and I laugh so hard with them.
I lose sight of that every time I engage with this individual, I lose sight of who I am, I lose sight period and I can't continue to put up with that or the people who defend that behavior and treatment to others. The husband and I have tried to distant ourselves from certain family gatherings because of all the drama, so we make the choice not to attend Christmas, Easter, or Thanksgiving or whatever holiday to not make things awkward or we come at a different time, but tonight was the end. I've allowed myself to take on this drama and to bear the weight. I have allowed myself to be derailed far to many times to count. The problem is not ME!
This is my life and these individuals below are my priorities, these are who I need to be concerned for and about.
"The people who know the least about you are always the ones who have the most to say." - unknown
I think I know and I've even resorted to checking out self-help books at the library and mentally I know the answer, but it doesn't take the emotional sting out of the bite. Words are words, especially when they use ones such as "pathetic" or "good riddance to you," really are those necessary.
All I want to ask is, "do you feel better now that you got that out," but instead, I respond as if it is a joke or like it didn't upset me, even though as I am leaving the voice message because someone won't pick up the phone to at the minimum confront me, every bone in my body is shaking and I just want to cry. I feel like I am being bullied.
I don't go out of my way to email or make contact with this person, I'm the one getting sent emails accusing me of various things and perhaps it is because it has been so long that the relationship has been strained, somehow the person feels justified to contact me? And then I get sucked into this warp by responding when I know I shouldn't even respond. Every interaction with this person and afterwards I am left thinking, "am I really so horrible?" But I'm done being pushed with these bully tactics.
I am who I am, I like me. I am not perfect (you know this sounds familiar) and it is that "a-ha" moment that I find comfort - my priority is not making this person happy or even like me. My priority is my family, they love me, they support me, they enjoy being with me, they make me smile, they make me happy and I laugh so hard with them.
I lose sight of that every time I engage with this individual, I lose sight of who I am, I lose sight period and I can't continue to put up with that or the people who defend that behavior and treatment to others. The husband and I have tried to distant ourselves from certain family gatherings because of all the drama, so we make the choice not to attend Christmas, Easter, or Thanksgiving or whatever holiday to not make things awkward or we come at a different time, but tonight was the end. I've allowed myself to take on this drama and to bear the weight. I have allowed myself to be derailed far to many times to count. The problem is not ME!
This is my life and these individuals below are my priorities, these are who I need to be concerned for and about.
"The people who know the least about you are always the ones who have the most to say." - unknown
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Thoughts on Marriage
The hubs and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary (this month)....yup 10 crazy, wonderful years and although marriage takes a lot of work, I love the life we have built together. At times, it doesn't even seem like it has been that long, but then I look back at all that has happened and how we have changed as individuals and as a family and I feel blessed.
So, with that said there has been a lot of talk regarding what the CEO of Chick-fil-a said in regards to gay marriage. Frankly, I am tired of hearing about it, I'm tired of seeing posts about it and even though I completely disagree with the views of this CEO, I still feel he is entitled to his opinion.
You can't force someone to change their beliefs, you can only hope that through life's experiences it may open eyes so they can come to see the ugliness of discrimination, can come to understand and see beyond. I don't want to live in a world where everyone has the same beliefs or opinions as I do, how could I grow as a person, how could I evolve or learn. Yet, when we ask someone their beliefs and it happens to be something we don't want to hear, why is it necessary to turn ugly ourselves. I support gay marriage because I have zero right in telling someone who they can marry - just like no one can tell me, I support gay marriage because there is nothing wrong with it. And I also support people who have conflicting views as mine because when I hear conflicting views from mine, it makes me stop and think and in some cases, I look further into the topic to and learn something new.
In fact, the reasons that many people use to justify not supporting gay marriage is inaccurate, if they simply took the time to investigate or get to know a gay couple perhaps they would realize that we all want similar things: a loving partner, a good relationship, and perhaps start a family or not, but either way, I support it. Life is hard, marriage is hard, but when we share the joys and sorrows of life with someone we love, it makes it that much easier, it is not my place to deny someone that right. Ask yourself, how would you feel if you were not allowed to be with your partner, if everyone told you that you were wrong, that it was a sin to love that person, how would it make you feel? I asked myself those questions and that is why I as an individual support gay marriage. I also hold out hope that someday those against it, will change their views and will come to see really that it is not up to us to judge or condemn others, that is not our job or position in life.
“The rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.” - J.F. Kennedy
So, with that said there has been a lot of talk regarding what the CEO of Chick-fil-a said in regards to gay marriage. Frankly, I am tired of hearing about it, I'm tired of seeing posts about it and even though I completely disagree with the views of this CEO, I still feel he is entitled to his opinion.
You can't force someone to change their beliefs, you can only hope that through life's experiences it may open eyes so they can come to see the ugliness of discrimination, can come to understand and see beyond. I don't want to live in a world where everyone has the same beliefs or opinions as I do, how could I grow as a person, how could I evolve or learn. Yet, when we ask someone their beliefs and it happens to be something we don't want to hear, why is it necessary to turn ugly ourselves. I support gay marriage because I have zero right in telling someone who they can marry - just like no one can tell me, I support gay marriage because there is nothing wrong with it. And I also support people who have conflicting views as mine because when I hear conflicting views from mine, it makes me stop and think and in some cases, I look further into the topic to and learn something new.
In fact, the reasons that many people use to justify not supporting gay marriage is inaccurate, if they simply took the time to investigate or get to know a gay couple perhaps they would realize that we all want similar things: a loving partner, a good relationship, and perhaps start a family or not, but either way, I support it. Life is hard, marriage is hard, but when we share the joys and sorrows of life with someone we love, it makes it that much easier, it is not my place to deny someone that right. Ask yourself, how would you feel if you were not allowed to be with your partner, if everyone told you that you were wrong, that it was a sin to love that person, how would it make you feel? I asked myself those questions and that is why I as an individual support gay marriage. I also hold out hope that someday those against it, will change their views and will come to see really that it is not up to us to judge or condemn others, that is not our job or position in life.
“The rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.” - J.F. Kennedy
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