Calming the Nerves......

So, I have an upcoming wedding shower, which typically would be just great to attend and partake in the festivities of the event. Yet, this is causing some uneasiness for me. I spoke with the Bride-to-be and asked if it would be okay if I did not attend and she expressed that she would understand, but she really would love for me to come. And don't get me wrong, I get along with the bride-to-be, it is a couple others that I'm worried about, but I told the bride-to-be that I would go as the event was still some time away.
And of course as with everything, things go by rather quickly and here we are a week away from the event and I'm scared. There I said, scared....my nerves are beginning to go crazy. There is a difference between going to an event that you are invited too and welcomed versus going to an event that you know you are really not wanted too, but it was most likely a "had" to invite deal. And because of all the past ongoing conflict it has been damaging and therefore why I'm scared to see these people. As I've blogged before, beginning in January, I set a new course for how I was going to live my life and thus far, things have been positive and so I don't want to get in a situation where there is negative energy or feelings towards me that I will pick up on, which will only make me defensive.
So, last night as I struggled to go to sleep, I thought what are my options? Not attend or Attend. I could easily not attend and make arrangements with the bride-to-be to give her gift some other time or attend the event, where there are unknowns, I can control how I react and behave, but I can't predict how others will act and the last event we were all gathered at, we ended up leaving because the husband got upset over some remarks that were made to him, so where does it leave me? Confused!
I tossed and turned playing out various scenes because I am an over-analyzer and then I realized I can't do this - I can't play out all the "what if's," it will drive me batty and so I let the feelings go for the moment. I calmed my mind and realized this is not about me. I can't control what these people think about me or even feel about me, the one person who this event centers on does want me there and that is all that matters. 
I have yet to decide what I am going to do, but I have decided that I will hold no expectations and just let things play out as it comes......whatever will be, will be.

“Avoiding conflict isn’t peacemaking. Avoiding conflict means running away from the mess while peacemaking means running into the middle of it.
Peacemaking means addressing those issues that caused conflict in the first place.
Peacemaking can never be separated from doing justice. They go hand in hand. Peacemaking means having to stir the waters on the way to peace.
Peacemaking means speaking the truth in love, but speaking the truth nonetheless.”
― Peggy Haymes

“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits." - Sarah Brethnach

"You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”- Alison McGhee

Late night chats and laughs......

 My wonderful cousin is visiting from Aotearoa and it has been great having him here. We've spent several nights sitting on the porch talking till the wee hours of the morning. Sharing our thoughts, laughing, talking about our dreams, hopes, and fears.
We've shown him around the city, enjoyed a "flash mob" during RAGBRAI, picked out shirts from RAYGUN, and even hit some bars/clubs (although I must admit I'm not as young as I once was and it definitely catches up) and I must not forget the karaoke bar.
It will be sad to see him go because he is more like an older brother and always has been, but perhaps one day fate will lead him here to stay for longer than visit. His visit has reminded me how beautiful this city is - sometimes we forget what we have in our reach and his stories of how our beloved city, Christchurch, has changed since the earthquake and what was once was is no longer there.
Ideally, I would love to be able to travel back and forth between here and Aotearoa and perhaps one day in the future that will happen, but for now I will enjoy the time I have with my cousin.



"When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them." - Unknown

Where is the outrage?

In cities across America, people are killed on a daily basis, victims of gun shootings, gang violence, hate crimes, or whatever the ultimate case may be. The case with Trayvon Martin and Zimmerman, could have been prevented and ultimately what happened was sad for everyone involved. Yet, this was one incident, there are many more untold stories, many whose lives have been taken simply for being there at the wrong time, where are their stories? Where is the outrage from the American people? Oh, that's right, there is none, no one cares unless it is getting the attention of the media.
I found an article by the Huffington Post, which asks, "when the media would tell their similarly tragic stories of lives lost to gun violence." During the Zimmerman trial over 50 people will killed to gun violence in Chicago alone. Where are their stories? Where is the outrage for those victims?
I think what I found most disturbing with the coverage of the Zimmerman trial and what happened to Trayvon was the media's portrayal and almost push for riots, "will their be riots after the outcome is read," "how will the African-American community feel," etc......
I felt like instead of dividing and trying to ignite fear - why not use this as a time to unify people, but instead looking at my Facebook news feed, it elicited anger, sadness, and even some unnecessary comments. I didn't remark or post any of my thoughts.

There needs to be a shift in our thinking if things should get better, just not sure that is going to happen.

“I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.”- Mahatma Gandhi

Going strong.......

So, it has been several months since we as a family switched to a more healthier lifestyle and so far we are still going strong. The hubby has started running and some evenings all of us end up joining in - the kids typically ride their scooters while we run. And I have to admit the healthier we are eating, the more energy I have and I don't crave sweets as often as I did. I've been working in more vegetable dinners and so far no complaints!
I have also noticed that the number of stomach aches I have are little to none since we started eating better and as weird as it may seem, my little man's eczema is not as bad as it use to be. I'm not sure if it is related or not, but less breakouts for him, the better.

Anyway, I thought I would share one of the dishes that I have made that everyone loves, the hub even said, "it all vegetarian dishes tasted this good, I would definitely eat it more," which I found funny - anyway, here it is:

Artichoke Pasta

• 2 14 1/2ounce cansdiced tomatoes with basil, oregano, and garlic
• 2 14 ounce cansartichoke hearts, drained and quartered
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup whipping cream
• 12 ounces any dried favorite pasta
• Crumbled feta cheese or finely shredded Parmesan cheese (optional) - I used feta cheese

Directions

1. Spray the inside of a 3-1/2- or 4-quart slow cooker with cooking spray. Drain one of the cans of diced tomatoes (do not drain remaining can). In the prepared cooker, stir together drained and undrained tomatoes, the artichoke hearts, and garlic.

2. Cover and cook on low-heat setting for 6 to 8 hours or on high-heat setting for 3 to 4 hours. Stir in whipping cream; let stand about 5 minutes to heat through.

3. Meanwhile, cook pasta according to package directions; drain. Serve sauce over hot cooked pasta. If desired, top with feta or parmesan cheese and enjoy!!!!

"When the rain washes you clean, you'll know"

Sometimes there are words in a song that hit you - that resonate deeply within and for me, it was listening to Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nick. And one of my dreams came true just a few days ago.....I got to go see Fleetwood Mac with Stevie Nicks in concert! I was so excited and it was hard to keep my excitement contained, especially when Stevie came out. I screamed, I hooted and hollered and was ecstatic.
I have not only loved Fleetwood Mac since the first time I heard them, but I love, love, love Stevie Nicks! I would sneak my dad's Stevie Nicks cassette tape and go into my room and dance, sway, and lip sync to her songs. Her voice matched her style - mystical that drew you in to a world of mystery. I wanted to be like her, in her voice, her style, but alas - I can't sing (but it doesn't stop me from trying) and I don't think I can pull her look off as well as her.  
It was after listening to some songs of Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks when I started experimenting with poetry. It was through her expression of vulnerability in her songs and yet power in her voice that inspired me to express my emotions through words. I was hooked and have ever since been a fan.....my parents got me tickets as a birthday gift and it was the best. I hope my parents know how much I appreciated that birthday gift!!!!!

"When you grow up as a girl, the world tells you the things that you are supposed to be: emotional, loving, beautiful, wanted. And then when you are those things, the world tells you they are inferior: illogical, weak, vain, empty.”- Stevie Nicks

“And the moon never beams
Without bringing me dreams
And the sun never shines
But I see the bright eyes
I lie down by the side
Of my darling
My life, my life..” - Stevie Nicks

It Snuck Right In......

For those of you that have read my blog from the beginning, you know I am pretty candid with my posts - ups, downs, battles, and everything in between. Over the last couple years I got stuck in a warp of negativity, which I struggled with and so I vowed at the beginning of 2013 to start anew and six months into the year, things have been positively great! Or this quote by John Barrymore says it best: "Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

Since I've stopped looking at the negative aspects or things that were happening in my life or the lack of and started looking at them as blessings and life lessons, my focus has changed into a more positive one and it radiates out. When I was younger I would take the time to meditate and visualize my life, but I stopped for a long time and just recently started and it has made a difference in how I feel and respond. When I sense negativity either in a discussion or something else, I try to change the focus and I'm not going to lie and say that it is happiness every single day as it is hard - it's not easy to stay happy every day, but the difference it makes is amazing. I believe that my life is happy, that it is the life I want and no one else is responsible for that, but me. And it is radiating out to every aspect of my life, I'm eating healthier, I'm feeling better, and somehow when something goes wrong within moments it works itself out.
I have two examples to share:
First, my parents took the kids on a Friday night and typically the hubs and I would go out to eat and run to Target (without the kids, yes that is a treat), but lately I felt like we have been in a rut, so I decided to create a scavenger hunt. I sent him a clue to initiate the game, he accepted the challenge and so I sent the first clue, however, after working 8 hours in the sun and out of town, by the time he was ready to come home, his eagerness for the game was gone. I planned four clues throughout various places, my brother had come to the house and was waiting to take me to the final location, which at the last minute I had to scrap it all. I typically would have been upset over the whole thing and a little of me was a bit disappointed, but the hubby called and told me how tired he was and how sorry he felt and I told him not to worry, so instead of feeling disappointed and angry, I let it go. We would do dinner and just see how the evening goes. Well, it was a fantastic evening - we went to dinner, had drinks, laughed so hard, went to an art showing and then went to the wine bar before ending our night. It was a great evening and one of the best date nights we've had in a long time. And even though I went to a lot of work planning the scavenger hunt and could have gotten upset over him bailing out at the last minute, I chose not to get upset and not to make a fuss about it....I chose to be happy to just have the opportunity for an evening out with my spouse and it made all the difference.  
Second example, just this past weekend, the hubby's truck was overheating....well after inspection, the radiator needed replaced and we didn't have the cash to get a new one and I knew we would have to wait til payday, but I didn't freak out, I didn't panic. I simply said it will all work out and the next day, we got a check for the amount we needed. And granted it was for a project the hubby worked on several weeks ago, so we knew the money was coming, but we didn't know when to expect it, but it came just when we needed it most.

And I know that there are some that don't buy into the whole positive outlook thing, but this is my journey - I'm not asking anyone else to change their behavior or their thought process. I decided that I needed to change my outlook because I was growing numb. I've also noticed that I'm attracting happy people around me. I'm genuinely a quiet person and enjoy silence, however, I find lately when I'm around people before too long we are laughing and having a great time. And what I've realized is that negative thoughts force me to look at the negative things in life, which is a vicious cycle because the more you focus on the negative things in life, the unhappier you become and you just get stuck in this cycle of repeated negativity. Then before too long, nothing is enjoyable, nothing is funny, nothing is beautiful, and you become numb. Numb to life and critical to everyone.
There are a million possibilities at my door and I'm open to them all and to me, that is exciting!

"When people feel beautiful, they act in beautiful ways. Your awareness of beauty impacts others to see the world around them in the same way." - Wayne Dyer

"Remember at all times that what you think and what you do affects other people." Wayne Dyer

Summer Sun, Fun has Begun......

Right before summer break, I was able to take a girls weekend trip to Indiana....yes, Indiana - Fremont to be exact. It is the half way point between where I live and where a couple of my friends live. We thought since it is such a long drive to visit each other, why not meet halfway and thankfully it worked out with every one's schedule. It has been several years since I've last since these girls and it was so great to catch up and just relax - we all have two children each, so taking time to for a weekend getaway like this was great. I did get momentarily lost when my GPS started rerouting me to a hotel in Michigan. The town was small and hopefully we will get to do this again sooner rather than later. I definitely miss those girls!

Summer break has finally arrived and you would think my kids are yelling with excitement, but my kids are counting down the days till school starts up again. Yes, they cried when school was over, both of my kids would love it if school were year round and the fact they enjoy it that much makes me happy.
To kick off our summer, we took a spur of the moment trip to Kansas City Legoland - we just went down for the day and didn't tell the kids, which considering we spent a good portion of time in the car, was tricky. Once we got about 20 miles outside of Kansas City, we spilled the beans and I honestly wish I had recorded the moment. You would have thought we won the lottery or a trip to Disney - it was priceless.
So, we spend the day doing whatever they wanted to do at Legoland and then went to dinner before heading back. I initially didn't want to go, but once we were there and just having fun, was well worth it.

We've got the kiddies signed up for the summer reading program at the library, they have been reading almost everyday and I think only because the idea of earning a "prize" from the library sounds so alluring to them, it is the driving force behind their reading. We'll be keeping busy with other activities and happenings as well. One of my cousins will be visiting from NZ and I'm so excited to see him! He is so much fun and it's great to just spend hours catching up. The last time he was here, we were up till dawn just talking about our hopes, dreams, and reminiscing of our childhood. We are a lot a like, which is why I think we are so close. I miss him and I'm definitely excited that he is coming for a visit!

And of course, summer is not complete without a project or two - the hubby has been trying his hand at repurposing old pallets - he made us a wine bar table and a wine rack for our backyard.....pretty crafty that man of mine!

“Come with me,' Mom says.
To the library.
Books and summertime
go together.”  - Lisa Schroeder